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DeadpoolUltra by BatRou-Dawg

Misc » Book X-overs Rated: M, English, Drama & Humor, Words: 70k+, Favs: 24, Follows: 27, Published: May 2, 2023 Updated: May 3, 2023

1Chapter 8

"So... You wanna talk about it, Joe?"

"Not really, Danny."

"Well I do, because you're lounging on my couch and have been nursing a milkshake for two hours... In costume... And I have a crowd of reporters outside my office."

I pointedly ignored the flashes of camera lights from the vicinity of the office window as I took another sip of my drink. How was this still cold?

"Hey, you can take the opportunity to get the Dockworker's Union some publicity. I don't mind."

Danny rolled his eyes as he filed another piece of paper, signing and stamping something.

"So... you know how I'm a Case 53 right?"

"A lot more outwardly human than most, but yes?" Danny shrugged, humoring me. "What about it?"

"Well, once I started healing people I realized that I'm a LOT different on the inside... My heart doubles as a lesser second brain and hell, my insides look so wack that I don't know how it's keeping me alive... And it got me thinking, you know?" While I lied about HOW I found out about my body situation, I assure you the concern that I wanted to address Danny about was not.

"About?..."

"Can I still have kids?"

Danny choked on his coffee.

"COUGH! AH! HOT DAM-nabbit! Shoot, it's all over the paperwork..." Danny sighed as he wiped himself and his table down, "I'm sure you'll be fine. I haven't heard of a Case 53 being unable to have kids."

"Haven't heard of them having one either."

"Come on, don't worry, kid. I'm sure All Might won't have any lady problems. Rather I have half a mind to keep you away from my daughter, young hero. I'm actually a bit concerned about how many times she's re-watched that New Jersey Smash video on YouTube. Or talking about your suit design. Where'd you get the the suit by the way? Looks good on you. Must have been hard getting something that good quality that fast."

"Honestly? There was a duffel bag in my apartment bathroom when I got home after dinner with you and Taylor. I assumed it was PRT. Or Dragon." But more like I placed it there with Pocket Room and pretended to marvel at it with glee just in case my house was bugged.

Danny coughed as he choked on his coffee.

"Dragon?!"

I slurped on my milkshake. Mmm. Strawberry... this is the kind of thing that can happen when you avoid the subject, Danny old pal.

"She showed up on my laptop to introduce me to the PHO. She's a PRT person right?"

Danny pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You can't just suddenly say that Dragon appeared on your laptop."

"Dragon appeared on my laptop. She helped me make my PHO accounts." I shrugged, chuckling inwardly at Danny's reaction. "What's weird about that sentence?"

Danny shook his head.

"It's easy to forget you're a Case 53. Well I'm not a huge cape follower, but Taylor has a few favorites. Like Armsmaster. She ships the two of them, whatever that means, and Dragon is pretty well known as the best Tinker in the world. Everyone talks about how she's half the reason anything gets done by the Protectorate."

"The heck is she helping new capes with PHO accounts for then?"

You know, aside from leaving programs to keep track of my search history?

Danny laughed.

"Must have seen something special in ya. Well, I suppose after yesterday nobody can say she's got a bad sense of talent."

Being reminded of yesterday, I still felt guilt over the whole gang war situation, even thoughother Joewas still trying to convince me that it wasn't my fault... No. Bad thoughts. Think good thoughts. Positive ones.

I knew that, really in the end, I had no control of how the situation escalated... but it didn't keep the bitter feelings completely at bay.

"I just feel bad that me being there made Squealer drive a truck into the hospital cafeteria."

Even if she felt repentant about it.

"Apparently it was supposed to be a distraction so that they could bust Skidmark out of jail. Fortunately Armsmaster happened to be in on duty and, well, no matter how gross Mush got over a few days ago, it wasn't gross enough to beat him. His power suit has all sorts of filters, so he was ok. I just feel bad for the PRT Troopers." Danny shuddered at the thought of dealing with Mush. "Ugh. Their whole bodies AND their HQ are filth ridden right now. Been keeping the police busy though since there's so much to do that PRT is actually handing off some of the non-crucial work down to the BBPD because giant shit stains in the streets don't need forensic experts to tell that there was a gang fight in a location and shutting them down and keeping the contested locations out of gang custody actually is gonna make the city money. Once those places get cleaned they get auctioned off, its income for the town. Even better is that the buyers are being screened so as to make sure they have nothing to do with the current gangs."

