Fork This Life!

Chapter 13: A sailor went to sea, sea sea, to see what he could see, see, see, but all that he could see, see, see, was a GIANT FORKIN MONSTER!

(POV Ferdinand)

After all that, I’m not in the mood for relaxing on the beach. I’ll probably just end up being swarmed by sand slimes – or something worse. So, I head back to the city. For the second time today.

At least this time I’m not dragging along a giant crab.

Another lengthy traipse across the shore later, I’m back at the city gates. Walking through them, I consider what I should do with the rest of my day. I definitely don’t feel like going out to kill monsters again, but just sitting around is a waste of the day.

Back on the farm, this wasn’t a problem. Work, day in and day out. There was always something to do; too many, in fact, to do in a single day. It was painful, hard work.

How I miss those days…

“Hello, would you like to become one with our lord and saviour?”

A voice came from my right.

Without even moving my head, I say, “No thanks.”

The voice came again. “If you ever change your mind, we’ll be here.”

I look back. I can’t believe that same guy is still standing here. He was there when I first came to this city, saying that same line every time someone passed by. Every day. I’ve never even seen him move from there.

I have no idea who he worships, but just the way he says, ‘become one’ gives me an off feeling. Still, he’s not causing any trouble, so the guards leave him alone. Frankly, I think he just creeps them out, too.

Most people here just ignore him. Now… perhaps some light training will relax me? Yes, that sounds good… but after that?

You know, how about I finally try out fishing. That should be relaxing. Yes, that sounds great!

Feeling better already, I start whistling a tune and walk off into the city.

That night, near the gates.

A man totters as he walks slowly along the road, bottle in hand.

A voice calls out to him. “Hello, would you like to become one with our lord and saviour?”

The drunkard stops, blinking blearily as his eyes try to focus on the man standing in front of him. Slurring his words, he speaks. “Wot? Whossit?”

The man stands there, eyes staring without even a flicker of movement at the drunkard. He doesn’t blink. He states again, “Hello, would you like to become one with our lord and saviour?”

The drunkard scratches his head and takes another swig from his bottle, tilting his head far back and taking deep gulps. Then he looks into it and turns the bottle completely upside-down, but nary a drop spills from the opening. “Iz, isemte.”

He tosses it aside. It doesn’t shatter, but clatters loudly against the paved road.

The only sound, apart from that of the ever-present wind and waves.

He looks back up at the man, who is still looking at him. Unblinking. “Wossat mean?” he said.

The man smiles, and the drunkard smiles back. Were he sober, he would see that the man’s smile was only a movement of the mouth… almost as if it were just an imitation of a smile.

“I’m glad you asked. There are two options for those who wish to join our Lord.” Here he raises one arm, sticking up two fingers. The rest of his body is completely still.

“The first is the most popular. If you are not already, you will be raised to level twenty. On top of this, each of your stats will be permanently buffed by five. As payment, however, eighty percent of all experience you gain from now on will be given to our lord. And if you are ever to be in a deadly situation… You will be automatically changed to the second option.”

He speaks in a pleasant, but flat voice. He starts to continue, but is interrupted by the drunkard.

“Tha, thas crazy, like, wheh do I sineup?”

The man continues to look at him. “Are you sure?” he says.

“Yesh, yesh! Iya por fshermn, levl twenty, levl twenty… What doi haveta do?”

The man’s smile grows wider, and he holds out his hand. “Just shake my hand. The buff will take effect in half an hour. As for the levels… just keep pressing yes.”

The drunkard shakes his hand. A few seconds later, a message appears in front of his eyes:

You have been invited to the party, ‘ ’. Do you accept?

Yes

No

Dubiously, he hits yes. Then another one comes up. Then another, then another, another, then many, many more. Every one of them party invitations.

He frantically hits ‘yes’ on all of them.

Then other notifications appeared, this time for enemies killed. Then…

Level up! You are now level 9!

2.5 Stat points gained.

Level up! You are now level 10!

2.5 Stat points gained.

Level up! You are now…

3.0 Stat points…

Level up! You are now level 20!

3.0 Stat points gained.

The man stares in shock at what he is seeing, rubs his eyes and looks again. Pinches himself, looks again. It is still there.

Then more messages come flooding in.

You have been kicked from the party, ‘ ’.

And many more like it. Level 20, within just a few minutes.

“You are one of us now. Enjoy your new strength.”

Fervently, he thanks the man, then happily walks off, pondering where to put all his points.

He never did find out what that second option was.

(POV Gerald)

You know, it has come to my attention that I’m not utilising my status as a fork sufficiently in humour.

And as we all know, that’s just unforkivable. Thus, I will forkwith be adding ‘lame fork puns’ to my list of priorities.

Anyway, I should stop procrastineating.

