Surviving marriage in yandere world

Royal Magic Academy, the kingdom's most prestigious institution, sat like a shining jewel nestled in the hills overlooking the capital. With towers that stabbed the clouds, fountains that sang symphonies, and libraries rumored to contain cursed romance novels, it was a place for the best of the best.

It was also, unfortunately, Rei's next prison.

A long sigh escaped his lips as he rode in the creaky, nondescript carriage toward the academy gates. The morning sun glistened off his hair, making him look like an ideal shoujo protagonist against his will. He wore a modest uniform—brown cloak, dull boots, and a beige cap pulled low to hide his face. He was not here to impress. He was here to survive.

"This time," Rei muttered to himself, "No accidents, no drama, no yanderes. Just a quiet, boring academic life."

The carriage driver snorted.

Rei squinted. "Something funny?"

"Just… you sound like the last guy who said that. He exploded into a rose bush."

"…Ah."

[System Booting… Loading Student Identity: RAYMOND THE NOBODY]

[Mission: Attend Orientation Without Drawing Attention]

[Reward: +5 Mental Stability. Penalty for Failure: -Sanity.]

Rei stepped out of the carriage. The academy courtyard sprawled before him—marble walkways, levitating gardens, magical crystal lanterns. Students dressed in pristine robes bustled around him. The air was thick with noble arrogance and pheromones.

"Perfect," Rei whispered. "No one's noticed me."

BOOM.

A loud explosion erupted in the sky. Rei flinched and dropped his suitcase. Above the main courtyard, magical fireworks burst in synchronized explosions of hearts, glitter, and glowing text.

"WELCOME HUSBAND ♥"

Another burst followed: "WE MISSED YOU, REI~"

And a third, somehow bolder: "CLAIMING BED RIGHTS AT MIDNIGHT—SIGNED, YOUR WIVES."

Students turned.Heads swiveled and whispers erupted like wildfire.

"Did that just say—husband?"

"Rei? As in… the Five-Times-Betrothed-Madlad of Velveria?!"

"The one from the Duke's estate?! I thought he was a myth!"

Rei looked up at the sky. Then he looked at the universe. Then he looked at the nearest brick wall and considered running through it like a cartoon character.

[System Notification: Stealth Failed. You Are Now The Main Character Again.]

[Title Acquired: "Public Husband #1"]

A girl with curly silver hair and glasses skipped up to him, holding a scroll.

"Delivery for Rei du Sol Velveria! Love letter from Rosette the Silent Stalker. She says, 'You have five seconds to run before the assassination test begins. Teehee~'"

"…What."

BOOM.

A knife embedded itself in the wall behind him—three inches from his ear. A note fluttered off the hilt.

Rei peeled it off with trembling fingers.

"Dear Darling, I love you. Also, duck in three seconds with all my heart,

– Rosette."

Rei hit the ground just as a flashbomb went off above his head. The crowd screamed and scattered. The admissions officer fainted.

Rei groaned.

"First day. First death threat."

He dragged himself toward the admissions desk, smoke trailing from his shoulders. The magical welcome golems were short-circuiting from heart-shaped confetti clogging their gears.

Behind the desk sat an elderly elf with a long mustache braided into a pretzel. He blinked.

"Name?" he asked.

Rei straightened and tried to sound as dull as possible. "Raymond the Nobody."

The elf checked the scroll then did a double take.

"Ah. Room 001. Special accommodations."

"…Why?"

"Because five noble ladies requested anti-harem wards and perimeter traps. Also, you're apparently registered as married six times over."

Rei's eye twitched. "Six?! Who's the sixth?!"

The elf tapped the scroll. "A vampire duchess named Velveria sent a note. It just says, 'He's mine. I don't care what the paperwork says.'"

Rei stumbled through the dormitory hallway like a man marked for death. Portraits of past headmasters lined the walls, each one more horrified than the last.

"Room 001," he muttered. "How bad could it be?"

He opened the door and promptly stepped into a trap circle. His shoe caught a string. Glitter bombs exploded, showering him in sparkles. His clothes caught pink fire. A nearby closet burst open—revealing Seraphina, dressed in her holy school uniform, holding a purification staff.

"Surprise blessing, my husband!"

He screamed.

A holy aura engulfed him. His hair frizzed, his ears rang, his socks disintegrated.

"SERAPHINA?!"

She tackled him with a smile brighter than divine judgment.

"You thought you could enroll without telling me? I smelled your soul signature the second you entered the gates!"

"I was undercover!"

She hugged him tighter. "Now you're under me."

[System Alert: +1 Holy Affection. -10 HP. Internal bleeding detected from holy glomping.]

Rei wheezed as another knock came at the door.

He dragged himself up and opened it—

Drakana stood there, her uniform already in shreds from her wings punching through the fabric. Her arms were crossed. Her tail twitched.

"Where is my welcome hug, mate?"

Rei screamed again.

By nightfall, Rei had received the following:

A death threat from Rosette (delivered via ghost pigeon).

A surprise love song serenade from Emilia (which caused four girls to faint).

A blood-signed contract from Velveria (written on bat wings).

And a formal invitation to join "Wife Faction A: Lilia's Divine Conquest Club."

He sat in bed, hair singed, heart rate unstable.

[System Notification: Congratulations! You've Survived Day 1]

[Bonus Mission Unlocked: "Avoid Poisoned Pudding Tomorrow"]

[Achievement Gained: "Surprise Polygamy Orientation"]

[Mental Stability: -12]

Rei groaned and flopped face-first into his pillow.

