NOVEL WEB Chapter 35
The meeting with Hwa-won that day was a good mood changer in many ways.
Should I say I gained courage?
It seems the broadcast became a hot topic for several days, and the reactions were quite substantial. However, as time passed, it began to settle down.
It was dreadful that all my disgraceful moments were aired, but I couldn’t deny that it helped quite a bit.
Anyway, I made a resolution. I wouldn’t run away. It was okay if I got cursed at. I didn’t care if people were staring at me. If I wanted to be myself, no one had the right to stop me.
I boldly ventured out without even wearing a hat.
As I entered a crowded place, I felt the sounds and gazes of those around me. But who cares! I ignored them and wandered around the town. This was to familiarize myself with the minimal geography of the area.
Taking a walk was something that inspired a novelist.
Aside from a brief visit to a convenience store and going out with Muk Ha-neul, this was practically my first outing.
I stopped by a nearby department store to browse and also visited a mart. I identified several banks’ locations and found quite a few restaurants that seemed nice.
However, for my weak body, even that much was tiring, and I already started to feel exhausted. I stopped by the convenience store and bought a cool drink.
After placing the drink on the counter and asking to pay, I noticed something strange about the clerk’s reaction. He seemed flustered. Does he know who I am? With the way things have spread, it’s likely that I will often meet people who recognize me in situations like this. Paying attention to such things would only tire me out.
“Excuse me. I’d like to pay.”
“Uh, yes. That’ll be 1,800 won.”
That was more expensive than I thought. As I pulled out my card to pay, I noticed the cigarettes behind the clerk. Suddenly, an impulse surged within me.
I was clearly told by the hospital not to smoke or drink…
But wouldn’t just one cigarette be fine?
I wasn’t experiencing withdrawal symptoms. Since my body changed, I didn’t even have the desire to smoke. It was harmful to my health in the first place. I had thought it would be better to quit if given the chance and had forgotten about it, but coming to the convenience store brought back a strong impulse.
“Excuse me. Just a moment.”
“Yes?”
“Could you ring up a pack of ES Blue for me?”
“What, what did you say?”
“ES Blue, the blue ones. And a lighter too.”
The clerk didn’t seem to understand. Was his hearing bad? Or was it my appearance? I guess I didn’t look like someone who would buy cigarettes. But judging by his reaction, he should know who I was, and he would know that I was an adult too.
Buying cigarettes was perfectly plausible.
Still, it seemed the clerk decided to take the straightforward approach.
“Um…Could I see your ID?”
But I wasn’t the kind of person to be unprepared for such things. I confidently pulled out my newly issued resident registration card that Ham Yejin had given me two days ago. If I didn’t have the ID, I wouldn’t have even attempted it in the first place.
As I showed him the ID, the clerk stared intently at it and eventually processed my payment.
“That will be 7,400 won.”
“Thanks for your hard work.”
It wasn’t hard to understand why the clerk was flustered. Regardless of whether he knew the story, seeing it in person must have felt completely different.
I left the convenience store feeling victorious, placing the cigarettes and lighter into my pocket. I took a sip of my drink. The sweet taste of victory was delightful.
Confidently, I put a cigarette in my mouth in front of the convenience store. A man passing by gave me a look as if to say the world was ending. He mumbled something along the lines of, “What a world…” but didn’t come over to stop me.
“Fuck off.”
I lit the cigarette and took a puff.
“Ugh! Cough! Cough! Ack! Ugh!”
I made a ridiculous sound that could have come from an animation as I coughed heavily, then threw the cigarette on the ground.
Damn it, why is it so strong? It reminded me of the first time I smoked, but this was incomparably harsher and more disgusting. Coughing so hard it made my eyes water, I felt dizzy. So this is why they said not to smoke…
In reality, it was probably just that my body was too weak to handle it, but regardless, with just one taste, I decided that I wouldn’t try smoking again.
I stepped back into the convenience store and tossed the cigarette and lighter into the trash. Damn.
Was that why? At that moment, I didn’t notice that the clerk was secretly filming me with a smartphone.
Once I stepped out of the convenience store again, I rinsed my mouth with my drink and wandered around like a bum.
Then I discovered a park.
It had a playground, trees, washbasins, and various facilities, serving as a place for residents to relax. Deciding to sit and rest for a while, I entered the park and found a bench to sit on. I enjoyed my drink while observing the surroundings.
