The 'Smart'phone Saga: A Distracted Journey of Spells and Signals

Mankind may swear at heaven for the turns of fate, yet it is Lady Luck who giggles as your phone drops in the toilet. Misfortune comes in unexpected ways, disappointment comes from the direction of dread. And in the twisting ridiculous rolls of the dice, between coincidence and couldn’t-get-any-worse, Death waits with a shining coin flipping from bony fingers.

Ting!

“It’s heads.” Death said, turning from the sodden boy as he glided away.

“Hold on,” Charon said, “You never said which side would let him live.”

“Heads.” Death couldn’t stop smiling, no skull can, “Stay with him. He could ‘need a ride’ at any moment once he wakes. Kami-chan sure does like to…meddle.”

*****

Petra nodded to Clara, who stepped carefully to the side of the door. A floorboard squeaked and they froze.

KNOCKKNOCKKNOCK

“Scott!” Someone said from the other side of the door, “I know you’re in there! We have guests and need every mage in attendance.”

“What?!” Scott’s voice shouted from in the house, “I’m in the bathroom!”

“Fine! I’ll come around!”

A few moments passed before Petra heard “Lord Ippoph needs you at the castle. We have distinguished guests. Clean up and dress in your finest clothing.”

“Of course,” Scott sang out, “I will be by in thirty splendid minutes.”

“Please don’t sing on the toilet,” the voice said, “That’s weird.”

“I’m in the shower now!” Scott said.

Clara and Petra huddled together after a couple of minutes.

“What should we do?” Clara said, “Ask Scott for help? He is quite powerful.”

“But he’s exhausted,” Petra said, “You saw that defensive wall! He grew almost the entire thing! He can’t have a drop of Mana left.”

The shower turned off and Petra motioned Clara away from the door.

“We need to make a choice,” Petra said, “he could be out any second. Do we involve him?”

“Could you give him one of your Mana Crystals?” Clara said, “That should give him an extra wind.”

“Only if his mind isn’t fried,” Petra shook her head, “it’s only been a couple of days! I mean, I trust him well enough, but it’s one of their sons! There’s no way Scott is up to that level of risk, otherwise I’d ask him.”

Clara said, “But weren’t those spring waters really good for rejuvenation? He could have rejuvenated faster than we thought.”

“Good point,” Petra said, “It was better than a Mana bath. Probably runs through some Mana crystals in addition to the fire ones. Honestly, this place should be overrun by mages. A hundred gold per path, you know? I wonder why.”

“We do our best not to spread the word,” Scott said, “This town would be ruined like Larill to the north. Could you imagine the tourists?! Disgusting.”

“Larill?” Petra said, “You’re saying that these hot springs are similar to the Font of Rejuvenation?!”

“Better,” Scott said, “These get automatically cooled by the twin spring. Always ready for a dip. Although that does mean they are less densely effective, but if you need to you can stick to the hotter side for more-”

Petra and Clara turned their heads slowly to Scott, who stood in shirtless splendor.

“AH!” Petra and Clara leaped back from Scott, “How long have you been here?”

“Just a bit.” Scott said, drying his hair as water beaded on his six-pack, “I thought you were here to visit me? Wish me good health, that kind of thing.”

“Why?” Petra said, “You look fine.”

“I assure you,” Scott said, draping his towel over his head and bending double, “I am afflicted by a most potent discomfort. My magnum of ability has been humbled to a sliver of my original power. Less than a tenth of my robust health!”

Petra looked Scott up and down and said, “So, pretty powerful still?”

Scott grinned and winked, tightened the cord on his pants, and said “Let me grab a shirt, then we’ll discuss how I can help.”

“You don’t have to,” Petra said, “We’re fine without it.”

Scott blushed and turned around, saying “Oh, now you’re making me self-conscious. I’m going to put my shirt on anyway, thank you. Hold on for a sec.”

“That’s not-” Petra said, but Scott had already rushed into his room.

“Aww,” Clara said, “He’s shy. I didn’t know you were into muscles, Petra. He does have some very nice ones.”

“Shut up,” Petra said, “I was talking about his help, not his shirt. And we- don’t give me that look! I appreciate mental muscles, not astounding ones glistening from a shower.”

Clara shrugged then said, “Think we can trust him?”

Petra frowned for a second before saying “Yeah, oddly. But it doesn’t matter since we need to get past the lookouts and he can help.”

Clara scowled and said “You better be ri-”

“I’m baack!” Scott sang, striding out in a loose white button-up shirt. “Now how can I help you lovely ladies.”

Petra looked at Clara and sighed. Clara’s judgment would be thrown off when she was in a mood like this. How much had Clara liked Scott before? They didn’t get to spend much time but… Petra hated to admit how much she relied on Clara’s impressions of people. She always seemed to be right. Almost always anyway.

“The ‘dignitaries’ that just arrived,” Petra said, implying with tone that dignity stuck to the visitors via a ten foot pole, “They’re…well they’re not exactly after us right now. I don’t think they know we’re here. But if the leader finds us… well we’re not going quietly and he’d turn this town into a warzone to get us. They have people on watch for us, so it would be hard to get past them guarding the ways out. But we want to go regroup with the others outside of the city.”

“What are they?” Scott said, “Some kind of noble’s guard? Or are they the type that do the dirty work?”

“Something like that,” Petra said, “They specialize in poisons. Can you help us?”

Scott seemed to think for a moment then said, “All right, but for a price. Nothing unreasonable, I’d just like to know the truth. Not necessarily all the details, but I want to hear your stories. To understand the four of you.”

Petra hesitated, then said “I’m not going to be upfront about everything, but I will answer when asked. I can’t speak for the others though.”

