NOVEL WEB Chapter 3
Karddeuk, Kwadjik!
“Ah, first let me set it to adult mode…”
– Nooooo!
– Stop it, Noonaaa!
– Ah, it’s not bedtime yet!
– Noooooooo!
– Noona, these kids know everything nowadays!
– Why, Noona!?
– I mean, Noona, the kids just ignore! Oh, I’m telling you, they’re nothing!
– The above comment is totally from a boomer, lol.
– …Is it that obvious?
Pek! Koojik!
Geeek!? Kwaduk!
“Are you guys going to take responsibility if the stream gets shut down?”
– You crazy Noona will take responsibility… I’m telling you, it’s impossible, lol.
– Impossible.
– I’m totally possible.
– Flaming hot possibility.
– To even cover for that Noona’s food expenses, I’d need an S-rank salary, lol.
– Waah, I’m Baby Seongnyeo, feed me. (50 million won)
Dungeons, especially those aimed not for simple exploration or survival but the total annihilation of all monsters and boss mobs, will definitely have bloodshed, so adult content is essential.
This AI or whatever is precise and strict; if it detects more than 5 minutes of blood in the entire broadcast, the stream gets cut off immediately.
It’s too bothersome to get a suspended account reinstated, so I should abide by the rules over here.
No matter how much of a returnee I am and how long I’ve lived in that other world, when in Rome, do as Romans do.
By the way, to conduct a massacre broadcast, you need at least a B-rank Hunter certificate.
Additionally, it’s an annoying process requiring various permissions and screenings from other associations, broadcast stations, and platforms, but thanks to my good connections, I could skip some of the procedures.
– Aaaaaah, Noona is abandoning us!!
– Domhwangchaya!!!
– Yeah, I’m an adult so it’s fine.
– What emotional state are these guys in watching this Noona’s broadcast?
– Why are you watching then?
– Lol, watching Seongnyeo Noona go crazy just elevates my quality of life, yeah, lol.
“Now, now, enough nonsense. Kids go to bed first. Children of the new nation should sleep early and rise early.”
With those words, I ruthlessly turned the broadcast into an adult stream.
– Viewer count: 63,321.
As soon as I changed to an adult broadcast setting, over 30,000 viewers were forcefully ejected.
Whether it be in space or wherever, anyway, minors should be in bed.
Yet, even with that many kids leaving, seeing that over 63,000 viewers still stuck around means roughly 100,000 audience members came to see me today.
‘Hmm, people must be pretending not to care while secretly hoping for my Goblin Head Soup!’
Honestly, it would be strange if it didn’t taste good.
If you can get past the disgust and aversion of goblin heads, that’s excellent meat!
Protein! Fat! Just the right amount of oil! Plus spices to enhance the flavor, along with my Seongnyeok igniting a roaring flame.
Of course, goblins are fundamentally disgusting and filthy, but once purified with my Seongnyeok, it gets rid of bacteria and filth, so it’s all good.
Kwadddeuk! Puhk! Ujik!
– But what has the streamer been saying since earlier?
– If goblin sounds were nearby, aren’t they supposed to be attacking?
– It’s been a while, but nothing’s happening.
– Did you already kill them all? LOL.
“Ah, sorry, the camera settings aren’t finished yet.”
The drone camera for hunters is made by specialized technician hunters with capabilities of other machines, possessing quite a variety of functions.
For instance, it has a bit of artificial intelligence to zoom in on subjects for the viewers or match the appropriate angle and cut as if in a movie or anime while broadcasting, all while adjusting the distance to ensure it remains unaffected by the combat that frequently happens in dungeon broadcasts, capturing monsters and hunters from exquisite angles.
The price is incredibly high, like asking for any amount, and they don’t sell it to just anyone, but… thanks to luck, a good connection has somewhat resolved that.
“Alright, settings are complete.”
As I switched the drone camera to hunter broadcast mode, the camera slowly pulled back from me, capturing a wider view.
– ?
– ??
– ?
– ????
– ?
– ?? What is this?
– This is freaking hilarious!
– ???
– Whoa, what’s going on here?
Luckily, judging from the chat window’s reaction, the audience seemed surprised and each threw in hooks.
It was only natural since while I fiddled with the drone camera and broadcast settings…
Puhk!! Kwadjik!! Kooddeuk!!