Oh? Maybe that's why nobody showed up for the Nazis yesterday?

"Well that's good? Haven't had much to do with BBPD, but I'm sure they must be fine people."

Danny shook his head, snorting through his nose.

"Well on one hand they have a hard time operating as their and the PRT's jurisdictions cross over a lot. On the other hand at least a quarter of them are corrupt as hell."

I rolled my eyes as I finally finished the last of my drink.

"Well, I should get going. Thanks for putting up with me, Danny. Got some questions for a friend of a friend, and I'm owed a drink, so..."

Danny nodded me off as he finished cleaning off his desk and pulling some papers from a filing cabinet.

"Don't mention it, kid. Just give Hanna, my secretary, an autograph on the way out. Poor girl almost fainted when you walked in. Heh." Danny chuckled, "She's had a rough week and I'd appreciate it if you helped cheer her up."

"Not a problem. Later, Danny!"

After quick selfie and hug with Hanna and signing both a coffee mug AND her cell phone case later, I headed out of Danny's office and dealt with the throng of reporters.

Smile with the eyes... Smile with the eyes... REALLY smile with the eyes!

Firstly, I stated I was busy and only had time for a few questions.

Was I part of the PRT?

"No, not at the moment. They introduced me to their Wards program, but I'm afraid that I've only been in town for a few days now. I acted because there were people who needed saving, but being part of something that big is a little overwhelming for me at the moment."

That seemed to take their attention for a bit as there were a bunch more photos. Absentmindedly I wondered if I should have bothered with the teenage hero act as All Might, but too late now I guess. Also if the PRT started shit and tried to gangpress me into the Wards by some twisted, 'He's pretending to be older, but needs proper guidance!' BS, I would be pretty ticked off.

How do I feel about the gang wars in Brockton Bay?

"It's terrible. Hatred only begets hatred. They're just perpetuating a dark cycle. I hope to put a wrench in that."

Why did I choose to be called All Might?

"Right now we live in dark times. I hope to bring those times to an end. To do so, I must be greater than the me I was before. To be a Symbol of Peace. For that I needed a name that would be grand enough to dare dream of the occupation. And, well... All Might is just a letter shy of the All Mighty, so..."

Most everyone had a chuckle.

"And with that, we are out of questions! I bid you all a good day!" I leapt into the air, creating updraft and hoping that not too many of the female reporters were wearing skirts, "New Hampshire Smash!"

I jetted off into the city.

"Hmm. If I had a cape I could pretend this was the opening to MHA season 2."

Using a mixture of Vector Push and kicking out with my legs before I got too close to the ground or the top of a building was good enough to break my fall with a cushion of air. And also if I wanted to push the momentum further while already in air. Like a reverse Spider-Man mode of transport.

Also good for drawing lots of attention to myself.

Another leap and I was accompanied by a tall platinum blonde girl flying next to me while looking as if she was laying on her back.

"That a magic carpet or a cape?"

"Why, looking to show me a whole new world?" Victoria Dallon aka Glory Girl winked at me, before looking me up and down appreciatively, "...actually that might be worth a ride."

I laughed as I kicked with Vector Push and juggled myself over to the railing of another business building and launched off of it, making it easier to extend my airtime.

"I'm afraid that I'm one power short of an Alexandria package, so you'd have to do the heavy lifting."

"Oh, I don't know about that, mister New Jersey Smash. Looks like you're handling yourselfprettywell."

I shrugged.

"Sometimes if you have a problem, you just use enough brute force and then suddenly it's not a problem."

Glory Girl laughed and flipped over as her hair flew out of her eyes, the radiant peaks of her tiara shining through.

"I know right?! Well... maybe notALWAYS, but I totally getcha. Still, this might be the first time I've seen someone BRUTE STRENGTH the fact that they can't fly." she giggled again, "Better not be trying any of that brute strength mentality with your patients though."

I shrugged and gave her a sly look.

"I don't know, isn't it pretty much brute strength if I heal someone by letting them touch my abs?"

Glory Girl spun in the air as if she lost concentration, falling behind I as I jumped away cackling.

