The TS Memoir of a Misogynistic Novelist

Everything seemed to be going well.

My tutoring sessions with Jae-Ah progressed smoothly without any issues. Muk Ha-neul occasionally came to visit me and took me out, while I didn’t often meet with Ham Yejin in person but still kept in touch frequently through texts and calls.

And then there was Gang Hwa-won…

“Hey, I’m bored.”

For some reason, when he was bored, he would come to my house and spend time with me.

“What do you want me to do about it?”

Hwa-won truly resembled a freeloader. He lay on my sofa as if it were his own, casually scrolling through his phone, and it was quite an eyesore.

“Why are you coming here to stamp your attendance all of a sudden?”

“Because I have nothing to do?”

Well, that wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. Whenever we had nothing to do, we usually invaded each other’s houses to kill time.

We didn’t particularly have anything special planned. We shared pointless conversations and sometimes wrote together. Occasionally, I would watch Hwa-won play games on his computer. It seemed like a pointless relationship, but it was our normality.

We didn’t need to do anything special together. Just being together was fun enough for me and Hwa-won.

However, the reason I felt uncomfortable with Hwa-won now was that I sensed he was hiding something. It was strange for him to come over almost three to four days a week, no matter how you looked at it.

“What’s up this time?”

“I told you it’s nothing.”

“If that’s the case, then just leave.”

“Am I being petty? I even lent you my laptop.”

The situation was that my computer broke down. After five years of usage, it wasn’t too surprising. It wasn’t completely dead, but it was lagging so much that it made writing difficult. After hearing my situation, Hwa-won lent me his laptop.

Given that situation, I couldn’t be too harsh with Hwa-won.

“Still, spending half the week at my place isn’t right. I have a personal life too.”

“What personal life? You couldn’t even do anything with that body of yours.”

I was about to throw my smartphone at Hwa-won but remembered I still had a contract left, so I stopped. Hwa-won had quite a dirty mouth, and it was always bothersome for me—especially since he had become like this more.

“Ah, do you happen to…?”

“Want to die?”

I sighed deeply. Then I turned my eyes back to the laptop on the table.

The laptop was filled with messy ideas for the new work, “Foguang.” Since it was still in the conceptual phase, it would take some time to weave it into writing. If Hwa-won hadn’t been talking to me, saying he was bored, I could have finished it faster.

“Aren’t you writing anything?”

“I have something for a contest that I’m preparing for, but it’s still in the conceptual stage.”

“Then why don’t you just sit and think? Don’t just lay there playing with your phone.”

“Are you scolding me now too?”

“Who else would scold you if not me?”

“Usually it would be my dad. You would fit perfectly if you were my mom.”

“You crazy bastard.”

Being with a friend had its drawbacks. While sharing pointless nonsense conversations was somewhat enjoyable, it hindered my writing progress.

“Ah, don’t come over tomorrow. I have tutoring tomorrow because the professor’s son is coming over.”

“Are you not meeting outside?”

“Well, I have no plan to go out covering my face now, but I also don’t want to create unnecessary problems, so I just told him to come over.”

“Hmm, tomorrow might be difficult.”

Hwa-won murmured shamelessly. From the sound of it, it seemed like I was the one freeloading at Hwa-won’s house.

“I’m the homeowner here, you know?”

“You said last time this place belonged to that National Intelligence Service employee? That woman.”

“Don’t even. Anyway, for now, I’m the homeowner.”

“Um… that won’t do. I’m sorry, but I really shouldn’t be here tomorrow. What’s the problem if I meet him? Let’s just say I’m here.”

“What’s the problem at home that you can’t say? Is it something dangerous enough that you can’t talk about?”

“It’s risky, I guess.”

Feeling a bit irritated with Hwa-won who kept dodging my questions, I spoke with a lowered voice for emphasis.

“Just get kicked out, or say something, one or the other.”

In truth, I didn’t have the power to kick Hwa-won out, but that was just a way of speaking. It was my intention to convey my resolve that I was being firm.

Eventually, Hwa-won spoke.

“I went back to my hometown.”

“What?”

“While I was in America, my dad sorted out my house. I had nowhere to live, so I had no choice. Now I’m living with my dad and step-mom.”

“So, did you leave because home was uncomfortable?”

“That’s how it feels. But the real reason is different.”

“What is it?”

“…I have a younger sibling.”

“What?”

I knew Hwa-won had a younger sibling, but I didn’t know much about it since he never shared details, like how old they were. But what did having a sibling have to do with him coming to my house?

“He’s a half-brother, and he doesn’t… well, he doesn’t like me much. So the atmosphere at home is a bit awkward. He’s in the fifth grade now…”

“Why are you suddenly looking at me?”

“You’re about the same height as him.”

“Shut up.”

