NOVEL WEB Chapter 33
Gang Hwa-won was indeed making a somewhat awkward expression.
It would be more difficult not to.
Even for me, if Hwa-won had changed like this, I wouldn’t know what kind of expression to make.
I guided Hwa-won, who was silently staring at me from the front, into the house. Hwa-won appeared awkward as if he had come to a stranger’s home.
Of course, in a sense, he was right about being a stranger.
We sat facing each other across the dining table. I also felt an unnecessary tension.
“First of all… asking this feels a bit foolish and unnecessary, but I honestly can’t believe it, so I’ll ask. Are you really Seol-guk?”
Hwa-won’s first question was ordinary. It’s a question he could definitely ask from his perspective, especially after witnessing my behavior yesterday. Answering was simple. I could just say, “Of course, dumbass.” “If I’m not Seol-guk, then who am I?”
However, for some reason, it was difficult to bring the words out. After what happened yesterday, I too didn’t believe that I was really myself. If I had truly been myself, I wouldn’t have cried yesterday.
Still, I couldn’t deny that I was Seol-guk, so I couldn’t answer no. Hwa-won, watching me hesitate, let out a deep sigh. That sigh made my heart feel uncomfortable.
“…Who else would I be if I’m not Seol-guk?”
“Yeah, saying that seems to confirm it.”
Hwa-won wasn’t fundamentally scary-looking, but with his mouth shut and his expression hardened, he had a somewhat intimidating appearance. I forced myself to calm my slightly tense body.
Once again, Hwa-won let out a deep sigh. Was he uncomfortable about something? Or was he indeed uncomfortable with how I had become?
However, the expression Hwa-won showed next definitely didn’t suggest that meaning. Hwa-won lowered his head toward me.
Startled, I momentarily jumped, but fortunately, it seemed Hwa-won hadn’t noticed. With his head lowered, Hwa-won spoke.
“I’m sorry.”
“What for?”
Hwa-won apologized to me all of a sudden.
“I’m sorry for not being able to contact you in this situation and for only coming to see you now.”
So that’s what it was. It was indeed surprising that Hwa-won suddenly cut off contact. But I hadn’t expected him to apologize like this.
“It might be an excuse, but I was really busy. Something came up, and I had to go to the U.S.”
“The U.S? Why suddenly there?”
“I guess it’s a continuation of what we talked about before. My father sent me.”
“But didn’t they say the company would wait about a year?”
I clearly remembered. When I last met Hwa-won, he had told me that his father said he had to come back if he hadn’t produced results within a year.
“I didn’t mention it at that time, but it was a conditional statement.”
“Conditional?”
“Engagement, he said.”
“Wait, engagement?”
Hwa-won nodded with a stiff expression.
“It’s kind of a political marriage… They want me to get engaged to the daughter of the president of my father’s partner company in the U.S.”
“Are you serious? It’s the 21st century!”
“Well, you don’t seem like you’re from the 21st century….”
Ignoring my slightly reddened face, Hwa-won continued.
“Anyway, because I was busy dealing with the engagement issues, I couldn’t pay proper attention to your situation. I’m sorry. I returned just yesterday, and I saw the broadcast.”
At Hwa-won’s words, heat rushed to my face even more. Honestly, it was embarrassing to show such a shameful scene to him. Although Hwa-won wasn’t the type to tease me about it, showing tears was something that didn’t suit me at all.
“Well… it wasn’t exactly a pretty sight.”
I tried to pretend to be fine, but I couldn’t hide the trembling in my voice.
“Can I be honest?”
“What?”
“About everything.”
What on earth was he trying to say in this atmosphere? I couldn’t tell, but I couldn’t tell him not to.
Nodding my head, Hwa-won suddenly started to rant at me.
“You’re really selfish.”
“What?”
“You’re so selfish, and your pride is ridiculous, your personality is awful, you have no manners, and you’re just super annoying.”
“What… what?”
“And you’re dumb, stubborn, innocent in strange places, and just foolish. Why do you always cause trouble? Why do you always take the position of getting cursed at?”
“W-What are you talking about all of a sudden?”
“Haven’t I told you countless times? Even if it’s frustrating, just bear with it. It’s not a world where not wearing a mask is a virtue. Women are dumb, so if you just pretend a bit, they would have fallen for you. And your face doesn’t need to be mentioned.”
“Do you think I can just deal with that, you bastard?!”
