NOVEL WEB Chapter 2
[‘HanrabongVendor’ donated 10,000 won!]
– I mean, I kinda like the rare saintly side of you, but can you please fix that ridiculous taste of yours?
“Seriously, what’s so hard to understand!? What’s wrong with eating what I want??”
[‘KillHanzo’ donated 100,000 won!]
– Streamer, I’m begging you. Please eat some normal food. Buy chicken with this!
“Thank you, KillHanzo. I’ll use the 100,000 to buy loads of sugar, salt, and seasonings to develop new dishes.”
[‘KillHanzo’ donated 1,000 won!]
– I’m feeling self-loathing and agony for donating like this…
“Feeling that way? Guess I should sing a song at the end of the stream.”
– ?
– Oh?
– Is this for real?
– What the f*
– Singing?
– If it’s the streamer singing, then I’m all in!
– Sprinting back at the news of the streamer singing
– Are you singing?
– Oh!
– What the hell;
– What are you talking about, you crazy person?
“Just to clarify, singing isn’t the main content. The association told me not to do it recklessly.”
– Uh…?
– Was she an illegal saint…?
– What?
– Why would the association care??
– Probably nonsense
– Haven’t we heard nonsense from the streamer before? LOL
“If you’re a saint, isn’t it common sense that you can buff just by singing? I think that’s why they said that. They said my stream could turn into a psychedelic broadcasting channel…”
– Common sense??
– ???
– Huh???
– Is it really common sense?
– Psychoactive drugs = drugs, right?
– This noona is spreading drugs with her singing…
– Drug noona 
– No, it’s not drugs, it’s a mild drug
– LOL mild drug nonsense
– Honestly, if you have even a mild buff ability, other guilds would be throwing themselves at you—why are you streaming?
– Speaking of which, I heard the streamer soloing an A-rank dungeon, what’s your rank? Do you have a Hunter’s license?
As I watched the holographic chat window quickly rising, I couldn’t help but grin at the camera.
“I’ll say nothing about the Hunter’s license; I stream because talking to you guys is fun. It makes me feel less lonely while eating.”
– I acknowledge that
– Haha, there’s really nothing more fun than playing with you guys!
– Sometimes the noona is really pretty
– Oh, just now you were kinda pretty.
– What are you saying? Noona’s always pretty.
– She is pretty. It’s just her taste that doesn’t match her face…
“Anyway, the association asked me to refrain as much as possible. But in any case… that’s just a recommendation. I think they’re worried someone might exploit me. Seems okay to sing a few songs for the viewers who are exhausted and suffering in their daily lives.”
– Seongnyeo noona is my wife from now on, and any attack on her is an attack on me.
– ?
– ??
– Get that idiot out of here.
– Why is the streamer guilty for that? Get lost!
– You’ve crossed the line.
– Crazy person!
– I’ve recorded you, come at me!
“It’s okay. It’s okay. Fantasizing is free. If it’s in imagination, anything goes, right?”
– Noona… were you thinking about biting off that goblin’s head?
– LOL even noona wouldn’t go that far!
– Seriously?
“Ah, how did you know?”
– ?
– ?
– ?
– ??
– ?
– ????
Ignoring the countless hooks accumulating in the chat, I pulled out a bowl.
By the way, this is a new bowl bought for today’s stream.
It’s a traditional Korean earthenware pot used for soup.
“Since they say a nengmyun pot is the best for soup, I bought this from the convenience store near my house.”
– LOL you even prepared a nengmyun pot?
– Wow, noona… this seems like a crazy situation…
– Ugh, that’s my home pot!
– I apologize again from our noona…
Food is fundamentally dependent on the ingredients, freshness, and process, but the most important thing about the outcome of cooking is the plating.
Even heavenly food will lose its appeal if served messily. Even less tasty food becomes easier to eat if the plating is appealing.
First, I’ll scoop the goblin head into the pot…
“Oops! It got squished.”
– Ugh, gag…
– LOLOLOLOLOLOL
– Look at how well-cooked that goblin head got squished!