It’s been seven days – well, technically six and a half - since the incident with the hermit crab. not much major happened during that time, a bit of hunting, a lot of meditation…

It’s pretty much like how I am normally, except my mana sight becomes... sort of like, a background? I just stop noticing it. And I feel more focused on what I’m thinking… shame I have nothing constructive to really think of.

It only took me a day to get that to advanced, and now it’s bordering on expert.

Meditation (Advanced) (Mid Rare, Active) 83.17%: Enter into a state unburdened by the worries of the physical world. There is only you, and your thoughts that exist in this world. While in this state, mana regeneration multiplied by 2, Psi regeneration multiplied by 2, Ki generated at 15 times the normal rate.

My stored Ki is around 2.5k by now, but I haven’t gotten an opportunity to test it yet, so I’m looking forward to that…

Ferdinand has been hunting on and off, of course. Unforktunately, my luck seems to have run out, because the things I’ve been getting have been mostly useless:

Water-Proof (Minor) – Water, and many water based fluids, will slip from your surface with great ease.

Feather-weight (Minute) – You feel light as a feather. A feather that weighs slightly less than you originally did, that is. 1% weight reduction.

Soooo… yeah. And the amount of exp I’ve gotten is miniscule at a grand total of… 233. But, on the plus side, since I got that regeneration boost from meditation, self-repair went up a bit faster than I had previously anticipated:

Self-repair (Master) (Low Unique, Active) 8.85% - By expending a type of energy available to you, you can repair your own durability and recover your original form. Current energies able to be used: Mana, Psi, Ki. Exchange ratio: 5 mana: 0.1 durability, 10 Psi: 0.1 durability, 10 Ki: 0.1 durability.

So, I can repair myself with mana, psi or ki now, but since I want to stockpile Ki until it’s at max and I need Psi for telepathy, the only real boon for me right now is the slightly decreased cost. They really are being stingy with that now. And the experience gain has dropped even further to 0.01% per durability.

I have nothing better to do, so the math of that, long story short, is 20 days. Okay, this is more than just a bug. This is a game-breaking bug. This is like farming iron daggers for smithing levels in Skyrim, one of those dupe glitches in Minecraft, or using the angel goat to compete against your friends getting the most points within the time limit in goat sim.

Buuuuuuut, since it’s benefitting me, I don’t really care?

One last thing to note about self-repair, is that slightly reduced cost allows me to do four repetitions in a cycle. How does that affect anything? It doesn’t, really. But hey, it means I can repair more in one go. In fact, I can now repair more in one go than I have durability. So that’s nice.

Since what happened in the last city, I haven’t been attracting monsters. Instead, I’ve been screwing around with small animals in the city. Driving them away from food carts, wells, that sort of thing. Now that I think about it, I’m probably reducing the levels of sickness and disease in this city.

You’re welcome, people who don’t know I exist.

Now, I think it’s about time to utilise my epic fork psychic powers to wake up sleeping beauty over there. Judging by all the people getting up, it should be morning.

(POV Ferdinand)

Today is the day I get over my fear of boats. Richard is very well-known in the fishing community here, so he found out almost instantly that I have started trying my hand at fishing. In one of his rare moments of clarity, he actually recognised that his friends were talking about me, so he invited me to go fishing with him.

On his galleon. He has a galleon.

And a full crew, that he takes with him every time he goes fishing. Why he doesn’t just use a smaller boat, I have no clue.

As I walk up the gangplank and onto the deck, I feel it rolling slowly beneath my feet, my stomach starts to churn and I begin to wonder why I agreed to this in the first place. Oh right, because I wanted to learn how to fish better.

Walking up behind me, Richard claps me on the back, just as the deck shifts beneath me. I fall to the floor, where Richard looks at me in surprise.

“Don’t have your sea legs yet? What have you been doing during your time here if not sailing, Frederick?”

He stretches out a hand to help me, and as I grab it, I notice his grip is incredibly strong, and when he hoists me to my feet he doesn’t budge an inch even on the rolling deck, as if he were made of stone.

“Ferdinand, sir. I’ve just been hunting monsters around the city, since I’m not used to being on ships.”

He laughs. “It’s about time for you to get used to it then. There’s no better crew anywhere in this area, and most of them have been my shipmates for decades. You’re in the best of hands, Ferdinand. Relax and enjoy the sea, in all of its beauty.”

He walks to the prow and spreads his hands, but all I see is water. It’s saltwater too, so it can’t even be drunk or used to water crops.

“Not feeling it yet? You will. The seas are an entirely different world to land, with their own rules… and rulers.”

Whatever that meant, this is sure to be an interesting trip. One way or another.

Dozens of men, most of them with hair that is greying or even pure white, clamber about the rigging. Unfurling sails, tying ropes and whatever else sailors do with twice the vigour of men half their age.

“Why do you take a galleon out just to fish?” I ask. “Surely it would be easier with a smaller vessel?”