Hwa-won’s sudden remark about height almost made me snap. I had never been short, but somehow I had changed like this.

“Anyway, being with him and my step-mom makes the atmosphere weird. I don’t want to be home. But the problem is, my support has been cut off, so I’m a bit short on cash. I don’t have a proper place to kill time outside.”

“So you came to my house?”

“I guess you could say that?”

“Tsk.”

I clicked my tongue and ultimately allowed Hwa-won to come over. No matter what, I felt guilty about kicking him out considering his circumstances. Especially since he had lent me his laptop.

So I ended up spending the evening with Gang Hwa-won.

Having Hwa-won around wasn’t all bad; at least there was no waste in food when we ordered delivery.

Thanks to that, we ordered chicken for the first time in a while. Eating alone usually meant wasting a lot, and leftover chicken would become soggy and taste bad, so I had barely eaten it recently.

I held a drumstick with both hands and took a bite. Hwa-won devoured a leg in an instant. I had only taken one bite.

“Do you always eat takeout food then?”

“Well, yeah? Why the sudden surprise? I lived like this before too.”

“Back then you were a freeloader, so I didn’t say anything. Now that you’ve changed a bit, don’t you think it’s a waste to ruin that?”

“Shut up. I can’t eat much anyway.”

“Then since you’re at it, why not learn how to cook?”

“Weren’t kitchens for girls?”

“What are you saying now?”

“Shut up.”

Hwa-won giggled and stuffed the next piece of chicken into his mouth.

“See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah.”

After dinner, Hwa-won went back home. Considering his home situation, I would have liked to let him stay, but in reality, there was barely enough space for someone to lay down on this small sofa.

I should prepare some blankets for later.

The next day came. I woke up late as usual for lunch. Maybe around two… it was almost time for Hwa-won to arrive. He said he would come at the same time Jae-Ah would arrive, around four, to match the end of his sibling’s school.

It was the first time I invited Jae-Ah to my house. Until now, we had only met through video calls, but since my condition had improved, Jae-Ah suggested that we meet in person.

I didn’t have much to tidy up at home, so I did a rough clean-up and sat back down at the table. I needed to tidy up the concepts for “Foguang.” I had to think as deeply as possible while I was alone.

However, my thoughts couldn’t dive too deep. Time was scarce, but I also kept feeling a strong influence from my previous work, “The Boy’s Womb,” and an inexplicable sense of discomfort kept bothering me.

It had been quite some time since I wrote about “The Boy’s Womb,” yet I felt overly sensitive for some reason. In this new work, I had to write a completely opposite character, and the influence didn’t seem to be in a positive direction.

Moreover, the subtle discomfort that was constantly poking at my brain was also problematic.

It felt like I had taken a wrong turn somewhere; like I had made some sort of mistake, akin to misplacing a screw. The most irritating and frustrating part was not knowing at which point or which part I had gone wrong.

Ultimately, my short contemplation ended without any gains. The end was signaled by the vibration of my smartphone.

It was a message from Muk Ha-neul.

[Senior, what are you doing this weekend?]

As I had mentioned, Muk Ha-neul sometimes took me out. I wasn’t particularly thrilled about it, but since she said I had to get used to such things now that I had decided to show my face, I accepted it.

Considering that I had gotten photographed when I went out alone before, it was more reasonable to avoid going out, but I couldn’t live a life without going out forever.

[I’m planning to be with Gang Hwa-won this weekend.]

For the record, Muk Ha-neul hadn’t said anything even after watching my broadcast previously. At first, she left messages like “How are you?” but when we actually met, she just smiled mysteriously without any direct mention. It felt like she was being considerate, but it also made me somewhat uneasy.

[Oh, I see. Got it.]

However, these days, Muk Ha-neul had been somewhat ambiguous. Since the time she came to my house and ran into Gang Hwa-won, it felt like their contact had increased a bit. I sensed a slight change in her attitude.

While talking about Hwa-won, Muk Ha-neul willingly stepped back, but she would probably think of setting up another time later.

The reason I sometimes went out with Muk Ha-neul stemmed from somewhat superficial reasons.

Whenever we went out, Muk Ha-neul always bought me clothes. At first, I tried to refuse, but I was tight on money at the time, and since her sense of style wasn’t bad, I eventually accepted.

However, when she tried to take me to buy underwear again, I firmly opposed it. Muk Ha-neul’s logic was that since I was in my growth phase, shouldn’t I get my size checked again? I simply countered that even during a growth phase, it wouldn’t be necessary to measure my size again within a month.

Her words stopped, and soon the doorbell rang. Was it Jae-Ah or Hwa-won?

When I opened the door, there stood Seo Jae-Ah.

Seeing her looking slightly nervous made me smile a bit.

“Come in.”

“Ah, okay.”

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