– Maybe noona’s fingers are super strong, huh?
– That’s true!
Nah, it got overcooked and turned mushy.
Just pressing it lightly with the ladle makes the head crumble apart into powder…
“I guess I can’t help it. I need to change it from goblin head soup to goblin head meat soup…”
– What does that even mean?
– Trying for bad plating and failing?
“Shut up for a second. I need to concentrate.”
– Noona… is goblin soup plating more important than us…?
“Right now, this is more important.”
– LOLOLOLOLOLOL
– LOLOL
– LOLOL just LOL
First, I put the rice neatly into the pot and move the crumbled meat on top of it.
Then I pour in the broth that’s been simmering for hours.
By the way, I seriously put effort into making this broth.
I put in radish, dried shrimp, whole garlic, onion, green chili, and even a few slices of pear and boiled it for six hours straight.
With the fire fueled by my divine power, I’m sure the heat was more than sufficient.
And I added a scoop of seasoning sauce bought from the stew restaurant nearby, throwing in some chopped green onions on top…
“Okay, plating’s done. Doesn’t it look good?”
– Oh?
– Why does it actually look okay?
– Isn’t it just beef soup?
– It’s a bit like a large beef soup, but without the goblin head it looks much better.
“No, that’s not it. You could instantly tell it’s goblin head soup if there was a goblin head, but I cooked it too long and it got mashed.”
– LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
– That goblin…
– The head of disappointment.
– Please just stop, noona…
– LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Grinning at the hot chat, I smiled.
“Anyway, since I’m chatting with you all while eating, it doesn’t feel like I’m eating alone at all.”
Though I am satisfied with the plating.
“Anyway, it’s time to eat. Anyone joining?”
[‘KawaiiHorned’ registered a mission for 200,000 won!]
– If you finish that deliciously within 10 minutes, I’ll give you an extra 300,000 won!
[‘MandarinFarmFail’ donated 10,000 won!]
– If you eat it all in 10 minutes and say ‘Yummy~’, I’ll give you an extra 50,000 won!
“Oh? A sudden mission?”
– Free-for-all battle has begun!
– LOL told you to eat it all since you cooked it!
– But that pot is pretty big, like a whole bunch!
– Looks like it can feed about 8 people.
– Can you eat all that?
“We won’t know unless we try!”
You guys are seriously mistaken. You think I’m trying to terrorize viewers’ eyes with gruesome food…
I’m always serious about food and cooking.
It may have originally been a brutal body but now it’s a passion I embody.
And this? An 8-serving soup? No big deal.
“Alright. Let’s start now. No turning back!”
– LOLOLOLOL look at the streamer really laughing!
– Sometimes I wonder if she’s really a saint…
– LOL look at her eyes!
“Then let’s start…!”
CRACK!!!
And just as I was about to start my meal, I suddenly felt something dull hit my head.
“What…?”
– ?
– ??
– What??
– What is it???
An arrow? It’s an arrow.
And unfortunately for the person who shot it, my skin strength is sufficient that even an ordinary bullet wouldn’t pierce through.
An arrow can’t even scratch my skin.
However, the problem is that because my skin and body are tough, the arrow that hit my head bounces off with a strong recoil…
CLANG!!!
My pot was hit hard. In an unexpected turn of events, the pot flies out of my hand, stuck into the ground.
Of course, the recoil from the arrow didn’t lessen in the least, crashing into the ground, and yesterday’s freshly bought pot shattered into pieces.
The soup I had painstakingly prepared for so long began to be absorbed into the dirt.
“………”
– What the heck? LOL
– What is this…?
– What’s up with the arrow? What the f*?!
– I can’t believe this! LOLOLOLOL
– That arrow perfectly aimed at the pot!
– Looks like goblins can’t tolerate their kin being turned into soup!
– LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
– LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
– What even is this?
– Haha what?! LOLOLOLOLOL
– Did the mission end as soon as it started?
– LOL
– Ouch!
– LOLOLOLOLOL
“……..”
GURGLE!
