The Hodgepodge Shinobi: A Gacha-Gone-Wrong Adventure

It was supposed to be a quiet day.

Arata-sensei had vanished on another mysterious adult errand ("classified paperwork" aka napping), Ren was sharpening kunai, and Jun was off somewhere writing angry haiku about me probably. I had the rarest of luxuries in the shinobi world:

Time to breathe.

So naturally, I decided to hide on the roof of a bathhouse.

Objective: Avoid interaction.

Result: Catastrophic failure.

Because no sooner had I laid down to enjoy the sun, than I heard a very specific kind of laugh. A laugh that sounded like someone just discovered a new species of nudist frog and wanted to publish a book about it.

"Ehehehehehe…"

I slowly peeked over the tiles.

There, pressed against a steam-fogged window with a spyglass and absolutely no shame, was a white-haired teenager in a sleeveless red vest.

I blinked.

He did not.

"Oh yeah…" he whispered, "today is definitely research-worthy…"

Scan Complete.

Identity: Jiraiya

Status: Chūnin (Barely), Self-Proclaimed "Super Pervert"

Danger Level: Depends how much dignity you have left

Warning: Conversation will be deeply uncomfortable.

I, of course, chose the worst possible response:

"Hey, man. What are you doing?"

He didn't even jump. Just turned to me like I was the weather.

"Oh, just taking notes on human nature," he said, beaming.

"Human— You're spying on the bathhouse."

"Research." He held up a notebook titled: "Chronicles of Passion Vol. 1: Early Steam Studies."

"…You know that's illegal, right?"

"Only if you get caught!" He winked. "Besides, a true artist must suffer for his art."

I stared at him. "Are you okay? Like, in the head?"

"Am I okay? Kid, I'm a visionary! A revolutionary! One day, the world will tremble before my prose! I'll be the greatest writer of smut—uh, literary erotica—this village has ever seen!"

"And that's… your dream?"

He raised a fist dramatically. "A dream burning hotter than the fires of youth! I will master sage techniques, unravel the mysteries of women, and maybe, someday, find someone who actually reads my manuscript."

I nodded slowly. "Right. So, uh… what's your name again?"

"Jiraiya, future Toad Sage, legendary shinobi, lover of hot springs and hotter metaphors!"

He paused. "What about you, mini-mystery?"

I held up a single finger. "Firstly, never say 'hotter metaphors' again."

"Noted."

"Secondly, my name is Alex. I have no clan, no prestige, and I once got beaten up by a fern. I'm a walking disaster that thinks my spirit animal is a soup ladle."

"…You are the most interesting person I've met all month."

"Thanks?"

"Come," he said, gesturing grandly, "let me share with you the sacred arts of peeking, panicking, and perfecting perversion—"

"Nope. Absolutely not."

"I'll mentor you!"

"You are banned from mentoring."

"We can start with window angles and move on to—"

"I'm going to set myself on fire if you say one more word."

"Oh, you're feisty. I like that."

I summoned chakra instinctively.

Synapse Spark Triggered: Discomfort + Exposure + Shame

Fusion Result: "Embarrassment-Triggered Repulsion Field"

Effect: Projects a five-foot aura of anti-perv pressure.

Side Effect: Nearby romantics and creeps will feel like they've just been scolded by their mom.

Jiraiya stumbled back mid-rant, suddenly sweating.

"Whoa—what the—? Why do I feel judged?! Is this… is this guilt-based chakra?!"

"I call it: 'No Touch Zone.'"

"You're like a human chastity seal!"

"Thank you. That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me."

Jiraiya wiped his forehead, blinked, and then did the unthinkable:

He saluted me.

"Young man," he said solemnly, "you may not understand the art, but you respect the boundaries. I'll remember you."

"…Please don't."

"And when I publish my magnum opus, I shall dedicate a single footnote in your honor."

"I'd rather you didn't."

"To the boy who nearly punched me with his emotions!"

And with that, he somersaulted backward off the roof and disappeared in a puff of steam-scented smoke.

I sat in stunned silence.

Then the system dinged.

Achievement Unlocked: "Moral Compass – You Actually Told Jiraiya No."

Bonus: +2 Resistance to Future Awkward Conversations

Side Quest Unlocked: Avoid being mentioned in a book that gets banned in four nations.

Back on the ground, Ren looked up from her scroll.

"You okay?"

"I met a man," I said, still dazed.

"Oh no."

"He offered to mentor me in voyeurism."

"Oh no."

"Then he complimented my anti-horny chakra field."

She blinked. "…That's a thing?"

"I guess it is now."

Jun showed up just to shake his head disapprovingly.

"I'm never leaving you alone again."

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Something serious is coming next chapter