The Girl Wants to Be M*rdered

Blessed are those who mourn.

Blessed are those who mourn.

Blessed are those who mourn.

Blessed are those who mourn.

Blessed are those who mourn.

Blessed are those who mourn.

Blessed are those who mourn.

Blessed are those who mourn.

We will be sad forever.

『Eight Beatitudes』 Yoon Dong-ju.

Sadness is, after all, the most universal emotion.

Underneath every growth, it lies hidden.

“—It’s my favorite poem.”

The day my Unnie dropped Aris off a cliff.

My world lost its colors.

Nothing could make me smile.

No one could make me happy.

The well-cooked meat had a rancid smell that nearly pierced my nose, and the buttered bread was so greasy it made me want to vomit.

When I dreamed, Aris appeared, bleeding profusely from her body.

She should’ve let her frustration out on me, the incompetent one who couldn’t save her, but the way she smiled for everyone made it seem like she was the precious little sister who always cared, leaving me alone in an empty room to cry.

It was cold.

The bed, which always felt cramped, now seemed astonishingly spacious.

That felt so heartbreakingly sad.

One month passed after that.

There’s no eternal rain.

There’s no eternally clear sky either.

The dark clouds that hung over the royal palace began to slowly clear, and people started to return to their lives.

All that Unnie Anna did sank beneath the surface.

The incident, blamed on Duke Aquitaine who cursed Unnie Anna with magic, was entirely shouldered by him.

The records left by Aris, the cursed earring found at the scene, the testimony of the maid, the suspect’s escape.

There wasn’t even a need for a trial.

The harshest punishment was delivered.

The reason for that punishment was that there was no more cruel punishment than this.

Of course, my parents forgave Unnie Anna.

Even though she killed her sister, she too was a family member, and under the mental attack of the curse, she had been deeply reflecting and regretting her actions, and above all, it could cause great chaos in the kingdom—

So, the truth was buried.

Only fabricated lies would remain, recorded.

I couldn’t bear the thought that it dishonored the death of Aris, who tried her best to endure the attack from Unnie Anna.

Yeah.

I know.

I admit it.

I’m not such a fool that I wouldn’t acknowledge that.

My mind forgave Unnie Anna.

I thought about how she was a victim, a pitiful person, and that Aris, who never rebelled, would hope for my forgiveness.

But.

But my heart could never fully forgive her.

Disappointment, betrayal, irritation, malice, disgust, annoyance, wariness, rage.

Every time I saw Unnie Anna bury herself in study like a madwoman, my chest heated up as if it were on fire.

It wasn’t that there weren’t elements worthy of sympathy, but that tiny handful of water couldn’t extinguish the fiercely burning flames.

That good child.

The one who wouldn’t hurt even if placed in my eyes.

My sweetest and most caring little sister.

—She was killed over nothing but inferiority complex.

I didn’t know everything about the curse, but I had a rough idea.

The cursed earring didn’t carry a strong curse.

In fact, the results of the secretly conducted investigation concluded that, aside from amplifying emotions and adjusting anxiety, no other effects were found in the earrings.

—The reason Unnie Anna decided to kill Aris was her own will.

You killed her.

You did, Unnie Anna.

You trampled and tormented the child writhing in pain, relishing in her suffering.

You mercilessly butchered her with a knife, leaving no corpse to be found.

How could you do that?

How could you kill the child you cherished more than anyone else?

I went to grab her by the collar, asking.

Were you that jealous of Aris’s talent?

You, who will sit on the throne and have everything, killed her over just that—

The self-sacrificial child who always prioritized her big sister?

Knowing that horrific truth made it all the more impossible to forgive her.

Unnie Anna didn’t say a word.

I will never forgive her for the rest of my life.

Nor will I forgive my parents who forgave her, nor anyone related to her.

Everyone.

For life.

Forever.

One month passed.

The amount of sadness that seemed unmeasurable would eventually fade with time.

You can’t always be sad, right?