“Kieeeek!?”
“Kyahk!”
“C-Cough!!!”
The tentacles of flesh protruding from my waist were slaughtering the goblins that gathered around me.
Pek! Puhgeok!
Geeek!?
As the screams of the goblins served as a backdrop, I conducted my hands like a maestro.
“Listen to my performance!”
– What the heck is this performance, lol.
– Bring on the craziness!
Puhgeok! Puh-erk!
Kwodeu-deu-deuk!
– Oh wow…
– It’s super pretty!
– The hand movements look like an orchestra conductor while using tentacles to smash up goblins, lol.
– Noona, let’s just keep going like this.
– Oh wow.
The flesh tentacles that popped out from my waist move automatically by default, but when I directly aim at targets and control them manually, they can crush their goals much more efficiently.
My gestures continued for five minutes.
The flesh tentacles also writhed in response to my movements. Some of them gnawed as if begging for meat, but they primarily smashed the goblins at my command.
“Just in case any of you here are first-timers, let me explain.”
Once I sensed a sufficient reduction in the number of goblins, I stopped the gestures and looked back at the screen.
“The title of the Seongnyeo is given to those who heal the wounded and caress the injured to help regenerate them. If you watch enough comics, games, or movies, you know what a Seongnyeo is, right? I’m one strong Seongnyeo, just so you know.”
– Noona, I’m serious, stop with the nonsense.
– Craziness on again.
– Craziness on, lol.
– Tentacle Seongnyeo, oh wow!
– What happened to the noble Seongnyeo? There’s a crazy one here?
“Simply put, Seongnyeos assist in decay, regeneration, and facilitating cycles. I’ve just meddled a bit too much in the regeneration aspect in that process, and those tentacles may seem unbalanced with me, but they are ultimately the miracles of a Seongnyeo.”
The screen expanded again to capture the movements of my tentacles.
They coiled around the goblin’s body like an anaconda, breaking its bones throughout and sometimes just swinging with sheer mass to smash their heads.
For reference, despite their soft appearance, all those tentacles are reinforced with high-density muscle empowered by my own Seongnyeok.
I haven’t tested it, but if I were to estimate, the strength might be about ten times that of steel.
– Whoa, oh crap…
– What the heck is happening…
– Noonaaaaaa!!
“Why not? Don’t die~”
Kwadddeuk! Kwadjik!
Pek!
Goo-ge-ge-ge!
– Ah, lol, Noona’s expression looks super innocent, but behind her, tentacles are crushing and dismantling goblins, LOL.
– No seriously, what the heck, is this real?
– Definitely kids can’t watch this.
– The goblin’s neck twisting at 720 degrees, look how thrilling that is!
– Noona ruined the cooking, and this is the result, lol.
– Look at those tentacles; they’re so flexible, I want to hit that!
– That guy crossed a line.
– But I’m kind of tempted…
– Wild guys…
It didn’t take long for my flesh tentacles to dispatch the goblins surrounding me.
[‘KawaiiHorned’ has completed your 1,000,000-won mission!]
– Not even 10 minutes; it didn’t take 30.
“Wow, thanks for the 1 million. I’ll use KawaiiHorned’s donation to buy a new earthenware pot.”
– Huh?
– Lol, earthenware pot?
– That darned pot!
– Noona wouldn’t do that, right?
– She wouldn’t, would she? No way she’s making that goblin head soup again?
– Right?
– Please tell me no.
[‘ChickenShopPot’ has donated 100,000 won!]
– Wow, Noona’s S-rank right?
“About the Hunter certificate and rank, no comments. I still can’t talk about it with the Association.”
– Likely S-rank, lol.
– S? More like barely A-rank. At a glance, those tentacles look like they can burst things just with one hit, lol.
– Keyboard warrior, shut up.
“It’s okay. It’s okay. It might just be chat for relieving inferiority complex, right?”
– ?
– ??
– ?
– ?
– What’s this wide area suppression?
– No! Mom! No! Mom! No! I wasn’t trying to do that!!
– Ah, not helpful!
While enjoying conversation with the viewers, a sudden sharp pain and sensation coursed through me, causing me to unknowingly frown.