She caught up quickly enough before pushing me in the air making me spin around and land on the top of some fancy rooftop cafe's patio area.

"Jerk! I almost choked laughing!" she was still a little red-faced from forcing herself to catch up and struggling not to laugh like a manic person, "I almost fell!"

"Banter while flying. Truly the super-flight equivalent of texting and driving. Shame on you Glory Girl. You should be an example for the masses."

She snorted faux-elegantly before flipping a strand of hair over her shoulder.

"I have no idea what you might be talking about." She said poshly.

We both stared at each other before cracking out in laughter again.

"Well it's nice to meet you in person, Glory Girl. I am All Might." I said as I extended my hand to her to shake, "Tell Panacea I said hello. I was grateful for all of her help yesterday. I couldn't have done that alone."

"Hey the one Ames wants to thank is you." Glory Girl laughed as she shook my hand. My hand almost felt like it was slipping around on some liquid metal surface sans the heat through her force field. I had to actively keep my weaker version via Power Hub off to not give away THAT secret. "And feel free to call me Vicky. You saved my sister's life. Heck I don't know if I could've reacted that quickly after looking at that video... Seriously. Thank you."

She subconsciously tightened her grip and I quietly nodded.

"It was my pleasure. I'm just glad she was fine."

"I, thanks. I just feel so dumb. All I did was go around flying and glaring at any gangbangers looking like they wanted to start something. I didn't think anybody would be stupid enough or drugged up enough to attack a damn hospital." She huffed while waving me over to a seat.

I guess she had made a reservation or was a regular, as a waitresses quickly came by with menus for the two of us and a small pot of tea for Vicky.

Probably the latter, seeing as Vicky poured out a cup for herself without pausing as she spooned in some sugar and stirred.

"Oh, this is, like, super good chai. Want some?"

I nodded and she poured me a cup.

I took a sip, no sugar.

"Oh wow."

"Right? It's perfect for keeping warm on days like this too, so I figured you'd appreciate it."

I nodded, not feeling a need to correct her just because I had the Immunity power.

"Mmm. Winter is coming."

"Tell me about it. The cold is terrible for my hair, too." Vicky complained, "But enough about me. What was it that you wanted to ask me?"

"Well... I was hoping, since your mother Brandish is a lawyer, that she might know any that specialized with Cape rebranding or Capes in general."

Vicky quirked a brow as she thumbed through her menu.

"Getting cold feet? Bought boots too big to fill?" She teased.

"I... can I show you how my healing works? There's something I have to show you about this for you to fully understand."

Vicky bit her lip before nodding.

"Ok, I'll trust you for a bit. But how are we-"

A forehead flick blew her barrier apart and her hair fluttering back like she was a shampoo hair model (which admittedly, she could totally pull off). I near simultaneously nicked her finger with a dining knife, only just enough for a droplet of blood.

"Whoa-ow! Give a girl some warning why don't you? And how the hell did you know how my barriers... oh."

She paused as the cut on her finger seemed to fade out of existence as it appeared on mine, the blood still outside of her body as it was merely colored sweat.

"That was odd. Youtookthe injury from me and I could...feelthat you felt that knife. That's trippy. And... oh my god. DID YOU DO THIS ALL DAY YESTERDAY?!" she slammed her hands on the table, almost cracking it with her now restored force field.

"Vic-"

"Don't you Vicky me, All Might, this is serious! How did you even... Ugh, I feel sick just thinking about it."

I sighed.

"Yes, every bit of pain, the terrible things that they saw, even their fear. I feel it all. And that is exactly why I need your help. Because there is a person that I am trying to save."

"...No. You're not seriously-"

"Vicky. Please listen for-"

"She tried to KILL you! Tried to kill my sister! Tried to kill-"

"Stop being such a child."

She flinched as I stared at her with disappointment. Being only able to see things from one side of the conversation, she couldn't imagine that because she technically wasn't in the wrong how her words could be so shameful.

