NOVEL WEB Chapter 118: 9
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DeadpoolUltra by BatRou-Dawg
Misc » Book X-overs Rated: M, English, Drama & Humor, Words: 70k+, Favs: 24, Follows: 27, Published: May 2, 2023 Updated: May 3, 2023
1Chapter 9
"This day can't get any worse."
Taylor blew a strand of hair out of her eyes as she rolled her eyes at me.
"The great All Might can't handle a few high schoolers? What would the press say?"
"Firstly, you aren't out of hot water yet, Taylor, 'cuz I need to know why you're being bullied and why you haven't said anything to Danny. Secondly, All Might can handle anything, it's Joe Lee that can't. Because NOBODY told me that going here was going to be like being the star of an Axe commercial!"
Taylor rolled her eyes as she angrily forked up her cold spaghetti.
"You're a buffer, vaguely asian Schwarzenegger was teenaged, his muscle proportions reassembled like God wanted to make man all over again, and came to school in the tightest t-shirt known to the known universe walked into the halls and was actually a nice guy. Which should be impossible since your wearing Oakley's shades with red lenses."
I groaned.
"The PRT chose the shades and claimed that I had a light sensitively and needed them medically. And I didn't know the shirt was gonna shrink in the wash." I muttered. "And no avoiding the fact that you're being bullied. Whatever it is, I'm gonna fix it. Now spill."
Taylor nibbled on her fork and wouldn't meet my eyes.
"Look, I know that something's not right with the fact alone that Danny said that Emma girl was your best friend, but I saw her trip you in the hallway and nobody did anything. I don't know why no teacher is out being anything resembling a hall monitor, but none of the students batted an eye. That's NOT normal. And definitely not ok."
"...I don't know. A year ago I was super excited for school because it's been a long time since I've shared classes with Emma, but... she's different since high school started. Like she suddenly became a different person over the summer break before freshman year, and... look, it's nothing to bother you over, its-"
I flicked Taylor's forehead (obviously holding back like hell. I can burst Glory Girl's force field, I'm not gonna crack Taylor's skull) just enough for the skin to turn a little red.
"Ow! Hey!"
"Taylor." I said, taking off my colored lenses and making proper eye contact (we were on the roof, where nobody could see us) "I'm not All Might right now, I'm Joe Lee. The same Joe Lee that your dad saved after washing up on the docks. The SAME Joe Lee that spent the past two days geeking over capes stuff with you as you helped me get school supplies together, and DEFINITELY am the SAME Joe Lee that considers you a friend. And even IF I was All Might right now, it would still be something I considered my problem. Heroes don't stand there when their friends get bullied, you know."
Taylor chuckled weakly as she rubbed her forehead.
"You make it sound like I'm being silly when you put it that way."
I rolled my eyes at her before putting the tinted shades back on.
"Because you are being silly."
Taylor nibbled on another pasta noodle before continuing.
"I think it's Sophia Hess. I've neverheardEmma mention her once, andsuddenlyshe's all buddy-buddy with her when we started high school. I... I don't want to point fingers, but Emma had a lot of friends she used to complain and talk about, and I don't remember her being mentioned once. Madison's been working with them too, but she's more of a tag-along than a real problem. But Emma knowseverythingabout me, and has been slowly is making things more and more personal and..." She stabbed her fork into a meatball, "...I just feel so betrayed."
"For a year now huh?... Well, sudden changes like this don't come from nowhere. It definitely sounds like something big happened to her in the summer preceding her freshman year. And nothing good, if she's changed enough that she's bullying her best friend." I munched on my giant sub. Mmm. French bread is my favorite. Swiss cheese, Italian deli meats, German sauerkraut... Every mouthful is like like a taste of the European Union. "We need to see if anything traumatic happened over summer break."
"...I remember that her dad went to the hospital. Dad was on the phone and didn't realize I was close enough to overhear. Something about ABB."
Well that's something that lines up with my limited fanfiction affected Worm knowledge.
"Maybe that has something to do with it. Maybe she was with her dad and something happened... hey, Emma's dad is a lawyer, right? Think he might have sued whoever attacked him? Either way, we have a lead to work with."
Taylor chewed, then nodded.
"Technically, it wouldn't be the first time he's sued somebody." She admitted, "Mr. Barnes sometimes had a weird temper. I know he tried suing the mailman for something once."
I choked on sandwich. NO. Just... NO FUCKING WAY.
"Joe? Are you ok? Need some water?"
I chugged down some cold water from a plastic bottle. I don't think Taylor understood the implication that comes to mind about suing mail/milkmen.
"Ooof. Sorry, swallowed too fast. We can look into some court case stuff, I guess. We'll have to ask around where we can find that stuff because I haven't the foggiest."
And look into that mailman fiasco. There HAD to be a funny story behind that.
"I'll visit the library on the way home." Taylor volunteered, "I know you're still trying to get everything together for the Squ- I mean, Rider thing. Can I see the test models once she's done? I know you showed me a copy of the blueprints already and that's big, but PLEEEEEEASE."
