The Shadows Within

Finn’s blue eyes were back, and that menacing, profound red aura was nowhere to be seen. Yet his eyes were still the same emotionless ones as before.

Worse, it feels like you'll disappear if I go anywhere near you.

“What the fuck are you doing, Sparky?” he sighed, keeping his distance from me.

He was also avoiding my glance, which made my heart ache.

“What do you mean?! I’ve been looking for you all day!” Tears ran down my cheeks when I noticed he was far from my reach.

There wasn’t an ounce in me that wanted to fight him, but I couldn’t run up to him either.

“I know.” He shook his head.

So, you are avoiding me. Why?! It stings!

The cramps were making me even more flustered. However, the pain arising from my chest was overwhelming every other sensation as I clasped onto my chest.

“You’re a stupid, idiotic, perverted demon! Why make me look for you for so long?!” I snapped, taking a step forward, only for him to take one back.

Instead of answering me, he stayed silent while avoiding looking at me.

Ah… why… won’t you…

“Sylvia, he thinks you’ll fear him, and that's something he doesn’t want to see.” Solas suddenly informed.

Ah… You… are…

“Oi, mutt.” Finn huffed, glaring at him.

When he gave me a part of himself, he never thought loyalty would lie with me—at least not entirely, even if he had said it before.

“Our connection is a two-way street, milord. Please remember, you told me to be loyal to Sylvia alone.” Solas smirked, triggering Finn to radiate a small amount of red aura.

However, before they could argue, I took the opportunity to pretend I had lost myself, only for Finn to catch me as I coiled my arms around him, ensuring he couldn’t escape.

“What?” Finn mumbled, letting go of me and instantly realizing I had faked my illness, but it was too late.

I don’t care if I play dirty! Not when you’re being unreasonable!

“Stupid… so fucking stupid!” I cried, holding onto Finn as my life depended on it.

Though my weak arm wasn’t clasping onto him as hard as I wanted to, he could’ve quickly vanished if he wanted. Instead, my action froze him in place.

“Scared? Of you out of everyone? Never.” I huffed, trying to control my sobs.

I was happy to see him finally. If he worried I would be afraid of him, he cared about me to some extent. Or perhaps it was because his job to marry me would be more complex. I didn’t know what to believe, yet I clung to him as he leaned against the wall pinned between it and me.

“What the fuck are you talking about?! I ripped your arm off!” Finn declared, pressing his hands onto the wall, ensuring he wasn’t touching me, but it didn’t matter.

“It was my choice to run to you! To make you come back! I thought you were going to kill me, but here I am. You didn’t kill me! Instead, you came back to me! So, what if I lost an arm?!” I held on to him for dear life.

Some things are worth a limb, like getting the only being that talks to me back. The only one I can call my friend if you allow me to be one.

“You’re fucking crazy.” He sighed.

I shook my head, holding on.

“You already knew I was from the moment you met me!” I declared, gazed up to look at him, but he was still avoiding me.

How will I get you to look at me again? Please…

Closing my eyes, I pushed myself on him to reach his cheek with my lips. When they met with his skin, I felt a rush of warmth radiate from him and into me. Leaving a soft peck on it, I tugged away to see him finally gazing at me.

Taking the chance that his eyes were set on me, I reached with both my hands to cup his cheeks. His warmth sunk into my left hand while my right lacked its comfort.

“Please don’t take away from me the only person who knows everything I am.” I pleaded, triggering him to narrow his eyes as they flickered and got glossy.

“No… Don’t say that. Don’t humanize me. What I did to you was—” I didn’t let him finish when I yanked him towards me to press my lips onto his.

It was a quick brush, and the only thing I could think of was to silence a demon.

Well, you, I wouldn’t do this to anyone else.

Tugging away from his lips, I left him speechless, his eyes wide open, and his jaw slightly dropped.

“You’re already winning, Finn. Don’t give up.” I confessed, realizing this was the only way to reach him.

I didn’t know what he was thinking, but I understood what he wanted from me.

If I dangle that, you won’t throw me away now that I’m broken, right?

“Fuck… I was going to take you back to the humans after the spell stabilized.” He gazed towards the side.

What?

I shook my head, grabbing onto his shirt tighter.

“So, you give me a reason to live just to take it away?” I mumbled, feeling hollow inside.

This emotion was worse than when that boy forced a kiss on me or when my father beat me senseless.

Back then, I had nothing to lose. Now… I had everything to lose. Ah… did I realize that too late? Is it too late to run into your flames from when you were chasing me?!

“What? No, I wouldn’t… do that.” He breathed, shaking his head.

Tugging on his shirt, I faced him head-on. “Then why would you give me back to them?! I never asked you to!”

His eyes widen, shaking his head. “Oi, I said I was! As in the past!”

This entire time, though, he hadn’t touched me.

“Oh…” I mumbled, gazing towards the side.

Will you ever do so again?

“Do you want to stay here?” he asked, triggering my gaze to land on him again.