He stroked his beard with one hand and caressed the ship’s carved railing with another.

“I watched this ship, the Sea Dragon, being built. I travelled across the seas on her, fought alongside her…” He turned to me. “This ship is almost as close to me as my wife used to be… I can’t move to another woman, even if it would be easier. And I can’t sail on another ship.”

I can scarcely recognise him as the forgetful old man, selling fish in a stall by the side of the road. He looks alive, almost as if he’s grown a few years younger, just by being on his ship.

The sea is mysterious indeed.

The sailors untie mooring lines, pull up anchors, and row our way out of harbor into the sea. We are off.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I must empty my stomach. Violently.

A galleon bobs up and down on waters as smooth as a sheet of glass. Looking around at the sea is like looking into the sky; it seems as if one will fall for all eternity, if they fall overboard.

A cloud drifts slowly across the sky, blocking the sun. A gargantuan shadow slowly shifts across the surface of the sea, providing shelter to working sailors. Meanwhile, several men sit at one end of the ship, poles held loosely. A net of strings drapes down into the water, causing tiny ripples on an otherwise smooth surface where they meet with it.

The men are quiet. Still. Relaxed, but watchful as they wait for a bite. The oldest one there speaks quietly to the youngest there.

“You have patience. Usually men at your age are rushing about here and there, but you seem content to sit. I like that. If a man won’t wait to live, they won’t wait to die. There’s no point in rushing when you don’t… need to move in the first place.”

Exhaling deeply, Ferdinand replies, completely relaxed. “I used to be a farmer. Plants could take months to grow. If you lack patience and harvest before its time, all you would get is chaff. A farmer without patience is a poor farmer.”

After that, they sit in silence. The only sounds are the occasional splash of a fish being pulled from the water, accompanied by the warm smile of its catcher. Most of the fish are caught by Richard, and very few are caught by Ferdinand. Still, the fact that he catches any at all says something about both his talent in fishing and Richard’s skill as a teacher.

And it can’t be forgotten that they are in a location picked by Richard himself. With his experience and skills, picking a location rich in fish is a matter of course.

As the day draws on and the buckets grow fuller, Ferdinand opens his mouth again. “Thank you for bringing me with you today, sir. I really appreciate it.”

Richard smiled fondly at him. “Don’t worry about it, lad. Old men like us, we feel happy just having someone to talk to. That’s why we all go fishing together so often, right men!?”

“““Yes sir!”””

“Now, who caught the biggest fish!?”

“““You did, sir!”””

“That’s right, I did!”

A shadow moves over the surface of the water again, just like any of the other times a cloud passed over the sun. But this time, Richard’s gaze suddenly grows sharp, and he throws his pole to one side, where it clacks and rolls along the edge of the deck, falling with a *plop* into the sea.

Standing, he roars out, “BATTLE STATIONS! IT’S A BIG ONE!”

All the sailors rush about, loading shot and powder into the cannons, fetching bows and ammunition, closing and latching doors and hatches…

Meanwhile, the surface of the water near the ship bulges upwards, waves surging outwards as something enormous surfaces, complete with a glassy orb the size of a human head.

“TARGET THE EYE!” Richard yelled out, preparing his own weapons.

A volley of arrows fly out with impeccable accuracy, going directly towards the eye of the beast.

In a motion that looks almost ponderous due to its size, it slides its eyelid shut and the arrows bounce off the rubbery flesh. A low *BOOM* echoes out, and a chunk of flesh is torn from the eyelid, the beast issuing a wailing shriek as the cannonball continues into the eye behind.

“CUT ME A PATH, MEN!” Richard’s voice booms forth once more, clear even over the deafening screams of the beast.

Another volley is loosed, but the difference between this and the first is akin to that between a lake and the ocean. Flying in a perfect arrowhead formation, each arrow glows with a blue light, emitting a sharp sound as they cut through the air.

But they never pierce the beast. No, they never even touch it.

For as they approach, the flesh of the beast distorts and tears before them, each moving and creating deep trenches in the body of the beast.

They pass by the beast, continuing into the water behind it. The water parts at their behest, and they vanish into the abyss.

*BOOM!*

Another cannon blast rings out as the beast reels in pain, water and blood slipping from it to the sea below, creating waves and staining the area around it red.

Even this cannonball glows as it powers through the air, but due to its size, it is even more eye-catching. The cannon was fired from the opposite end of the ship as the archers, but due to the angle they both hit the same area.

Another, even larger furrow is carved into the flesh of the sea monster, leaving a set of cuts… and one small spot where they all intersect, leaving a particularly deep wound.

“My turn.”

With a savage grin, Richard grips his weapon and takes a bounding leap overboard, sending him soaring ten… no, perhaps even twenty meters over the surface of the water, leaving him directly above the beast.

“HaaaAAAAHHHH!”