Grrr…
‘Ah, I’m hungry…’
Under normal circumstances, I should’ve scarfed down eight servings of goblin head soup by now…
I felt like diving face-first into the torn goblin corpses in front of me and chewing my heart out.
Honestly, I was really on edge. The saliva filled my mouth as I spoke to the viewers, and I had to swallow hard.
However, I was unfortunately still live on air.
More than 60,000 viewers…
‘Ah, wait, it’s gone up a bit. Gonna hit 80,000.’
Anyway, with so many viewers watching, it’d be a pretty gruesome story if they saw me burying my head into goblin corpses and eating them raw on stream.
Snap!
I had no choice but to snap my fingers, summoning the drone cameras back.
Setting the display to focus solely on my face, the flesh tentacles began to secretly open their jaws.
“Now, in a dungeon filled with goblins, the typical boss is usually a variant goblin, but who do you think the boss might be?”
– Ogre?
– King Goblin?
– Dunno!
– I’m A! Roo!
– Actually, dunno!
– Usually, the King Goblin is standard, right?
– Depends on the dungeon rank.
Luckily, the audience’s attention shifted entirely towards me.
‘Now, let’s eat!’
Crunch, crunch!
Chomp, chomp!
Snap, crack!
– ?
– ??
– What is that sound?
– Does it sound like something biting?
“What? I can’t hear it? Well, since this is a forest dungeon, it’s probably just the sound of leaves rustling or something like that, right? There are plenty of noise causes.”
– ??
– Doesn’t seem like it.
– Sounds like someone is actually chewing…
– Is Noona’s tentacle eating goblins?
– That’s incredibly disgusting, lol.
– No way.
“…….”
Oh crap, they’re catching on!
It seems my mood was conveyed, and the flesh tentacles, which were chomping on the goblins, started to slow down.
Good, it’s finally a bit quieter.
Though I don’t directly feel the sensation of eating those goblins, when the flesh tentacles swallow something, the nutrients are broken down and absorbed into me.
Isn’t it similar to when you’re on an IV at the hospital, and you don’t feel hungry? It’s kind of like that.
I had to solve my hunger before the dungeon broadcast, or else it could end in a big accident if I completely lose my sanity due to starvation.
“Alright, can you not hear anything now?”
– Comfortable.
– Com-fort-able.
– Com-for-ta-ble.
– Yup, can’t hear anything.
– It must’ve been a broadcast error.
– Doesn’t seem like it.
Still, some remained suspicious, so I had to change the topic.
“I’m telling you, you can’t doubt the word of a Seongnyeo. Are you a heretic?”
– Noonaaa, stop the craziness!
– Craziness ON.
“Ah-ha! Thank the starry skies above for being with you. May that grace and mercy shine upon this land forever!”
– Just shut up and talk about your first love!
– LOLOLOLOLOL.
– LOLOLOLOL.
– First love, oh lol!
“Anyway, since this is a dungeon massacre broadcast, who’s the dungeon master? An ogre? Hmm, hmm, a King Goblin? There are a lot of ogres out there. That’s standard. Typically, if there’s no leader variant goblin, the bigger ogre takes charge of the goblins… Oh! If there’s a King Goblin, wouldn’t there also be an Emperor Goblin?”
– That guy died a few years ago, right?
– Yeah, yeah, they said S-ranks went out on an expedition and wiped out the Goblin Empire.
– For real?
– Yeah, during that time, two S-ranks died as well.
– I hear many A-ranks that were along as support died too.
– It sounds really dangerous, huh?
– Just like how humans have S-ranks and regular ones, goblins need an S-rank Emperor, right?
“Oh, I didn’t think that would actually exist, the Emperor Goblin?”
– But it died a few years ago, so there’s no way for one to come out now, lol.
– Flag ON.
– What flag? If it really comes out, the Association will be on high alert.
– That’s like… ridiculous.
At just the right moment, it seemed the tentacles had finished their meal and were licking their lips.
Amidst the splattered goblin blood and shattered weapons, the corpses had been neatly disposed of by the tentacles.
‘…Phew, with my hunger slightly resolved, shall we move on?’
I didn’t even get to properly use the earthenware pot before it was destroyed…but other supplies and cooking ingredients remained intact.
Only my goblin head soup was mortally unfortunate…
Sigh, how sad.
“Alright then, let’s begin the massacre broadcast.”