It was already around the time elementary school had ended, so I could see quite a few children playing. People presumed to be the mothers of those elementary school kids were also visible in the corners.
As time passed, the gazes from around began to focus on me. The mothers were whispering as they looked at me, and the kids were staring at my hair with curiosity.
Eventually, one brave elementary school kid peeked around me and began approaching.
Ah, I hate these annoying situations.
“Who are you? Did you just move here?”
“Go away.”
It wasn’t that I disliked children.
However, once children were involved, their parents would inevitably show up. And half of them were women. That’s why I was wary of kids, and naturally, I waved my hands dismissively as I typically would.
The problem was, I looked like a kid myself, standing at just 146 centimeters tall.
“Why? Come on, let’s play together!”
I probably looked incredibly annoyed. I hadn’t anticipated hearing such a question from an elementary school kid, especially a younger one. Moreover, because of this brave kid, other elementary school kids began to gather around me.
I saw the mothers, finally realizing the situation, rushing toward us.
Sensing that things were going to get annoying, I stood up and started walking out of the park. The kids could no longer chase me due to their mothers’ interference.
“You, don’t talk to that person anymore, okay?”
“Why?”
“Anyway! Don’t even think about playing with him. Got it?”
Behind me, the mother was earnestly educating her child to be cautious of me. Being treated like some infectious disease was laughable, but that was a welcome development for me. I didn’t want my time of contemplation interrupted.
By the time I returned home, I was exhausted from walking just a little. I could at least get a decent sense of the town’s layout.
Many people tend to think that a novelist stays locked away in a small room writing. However, the truth is that a true novelist needs to go outside and experience the world to develop genuine philosophy. Taking walks was one of the most natural routines.
Necessary items can easily be purchased online. However, contemplation cannot be achieved by just staying indoors.
It was amusing that my first day turned out like this, but I’d need to go out often in the future.
As soon as I returned home, I collapsed onto the floor. Should I skip dinner? Ever since my body changed, my appetite had significantly diminished, leading to more frequent instances of skipping meals. Ham Yejin and Muk Ha-neul had insisted that I eat properly, but there was no one to supervise me.
Just as I was occupied with such thoughts, my phone rang. It was Ham Yejin. When I answered, she wasted no time.
“Seol-guk, did you smoke?”
“Uh.”
Ham Yejin sighed at my bewilderment.
How did she find out?
“There are photos of you smoking, coughing, and everything posted online. Didn’t they tell you at the hospital not to smoke or drink?”
“They posted… those photos online?”
Could it have been that clerk?
“Of course, since you are legally an adult, I don’t have the right to stop you, but you were warned multiple times at the hospital.”
“Um, I’m sorry. Don’t worry, I only smoked once and threw it away. I think smoking with this body is pushing it, anyway.”
“Just looking at you seems to indicate that.”
I had no words to reply.
For some reason, I found it difficult to take a strong stance with Ham Yejin.
“Anyway, I’m glad you threw it away. And regarding those photos… the National Security Agency probably won’t manage them anymore. You chose to make it public, after all. You’ll need to take care of such things yourself. There will be more cases where you get caught on camera while walking down the street.”
“I’m prepared for that. Thank you for letting me know.”
“Nothing will likely happen from just those photos, so you’ll need to get used to it.”
“Understood.”
Afterwards, Ham Yejin reminded me not to forget to eat before ending the call. I couldn’t help but wonder if she viewed me as her own child. After a strange thought, I shook my head to clear it.
Now that the call was over, I immediately started searching for myself online. Just as Ham Yejin had said, there were photos of me attempting to smoke shared on a community site. Various comments had appeared. Some were curses, while others questioned what the big deal was since I was an adult.
However, given my appearance, perhaps it was this that led to a majority of negative opinions dominating the community.
What do they care?
It was already too late to fret over things like this.
I took a long pause.
It was time for me to start working. The editor was thrilled that the broadcast had become a huge hit, leading to significant book sales. Therefore, the suggestion came up for me to write the new work I was preparing.
It was what I had hoped for. Since debuting with “The Boy’s Uterus,” I had only published two collections of short stories and hadn’t started a new novel. Now was the time to venture into writing something new.
The theme I wanted to write about was already decided.
My novels have always laid bare my own insides for everyone to see.
It was a sort of strip show, but not pornographic.
The previous story featured a boy with a uterus.
So this time, I would write about a girl disposing of a uterus.
The title would be… Yes, this sounds good.
“Uterus.”