The Gate of Shadows

There wasn’t a time I could recall that Fenris said he loved me, but his actions screamed it. Until Ryker polluted my mind, I hadn’t cared that he hadn't said those words to me. Undoubtedly, he cared, even if it wasn’t my desired attachment.

Am I stupid enough to think you’ll love me? I stole everything from you. Of course you...

My body trembled, driving me wince when I witnessed its condition. Every time he held me, he was embracing this distorted body.

This… body is broken. Nothing to be desired! Why would you ever hold me if it wasn’t for control?

It was foolish to forget I had made him an orphan all those years ago. For him to desire me the way I wished to be was a distant dream.

I’m the woman you should hate!

Perhaps he did loath me, and this was all a mask.

The pain... The loneliness...

These emotions were something so foreign to me. I didn’t understand what to do with them other than sob in the arms of the person I adored. My stability was something that I could pull off when it came to others, but for him, I could do little to stay calm.

While in Fenris's arms, I managed to drift off into a dreamless state; the next time I opened my eyes, it was dusk. The silver wolf was already awake and had brought food for us.

When he spotted my fresh, puffy orbs, his eyes narrowed, “Are you okay, Lily?”

Taking a deep breath, I rubbed my face with the soft sheets, “I am.”

"Really?" he paused, studying me, "Well, let's eat before the food gets cold."

It was a slight surprise when he didn't force me to say more. Instead, after we both ate and got refreshed, he made me his until I was senseless. A few hours later at night, when I was under his warm embrace, an announcement flared all over the building and cell phones in Silverant.

The investigation of the attacks found witchcraft was part of the source of power for the explosions. However, the mysterious radiant liquid used in the attacks was kept as an unknown substance that needed more research.

They warned every Lycan to be wary of any conflict, remaining indoors or within the limits of Cerberus until the investigation was completed. Every wolf within the walls of Cerberus was ordered to stay within the headquarters grounds until further notice.

This meant the organization was about to get a bunch of refugees. Though it was no secret Lycans had been the main target in the attack, bringing shivers down my spine to think Fenris was almost caught in that mess.

Cerberus also increased security around the town, assigning all the other races to investigate further into the attacks. Unfortunately, the next day started with Layla declaring she would stay with us for the next few days.

She desired to stay with her future husband until the Lycan lockdown was done.

“Fuck no,” Fenris growled, eyes slightly beaming.

“Look! I’m sorry! I know I messed up yesterday! This will be good for us! I have to bond with your charge at one point or another!” She huffed, not moving from where she was.

“I said no, Layla. Now, leave.” He wasn’t moving an inch.

She growled, not backing down from her alpha and husband, "Ryker agreed it would be a great idea!"

Fenris froze when she showed him the key to our room. With it, she could come in whenever she wanted, even when I was under him. The simple gesture she didn’t and announced it first was a blessing for us.

“Ryker…” The silver wolf muttered, eyes glowing even brighter.

Taking the opportunity that his mind was on someone else, she entered the room with two luggage bags. It was packed with what appeared to be more than a few months’ worth of clothes.

A few days wasn’t what she had on her agenda from the glimpse of her preparations. However, hearing the elf’s name created a vortex in my chest that sucked up all of my emotions within.

Is this his way of crushing my hopes? Does he want to show me the future that awaits me? No… I don’t want to know. I don’t need to see it!

Layla’s subsequent remarks broke me from my train of thought.

"I’ll sleep with you in your bed!" She beamed, placing her bag full of clothes beside Fenris's mattress.

He hadn’t used that in years. The atmosphere in the room was heavier than a fog descending into a town.

"You can sleep in my bed, but I won’t sleep there with you. If anything, I’ll use the couch or chair." Fenris countered, leaving the white wolf stunned by where she stood.

"Why?!" she questioned, grabbing onto his shirt.

In her mind, they were to be wed soon enough. There was no reason to keep waiting to consummate. If I hadn’t heard Fenris chatting with his friends, I would’ve thought they had already done the deed.

"I don’t want to. Plus, aren't you always saying you’re saving yourself until marriage?" he tried to shut down the situation, but his words slid right off her.

It was more like an invitation to continue pressing the issue forward to the white wolf.

"That’s a silly and old thing, I tell the girls. All so they don’t go crazy with rumors. But I don’t mind if you take me now. As long as it’s you." She simpered cheeks pink, tugging on his shirt.

I tried desperately to keep my eyes on the book before me. However, my irritation was slowly boiling over; I had to separate myself from this before I blew up in their faces. I took a deep breath and closed the book, placing it in my bag.

There was a time when I relied on crystal to be my safety net, but that was no longer an option. I didn’t trust myself like Fenris did. He was a fool if he thought my heart was strong enough to withstand him holding another.

"No," he sighed.

His amber orbs shifted towards me, noticing me getting ready to leave.

