The TS Memoir of a Misogynistic Novelist

“I’m not really angry about this, but after seeing you cry on yesterday’s broadcast, I changed my mind. You need to be scolded a bit.”

“Are you my dad now?”

“If I had given birth a little earlier, I would have had a daughter your age.”

In that moment, I almost said ‘What the hell?’ but thinking about it, it wasn’t entirely wrong. This guy had distanced himself from me during middle school.

“Anyway, seeing you cry made me think that.”

“What kind of thought?”

“Why didn’t you tell me this?”

Hwa-won was talking about my family matters. I wouldn’t have brought this up if I hadn’t appeared on the broadcast. Otherwise, Hwa-won would have remained unaware of the situation.

There was no particular reason. I just didn’t want to buy sympathy with our friendship. Emotions had to be pure, and relationships had to be noble. That’s why I never shared this with Hwa-won; I didn’t want to evoke unnecessary pity.

Hwa-won seemed troubled by that.

“Of course, it wasn’t easy to talk about. I have a lot that I haven’t told you either. But to bring that up like that… I was disappointed. If that happened, shouldn’t you have told me?”

“…What, is it something to brag about?”

“Yeah, it’s not something to brag about. I haven’t said anything either. Still, we shouldn’t be at a point where we can’t trust each other that much.”

“It wasn’t because I couldn’t trust you.”

“Right, that makes sense. You probably didn’t want to look pitiful. I didn’t say anything for the same reason.”

“…What?”

Hwa-won said there were things she was hiding too. What could that possibly mean?

There was no reason for me to get angry just because Hwa-won was hiding something. That wasn’t my place to judge.

“It’s nothing special. It’s just a story about family matters.”

“You have both your parents alive, right? Didn’t you say your relationships are good?”

Hwa-won hadn’t talked much about her family, but I had never heard anything about sour relationships. Hwa-won smiled wryly.

“Well, it’s not like we have bad relations now, but it was a bit different when I was younger.”

“What was it like?”

“To put it simply, Dad never came home because he was working, and Mom would give me allowance every day, telling me to go have fun.”

“That can’t be…”

“It was when I was in elementary school. One day, I came home early and heard a strange noise. I didn’t know it at the time, but it was truly a sound not much different from animals mating.”

“….”

“Mom would send me away and always secretly bring men home. The partners varied… the young boss from Dad’s work, his secretary, a neighbor who treated me well, a friendly pastor… she was just a woman from the town with her own bus.”

“That’s….”

Hwa-won’s story was shocking.

“I was so stunned that I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t fully understand it at my age, but I instinctively knew it was wrong.”

“S-so what did you do?”

“I told Dad.”

Hwa-won continued in a calm tone.

“The answer I got back was even more shocking to me.”

‘I know.’

“Dad already knew. He didn’t care at all and had no interest in it.”

I didn’t know what to say about the shock Hwa-won must have felt, since I had no parents. I couldn’t truly understand that feeling, but I did know how such a thing could wound a child’s heart.

“The fact that our relationship is okay now isn’t about them. My birth mother has already divorced Dad. What’s left is my dad’s second wife.”

“Did the divorce happen because of that?”

“No, Dad divorced because he fell in love with someone else.”

“….”

“Thanks to this country’s ridiculous laws, he had to give some money to my mom, so in the end, he was forced to pay her off. But it was really the bare minimum. He gathered all kinds of evidence regarding my mom’s infidelity. He’s truly a chilling person, even if he’s my dad.”

“…You…”

“Are you okay? Of course, I’m fine. Well, it was shocking when I was a kid, but I’m grown up now. The stepmother is much better than my birth mother. She might not truly love Dad, but at least she fulfills her duties as a wife.”

Yet, despite saying this, there was a cynicism in Hwa-won’s expression. Even though she called her stepmother a good person, she subtly revealed that she didn’t truly trust her.

“That’s the end of the story. Since I learned about your situation, I feel like it’s only fair you know my background. Don’t make that face, it doesn’t suit you. It’s a bit silly to call it a trauma now.”

“…Uh, right.”

After finishing her story, Hwa-won returned to her usual sly smile. I wanted to tell her not to wear such a strange expression, but after hearing that story, I found it difficult to say so.

“Anyway, just think about how I felt watching your story on TV. Now, let’s stop with the gloomy talk. You should share what’s been going on. How have you changed?”

“Well… it was terrible.”

“Is it not terrible now?”

I waved my hand dismissively at Hwa-won’s vulgar joke.

“That’s crude.”

“Come on, no need to be so sensitive.”

Starting from that point, I shared everything that had happened so far with Hwa-won. At first, she listened seriously, but when I got to the part about wetting myself after going to the bathroom alone at the hospital, she couldn’t hold back her laughter.

As I continued on, she chuckled when I talked about Muk Ha-neul, and seemed slightly stimulated when I mentioned Seo Jae-Ah. Her expression turned serious when I brought up Ham Yejin and she looked uncomfortable at the mention of Jin Seo-hye. However, when I explained that I had made a scene on the broadcast to avoid running away, Hwa-won burst into laughter.

“Puhahaha! What? You did that to avoid running away? Wow, that’s so you! Haha! That’s something only a complete fool like Seol-guk could think of. You could have just stayed quiet there, but you’re messing up because of your pride?”