“I’ll take it,” Scott stretched out his arms and walked to the door, “All right, let’s begin.”

“Wait,” Petra said, “aren’t you going to ask us stuff?”

“What? No!” Scott bowed to them, “A gentleman never demands payment from a woman first. Where would the world be if we went around doing that? Besides, I have an idea. It will be several hours though, so you best get comfortable.”

****

When Jasson awoke, he did not ‘cough’. He did not ‘vomit’ the water from his lungs. These words are too tame, too Hollywood. When Jasson awoke, he expunged water from his lungs in a series of explosive eruptions that were his impression of a wheezing machine gun.

Dodoo!

Years of reflex sent his shaking hand into his pocket, pulling out his phone and checking his notifications. A little green bat waved at him.

Didn’t I lose this? Jasson thought as he forced bleary eyes to read the text.

Lingo here! You have ten minutes left before you lose your four-day streak. Log in and spend five minutes to prevent losing your streak!

“Yeah right,” Jasson wheezed and rolled onto his back, “I almost died. It’s a break day today.”

Dodoo!

You really should do it. It’s just five minutes and a bit of discipline. Are you sure you won’t regret this? No one likes a quiter.

“What the heck?” Jasson said, “Did Do-A-Lingo get even more aggressive?”

Dooo!

Remember, discipline lasts moments while regret lasts forever. And scars take years to fade.

Jasson rolled his eyes, unsettled, and looked around at the darkness. He turned on his flashlight (something that took several tries due to the wet screen) and pointed it to the water he heard to his left. It wasn’t flowing fast anymore, but he wasn’t in it anymore. How had he gotten ashore? Jasson paned to his right, greystone ceiling was far enough above for him to walk and-

“Hey, you’re awake!”

“AHHH!”

Jasson would have jumped out of his skin, but even his bones were waterlogged so he squelched further onto the floor. He looked over to see a man in a riding jacket and jeans, half alive and half bleached bone. A gruesome smile curved between life and death as the man spun his keys on his finger.

“Charon?!” Jasson said, surprise replacing what dread he should have.

“I was wondering how long it would take,” Charon chuckled, “I guess you’ve got a diesel engine under your hood. You’re a bit of a self-starter.”

Jasson coughed up more water and Charon said “Plus, you’re resistant to water.”

Something about Charon wasn’t as frightening anymore. Perhaps it was the jokes, a general good natured feeling from the half-man, or perhaps it was Jasson’s new familiarity with death.

“Very funny,” Jasson said, “I’m just dying over here.”

Jasson struggled to his feet, feeling the world sway as Charon chuckled.

“I wouldn’t be able to get a ride out of here, would I?” Jasson said, “Or would it be too expensive.”

“Nope, it’s cheap,” Charon said, and Jasson got his hopes up before Charon pointed to the river.

Jasson pointed his phone at the water and saw an ethereal black boat with a coffin on it, baroque carvings bearing its purpose along the length of the barge.

“It’s just two pennies on the eyes,” Charon said, “Then you can leave whenever you want.”

“No thanks,” Jasson said, shivering and stepping away from the river, “I’ll figure my own way out.”

“Good choice,” Charon said. “I’d get walking though. You only have so much energy left.”

Jasson swiveled and scanned the room. There was no other way to go than to follow the river.

I doubt I can make it upstream, Jasson thought, although that’s the most likely direction for rescue. But…I can’t just sit around.

Jasson held his phone awkwardly as he started to pick up rocks, arranging them along the ground. Jasson’s torn fingers ached and Jasson realized that he was missing two of his nails. They ached, but the cold had numbed the worst of it.

“What are you doing?” Charon said.

“Making an arrow.” Jasson said, placing the point, “That way they’ll know to keep looking.”

“I doubt it,” Charon said, “They’re a little busy right now.”

“What?” Jasson paused, “Why?”

“Ooh,” Charon mimed zipping his lip, “Spoilers. Suffice it to say that their little ‘plan’ won’t be enough. Clever though.”

“What?!” Jasson said, stomping towards the escort of the dead, “They’re in danger?! Is that why they were late? What about Harriett?!”

“Who knows?” Charon said, “Maybe they will be victorious.”

Jasson threw up his hands and turned away, saying “Why are you even here? Don’t you have better things to do?”

“Oh I’m doing them,” Charon grinned, “I’m one of those ‘wherever they’re needed’ beings, that’s where my influence is anyway. With anyone that ‘needs a ride’. And I’m always early, just in case they chose an earlier departure.”

“Then why are you near me?” Jasson said, “I’m obviously not dead.”

“I like to be early, remember?” Charon said, “And no, I don’t know when you’re going to die. But…do you know the phrase ‘walking with death’? Well, Death’s not the hiking type. So, instead of a near-Death experience, you’re having a near-Me experience. And so is everyone else I can see, they just don’t know it yet.”

“Everyone else,” Jasson turned back and looked Charon dead in the eye/empty socket, “And you only know what’s going on around those that are near death? That’s what ‘influence’ means, right?”

“Oho!” Charon said, “Where’s the quiet little boy I picked up in River town? You’ve got a head on your spine.”

“So I’m right,” Jasson said, “The only reason you’d believe that their plan wouldn’t work is that you’re walking beside them as well.”

Charon just smiled and held a finger up, saying “Bingo, but more complicated than that.”

Jasson stood, stunned, then said “Tell me then. Can you see the future?”

Charon’s face straightened and he said “No.”

“Perfect,” Jasson stomped down the river trail, “I’m getting out of here, I’m going back to Smill, and I’m going to save their lives. Then-”

Jasson chuckled and said, “Then we’ll be even.”