"Imagine just for a minute that you weren't as blessed as you are. Your parents are drug addicts living paycheck to paycheck and are terrible enough people to beat you and drug you up for crying that you were hungry or thirsty just to get you to shut up. Barely treated like a human being and desperately surviving day to day. One day, things get too hard, you Trigger. And your parents sell you off because NOW you're worth something to them. All for enough drugs to just last them a month. Becausethat was all you were worth to them. Then you're used ineverysense of the word as they break you and nobody was there to reach out to you. Becausenobody cared... I can't stand it. If nobody wants to reach out, then I will. If nobody will save them,I will. Because, for me, THAT is what it means to be a hero."

"...ok. You're right. I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to... sorry."

I sighed, closing my eyes.

"I am too. I don't wish to take my frustration out on you, nor is it fair to. I just needed you to understand that there is somebody I must save. And I need your help. You don't have to forgive her. Just give her a hand so thatshe can have a chance. Because nobody ever gave her that opportunity. Help me save her."

Victoria sat back down (she had been floating upwards slowly but surely in anger) as she absentmindedly stirred her tea.

She sighed.

And we were awkwardly interrupted by a waitress.

Victoria ordered some overpriced blueberry cheesecake and I got a BLT.

We nibbled in silence. At least until I realized WOW this was REALLY good bacon, and quickly, but neatly, ate it up.

"This wasn't what I had in mind when you messaged me saying that you were down for that drink." She joked, a little miserably, playing with her slice of half eaten cheesecake "I thought I'd get to hang out with a hunk, enjoy a little eye candy, make my boyfriend jealous and have a little laugh has he got defensive before assuring him that, no, the New Jersey Smash man wasn't gonna sweep me off my feet."

"What's with everyone calling me that today? It CAN'T already be a meme."

"It's the internet. And of course it is. I don't care how goddamn hot it looks, it's even more stupid that you have enough brute strength that it works."

"It's a legitimate technique! It's an anti-grappling and anti-restraint maneuver! It was that or the Oklahoma Smash, but the latter's more of an anti-dogpile technique."

"Firstly, I want you to teach my boyfriend how to properly pull the New Jersey Smash off then, mister legitimate technique. Secondly, what's the Oklahoma Smash?"

I laughed, "Well according to the posts people are making on my page of the PHO, I must first see if you are worthy for the secrets of Smash-Fu."

"Pshhh. Boys. Wanting to smash toys when they're small. Wanting to smash girls when they grow up."

"That's not what I meant." I sweat-dropped, "And now I realize we're getting off topic. So back to the dreadfully boring lawyering..."

"Yeah, yeah. I can think of a few that mom's complained about, especially when they beat her in the courtroom. Two specifically when you consider that they turned Villains around into Rogues without too much of a problem. I'm guessing you wanna flip Squealer into a Hero though?"

"Only if she's comfortable with it. I have no intention on pushing her in a direction against her will. Most likely, she'll end up as a Rogue that caters more towards the non-criminal side of things. Better and safer public transport. The odd monster truck for a truck rally. Heck she's already drawing up blueprints for improved PRT armored transport to try to work up their good side."

Victoria gave a look of astonishment.

"Wow. She... sounds a lot more serious about this than I thought she'd be."

"It's the first time in about a decade that she's been able to be in a situation to make her own decisions with clear thoughts, no drug addiction to get in the way of anything, and someone encouraging her to do something positive with her life. Also helps that she's somewhere nobody suspects."

"And where is that, oh, all-giving All Might?"

"That, Victoria, is what we call a secret."

"Pfft. You suck. And you're boring." She faux-mocked, giving me a fake stink-eye before laughing. "Well that's fair. How is she gonna build stuff though? Won't you need to get her tools and materials?"

"It's been taken care of."

Because a new cape/merc in town named Deadpool raided her old Merchant garage/workshop and Pocket Room is OP HAX. Also there are like, three different abandoned car junkyards in town.

OP HAX.

"I just need to properly pick up some paint once I'm in civvies, and we're set with proof of concept models. I looked up some photos of her old work and was a bit concerned, but her without the drugs messing her up or Skidmark drugging her up the gills to force her to 'Work Better', her designs are actually really something else. Hell, I'm half tempted to ask her to make ME something just so I can have a joyride."

The only reason why I WONT (Aside from the Deadpool-mobile!Shut up, dude.) is that I'd rather she focus on proving to the city that she's a benefit and worth a second chance.

"Ooooh~ There room for a fellow thrill seeker in that tinker-tech joyride?"