SCREEECH!
I was left staring dumbfounded at the shattered pot when I heard something in the distance.
It was the voice of the goblins.
I thought I had killed them all, but it seems some crawled out like cockroaches from who knows where.
– Haha, my stomach hurts
– Hey, streamer’s eyes look wild!
– LOL
– Can you blame her?!
– You’ve been boiling since before the stream started!
– LOLOLOL don’t cry!!
– No, what if noona conspired with the goblins and broke the pot according to a script…
– A script with goblins…?
– Isn’t that even more impressive?
– A script? LOL
[‘IWantToHitMyBaldBoss’ donated 1,000,000 won!]
– May the deity of entertainment bless our noona!
[‘NightShiftDie’ donated 250,000 won!]
– I’m on a night shift, but noona made me laugh so hard that people are staring at me strangely…
[‘KawaiiHorned’ donated 300,000 won!]
– LOLOLOLOL mission failed, but I’m donating hahaha, I laughed a lot!
The chat and donation messages exploded with laughter, but I couldn’t laugh at all.
No, my expression changed not at all; my gaze was fixed on the ruined soup from the start.
All my efforts over hours gathering ingredients, getting help from the stew shop lady, boiling the broth, buying a new pot, and carefully purifying the goblin head and meat so that viewers wouldn’t find them disgusting or dirty were all gone.
Not just any meat, either.
It was a Hobgoblin.
It’s not hard to catch, but that’s because finding one is rare!
The hobgoblin head soup never got to see the light of flavor before Mother Earth absorbed it.
‘Gulp, delicious. Thank you, Seongnyeo.’
I felt a phantom sensation as Mother Earth spoke of satisfaction within my head.
“……….”
– Hey, the streamer’s really gone wild!
– Can you blame her?!
– For real, right?!?
– LOL
Judging that I couldn’t hold it any longer, I stood up.
[Miracle – The Rioting of the Holy Body]
CRACK!
With a feeling of my spine twisting slightly, flesh began to boil from my twisted spine and back.
The boiling flesh regenerated and decayed repeatedly until it formed into a massive tentacle-like shape. All over the tentacle, teeth were clattering, pleading for hunger.
This didn’t look saintly at all, but it was my favorite ability.
Behind the beautiful white appearance of the saintesses lurked grotesquely twisted flesh-tentacles and teeth—what a wonderfully unbalanced appeal.
More importantly, now I had plenty of usable hands.
– Oh my freaking god!
– Saint noona and tentacles!
– Wow, I’m seeing this here!
– Oh!!!!!!
– It’s munchable!
– Possible, possible, fire possible!
– Oh my freaking god!
– Oh my freaking god!
– Wow, sh*t!
– Noona, arghhh, eat meeeee!
– TMI: That gal could really eat.
“….Everyone, I apologize, but it seems we need to change today’s stream from a mukbang to something else.”
THUD, THUD, THUD, THUD, THUD, THUD!!!
The tentacles sprouting from my waist began to clatter their teeth, perhaps catching the smell of meat flowing nearby, demanding food.
And I, their master, twisted my mouth in anger and hunger as I stared at the place from whence the goblin sounds emerged.
– TMI: That noona speaks formally when she’s angry.
– Oh right!
– She really changed her tone suddenly!
– LOL
“Today’s stream … is a dungeon slaughter broadcast. I trust you will understand.”
– Let’s goooo!!!!!!!!!
– Let’s gooooooooooo!
– Wow, noonaaaaaaa!!
– Noona looks the prettiest during dungeon broadcasts!
– So cool!
– Is being this upset really necessary just because you couldn’t eat goblin head soup…?
– Watch out, student, you’ve been caught!
– Anyone who disturbs noona’s meal shall be in big trouble! LOLOLOLOL
[‘KawaiiHorned’ registered a mission!]
– If you successfully wipe out within 30 minutes, you’ll get a million!
However, my eyes were no longer on the chat, donations, or missions.
All I could think about was chewing the head of that goblin that shot the arrow that interrupted my meal.