Surviving marriage in yandere world

The Royal Academy Grand Arena had seen centuries of battles. Kings dueled here. Heroes clashed against demons. Gods themselves once split the sky in this very place.

But none of those legendary moments had been as terrifying, confusing, or absurd… as what had just happened with Emilia.

The polite, quiet, "please-don't-mind-me" Emilia.

The girl who couldn't walk down a hallway without apologizing to the wallpaper.

The girl who, by tripping, had turned Baltazar the Unbreakable—an S-rank archmage instructor, rumored to have once arm-wrestled a titan—into what looked suspiciously like a decorative stain in the ground.

The crater still smoked and the medics still sobbed.

And the spectators? Half of them prayed. Half of them cheered. And the other half were writing Emilia's name on tiny marriage contracts they were flinging into the arena.

Rei clutched his head in disbelief.

"This can't be real. This CAN'T be real. She just… she just…!" He pointed at the smoking hole. "That wasn't even a fight! That was a gravity accident!"

[System Notification: Contestant Emilia has defeated an S-rank Mage.]

[System Alert: Victory registered as "Accidental."]

[System Analysis Failed: Warning—data anomaly detected.]

Rei blinked. "Wait. What do you mean 'data anomaly'?"

The System's voice, usually smug and precise, now sounded… uncertain.

[System: Error. This outcome was statistically impossible.]

[System: Calculated Victory Chance was 0.0000000000000000007%.]

[System: …And she still won.]

Rei groaned. "Yeah, well, welcome to my life."

[System: Attempting to analyze contestant Emilia's power…]

[System: Scanning… Scanning… Analysis Failed.]

[System: New Trait Discovered — "Main Girl Energy."]

Rei froze. "…Excuse me? What kind of nonsense trait is that supposed to be?!"

[System: Processing error. Traits do not exist in the official database. Requesting reboot—]

The System's voice glitched.

[Sys—Ma—Error 404—Affection.exe not found—]

[Rebooting… reboot failed.]

"…Did my System just crash?" Rei whispered.

The answer came in the form of a spark of static inside his vision. The holographic blue interface flickered, then produced what looked like an error pop-up.

[The system has encountered a problem and needs to be closed.]

[Would you like to send an error report? Y/N]

Rei's jaw dropped. "This is NOT the time to imitate Windows Vista, you useless floating curse!"

The audience, however, didn't hear any of that. All they saw was Emilia shyly bowing with both hands clasped in front of her apron-dress, cheeks pink.

"I-I hope I didn't cause too much trouble…" she whispered.

The crowd erupted into hysteria.

"EMILIA-SAMA FOR EMPRESS!"

"STEP ON US BY ACCIDENT AGAIN!"

"MAIN GIRL! MAIN GIRL! MAIN GIRL!"

Even the announcer had abandoned any pretense of neutrality, his voice cracking as he shouted, "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN—SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY—EMILIA HAS WON!!"

The crystal amplifiers squealed. The arena literally shook with the chanting.

Meanwhile, the five wives were… less than amused.

Drakana crossed her arms, tail lashing behind her like an angry whip. "Tch. This is rigged. No one defeats Baltazar by tripping unless the gods themselves are interfering."

"Correction," Lilia purred, her smile sharp enough to cut glass. "It is divine providence. Clearly, Emilia has been blessed to walk the bridal path beside Rei-sama."

Rosette's knife snikted out of her sleeve. "Blessed? Hn. This reeks of sabotage. Perhaps she rehearsed her 'clumsiness' for years, waiting for this very moment."

Seraphina actually crossed herself twice, muttering. "This is… heretical. If bumbling accidents now equate to divine miracles, then the apocalypse is truly upon us."

Emilia flinched, raising her hands in panic. "N-no! I promise I didn't mean—"

"Silence," the four hissed in unison, their combined murderous aura making the arena temperature drop ten degrees.

Rei? He was busy yanking at the chains binding him to the "Husband Safety Seat" (a.k.a. his prison throne). "Please don't kill her! She's just clumsy! Not omnipotent!"

[System Warning: Affection balances are destabilizing.]

[System Suggestion: Quick! Hug everyone at once before jealousy reaches terminal levels!]

Rei glared at the error box. "Shut up! You're broken!"

[System: Reboot attempt #74 failed. Please insert an installation disc.]

As Baltazar was finally dragged out of the crater on a stretcher—still smoking—an interviewer rushed into the arena, microphone crystal in hand.

"Emilia-sama! Emilia-sama!" the woman shouted breathlessly. "That was the most stunning, most unprecedented match in academy history! What do you have to say about your overwhelming victory?"

Emilia blinked. "O-overwhelming…? B-but I just tripped…"

The interviewer nodded furiously. "Yes! Exactly! Such profound humility! Such raw power disguised as innocence! How did you train for this moment?"

"I-I didn't…"

"Marvelous! True genius often transcends practice!"