"Why do they even have a Royal Magic Academy if no one learns anything?"

His closet rattled.

He blinked. "No."

The door creaked open. Rosette's red eyes glowed in the dark. She was upside-down on the ceiling like a spider, smiling faintly.

"Sweet dreams, husband. I'll be monitoring your breathing tonight."

Rei's soul left his body.

[System Update: New Sleep Mode Activated — Paranoia Edition]

[You may now attempt to dream without dying. Good luck.]

Rei didn't sleep.

Correction: Rei tried to sleep, but when a ceiling-stalking maid with assassination hobbies was watching your chest rise and fall like a science project, unconsciousness became a distant dream.

Every time his eyes fluttered shut, he'd jolt awake to find Rosette inches from his face, murmuring, "Still alive. Good boy." Then she'd vanish into the shadows like she never existed.

Around 3 a.m., he gave up.

Wrapped in three blankets, one holy charm necklace (stolen from Seraphina), and holding a broom like a weapon, Rei sat on his bed wide-eyed and twitching. The dorm room shimmered with the faint pink residue of earlier magical trauma. The glitter was permanent. It had entered the air system. Probably the blood.

[System Reminder: Sleep is essential for cognitive function and hormonal balance.] [Also, paranoia burns 300% more calories. You're starving.]

"…Great," Rei muttered. "First day and I'm already suffering from magical PTSD and sparkly malnourishment."

A soft knock came at the window. Rei jumped a foot in the air, swung the broom—

—and accidentally smacked Emilia off the balcony.

"GYAAAHH—!"

Thud.

Silence.

Rei ran to the window in a panic.

Down below, in the flower bushes, a pile of white frills and silver hair stirred. Emilia groaned and slowly raised a shaky thumbs-up.

"I… still love you…"

[System Notification: Affection Level +2. Emilia has gained Resistance to Broom-Based Attacks.]

Rei winced and whispered, "Sorry sorry sorry—" as he yanked open the window and helped her climb back in. Emilia's curls were full of rose thorns and grass, but her eyes sparkled as if she'd just received the greatest compliment of her life.

"I knew you wouldn't let me in," she said cheerfully, "so I trained in stealth approach methods and planned a romantic window rendezvous. Just like in the forbidden romance books you hid under your bed!"

"I didn't hide any—wait, you were in my room?!"

"I measured your breathing patterns and sleep cycle last week. Very gentle. Almost too vulnerable."

Rei backed up slowly. "No, no, I already have enough trauma for one night—"

Suddenly, the door burst open.

Lilia marched in like a divine hurricane, wearing ceremonial sleep robes embroidered with holy sigils and his name stitched across the hem in glowing red thread. Behind her, two priestesses carried a magical wedding bed frame—complete with canopy curtains and sanctified silk.

"WE ARE NOT MISSING FIRST-NIGHT RITUALS!" Lilia declared, her eyes blazing with righteous obsession. "THE STARS ARE IN ALIGNMENT!"

"Alignment for what?!" Rei cried.

"For consummation. I mean, comfort. I mean… spiritual body heat exchange!!"

Rei dove under the bed as Lilia and Emilia began a magical argument about proximity rights and spiritual snuggle sequences. The room exploded in pink and gold sparks.

[System Warning: Spatial boundaries have collapsed. Bed territory is now contested ground.] [Battle Initiated: "Affectionate Pillow War — Heaven or Hell Edition"]

A pillow hit the wall with enough force to create a crater.

Another knock.

Rei peeked out in horror. Drakana stood in the doorway, eyes narrowed.

"You are hosting a midnight cuddle-fest and did not invite me?"

"I DIDN'T INVITE ANYONE!" Rei wailed.

Drakana stepped forward, her talons glinting. "Unforgivable. Prepare your spine."

A loud pop sound echoed.

The wardrobe exploded open—Velveria emerged in a flurry of bats and gothic lace, hovering three inches off the ground.

"I heard 'spine,'" she said, licking her fangs. "I brought red wine. Also, ropes."

Rei fainted.

[System Critical Alert: User has entered Survival Coma Mode.] [Heartbeat slowing to anime-protagonist-trauma levels.]

As the girls argued over who got which side of the bed, Rosette slowly lowered herself from the ceiling like a gentle spider.

"He looks peaceful," she whispered.

"He's in cardiac arrest," Emilia replied.

"Peaceful," Rosette insisted, brushing his bangs aside.

The lights dimmed. Stars twinkled through the enchanted ceiling. The sound of magical wards snapping into place filled the room—each girl activating a personal anti-intruder field around their designated cuddling quadrant.

Outside the door, a confused headmaster stood holding Rei's class schedule.

"…Should I come back tomorrow?" he muttered, staring at the crackling aura of pure yandere chaos.

A voice echoed from inside: "IF YOU TOUCH MY PILLOW ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BAPTIZE YOU IN HOLY FIRE!"

He left the paper on the ground and ran.

Inside, Rei's body twitched as his soul hovered above, watching his life spiral like an opera performed by lunatics.

[System Diagnostic: Congratulations! You survived your first day at the Royal Magic Academy.] [Total Injuries: 38] [Total Affection Points Earned: 54] [New Title Unlocked: "First-Year Fugitive"] [Estimated Survival Rate for Day 2: 2%]

Rei's soul groaned.

"Why didn't I just become a farmer…"

To be continued…