The bard who praised Aris’s wisdom, the maid who secretly dressed her up with me, the knights who watched her duels—all returned to their own affairs.

Slowly, the royal palace began to come back to life.

Everyone was returning to those harmonious days of the past.

After finishing today’s work, they’d unwind and prepare for tomorrow.

With smiling faces, they would head back to their resting places.

But.

But let me ask you.

Even now, Aris is calling our names one by one from beneath that cold water.

Hungry, moaning below, wishing someone would find her.

Saying she’s in pain, asking for help, saying she’s lonely.

But why, how.

In a world where Aris is not happy—

How can you all smile?

Thud, the clock hands fell off.

Other people’s clocks ticked perfectly fine, but my time stood still, lonely, as if it had come to a halt.

How can you forget Aris and live looking towards tomorrow?

I want to forget, but I can’t.

My world has stopped.

Every day felt suffocating.

So painfully suffocating.

Anger surged up without reason, and I wanted to smash everything that passed by.

This burning emotion, this feeling I want to pour out.

But I couldn’t.

Because Aris wouldn’t want that.

Having failed to grab Aris’s falling hand, not noticing her sleepless nights spent worrying over the curses—I had no right to do that.

So eventually, all arrows pointed back at me.

Incompetence, longing, regret, gloom, misery, anguish, alienation.

And, self-hatred.

“Uaaahh!”

“…!!”

Lost emotions swelled like a snowball.

I packed it all in—

“…..?!”

“—Ha.”

Swish, I swung the sword.

Swoosh.

“Princess Remi’s growth is truly astonishing.”

“……..”

Swoosh.

“And next year, Princess Remi’s academy entrance is confirmed.”

“…….”

Swoosh.

“Did you sleep well?”

“……..”

The only sound in the quiet room was the turning of pages, and breaking the silence was an old man kneeling. Gradually, he reported on the day’s events.

Fayne, the former commander of the knights.

Once, he was Aris’s swordsmanship instructor.

And now, he was Remi’s swordsmanship instructor.

The story was lengthy, but Anna Akaia, the one turning the pages, showed no signs of stopping.

No, she didn’t show any reaction at all.

Just quietly, she turned the pages of the book, simply doing her task.

Even in the face of coldness and rudeness, Fayne continued with his report without a hint of concern.

He was used to it.

Most of the reports were observations on Princess Remi.

Severance.

Disconnection.

Who would have guessed that the two princesses, once closely bonded, would have such a relationship?

No one could have predicted it.

Remi treated Anna as if she didn’t exist, hiding her feelings of betrayal and rage.

Anna, overwhelmed with guilt, couldn’t bring herself to face her sister.

Fayne’s report aimed to bridge that growing divide a little.

But their relationship was so frail it barely held.

“—Fayne.”

“Yes, my lady.”

Thump, the book that was flipped to the end was closed. Anna’s sharp eyes gleamed like something that could cut just by staring.

With an even colder voice, she commanded.

“Step back.”

“……”

“I wish to concentrate as there are still things left to do.”

Anna Akaia began to immerse herself in her studies right after Aris’s death, not sleeping more than three hours a day.

Even in that short time, her routine consisted of waking up in a cold sweat, mumbling something.

Everyone worried about her health and urged her to rest, but Anna never listened.

Maybe the reason she immersed herself in her studies was to escape her dreams.

When she slept, the memories would resurface.

Her blood-stained hands, the screams that pierced through her ears, cries for help.

She feared tomorrow.

Because she had to sleep.

Seeing the rising sun was too painful.

Of course, in proportion, Anna’s academic achievements skyrocketed, yet Fayne felt he couldn’t enjoy that joy.

A corpse, a doll.

If someone were to describe Anna Akaia today, that’s how they’d put it.

A living corpse.

A soulless doll.

What still moves her like this is the existence of her sister, who would no longer be here.

“Will you remain here any longer?”

“…..I serve your commands.”

It was far too terrifying.

Creak, Fayne thought as he closed the ungreased door.

So tragically absurd.

*

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