NOVEL WEB Chapter 30
Right now, my appearance is being broadcast on TV.
The moment I realized that, the tension I felt was no joke. Of course, times have changed, and TV has declined while internet broadcasting has risen to prominence. However, to someone like me from an older generation, TV still holds a strong presence, and there are likely many others like me.
Even though it’s a TV show from a small broadcasting station, considering the articles that might spread after the broadcast, it surely has its influence.
I sat down in the chair prepared for me with stiff movements. As I sat in the chair and looked at the other participants, I saw one famous celebrity who was well-known even to me and several others whom I couldn’t recognize.
Among them was Ji Kang-hyeon, who had scratched me earlier. He seemed to be the only minor here. The other was a girl who looked like a high school student, probably a member of some idol group.
As I was feeling nervous, the MC came up to me and spoke as if to help me relax.
“Alright, novelist! Hello! You seem a bit tense, are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“As we’ve shown, this is the much-talked-about novelist Seol-guk! It’s hard to believe how much you’ve changed since then. Shall we hear from you?”
Now I had to speak directly. I had memorized the script to some extent. Let’s speak calmly.
“Once again, greetings. I am Seol-guk, the novelist of ‘The Boy’s Uterus,’ and I recently became a woman due to Gender Identity Disorder.”
“Yes, it’s an incredibly rare condition that is almost unknown to the public even beyond South Korea! It must have been really tough for you, and we truly appreciate you deciding to appear on the broadcast like this.”
“Yes, I also had a lot of concerns, but I think it’s fortunate that I ended up appearing on the show.”
“Then, shall we hear your story? How have you coped since being diagnosed with the illness?”
“Of course, it hasn’t been easy at all. I suddenly collapsed, was taken to the hospital, and after losing consciousness for several days, I woke up looking like this.”
“What were your feelings at that time?”
“It was despairing. It felt like my life had changed overnight. If you’ve seen the photos here, I was originally about 178 cm tall. Now, I’m 146 cm. I’ve become a complete child.”
“In a way, it’s like you’ve rejuvenated; how do you feel about that aspect?”
“Well, my body has gotten smaller, but my actual age hasn’t changed, and more than anything, my body has weakened significantly. I used to pride myself on being quite healthy, but now I struggle even to ride in a car without feeling dizzy. My hair has also changed to this color; I’ve heard the dye is toxic, so I can’t dye it anymore.”
“That sounds tough. Doesn’t it draw a lot of attention when you go outside?”
“To avoid that, I bought a large hat. If I wear it low, my head isn’t visible.”
As I said that, my photo appeared on the screen behind me. It was a leaked photo. I was captured wearing a big hat. Laughter erupted among the panelists.
“It suits you better than I expected.”
“Is that so?”
Although the laughter from the panelists left me feeling slightly uncomfortable, it was still in line with the script. No major problems had arisen yet.
“There are rumors circulating on the internet that the government is assisting patients with this illness in identity laundering! Can you talk about this?”
“To be honest, I did receive a similar offer. However, I eventually turned it down.”
“So that was true! Why did you refuse the offer?”
After a brief pause, I opened my mouth.
“There might be several reasons, but I think the biggest one is this: I couldn’t bear the thought of living as someone else, not myself. I couldn’t bear the prospect of losing everything I had built up in my life. I was probably scared. I was afraid of not being able to live as myself. I didn’t want to run away. The reason I’m standing here now is ultimately for a similar reason. I didn’t want to escape.”
“Oh, I see. I can understand how it would be hard for me to just give up everything and start anew in a place where no one knows me! Now, let’s hear some questions from other panelists!”
“Me! Me!”
One person immediately took the opportunity and shouted while raising their hand. Of course, it was Ji Kang-hyeon. I looked at him with a tired expression, but he smiled with a playful face.
“Then, let our youngest panelist, Kang-hyeon, ask a question! What’s on your mind?”
“Yes! Um, you’ve been showing various materials and overseas articles while talking. Honestly, I can’t quite believe it; is everything you’ve said so far true? Do you have any evidence?”
I unconsciously let out a sigh, forgetting that I was on a broadcast. The MC smoothly handled the situation and continued with the question.