“Shut up.”

“Hey, it’s a compliment. It’s impressive how you even shed tears to gain public sympathy. That’s phenomenal! But I mean, who wouldn’t support you with that face when you’re crying?”

“I said to shut it.”

“Duksurgeh-geu-ui~.”

“Damn, are you a child?”

“I feel like you’re the one acting like a child.”

Hwa-won had no hesitation in teasing my transformed self. She was completely different from the others who had been considerate towards me. It was unpleasant, but on some level, it felt good that my relationship with Hwa-won hadn’t changed.

“Anyway… that leads us to today, precisely when you arrived.”

“Then… was it you who came from the building right before I showed up?”

“Yeah, it was Ham Yejin from the National Intelligence Service.”

“Seol-guk’s becoming quite the person. Using ‘-ssi’ with a woman now.”

“Be quiet.”

“She seems like a nice person. She’s not bad-looking, either.”

My face slightly stiffened. If these words came out of Hwa-won’s mouth, it was highly likely I would see that woman coming out of Hwa-won’s house a few days later.

“Don’t tell me…”

“What’s wrong? Do you think I’m the type to get flirty just because a girl walks by?”

When I asked anxiously, Hwa-won denied it. But the truth was, she was exactly that type.

“Isn’t that right?”

“Well, yeah. But if you’re worried, I won’t touch her. Don’t worry. By the way, do you, like her?”

“No, not really…”

“Then, does it even matter?”

“Well, that’s true…”

“Have you given your permission?”

“…What kind of relationship do I have to be giving permission?”

Hwa-won chuckled.

“You were supposed to go on a date with Muk Ha-neul, right? So, if you have feelings for her, that would be something new.”

“Neither, it’s neither. Stop saying weird things.”

“I really should have helped you get over your virginity sooner. You should’ve accepted that blind date when I offered.”

“Shut it.”

Looking back, I might have felt a tiny bit of romantic interest towards Muk Ha-neul. But now, being like this, I couldn’t even tell if such feelings existed anymore.

I didn’t have any romantic interest in Ham Yejin either, at least not in a sexual way. I liked her as a person, though.

Of course, Muk Ha-neul was a pretty decent junior for a girl, and Ham Yejin was a good person to an extent that was hard to classify as just a woman.

But even if I developed romantic feelings for them, it wouldn’t mean anything, and I had no idea if they could have those feelings for me as well.

“Honestly, if you’re dating someone right now, the person wouldn’t look out of place even if they ended up at a police station.”

“…They say doctors grow up.”

“Well, that’s a relief.”

The only thing about growing up I could see was the strikingly fast-growing hair.

Now that I think about it, there seems to be something I was forgetting regarding women…

As soon as the thought came to me, I immediately opened my mouth.

“By the way, you’re engaged, so what are you going to do about women in the future?”

“Oh, right… engagement… engagement… what’s wrong with that?”

Gang Hwa-won brought up a nonsensical topic. Come to think of it, this guy was also the type that could comfortably straddle two boats at once. It’s strange to think anything would change just because he got himself an fiancée.

“Well, I know you’re that kind of person, but the other party isn’t, right? What if your fiancée sees you with another woman and suggests breaking off the engagement?”

“Well, I’d be fine with it… but then, Dad would try to kill me.”

“Seems like you don’t want to be engaged. The other party unattractive?”

“No, it’s not that. It’s just…”

“Hmm?”

“She’s still a minor.”

“What?”

“She’s a mixed child of a Korean and a Korean-American; she’s really pretty! So I was a little tempted, but she’s in her second year of high school.”

“So you’re saying….”

“No matter what, it feels wrong to be with a minor.”

“Idiot.”

Of course, I didn’t insult Hwa-won for his principle of not being with a minor. That’s obviously the right thing. I found it ridiculous that he disliked the engagement just because he couldn’t have sex.

“Well, what’s she like?”

“Just pretty plain.”

Hwa-won’s definition of “plain” for girls usually has a commonality.

“Dumb,”

Dumb,

“Foolish,”

Foolish,

“Innocent.”

Innocent.

That was still a relatively decent evaluation compared to what Hwa-won had said before. In the case of his ex-girlfriend, he’d described her as a clueless bimbo with a big chest but no other advantages.

In Hwa-won’s standards, though, that was quite a sharp critique.

For reference, that ex-girlfriend had broken up with Hwa-won when she caught him cheating.

“But she seems pretty normal for her age. Want me to show you her picture?”

Hwa-won pulled out a photo he had taken with his smartphone. It was a picture of him happily together with the girl, and she looked quite pretty even to my eyes. The way they were both dressed in stylish suits suited them well, but the girl did seem a bit younger.

“What’s her name?”

“Yoo Seol-rin.”

“Hmm.”

Was it just my imagination? Something about her face felt oddly familiar. It felt a bit…

“Now that you mention it, she kind of looks like you.”

“…Where do you see that?”

“I don’t know, if it were your old face, I wouldn’t think much of it, but don’t you think she resembles your new face a bit? Now I’m feeling a bit unsettled.”

“What’s unsettling?”

“When they end up together in about two years, it’d be a bit weird if I think of your face.”

What a crazy guy.

I kicked him in the shins without saying a word. Hwa-won didn’t even flinch.

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