The Shadows Within

Once in the dining room, I had a warm meal and hot tea with hibiscus, which made it bitter, but Finn reassured me that it would make me feel better. Gael was extra quiet with the king in the room, which made Nyla glare at the incubus.

It probably didn't help that I was holding onto the demon lord with one hand while using the other to eat.

"You know, you'll eat more comfy if you let me go." Finn sighed, prompting a glare from me.

"I spent all day looking for you. So, no, I'm not letting you get away." I grumbled, taking another bite of my food.

A soft chuckle left his lips. "And where would I go? You already trapped me."

"I don't know. The fucking she-wolf can come to get you. Generals this and that." I continued to sulk, munching.

"I thought the generals were out today. I mean, they've been out since yesterday." Gael informed, walking in with a desert.

Nyla's eyes widened upon noticing my demeanor change, and Finn scowled at the poor incubus for betraying him.

Finally… proof…

It caused me to yank on the demon lord's shirt, allowing Gael to retreat into the kitchen after selling his friend out.

"Oi… You're telling me. You were avoiding me this entire time by making up excuses?! What are you twelve?!" I growled.

"I-I…" Finn struggled to find his words.

It was almost as if a cat had stolen his tongue.

"Oh, wait a minute, is a woman like me scary for a big evil dragon?!" I huffed, attempting to stay civil.

My rage would never reach the extent that his could, but I could be feisty. A soft sigh left him before shifting his gaze away.

"Idiot… stupid king," I grumbled, letting go of him to cross my arms.

I couldn't help but pout, thinking all the times I asked where he was, only to be lied to.

I spent hours looking for you! Unlike you, my time matters! I'm not immortal!

"Ah, I wasn't far from you, sweetheart." He breathed as I glowered at him again.

Oi! You're such a…

"So, you just let me run around looking for you all day. Got it." I rolled my eyes.

Another soft exhale came from him. Instead of arguing, he let me eat while I grumbled under my breath. However, before I touched the desert, Rizak barged in, looking winded. Everyone glanced at him before he placed down a bottle that appeared familiar.

Isn't that… Wait, why is it empty?!

Realizing what it was, I felt my body run cold as I dropped the utensil I used to eat.

"Sylvia, did you do this?" the owl questioned, startling me.

Did… Oh… No… Why didn't I throw it away?!

"Uh… I… think I did." I mumbled, feeling a bit overwhelmed by him.

It had been an entire month since I last saw that bottle. The only reason I knew it was mine was the lack of a wax seal since Rizak always placed one on his batches.

How could I forget something so dangerous?! Did I hurt someone?!

"Okay, slow down. What's the matter, Rizak?" Finn asked, getting up from beside me.

"M'lord, I think she found a way to save us all." The owl declared, gazing at me with expectations I knew I couldn't meet.

Are you kidding me?! No, that… wasn't to…

"What?" I whispered, slightly shaking my head.

"One of Maxwell's patients drank this." Rizak started, prompting the demon lord to tilt his head.

Who…

"You mean those demons?" Finn asked.

Those? What?

"Yes, m'lord, this brought one of those back. This potion isn't mine, and Sylvia was the only person other than me who could've put this in the batch." Rizak once again put me in the spotlight.

I shook my head, not knowing how to explain that potion was for me to kill myself with. It was careless of me to place it in the batch.

I didn't know they were meant for others to consume! Damn it, I thought they were only for studying!

"I… don't know," I mumbled, wanting to curl up and hide as Solas whined upon noticing my hands tremble.

Finn quickly stepped in between us, extending his hand before me and dragging the owl's eyes back to him.

"You're scaring her. Perhaps we can continue this once she's better. Let's talk about this in another place," he suggested, taking note of my demeanor, too.

The owl quickly backed off, gazing at his king. "Oh, yes, my lord. Apologizes my lady. I know you're still recovering." He bowed his head, picking up the bottle before leaving with Finn.

This time, his departure from me wasn't an excuse. A heavy sigh left me gazing at Solas, who placed his head on my lap. The entire thing made me lose my appetite. Apologizing for not finishing everything, I excused myself for the day before taking a quick shower and finding my way into my room, where I sulked on the bed.

How can something I did to kill myself save anyone? No, impossible, Rizak must be wrong. Arg… I should just be happy no one was hurt because of me.

I rolled on the bed, staring at the ceiling before raising my hand towards it.

The power to save them is really at my fingertips, or so you say. I don't… believe I can save anyone. Reaching Finn was a fluke, one that cost me my arm.

The power of the saint seemed like something I would never understand. Perhaps the plants in this world differed from the ones in mine. Still, everything sent shivers down my spine. Sadly, Solas couldn't lie on the bed with me anymore.

The pup was too big and would break the bed if he did. However, it wasn't long until Finn appeared in my room. I could always feel his presence when he did. However, I didn't sit up to meet with him this time. Instead, I turned towards the side, hiding under the covers.

Before Rizak came with his news, all I wanted was to spend time with Finn, but all I felt was pressure within my chest that felt like it would suffocate me.

I… can't… I don't want everyone to rely on me!

Instead, I felt the bed sink under him.

At least you came back instead of running away again, but I don't know if I can face you right now.

"You okay, love?" he whispered, knowing I was awake.

I didn't turn to him. Even though I wanted to know what Rizak told him, it also scared me.

"My cramps are bad." I lied.

They were the last thing bothering me. I was probably already browning, yet my heart was heavy. Rizak's words felt too serious for me to bear, and I didn't want to talk about him either.

"Hm… I can't help with that." He hummed, lying next to me.