I ruffled her hair, getting an indignant squawk, "Sure. We need to give'em a test run anyways. Just-"
Live Learn began blasting from my phone.
"Shit." I swore as I fumbled for my phone, "Always forget to turn them on vibrate." More like no need to because I keep it in Pocket Dimension normally.
"Hello?"
"All Might! Oh, shit. Sorry, you might be in school too, I forgot. Shit. Wait, that's not why I'm calling. Look, I don't know if you know, but one of the people at the cafe took photos of us and posted it on their personal blog. And I don't know why, but a friend of mine actually follows that blog. Problem is they're also friends with my boyfriend who... well..."
Ah fuck. Gallant, y u do dis. Follow your namesake more properly!
"Vicky, slow down. I only caught like HALF of what you said."
Taylor made an odd face as she repeated Vicky's name before a look of realization appeared.
"IS THAT GLORY GIRL?!" she hissed at me quietly enough to not be caught by the mic, "Since when have you had GLORY GIRLS NUMBER?!"
I gave her a 'Hush for now' look, finger over my mouth and everything as I kept listening.
"Look, long story short, my boyfriend might have seen the picture and jumped to conclusions. I tried explaining what we were meeting about and I might have mentioned that you were trying to flip Squealer around into something positive, but I don't think he was REALLY listening. I... he... I'm so sorry about my stupid-URGH! He went and told the PRT you know where Squealer is. They're probably going to come looking for you to get you to turn her in. I'm SO sorry..." Vicky sniffled from her side of the line, sounding as if she was or already had at some point been crying.
I sighed. Fucking hell. Teenage drama. I thought I was done with this after high scho... fuck I'm back in high school again. Shit. Ok, fuck, think. If the PRT had their way, they'd get Squealer and have her pump out tinker-tech vehicles the same way that Skidmark did, just without the drugs and a hell lot more regulations and bureaucracy. Guess what WASN'T gonna happen to her today?
"It's not your fault, and I'm certain that your boyfriend wasn't TRYING to be a dick. People get jealous for the smallest things, sometimes. It's what love does to you. It happens, it's ok. What we SHOULD do, is deal with the situation at hand."
"I wasn't trying to mess this up I swear-"
"Vicky! I know. And I believe you, it's ok. I'll just bump a few things forward and we'll deal with it. I don't blame you. It's fine."
Vicky sniffed from her side of the line.
"You sure I can't apologize by setting you up with Amy?" she joked half-heartedly, nose still runny.
"No." I laughed, "And stop trying to pawn off your sister, it's a bad habit. And you should really check if she even wants to be in a relationship right now. Or, hell, maybe just a thought, but she might not be into guys at all. I don't know, letherdo the searching maybe."
I heard a weak chuckle from my phone, "Are you sure you're not a therapist?"
"Nah. I did try applying for godhood once."
"Pft. Ok, super-Jesus. Thanks for cheering me up. I'm gonna go and chew out my boyfriend again."
"Just remember to REALLY use the canines. And the molars."
"Only if that's a part of your ten commandments."
"Number 2. After Thou Shalt Save the Lost."
"I'll convert to that. Ok. Later."
I sighed again as she hung up. "Taylor, you look like a puppy. You can stop with the eyes already."
"You were just on the phone withGLORY GIRL! She's Brockton Bay's ownAlexandriain the making! Well, aside from you, but you can't fly." She ribbed a little playfully.
"Smashes don't count?" I asked with a hurt expression.
She rolled her eyes with a cheeky grin, "Not until you make the school of Smash-Fu available for the public."
I snorted.
"You're not gonna let that go are you? Don't think I haven't noticed how you started a RP Smash-Fu Dojo thread on PHO."
"You can't prove anything!" She quickly retorted, flushing at having been caught, "I don't know what you're talking about."
"I saw you make an extra account and name it Madame Spider. And then later that day a certain new thread started under that name called-"
"Noooo!" she cried as she covered my mouth with her hands. "You saw nothing!"
I gave her a look that and then began dialing a new number before pointing to the phone screen to prove that I wasn't calling Danny just to embarrass her. With that she let me go.
While some uplifting chatter was JUST what I needed to unwind a bit before I began rushing the Squealer to Rider event forwards, I also needed to actually begin rushing that through.
"Hello? Yes, Mr. Rookwood. This is All Might. I thought I could avoid it for a couple more days, but I suppose that the fact we got five days without the PRT questioning me was really lucky anyways. We're gonna have to move up the... oh. Everything's ready? That was fast. I thought we were expecting another... I told you that I was more than happy to heal young Anthony. Yes. Oh, gosh, I really appreciate that, but you didn't have to. Ok. Yes. Thank you so much. I'll keep in touch. Thank you again. Mhm? Yeah, pass the phone, I got this. Hey, Tony. How's the leg? No, that's great. You got some real talent. Yeah, just make sure when you go to the world cup, you send a ticket my way, ha ha. Mhm. Aww, bud. I know they're icky, but you won't grow big and strong like me if you don't eat your greens, ok? Ok. Give the phone back to your dad. Alright, I'll see you soon, kiddo. Hey again Mr. Rookwood. So when are we doing the hearing? Tomorrow? Wow, ok. Sure. Sounds good to me. Thanks so much again for this. Hey, hey, I'll make sure to call you Ted out of professional situations. I owe you a lot for this. Yeah you have a good day."