“Honestly, you’re handsome, but you really don’t use your looks well. There have been so many girls whose relationships fell apart because of you, and honestly, that was super annoying, but I put up with it because you’re my friend. Oh, and it was kind of okay that you took down the girls who were after you. Well, I was also after them.”
“Shut up, you bastard! It’s because you were meeting girls and having sex before I met you, and then we fought and it became a mess!”
“No, honestly, why are you scratching at things when you could just play along? You already know those dumb girls are going to act up. And because of how you are, my reputation has fallen too.”
“Your reputation is falling because you dated three people simultaneously—a senior in swimming, a senior from another department, and a senior from our department, you crazy bastard.”
“No, if you hadn’t fought with that girl, we wouldn’t have been caught. And I really wanted to beat you up when you were whining about having no girls. Of course, I also whined a lot, but you debuted, so you shouldn’t be whining in front of me!”
“You’re the one who’s flaunting being a rich kid while I can’t even complain about writing? You said you get 500 a month from your family, right?! What? I want to succeed on my own, not because of my family! I don’t even have a family like that!”
“So how much was the alcohol I bought for you? Do you not remember living off the money you donated to the orphanage after you randomly debuted?”
“I paid all of that back, and I bought after debut! Why the hell are you suddenly going off on me! Oh, shit, seriously! Things are already fucked up! Why are you coming at me like this all of a sudden!”
With Gang Hwa-won’s continuous accusations, I eventually exploded. Hwa-won’s sudden revelations, confessions, and criticisms severely affected my mental state. This was a completely different feeling from the frustration I felt from Jin Seo-hye yesterday. While I had heard similar words before, this was the first time someone had openly insulted me like this.
“Do you know why?”
“How the hell should I know?!”
“You don’t know, which is why you have to be hit.”
“If you don’t say anything, how would I know!”
Gang Hwa-won sighed once more. Then he suddenly smiled emptily.
“You have that guilty look on your face, like a girl who’s sinned, so you deserve to be hit.”
“What?”
“Did you do something wrong to me? No, right? Then why do you have that expression like you’re waiting for punishment?”
“That’s…”
Certainly, that wasn’t incorrect. I found it difficult to look properly at Hwa-won. It wasn’t because I had done something wrong to him, but because I had no confidence in myself.
“Now that you’re angry, it’s much better.”
“S-So you said those things on purpose to make me angry…?”
“No, everything I said was sincere! I was originally keeping quiet out of fear of fighting, but seeing you like this, I figured it wouldn’t hurt even if you got hit.”
“You bastard!”
I swung my hand in anger, but it was too short to reach Gang Hwa-won on the other side of the table.
“Well, I may have been a bit harsh. Don’t mind it too much. After all, I’ve been your friend knowing all this. But take it to heart. The reason you’re living like this is because you’re a loser. Oh, now you might be a lifelong loser.”
“I’m not a loser because I can’t get rid of it; I’m just not one!”
“Are you gay?”
“No, shut up!”
Gang Hwa-won kept scratching at me. Yeah, I understood the intent now, but I couldn’t contain my anger. However, what followed from Gang Hwa-won pierced my heart.
“Thinking of your personality, you’ve probably been worrying about pointless things until now. Honestly, it was my fault for not contacting you, but you haven’t reached out either, right? Given the circumstances, even if calling was a stretch, couldn’t you have at least sent a text? Why sit there quietly and bother people?”
“…If you were in this situation, would you be able to reach out?”
“What wouldn’t work? I became a girl, and now I’m worrying about what Gang Hwa-won might think if he takes me, like some ridiculous thought?”
“…”
“I see you did think about it, you bastard.”
“Honestly, I mean, your usual behavior…”
“Am I a pedophile? I wouldn’t touch someone like you even if you gave yourself to me.”
Yeah, that was undoubtedly true, and I had thought so too. It was definitely a fortunate story, so why did it feel bad?
“Ah, if you were a bit bigger, it would be a different story.”
“What the hell.”
Without knowing, I suddenly pushed my chair back.
“Hey, I was joking. No matter what, I don’t treat friends like that.”
“Weren’t all the girls you’ve taken down friends until now?”
“I don’t make friends with girls.”
“I’m a girl now.”
“Before that, you were Seol-guk.”
…The anger hadn’t subsided yet. But those words were exactly what I wanted to hear from Gang Hwa-won. A casual statement like that gave me… a bit of comfort. So my anger eased a little.
Yeah, I am Seol-guk.
I was Seol-guk before, I still am, and I will always be Seol-guk.
There will never be a time when I wasn’t Seol-guk.