NOVEL WEB Chapter 32: What Is Your Desire?
Lucy was startled by Kaiju's reaction and took a step back, lowering her head. She said in a gloomy tone, "I'm so sorry."
The terrifying aura she exuded that Kaiju perceived suddenly vanished as though it did not exist in the first place. Kaiju stared at Lucy and was perplexed by her current aura, seemingly naive and gentle.
He couldn't help but ask himself while trying to calm down his palpitating heart, 'What was that?'
Kaiju was pretty sure he was not dreaming. Even Snow and Little Gorilla, known for possessing the instinct of the beast, felt it. He could not be mistaken.
However, since Lucy appeared to be apologetic for his reaction, he needed to respond to assure her first.
"N-No. I should be sorry. It was my fault to react exaggeratedly. I-I was just surprised."
"Really?" Lucy asked.
Kaiju felt strange by her response but nodded anyway.
Lucy exhaled, filled with relief by Kaiju's assurance. Maintaining the distance between her and Kaiju to prevent scaring him once again, she introduced herself enthusiastically, "I'm Lucy. Just Lucy. I'm curious why you are participating in the Hellish Trial."
Kaiju suddenly recalled how he ended up on the Hellish Trial and felt depressed. He replied in a gloomy tone while lowering his head, "Well, it's not like I have a choice. The Tower made a mistake by over choosing the participants and thus, giving me no option but to enter on this trial."
Lucy was genuinely surprised. Max, on the other hand, suddenly bursted into laughter.
"That's so funny, Kaiju. I never thought Trial could make such a mistake. Perhaps, the world is currently experiencing a rapid expansion of its population. I'm glad that humans are finally reclaiming the world that once belonged to us."
Kaiju glanced at him in surprise and then nodded in agreement. Indeed, the humans were expanding, but it also meant, more people suffered from the ordeal, especially those who were born without a background, only to be a slave of those in power. His downcast expression caught the two in surprise, causing Lucy to ask, "What's with the gloomy expression? Does something happen in the world?"
Kaiju stared at them and shook his head. "Nothing. It's just that, although some were born rich and possessed a rich life, some like me just have no future, waiting to be murdered in the empty street and passed away as though we didn't live a life. Although the Tower is our salvation, it can't still be guaranteed."
Kaiju wanted to continue but restrained himself. People like them could possibly not grasp what he meant, knowing how they chose the Trial with confidence. They must have been trained since they were born, and thus, surely, their family must possess quite a background even in the Tower as a result.
However, what he failed to realize was that Lucy was actually in the same situation as him, as she said, "I can understand your sentiments, Kaiju. I didn't get to meet my parents and I was adopted by an old woman. Thankfully, although she was hiding herself from the public, she was a High Ranker in the Tower, and taught me various things. She's a mage btw, and that's why I have chosen the mage profession. Of course, it's also due to the fact that I'm talented in magic."
Kaiju was surprised. Suddenly, a hand patted his shoulder. Kaiju turned to the owner of the hand and saw it was Max, smiling at him. He said, "I've been on this trial for almost a decade now. Although I'm a son of a High-Ranker, he was harsh to me, he was trying to share the heavy weight of being the future of the human race, that is why I'm so glad that the humans are doing well in our world. We all have our own circumstances but you know what matters the most, right?
It's that we control our own fate. Being poor and weak is not a problem, but dying as one is a massive problem. Don't you think it's much more successful to become stronger without having a silver spoon, right?"
Kaiju's eyes widened, listening to such a profound word. He nodded frantically. He couldn't agree more with Max's statements and even felt his words continued to reverberate in his mind.
"He's right, Kaiju," intervened Qwanisha. Together with Griffin on her right and Faith on her left, making sure that the two would not quarrel once again, they walked towards Kaiju and others.
Qwanisha continued, "We all always want to survive. That's what forced us to continue fighting even though we felt sometimes it was meaningless. It's in our nature to continue living and that's something the other races can't compare."
Kaiju nodded in agreement.
"If it was not for His grace, we wouldn't have been breathing at all. That's why you must convert to our religion and serve Him, repay His kindness," interjected Faith while closing her eyes and clasping her hand once they stopped near them.
Kaiju's eyebrows furrowed, but since Faith was trying to share her sentiments, he still nodded.
"It's the desire that keeps us going. Without it, we feel abjected. However, once we fixate our self, the desire will find us, we'll finally obtain our desire." Griffin stared intensely at Kaiju, despite the latter and others creasing their eyebrows, trying to comprehend his statements.
He asked with a solemn countenance, "What is your desire?"
Kaiju finally comprehended what Griffin meant. He lost his desire long ago, when he felt helpless, and it was voluntarily. That's what Griffin must have meant about abjected. If that was the case, then he must have lost his self, he must have felt alienated, and it was indeed the fact.
However, ever since he entered the Hellish Trial, ever since Snow appeared saving his life, Little Gorilla becoming his pet, and taking risk to survive, the desire slowly manifested, his self slowly turning to a fixed state.
He had finally found his desire.
Hence, without hesitation, after a split seconds of silence, he replied with a solemn tone, "I desire to survive."
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.
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A/N: Abjection is a theory by Julia Kristeva to which I used to apply in my research analysis that was presented a week ago. Coupled with Liminality by Victor Turner, focusing on the climax of Southeast Asian Horror Films, it was really an enlightening research process. If I couldn't update for the past month well, then blame it. XD