Surviving marriage in yandere world

The Academy Coliseum should have been a solemn place for semi-final duels—echoes of magic, shouts of victory, the tension of warriors about to clash. Instead, it looked like a political rally crossed with a royal wedding fair gone feral.

Flags hung from every balcony. Choirs warmed up their voices. Sky dragons wheeled above with smoke trails that read like bad break-up notes. Merchants screamed out slogans. And everywhere Rei turned, someone was shoving propaganda about who should be the "One True Wife."

Rei pinched the bridge of his nose. "This… isn't a duel tournament anymore. It's a marketing war."

The System, which had only half-rebooted after the Emilia Incident, flickered in his vision like a drunk firefly.

[System Reboot: 63% Complete.]

[Warning: Campaign Propaganda detected.]

[Sub-Quest Generated: Survive the Wife Elections Without Brainwashing.]

[Reward: A coupon for earplugs.]

"…Earplugs? That's the best you can do?" Rei muttered.

[System Sarcasm: Be grateful. You'll need them.]

Lilia's Propaganda: "Holy Hymn Assault"

The first wave came from Lilia.

Rei squinted as a full cathedral choir marched into the arena, all dressed in white, carrying incense burners that filled the coliseum with cloying rose-scented smoke.

The crowd stirred. "It's the Saintess!"

Lilia stepped forward, her veil shimmering in gold. She raised her hands, and the choir began to sing:

"Choose the True Bride, the Chosen One,

Blessed by Heaven, the only one!

Rei's sacred wife, divine and pure,

All others wicked—heart unsure!"

The audience gasped, clutching their hearts. Some fainted from "holy inspiration."

Rei coughed, waving away the smoke. "That's not a hymn, that's slander in 4/4 time!"

Lilia smiled sweetly, folding her hands in prayer. "Ara~ it's not slander if it's the truth, Rei-sama."

[System Notification: You are being targeted by Religious Audio Brainwashing.]

[System Defense: Plugging digital ears.]

[Success Rate: 7%. You're doomed.]

Rei grabbed his head. "Why do I feel like I should confess my sins and marry her immediately?!"

Drakana's Propaganda: "Skywriting Fire Threats"

Before the choir finished, a thunderous roar split the heavens.

Drakana descended from the clouds astride a massive flame wyvern, fire magic crackling around her like a living storm. She raised her sword and with one blazing stroke carved letters across the sky.

The entire city could read the burning proclamation:

"ONLY I CAN COOK HIM."

The nobles gasped. The commoners pointed. Merchants sold meat skewers under the sign like it was divine endorsement.

Rei nearly choked on his own spit. "Cook me?! As in… in the kitchen? Or on a spit roast?!"

Drakana landed with a grin, her armor blazing with heat. "Both, mate. No one else can handle your meat like me."

The crowd roared. Half with admiration, half with sheer confusion.

[System Warning: Lethal Romance Detected.]

[New Title Acquired: "Dragon's Meal Prep."]

Rei facepalmed. "Why are all my titles humiliating?!"

Rosette's Propaganda: "Assassin Gift Delivery Service"

But even as the choir sang and the skies burned, the audience began to shriek as mysterious black gift boxes appeared on every seat in the coliseum.

Rei stiffened. "Wait, Gift boxes? Oh no, Oh no no no—"

The nobles eagerly tore them open. Inside each one was… a perfectly balanced throwing dagger. The blade shimmered with black lace ribbon tied to the hilt.

A note was attached:

"From Rosette. Handle with love. Use to protect Rei-sama—or punish rivals."

The coliseum went silent. Then pandemonium erupted as every noble and peasant suddenly had a free weapon in their hand.

Rei screamed, "Why would she arm the entire city?!"

Rosette stepped out from the shadows, her maid uniform spotless, her eyes cool. "Gifts are a language of love, Master. And now, everyone has a piece of me… in their hands."

[System Alert: 3,000 daggers have been distributed.]

[Statistical Analysis: Probability of accidental stabbing has increased to 99.9%.]

[Side Quest Generated: Avoid Becoming A Pincushion.]

"OH COME ON!" Rei yelped, ducking as a noble tested the dagger's sharpness a little too close to his head.

Seraphina's Propaganda: "Holy Fireworks Show"

Not to be outdone, Seraphina ascended the central platform, her staff raised high.

"Witness, citizens of the realm!" she declared, her voice echoing like a sermon. "The Crown's wish shall belong to the one most fit to purify evil—me!"

With a dramatic sweep, she unleashed a barrage of holy flames into the sky. They exploded into enormous, dazzling fireworks—except every single one formed into glowing images of her marrying Rei.

The crowd gasped as one scene showed Seraphina in a radiant wedding gown, another in a divine coronation, another holding a dozen children with Rei at her side.

Rei staggered back. "This… this is propaganda by visual assault!"

The fireworks didn't stop. The last one exploded into giant letters blazing across the horizon:

"VOTE SERAPHINA: MAKE HOLY MATRIMONY GREAT AGAIN."