"Why are you always so resistant?! We’ll marry soon!" Layla growled at him, crossing her arms and puffing her cheeks.

Shade hopped onto my shoulder, wanting a better view of what was happening.

Is Fenris going to slam her again into the wall? Shade wagged her tail.

Her words caused me to rub her head.

I doubt it. How can he? She'll be his wife and better than me in every way.

You’re crazy, Lily; you’re the best that pup will ever have. Shade snickered, making me roll my eyes.

I shrugged, shaking my head from side to side.

"Well, for one, we aren’t alone here." The silver wolf indicated the obvious, hoping I would halt her advances.

Instead of entertaining that thought, I headed for the door.

"She’s leaving." Layla countered, pouting.

Before I could reach the door, Fenris grabbed me by the back of my dress as I passed them. Shifting my orbs towards him, I found myself in his piercing gaze, like a mouse stuck in a trap.

"No, she isn’t.” He sighed, tugging me to his side. “Actually, I’ll sleep with my charge if you’re staying here."

The wolf’s lips curled into a sly smile, finding the perfect counter to his opponent. He wouldn’t let me go anywhere, using me as a shield against his fiancée. My heart skipped a beat upon hearing him say that to her.

For a moment, I thought he cared before the simple thought of the malfunctioning bracelet came to mind.

Ah… You’re trying to keep me near you at all costs because I’m a danger?

As the argument continued, I couldn’t read into it much. If I did, I'd...

"What?! How could I accept that?! I’ll be the one to sleep with her if anything!" Layla changed her tune.

Fenris held me close when a distorted laugh erupted from his lips. He couldn’t believe what came out of her mouth. This was a side I had never seen him be. That tone didn’t fit him at all.

"That’s cute. After trying to kill her, you think I’ll allow that?" he growled, eyes fridged, making shivers run down my spine.

Not once had he ever gazed at me that way, and even if it wasn’t directed at me, I couldn’t help but feel intimidated by him. This was a Fenris I didn’t know; the usual playful wolf who held me every night was nowhere to be seen.

"Please, I said, am sorry! I didn’t know she was a victim!" she explained.

"I don’t care. She’s off limits for you indefinitely." He scuffed, not wanting to continue this charade.

"This isn’t fair!" Layla complained, glaring at me as if I were filling him with these ideas.

It displeased her to know he would rather be with me than her. If she ever knew that he was holding me every night, it would hurt her beyond belief. Part of me felt guilty because of my role in it.

She wasn’t at fault for anything that happened in our lives.

"My charge, my choice," Fenris informed.

Her eyes twitched, "She’ll be our charge soon, though." The wife wolf countered.

He let out a low and menacing growl, clenching his hands into fists, "Layla, she’ll never be in your charge. Cry and moan all you want, but if you’re staying here. I’m sleeping with her. Either accept that or leave. I don’t care what Ryker says about that."

Although his words and demeanor showed pure aggression, his hold on me was as gentle as always. I was a source of discord in his life. His words caused tears to swell in her eyes, which was discomforting.

I never wanted her to feel like that, even when I was envious of her freedom to show him affection. However, the silver took the opportunity that she was at a loss for words to address me.

"You want to go to the library, right?" he turned towards me.

His eyes lacked any genuine emotion, freezing me on the spot.

You’ve never… looked at me like that.

I nodded, not wanting to annoy him, shifting my orbs away from him. Tugging on my dress, he sighed, drawing my gaze back onto him before allowing a soft smile to rise on his lips.

"Okay, then. I’ll go with you. Let’s go," He clasped my hand, heading towards the door.

Before we could leave, Layla grabbed onto his tail, triggering him to growl loudly. It caused me to cringe upon hearing the tone it had used. It was like an animal about to go rabid on an intruder.

"Stop! You can’t leave your future wife like this!" she shouted, attempting to stop him.

His face warped in rage for a moment before he took a deep breath to control it. Though I wouldn’t know how long it would take before he broke.

"Layla... Let go." Fenris tried to restrain himself, but his eyes were giving off the same menacing hue from before.

Managing their anger was something Lycan’s usually failed at with ease.

"No! You can’t leave me like this! Especially with what’s happening to our kin! Do you still put your mark on a higher priority than us?! I mean, why can't she go alone to the library?! She’s just a human! You can stay here with me to keep me safe!" She ranted, tugging his tail.

It was clear Ben hadn’t told her the complete story, scarcely informing her of what the coven did to me. The older brother didn’t trust anyone with me, either. These two silver wolves were too much for my brittle heart.

"Layla, enough! Let me fucking leave!" he snapped like a twig, yanking his tail away from her grasp.

Shooting her a glare, she appeared stunned by him when he stormed out with me. His grip on my hand was tight enough for me to know he wasn’t happy. However, part of me didn’t want to ask how he felt.

I gripped his hand, almost as if to soothe his mood, triggering him to glance towards me before shifting his path towards a restroom down the hall.