I turned to him to see his wings dripping over the bed's side. Those blue orbs of his were on me, though he kept his hands to himself.

"Finn… can I hug you?" I mumbled, struggling to keep my sight on him.

If you knew what I… did, you'd be disappointed, wouldn't you?

"You don't need to ask." He chuckled, opening his arms for me.

Without thinking twice, I snuggled myself into his chest. It was becoming my favorite place to be.

"You always smell like roses. Do you have any in your room?" I asked, feeling better.

"Uh, no. I don't." He answered, letting me do as I pleased.

"Hm… How do you always smell so good?" I mumbled, feeling jealous.

"I guess it's a scent I give." He chuckled, unsure of what I meant.

It caused my eyes to twitch.

"Not only can you fly, handsome, don't age and powerful, but you smell like a flower all the time too?! Can you tell me again what's so bad about being a demon?" I puffed up my cheeks.

"You forgot that I also lose control; turning me into a madman and feeding on living things is the only way to keep my sanity." He sighed, trailing his hand down my numb arm.

I rolled my eyes, grumbling, "You're close to perfect."

Even though I couldn't feel his touch, shivers ran down my spine.

"Does it hurt?" Finn whispered, not wanting to say it too loudly, yet his voice broke by the end

"No, it doesn't hurt anymore." I smiled, reaching to remove some of his hair from his face, allowing me to see his piercing blue eyes.

"I'm going to kiss you. Is that okay?" he asked, trailing his fingers on my cheek.

"Is this because it's time?" I mumbled, gazing at him with hopeful eyes.

I didn't know what I wanted him to answer.

Yet his cheeks turned rosy. "N-no—" I didn't need him to finish that.

No, my lips met with his before he could get that thought out.

You don't need to ask… If only I could say that, too, but I don't have the guts.

A second later, his hand locked me in place by holding the back of my head, coiling his fingers around my hair when I felt his tongue glide over my lips. Opening my mouth, I let him in, allowing in a known warmth I had never felt before.

Thanks to the activity already there, it came with a weird itch that I couldn't focus on. His soft member fought mine for dominance, something he quickly won. Caging me under him, I felt his hand go under my shirt before stopping.

Tugging away from my lips, he licked his.

"Am getting ahead of myself, aren't I?" he breathed, gazing away. "I did rip into you not too long ago."

Grabbing onto his hand, I guided him to my breast. Of course, it was over the clothes rather than under them. I was cheeky, but not so much.

"Oh, honey, you didn't just…" his eyes glossed.

However, he hesitated to squish the lump that was under his palm. Yet the warmth from his skin seeped through the clothes and into me.

"I like your touch." I voiced, feeling like my cheeks were about to fall off.

He closed his eyes, squishing me lightly enough to make me jittery, triggering a soft mewl to leave me. The moment my voice erupted, he pulled away from my chest before caging me under him again. His blue eyes narrowed, biting onto his lip.

"I don't… Why don't you see me as a monster? I ripped into you, too. You should be terrified of me." His voice broke.

This demon used to be so confident, but it had all melted away, allowing me to see the real Finn, who I wished to know more about.

"You know who my monsters are." I traced my fingers on his cheek.

These emotions weren't slowing down and got worse when I fought them. However, I didn't want to lose either because if I did, then there would be no reason to keep me around. There wasn't a single thing about me to love, so my only choice was to be helpful.

"Don't you realize I just want to use you?" Finn declared, dropping my heart, which was in his hands.

I know… but… if that were all, then…

"If that were true, then you wouldn't have said that, and you wouldn't feel guilty for hurting me," I answered, trying not to feel hurt, but it was impossible.

My heart was too heavy and on the verge of breaking. It wasn't like I didn't know since the way he gazed at me always lacked something.

"I won't let you use me until you fall for me, too," I mumbled.

Finn shook his head. "It's Impossible. That emotion's dead in me. I can't love you." He winced, closing his eyes as this demon appeared small for the first time.

Ah… Who hurt you? Does everything you feel have to do with what happened in that room?

"I know, but can I revive that part of you? Even if it isn't for me?" I simpered, trying to find meaning in all of this.

This marriage he wanted was a convenience, something I wouldn't allow, but if I could save him with my feelings, I would try to, especially since I didn't know what happened with Rizak. Yet that was something I would avoid while I could.

I didn't want to tell them I was trying to off myself when I created what they thought was the cure to their affliction.

"I can't promise you anything." He confessed, opening his eyes as his lips trembled, triggering him to bite into them.

It was hard to hold back the tears, but his honesty was something I appreciated. Even if he didn't realize it, all he said made me confident that he cared about me, especially with what he followed up with.

"Yet even though I need you. I don't want to hurt you. You don't deserve it. Not you, I… can't." He sighed.

One ritual needed both our affections, while for the other, he had to kill me, or at least that was what I got from Sebastian. Yet…

Do you feel nothing when you kiss me? Is it all an act? It can't be. I don't believe you. I don't want to accept all of this is an act. You came back to me. There has to be a reason… You must feel something for me, even if it isn't love.

There had to be a way to save him. If I focused on him, perhaps the rest would come, too.

I'll try to find it and set you free.

"Kiss me, please?" my voice cracked.

He soon followed my demand with a bitter-sweet kiss. One that left me feeling tingly all over. It mixed the pain with pleasure, allowing me to forget it while in the moment. There weren't any more lies between us.

All that was left were secrets of a past I knew nothing about. Even so, it was my choice to ask him to kiss me.

Even though I promised to accept you anyway, you came. Why does it hurt so much to know you will never love me? Ah… because no one ever will.

Yet I could hope for the day someone would.