The Shadows Within

I didn’t remember when I fell asleep that night, but Finn held me close the entire time. He was still there when I woke, gazing up at the ceiling. All the while, I used him like a pillow. It was almost as if he hadn’t slept the entire night.

He hadn’t noticed I was up, either. If he was still around, it was apparent the generals weren’t back yet. I didn’t know their task, but I was glad they didn’t take Finn away, and I wasn’t ready for him to leave me yet.

“Did you sleep?” I asked, not wanting the day to begin.

This was the first time he had stayed with me the entire night.

“I can’t remember the last time I slept,” Finn whispered, making me hug him.

It was the only thing I could think of to comfort him.

“No dreams?” I mumbled, holding him.

“No, did you have some?” he asked, trailing his fingers down my hair.

I nodded. “Solas was a cuddly cloud,” I announced, not wanting to let go of Finn.

Ah… I’m being clingy, aren’t I? It’s probably annoying, but… after seeing you lose it like that. I’m scared you’ll revert if I let go.

“I was?” the pup placed his snout on the bed.

I turned to face him, only for Finn to grab onto me from behind.

“I mean, you are kind of already, but you were fluffier, and brushing you was a pain! I couldn’t find a comb big enough.” I sighed.

A soft chuckle left Finn, squishing me into him. “Sounds like a hassle.”

A soft smile rose on my lips, enjoying how he held me.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” I mumbled, enjoying the warmth.

“Hm?” he hummed.

I would never know anything about him if things kept up this way. It was like going in circles, something I wanted to avoid.

“Why can’t you love?” I let go, feeling him tense up.

Hearing that question wasn’t one he wanted to answer.

“You don’t want to know.” He sighed.

However, he didn’t let me go. Instead, he held me closer to him as his tai rested on my lap, allowing me to touch it.

It’s now or never. Push or never know.

Grabbing onto the arms that held me captive, I secured myself in place.

“I do. Finn, I’ll accept you. No matter what you say. I’ll accept you. Please let me be what you’ve been to me.” I declared, not wavering.

Even if it were something I didn’t want to hear, I would accept it. A heavy sigh came from his lips.

“Sparky… I had a wife once. She betrayed me in more ways than I…” he trailed off.

Ah… A wife… You already married once and know what it is to lose it.

I had forgotten that he was thousands of years old from how young he appeared. I wouldn’t have put him past my age when his time stopped.

What happened to you? Won’t you let me in?

“Is that why you say you can’t love anyone? Do you still feel the same way about her?” I continued to question, trying not to feel anything.

Yet my heart ached, knowing he could love, just not me.

He gave me another slight squeeze. “I still love her?” A soft, broken chuckle left him. “Nah, she ruined me, sweets. Love’s nothing but an illusion that destroys you when you least expect it. It poisons the mind and soul and makes you act irrationally. There’s nothing useful about it.” He sighed.

It triggered me to gaze down at the bracelet, which hadn't changed from the droplet it was.

“Yet it’s needed for the ritual you want to do. Unless you want to eat me, as that guy said.” I huffed, rolling my eyes.

“Oi, I’m not going to eat you. Well, at least not that way.” He mumbled.

“Wait… what?” I turned to the dragon only to see his cheeks were rosy.

Cute… Who knew the demon lord could be this adorable?

“Nothing,” he gazed away.

Right… I won’t tease you this time. I want something.

“Hm…” I hummed, reaching for his cheek.

Even through my numbed fingers, I felt his cheeks radiate warmth.

“Tell me more about your life.” I simpered.

He grabbed onto my hand, leaning into it.

“I… Do you want to know?” Finn sighed, giving in to me.

I nodded. “Mhm, I do.”

“You won’t look at me the same.” He whispered.

Grabbing onto his head, I tugged him into my bosom.

“Highly, I doubt it. You heard me and didn’t judge me. I’ll do the same to you.” I trailed my fingers through his soft hair.

Burring his face into my chest, I heard his voice crack. “Where do I start? I don’t even know.”

“Start where it hurts less, then gradually progress to where it hurts most,” I murmured, enjoying the feeling of his hair on my fingertips.

Who would have ever thought I would hold a demon king in my arms? This world isn’t bad at all.

This was something to brag about as I finally achieved something positive. Other than saving a random person with my attempt to create poison for me, I would rather not dive into that.

Yes! I hope everyone forgets about that, please! Let’s find another way!

“Is that what you did?” he sighed, gazing up at me.

“Mhm, I did.” I simpered.

A soft, nervous chuckle left him. “Feels like you're stronger than me in that aspect.”

I shook my head. “No, I’m not.”

Grabbing onto my hand, he sat up before leaning into me for a kiss. His tongue quickly found mine, entwining his hand with mine. They both promptly found the bed sheets when he towered over me. Deepening the kiss, I closed my eyes, allowing myself to feel the moment.

Sinking into the bed, I felt him play with my soft member until he tugged away, leaving me panting under him. My eyes were watery as a string of saliva connected us. Leaning into me again, I felt him lick my lips, breaking the connection.

“How about I show you instead?” Finn suddenly declared.

“Wha—” I began but didn’t finish when his eyes met mine.

His eyes glowed brightly, mesmerizing me again.

Ah… it’s the same… when you see my memories.