I laughed, "Only if you spill with the name of the lawyer firms already. We can take it to the edge of town and floor it around in that old airport that never finished getting built. Runway looks perfect for a bit of fun. Hell, I'll let you bring your boy toy around and give the thing a whirl."

"Deal!" Vicky almost squealed, "Ok, gimme a sec. I take a pic of like, EVERY business card 'cuz carrying around like, a hundred of them suuuucks. I never thought mom making me catalog them would come in handy, but hey! Whattya know? They should just totally make them digital now."

I nodded.

"We have the technology."

"Right?! Ah, here it is, gimme your phone number, I'll text it to ya."

"Actually, why don't you let me write this down. I'll give you my number though."

"Dope. We should totally hang sometimes. You're pretty chill when you ease up on the intensity. Leave Dad Might at home when we youngsters go out for a good time, ok?"

"Yes mom. Whatever you say mom."

Vicky flicked her napkin at me, I snatched it out of the air and pulled out a pen.

"Where'd the pen come from?"

"Belt has pockets?"

"Bullshit! I stared at your ass enough while we were on the way here! You don't have pockets in your belt!"

"Looking at my ass too much and not my belt then. What would your boyfriend say?"

"Look, nobody loses when I look at pretty things. Naturally,hiseyes must stay on me."

"Becauseyou'rethe prettiest thing in the room?"

Vicky preened like a peacock at the 'praise'.

"You learn fast. Hmmm. Yup. You'll do after all."

"Do for what?" I asked as I scribbled down the card details and then tore off a piece of napkin to write my number on for her.

"For my dear baby sister of course!"

I sighed again.

"We met one time. And people are already shipping us online for some reason. Cure All actually sounds good, which is kind of a problem just how catchy that is."

"So you agree!" Vicky grinned, waggling her eyebrows.

"I haven't agreed to anything." I rolled my eyes, "and I'm not sure how Panacea feels about you trying to pawn her off for sweet joyrides on a tinker-tech ride that doesn't exist yet."

"Pffft. You're a catch, believe me. She'll thank me later."

"I'm serious in saying, I'm pretty sure that's not how it works."

"Hey, you saying that's just proof that you're a good guy. Shoot, if I wasn't single, we might be having a different conversation right now." She winked playfully.

I rolled my eyes again. Not real likely considering I'm mentally 24. Even if Peak Condition did de-age me a little (fuck me man, I was most fit when I was in 8th grade. It apparently needed SOMETHING to base off of), physically I was still 19. Once again, just a bit too old as far as I was concerned.

"Not gonna happen, Vicky."

"Fine, fine. You'll change your mind once you see her out of uniform and in something proper. People always say Ames is mousey and short, but that's because they've never properly seen how top heavy she is." Vicky blabbered as she began floating away, "I could set you up with something if you doubt me~"

"I'll be sure to tell Panacea the next time I see her at the hospital exactly what you said word for-"

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU, WIND TOO LOUD, BYE!"

And that, kids, is How I Met Your Mother.

I will 2nd Trigger Schrodinger just to stab you.

Satisfied withe continued silence I leapt off the patio after learning that Vicky had asked the staff to put everything on her tab.

A New Hampshire Smash later, I was soaring.

A surprising four Entropy Fragments floated in my flames. Really mine considering how I technically don't have a shard anymore.

I wonder if maybe bloom derived Shards just give more or its that Vicky ALWAYS has her power on.

Hmm. Food for thought.

I also supposed that maybe I might be immune to Master type powers, because I felt nothing like an awe or fear aura around Vicky.

I didn't know if she could turn them off or not, but I was under the impression that she couldn't at the moment.

Maybe my pseudo Entity biology made me Master proof? Note to self: get this properly tested.

If that's the case, Deadpool's claim to fame HAS to be killing Heartbreaker. That and because hypocrisy aside is SERIOUSLY a man that needs to die.

Still, that was just a thought for another time. In the meanwhile...

I landed on the ground, using bursts of Vector Push to let me land without causing a huge crater on the ground or shaking up the town.

"Here, let me help you with that, miss." I said, lifting a large bag of groceries off the ground as I began helping an old lady across the street.

People in Worm may have forgotten that super-heroing was originally derived from community service, but I had no intention of doing the same.

END

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