Tensing his muscles, both weapon and wielder began to glow dimly as he stretches to his breaking point. Then, he flings it down, and the weapon disappears amidst a massive shockwave that radiates even to the surface of the water and creates a series of ripples.

Were one on the ship, they would only be able to hear the final scream of the beast as it dies. Richard, however, has a perfect view of it as he falls. His harpoon bores a bloody hole until it reaches the heart of the beast, killing it.

Or it would die, after that last bit of blood the heart had pumped out lost its oxygen. Which will be very soon.

In the meantime, Richard spins in the air, entering a smooth dive. When he hits the water, he slips into it as smoothly as a fish, with nary a splash.

Beneath the water, he swims faster than many can run, moving around as easily as a hawk on the high winds. He moves towards the slowly sinking beast, diving into the hole created by his harpoon, now filling with the last vestiges of its blood.

With a titanic pull, he wrenches his weapon from the heart of the beast, and swims back to the surface.

Grabbing a rope ladder, he climbs up it quickly and effortlessly. Reaching the deck, he raises his bloody harpoon high and proclaims their victory.

(POV Ferdinand)

When that thing fixed its gaze on me, with that glassy, emotionless eye… I honestly thought we were dead. But the way they dealt with it… They almost made it look weak.

And while all of them were out there fighting, it was all I could do to keep my footing, with all the rocking this boat was doing. The amount it tilted… how did it not capsize?

I wonder if, one day, I’ll be able to fight like that too?

…I don’t think it’s possible…

Richard walks over to me, breathing a bit heavily.

“You alright there, lad? For your first sea battle, that was a doozy.” He said.

“But I didn’t do anything.” I say, ashamed. “I could barely keep myself aboard.”

“But you did!” He laughs. “And that’s more than most people can say, I assure you. I think you’d do well as a sailor, in fact.”

I lift my head, happy at his praise yet unsure if it was really something praiseworthy.

“Ow, my back, my back!” Suddenly, he bends over, thumping himself on the back with his fist.

“I really am getting old, to be having trouble with a child like that…”

My eyes bulged. “A child!? It was bigger than this ship!”

He glanced at me. “Oh sure. Adult killer whales can grow to be twice that size. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to steer us clear of these waters before one of its parents comes along.”

I follow him with my eyes, in disbelief. The sea really is a different world. That thing was even bigger than the spider matriarch, and it’s only a child. Still, I don’t expect that its level was as high. That would be insane…

(POV Richard)

Shifting the wheel with one hand, I glance at the notification hovering in my vision. Level forty-two, was it? It must have been very young indeed.

Dismissing it, I focus back on the water. It is only here, out in the deeps, that I feel truly alive. It’s partly because of my skills, I’m sure, but even so. Just breathing in the sea breeze reminds me of better days…

Days when my son stood beside me at the helm as I taught him the ropes.

Days when I held his hand in the water as I taught him to swim.

Days when we sat around a table in mess and ate together.

If only I could reverse the timepiece… but no, that would be an insult to my comrades. An insult to their resolve, to their courage, their sacrifice. If I truly could do such a thing, I would not, could not, use it.

Those times have passed, however much I wish for it not to be so.

Ah, the sea. Calm and deep, welcoming and warm. Yet how terrible a mistress is she, men enter but never leave. Ships sail, never to be heard from again. Perhaps one day…

But not today. However cruel she treats me, yet I just can’t leave her be… If I ever loved a woman, I loved three; my beautiful wife, Gods rest her soul; My ship, faithful companion; and the sea, hated and loved in equal measures.

My hands move on their own as I stare into the depths. I let them, they never steered me wrong before, and my men would tell me if they ever did.

“Captain! Ship sighted!” A holler comes down from the crow’s nest.

Drawing a deep breath, I bellow back up. “Any markings?”

In reply, he tosses down the spyglass. I’m not so old as to miss this. I reach out and grabbed it as it tumbles through the air.

Extending it again, I follow the man’s outstretched arm and focus on the horizon. My skill telescopic vision increases my vision threefold when using a spyglass, allowing me to easily spot the vessel. I pan around, and the more I look, the more I frown.

No markings on the sails, no flags, no ensigns… A completely unmarked vessel.

On the open sea, that can only mean bad things for us. To be on the safe side, we should retreat to the harbour.

Just as I’m about to put the spyglass down, I catch sight of a figure at the prow of the ship.

Perhaps this will give a clue as to the intentions of the vessel.

I twist the spyglass, increasing the magnification and allowing me to clearly see even the man’s face.

The spyglass drops from my hands, clattering to the deck.

I’m too shocked to care.

It’s impossible. Absolutely, completely impossible. I saw his corpse, I buried it!

WHY IS MY SON ON THAT SHIP?

Gerald: sea-fork extraordinaire!

Ferdinand: Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll feed you for a day.