“Don’t be scared. Time will move differently. All you’ll see isn’t real, okay?” Finn’s voice echoed in my mind.

I nodded slightly and was no longer in the room the following moment. No, I was a passenger in the events that unfolded before the ruin of Fathal. I found myself in a room I didn’t recognize, decorated with luxurious items such as crystals, gold, and silver.

There was a white theme to the curtains and the flowers displayed, though. They arranged from Lilies to Roses, which were all beautiful arrangements.

Oh my, everything looks so festive! Is this a celebration of something?

The paintings were portraits of people I didn’t recognize. The cloth they used was white, and many flowers were around. Most were roses and lilies, and others I couldn’t identify. Yet it reminded me of the ruined ones in the crystal hall, but unlike the castle, I knew everything was cleaner and brighter.

The air here is pure, too. It’s nothing like the fog from my time. So this is what Fathal was before the curse? Everything is so lively and vibrant. How does it turn into…

It wasn’t long before a voice startled me, triggering me to squeal. Though, it was a voice I knew so well.

“Lillia, where were you?” a different Finn from the one I knew spoke to someone behind me.

I froze as my eyes sparkled when I saw him without horns, wings, or tail. His blue eyes had life in them, and his voice carried joy, unlike the one I had known. Better yet was his smile; it was lively, triggering dimples to form on his cheeks.

Ah… so that’s how you genuinely smile?

“Oh, my prince! I didn’t know you were looking for me. I was sending a pigeon out.” The girl named Lillia smiled at the young prince.

Wait? Finn, you were a human prince before you became the demon king. It wasn’t because of your power but because of your birth, right?

He walked through me and over to her with the biggest grin on his lips. She had deep red hair and amber eyes, which reminded me of Soren, the man who had come looking for me. I stepped closer, knowing they couldn’t see me as he had gone through me like I was a ghost.

“You’re going to have to stop calling me Prince. I’m going to be your husband soon enough. So, shouldn’t you call me by my name, Lillia?” Finn grabbed her hands and brought them up to his lips.

That’s your wife… She’s beautiful… I, on the other hand, am scrawny compared to her.

The entire thing made me feel envious, but what bothered me the most was how he gazed at her as she tugged away from his touch.

“It’s embarrassing.” She mumbled, avoiding his gaze.

The young black-haired boy tilted his head before another smile crossed his lips.

You can’t be past twenty while your sister is probably a little younger.

“Hm… after everything we did last night, you're still embarrassed?” Finn teased.

Obviously, he was infatuated with her, but that smile was erased when she pulled away again. I could feel everything he did, and his thoughts echoed within me.

Is she nervous about the wedding? He wondered, releasing a soft sigh.

“Last night was our first night together. Of course, I’m not used to it.” She clarified, shifting her gaze towards the side.

She reminded me of when I wanted to avoid things.

“Well, love, I’ll make you used to it.” Finn reached to comfort his nervous fiancée, who dodged his touch again.

“Later today, you’ll marry me. So, let’s save it until then.” She assured him.

As a bride, she was resistant to touching the prince. She reminded me of when I was running away from that boy who wanted a relationship with me.

Why would anyone run away from you? Hug him, damn it. He’s adorable! Wait a minute… why am I rooting for my rival?!

Knowing how he felt probably affected me. After all, I was more of a pest than a rival to Lillia. She was beautiful and not mentally fucked up like me. I wanted him to be happy.

You deserved it. Everyone does.

This was all in the past, and she was nowhere to be seen.

You fucked up, Finn; I know it, but… he loves you. How could you do that to someone who genuinely loved you?! I’d give the world to have anyone look at me like he’s looking at you!

“Yes, after five years… Finally, we’ll be together every night and day.” Finn simpered, reaching for her again.

This time, she met with his hands, triggering my heart to sting. From his view, her nerves seemed to quell enough for her to accept him.

Wait… Don’t…

“Yes, peace for all.” She gazed towards the side again.

Pulling her into his arms, he held her close.

Still is… just to me… I’m …

“Hm… that’s the least of my worries. I’m more concentrated on making you happy. So, how about you tell me what’s on your mind?” The Finn I knew was there even if he was close to a ditz, picking up on her cues.

Vigilant too… You didn’t change much, did you?

It didn’t make me happy to know he treated another girl with the same gentleness.

No… you were much more loving towards her than to me… I’m… nothing special. You said so yourself: I’m not worth loving. Well, you didn’t put it like that, but… I know I’m nothing special.

“Finn…” Lillia sighed, gazing at him.

She frowned, slowly reaching for his cheek.

“Hm…?” he hummed, holding her close.

Finn, you idiot… why show me this? Is this your way of saying you’ll never love me? Well, at least the way you loved her. Arg… It hurts. Is this where it’s less painful for you?

“No, it’s nothing.” She smiled, kissing him on his lips.

Relief washed over Finn as he grabbed the back of her head and kissed her back, turning the room heavy. However, a knock came from the door before they took any clothes off.

A saving grace… Thank God, I didn’t see you bone her!

Little did I know, this was the start of an unrelenting storm that swept away all their smiles and led them into the lives I had come to know.

How I wished I could stop it, but everything was out of my hands, and I would meet other monsters that looked nothing like them.