The reporter whirled toward the crowd. "Behold! The birth of a legend! The girl who conquers not with sword nor spell—but with sincerity!"

The crowd howled louder. Paper charms with Emilia's face printed on them rained from the stands like confetti.

Rei groaned. "This… this is spiraling completely out of control."

[System Pop-up: Correction. Control spiraled away approximately 135 chapters ago.]

After the match, the wives cornered Emilia in the waiting hall.

Drakana slammed her fist into the wall, leaving a smoking crater. "Oi. Tell us the truth. Was that really an accident?"

Emilia squeaked. "Y-yes!"

Rosette's eyes narrowed like twin daggers. "Then you are either a liar or a divine calamity. Possibly both."

Lilia cupped her cheek with an angelic smile. "Ara, ara~ isn't it precious, sisters? Our sweet Emilia is finally learning to fight for Rei-sama. Even if it means breaking all the laws of probability."

Seraphina slammed her holy staff down. "Blasphemy. Utter blasphemy. I shall write three new hymns tonight about how wrong this is."

Emilia bowed ninety degrees. "I-I'm sorry! I'll try to be less… accidentally destructive next time!"

"LESS?!" Rei shrieked, staggering into the room with his chains dragging behind him. "Emilia, you nearly vaporized an S-rank by falling! How could you possibly be LESS destructive?!"

Emilia fidgeted. "…Maybe if I tie my shoelaces tighter?"

Rei screamed into his hands.

[System Reboot Attempt #101 Failed.]

[System: New Default Mode Activated — 'Sarcasm Survival Beta.']

[System: Congratulations. Your life is now officially a comedy of errors.]

Word spread through the capital within minutes.

Bards composed songs titled "The Accident Heroine."

Noble houses sent spies to confirm whether Emilia's "technique" could be weaponized.

A secret fan club—The Accidental Angels—formed immediately, already boasting hundreds of members.

By the time evening bells rang, posters of Emilia's blushing face had been plastered across every tavern wall.

Rei stared at one such poster, slamming his forehead against the nearest pillar. "I don't believe this. She's not even TRYING and she's outpacing me in fame."

[System: Correction. You are famous too. Mostly as "The Husband Whose Wives Will Definitely Kill Him."]

"…I hate you."

[System: Statement acknowledged. Error 9001: Feelings not found.]

As Rei collapsed on his bed that night, surrounded by his wives still plotting how to "handle" Emilia's popularity surge, he closed his eyes and muttered, "It can't possibly get worse than this."

The System's flickering voice whispered into his skull.

[System Warning: Critical anomaly expanding.]

[System Warning: "Main Girl Energy" may destabilize existing Yandere Hierarchy.]

[System Warning: If unaddressed, probability of harem implosion = 99.999%.]

Rei sat bolt upright. "…WHAT?!"

[System: It's too late. We are rebooting. Please wait…]

The interface winked out. Darkness and silence slread.

And Rei realized with dawning horror that—for the first time since his reincarnation—he was completely alone.

"No… no no no… I NEED the System! You can't just crash on me NOW!"

But the only response was another error pop-up.

[System: Blue Screen of Death.]

Rei screamed loud enough to shake the manor.

Rei's scream hadn't even faded when the manor doors slammed open.

A servant burst in, panting. "M-Master Rei! It's terrible!"

Rei, still tangled in his sheets, wailed, "What now?! Is the world ending? Did another wife declare divine war?!"

The servant gulped. "N-No… worse. The capital square has been overtaken by Emilia merchandise."

"…What?" Rei's voice cracked.

The servant held up a bright pink plush doll—its face a perfect likeness of Emilia, smiling innocently. "They're calling it 'Accident-chan.' People are buying them in droves. Children, nobles… even priests."

Rei seized the plush, shaking it violently. "Why is her fame evolving like a plague?!"

From the shadows, Rosette muttered, "I knew it. She's a cunning mastermind hiding behind false clumsiness."

"She's not!" Rei shot back. "She's literally the type to trip on rugs!"

Drakana growled. "Then why does she have better branding than the Dragon Queen herself?!"

Emilia peeked from behind the door, clutching her cheeks. "U-um… do you think the plush is cute…?"

The room erupted.

Lilia leaned forward, eyes narrowing with saintly malice. "Ara~ I'll make sure they release plushies of me next."

Seraphina lifted her staff, holy flames spiraling. "HERESY! Holy merchandise rights belong to the Church!"

Rei buried his face in his hands. "…I can't live like this. I can't—"

[System Glitch Notification: Popularity Surge Detected.]

[System Glitch: New Market Leader—Emilia Brand.]

[System Warning: Rei's mental HP -10.]

"…You're supposed to be dead!" Rei shouted at the error box.

[System Fragment: I live… in the memes.]

Rei howled into the night sky as the manor filled with arguing wives, glitching pop-ups, and the haunting jingle of "Accident-chan" dolls being sold in the streets.

And so began the Era of Emilia.

To be continued…