[System Pop-up: Your retinas have been branded with divine campaign ads.]

[Warning: Image Burn-In Detected. You will now see Seraphina's face when you close your eyes.]

Rei groaned. "I can't even blink without being married?!"

And then came Emilia and her Propaganda… begin.

The crowd turned expectantly. Surely, she too would unleash some dramatic show, some overwhelming campaign of love.

Instead, Emilia walked shyly onto the stage holding… a tray of cookies.

"U-um… hello everyone… I didn't really know what to prepare, so… I baked?"

She tripped immediately. The tray of cookies flew high into the air—sparkling with mana as it collided with Seraphina's holy flames. The result was a spectacular mid-air explosion that showered the entire coliseum in golden cookie crumbs that somehow tasted divine.

The crowd erupted. "AMAZING! SHE FED THE ENTIRE CITY AT ONCE!"

Rei screamed, "SHE JUST FELL ON HER FACE!"

[System Error: Propaganda Level Miscalculated.]

[New Trait Discovered: "Accidental Messiah."]

[Public Approval Rating: 97%.]

Rei grabbed the air as if strangling the invisible system. "NO! STOP GIVING HER TRAITS!"

Within minutes, the coliseum devolved into a propaganda free-for-all.

Lilia's choir began singing louder, adding verses directly insulting the other wives.

Drakana skywrote even bigger threats: "ONLY I CAN SURVIVE HIS BEDROOM."

Rosette sent out second-wave boxes—this time with poisoned chocolates.

Seraphina lit up the arena floor with holy fire billboards that flashed slogans.

Emilia tripped on her way back and somehow created a rainbow bridge that children started playing on, making her look like a benevolent goddess of playtime.

Rei sat slumped in his seat, head in hands. "This… isn't a tournament anymore. This is propaganda Armageddon."

[System Completion: 70%.]

[System Warning: User Sanity at Critical Levels.]

[Suggested Action: Pretend to be Dead Until It's Over.]

"…You know what? For once, that doesn't sound so bad."

At last, the Academy Headmaster, who looked about 200 years too old to be putting up with this nonsense, slammed his staff onto the ground.

"ENOUGH!" His voice thundered magically. "This is still a duel tournament! The semi-final matches are as follows—"

The crowd hushed. The propaganda slowed. Even the daggers stopped mid-air as if pausing for dramatic effect.

The Headmaster intoned:

"First match: Rosette versus Emilia."

"Second match: Seraphina versus Drakana."

"And the finals…" His eyes slid toward Rei, trembling. "…will inevitably drag in the Duke's son, Rei-sama, because the world itself demands his suffering."

Rei's soul left his body. "WHY AM I IN THE FINALS?!"

[System Confirmation: Because comedy.]

[New Quest Unlocked: "Final Boss Husband."]

As the crowd exploded in cheers and arguments, Rei staggered out of the arena surrounded by his wives, each still glaring daggers at the others.

Lilia leaned close, whispering sweetly, "Ara~ don't worry, Rei-sama. When I win, your suffering will finally end—in holy matrimony with me."

Drakana cracked her knuckles. "Wrong. I'll win, and then he'll finally eat properly. Starting with me."

Rosette slid a dagger into his pocket. "Don't resist, Master. It will hurt less if you accept your fate."

Seraphina's halo flared. "No dagger, no dragon, no choir can compare to destiny. He is mine."

And Emilia… smiled shyly, crumbs still on her cheek. "U-um… do I have to fight? I'd rather just… hug?"

Rei screamed internally.

[System Pop-up: Semi-Finals Begin Tomorrow.]

[System Sarcasm Mode: May the odds be never in your favor.]

And thus, the propaganda war ended—but the duels of doom were only just beginning.

Rei dragged his feet out of the coliseum, looking as though he had aged fifty years in one afternoon. Students whispered, vendors hawked propaganda trinkets, and somewhere in the distance, another choir verse about "holy honeymoon blessings" echoed like a curse.

"Tomorrow," Rei muttered, staring at the darkening sky. "Tomorrow I'll probably be dead. Or worse—married five times."

[System Notification: Correction—statistical likelihood of you being married six times is currently at 12%. Unknown candidate may appear.]

"…What do you mean six?!" Rei barked, but the System blinked out like a smug cat.

Meanwhile, propaganda fever hadn't ended with the announcements. Merchants had already begun selling:

Saintess Prayer Candles ("Light one and Rei-sama will dream of Lilia tonight!")

Dragon BBQ Skewers ("Grilled like Drakana would want to grill her man!")

Rosette Collector Daggers (half already resold on the black market)

Seraphina Glow Posters (guaranteed to blind your enemies and your neighbors)

Emilia Rainbow Cookies ("One bite, and he'll trip into your heart!")

Rei stared at the merchandise stalls. "…I've become an economy."

[Congratulations. You are now national GDP.]

Rei's scream echoed into the night sky, mingling with the sound of fireworks, choirs, and one dragon writing "REI = MINE" in flames above the capital.

To be continued…