“Hmm! It seems like a tricky question has momentarily flustered Seol-guk. So, what’s your answer?”
“…Should I bring my hospital records? I’m supposed to get a new ID card eventually. But I don’t have any evidence I can show right now. Still, the other reporters are working hard, so I’m sure it’ll come out as an article soon, right?”
That was a blatant jab at the reporters, but fortunately, Ji Kang-hyeon’s provocation seemed to overshadow my words.
“Wow, is that real?! Take back what you said earlier then!”
“Have you ever met Seol-guk alone?”
“Earlier… in the waiting room, briefly.”
“What happened in the waiting room?”
“Actually, I asked her out! She’s too pretty!”
The venue erupted with laughter at Ji Kang-hyeon’s bombshell statement. How could he casually say he confessed to a 28-year-old man? I could feel the heat of shame rising to my face.
“Hey, mister! That confession, take it back!”
I buried my face in my hands, but time wouldn’t stop. Of course, I understood that this was the nature of the entertainment industry. He probably didn’t mean it sincerely; he was just doing this for the sake of airtime. It was an inconvenience to me.
“Anyway, isn’t this a scam? How can I believe that you were originally a man with that face? You look younger than I do. Earlier, you were yelling at me to use formal language. Complete young, no, childish old man.”
“Shut up, you idiot.”
“Ah, sister. Honestly, that’s true!”
The one who interrupted Ji Kang-hyeon’s nonsense was a high school girl who was seated behind him. Her name was written as Kang Chae-eun. She was a member of the idol group ‘Clarisse.’
Perhaps Kang Chae-eun’s role in this show was originally to stop Ji Kang-hyeon’s rampages, as everyone was looking at her hitting the back of Ji Kang-hyeon’s head as if they were accustomed to it.
Anyway, with Kang Chae-eun’s efforts ending Ji Kang-hyeon’s nonsense, it was now my turn again. To be honest, I was even more nervous this time. It was time to talk about my novel ‘The Boy’s Uterus’ and my life.
“Yes, as everyone might think, ‘The Boy’s Uterus’ is indeed my autobiographical novel.”
The panelists probably hadn’t read ‘The Boy’s Uterus,’ but they had likely explained it to some extent before I appeared. So, the atmosphere became quite solemn with these words.
“My first memory starts in the winter. I was hugging a blanket in a small one-room apartment, cold. My… mother looked at me and said:
‘Someone like you should have been aborted.’
I have never forgotten those words. I always heard such things. At that time, I didn’t even know what abortion meant. I could only guess it was a bad thing by looking at my mother’s expression.”
“Oh my…”
“How could…”
Appropriate interjections flowed among the panelists.
“I don’t have any last memories with my mother. I was abandoned at an orphanage while I was asleep. At first, I think I waited for my mom. I thought she would come back for me, that she hadn’t just abandoned me. After a year, two years, and three years, I think I finally gave up that belief. I stopped asking Santa Claus, whom I didn’t even believe in, to send me my mother.”
At this point, a panelist was visibly teary-eyed. Seeing them act so well, I thought they must be an actor.
“Still, everyone at the orphanage was kind. I made it to college without much trouble and became a novelist thanks to them. I’m especially grateful to the director.”
“Did you maybe meet your mother in the novel…?”
“Unfortunately, I’ve never met my mother in reality. That might be why I wrote those kinds of things—perhaps out of a desire for revenge against her. Maybe I also thought that she might come back to find me again. But now I’ve completely forgotten about that. I’m no longer young enough to have such hopes.”
For some reason, the mood was even heavier than I had anticipated. Everyone was looking at me.
“Still, there’s a question that sometimes pops into my mind.”
“What is it?”
“When I see parents abandoning children in other media, there’s often a scene where they first buy them delicious things and toys they want before abandoning them.”
“Right…?”
“I want to ask if even those things were so hard for you to do.”
The show quieted down. Silence enveloped the room. The actor who had been teary-eyed earlier was now definitely crying.
“Have you all become so absorbed in my story? It wasn’t that dramatic.”
“That’s because… Seol-guk.”
The actor pointed at me with their finger.
“You’re crying.”
That’s when I realized.
Tears were flowing down my cheeks.