I nodded. “Yes, I want to be here.”

He sighed, “I don’t know if I’ll lose control again. Next time, I might kill you, you know that, right?”

I snuggled myself into his chest, “I won’t ignore your warnings anymore,” I promised, feeling safe in his presence.

The demon in that room wasn’t you. No, the one there was lost beyond anyone’s reach while you… You’re Finn.

His arms were still by his side.

Will you ever touch me?

“How did you even get in there? A guard posted there for a reason, and he didn’t see you.” Finn asked.

I didn’t move from where I was. Though I knew he wouldn’t be happy with what I said next.

“Well, I kind of wanted to see what you were doing when Solas felt something pull him there. He walked into a passageway while I was trying to eavesdrop on you with the human emissaries,” I mumbled, trying not to sound too guilty.

It didn’t work, as his aura spiked in color.

Oh crap!

“Oi…” he huffed, taking a deep breath. “What did you see?”

A soft, nervous giggle left me while I held onto him, “Oh, nothing much. You were psychotically trying to reach them and got one or two before… uh, you know,” I minimized my interaction.

However, his aura spiked again, and I continued before he could speak.

“What happened to the others?” I asked, trying to avoid the anger directed at me, but even then, I wouldn’t let go of him.

A heavy sigh left his lips.

“That red-haired fucker stabbed me with a holy knife when I felt… what I assume was you... touch…” he trailed off.

He didn’t want to continue, yet I wanted to know more. Though it appeared, I saved the humans without wanting to.

“Finn, is that girl connected to you?” I mumbled, hoping not to go too deep.

A wary smile formed on his lips. “She’s connected to all of us.”

How he avoided talking about her alerted me she was someone with whom he had a past. It was just like I loved to avoid talking about my father and stepfather.

“I see. You must’ve cared deeply for her,” I fished for information, knowing I couldn’t stay in the dark any longer.

I never knew the words he said next would hurt me so profoundly.

“I do. I can’t…” he trailed off, clenching his hands into fists.

I felt my heart drop. Of course, the second person I liked wouldn’t like me back, even if they wanted to marry me. Tears stung my eyes again for different reasons. Suddenly, I felt like a fool for kissing him earlier.

How does my chest hurt more than when you ripped my arm?

It probably was because of the adrenaline, yet the hole in my core grew with each negative thought that crossed my mind.

“I-I… see. You don’t have to say anything else. I’ll wait until you’re ready.” I grumbled, feeling dejected.

Realizing I shouldn’t cling to someone with no feelings for me, I tugged away before planting my eyes on the floor.

A soft sigh left his lips again. “Hey, don’t get the wrong idea. She was my little sister.”

It was almost as if he had read my mind, and with some simple words, the fog lifted.

“Oh!” I breathed before realizing how it sounded.

I quickly shifted my eyes to Finn's face, seeing an expression that caused my heart to skip. His blue eyes were set on me, and his eyebrows raised as a soft smile was on his lips.

“I mean…” I trailed off, feeling flustered.

Why am I even trying to fix what I’m saying? I’ve already confessed that you’re winning.

Yet I hadn’t told him he had already won the race, becoming irreplaceable in my life.

“You really aren’t scared of me?” he asked.

“No, if anything, now I’ve got a part of you that’ll stick to me forever.” I simpered.

My eyes widened when I saw his eyes gloss as his smile broke. Feeling one of his hands on the back of my head, the next moment, I was in his chest again. The sound of his heart was so fast that it caused me to clasp his shirt again.

“You silly girl. You aren’t like other humans.” He finally held me tenderly.

Like the ones you hate. I don’t want to be. Please never compare me to them, or I’ll be angry with you, but that’s for another day. For now, I’m just glad you're touching me again.

Instead of saying anything else, I basked in his warmth, enjoying every minute. After a few moments, Finn broke the silence again.

“You aren’t hungry?” he asked, trailing his fingers down my hair.

After walking for hours, there was no doubt that I was, but I didn’t want to release him. It felt like I couldn’t grab onto him again if I did.

“No…” I mumbled.

“Oi, Sparky, don’t lie. I can hear—” I quickly interrupted him by touching his lips with my hands as my eyes twitched because of his comment.

The nerve of this demon!

“Then why ask?!” I huffed, glaring at him.

Suddenly, he was having fun with me.

You’re such an annoying demon! But… I wouldn’t change you for the world, Finn.

A soft chuckle left his lips, brushing them against my palms. “Do you want me to tell Gael to prepare a tea my sister used for her lady days?”

Again, my eyes twitched, and I felt a rush of heat on my cheeks.

Wait! What?!

“Oi! You aren’t supposed to know that either!” I growled, feeling like my head could pop at any moment.

Isn’t there anything you don’t know?!

“Hm, do you?” he hummed.

The shift between this Finn and the enraged one was too much of a curve—no, it broke it. Yet both sides were the same person, and I would accept him either way. He entwined his hand with mine before I gave a soft nod, leading me into the dining room, where I would eat my fill.