"Well, I learned two things today." Taylor quipped as she finished off her lunch.
"Hmm? What is it?" I asked as I pocketed my phone.
"One, you've got the devil's luck right now. Two, you're good with kids."
I ruffled her hair again.
"Well, that explains why I get along so well with you."
"I'm not a kid!" she exclaimed indignantly, "I'm almost an adult you know!"
"Senior." I pointed to myself, "Sophomore." I pointed to her. "Guess who wins."
"You win the Big Jerk Award is what you win." Taylor gruffed. Or attempted to gruff. From a teenage girl it was more like a cute huff.
"Yeah, yeah." I laughed, pausing as the lunch bell rang. "Let's just head back to class."
"Ugh. Another hour at Winslow is an hour too long."
I nodded in agreement as I picked up Taylor (as she yelped in surprise) and hopped down from the roof, making sure that she wasn't hurt from the fall.
She slapped my shoulder angrily (and lightly, which felt EXTRA light because of my body's natural toughness) "You don't just bridal carry a girl without warning!" she hissed.
I smirked and shrugged.
"Ok, I'll make sure it's a fireman's carry next time then."
"What? No, wait, Joe! COME BACK HERE!" she chased me in horror as I ran away cackling.
It was so much fun to mess with people.
The good thing was that being a 'Senior' allowed me to sign up for 'fun' classes. Like Theater, which I did legitimately enjoy when I was in High School. The problem was that I couldn't actually perform in a school play, because I had other extracurricular responsibilities (Cape Life), but hey. You can't win them all.
The class was bare-bones and lacking in funding, but the teacher had enough enthusiasm to make it work.
After that was film-studies. I know there are film study classes that legitimately are for hardcore movie buff types, but this one was more of a joke filler class at Winslow. The teacher (who was also the AP Physics teacher) just handed out worksheets that he didn't bother grading and passed the fuck out, letting kids make out in the dark or deal trifling bits of marijuana.
Sweet gig aside, this class was open to all grades for some stupid reason.
And sadly for me, Sophia Hess and Emma Barnes shared classes with me. Oddly enough (or perhaps, ironically) they stood out in this class most, not unlike me. Sophia was actually rather pretty, in that sporty, athletic girl way. Emma was like a model from a magazine that just walked off of the pages one day, which probably WAS exactly why she was a model. She was an hourglass with legs. Curvy in the right places, not too thin, not too thick. And a redhead.
Ugh. Athletic girls and redheads. My two biggest weaknesses. Fuck me. Too bad they were both bonafide crazy. And maybe more than a little evil.
They probably chose this class so that they could talk about Shadow Stalker stuff in private as every kid was pretty much doing their own thing. (I remember some post on Spacebattles that confirmed that as canon, the stuff about them talking about Shadow Stalker activities, not that... you know what I mean.).
The problem was that SOMEBODY came walking in with the school martyr today. SOMEBODY that transferred in just about a month after school started, and was, due to Cosmetic Shapeshift, WAY too good looking (apparently) to just suddenly appear out of nowhere.
Especially since I once again, walked to school with Taylor Hebert.
And it was especially annoying for some people that I quickly began to loudly (and clearly) go out of my way to greet Taylor in the hallways and was very friendly to everybody, but making sure to give Taylor priority for everything.
I say it was like an overprotective big brother, but you know how schoolyard rumors are like... certainly there was more than one instance when some pimply girl hissed under her breath about how Taylor was sleeping with me for protection or something equally asinine.
My retorts of, "Well I certainly wouldn't sleep withyou." and the like might not have been the smartest of things to say, but hallway cries of "ROASTED!" aside, Taylor looked pleased enough that I was standing up for her.
Or, now that I thought about it, very embarrassed about the implications.
Then, Sophia unceremoniously plopped down in the seat next to me, breaking my thoughts.
"So, PRT stuck you in this shit-hole too?" She grinned, showing off her perfect white teeth, "Shit, I thought they'd stick your ass in Arcadia."
Oh great. They fucking told her my civilian identity. Or she peeked into shit. Either way, not fun for me. What happened to the Unwritten Rules, and keeping IDs a secret, huh?
"Did they tell ALL the Wards who I was? Or are you just special because you were going to the same school, little miss Stalker?"
Her eyes narrowed in the darkness of the classroom, the mutterings of the movie playing in the background. Some old movie from the 70's. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Probably didn't expect to be recognized by voice.
"Well, I guess I made an impression on big ol' All Might, huh?"
I shrugged.
"You and Vista were the only ones I've met so far." I admitted, "And besides, with the way you didn't even blink for the first five minutes of us meeting, I'm pretty sureImade the bigger impression."
Her grin was almost sleazy. But her eyes sparkled with memories.
"Oh, it was decent enough." She smirked, "At least, it was the highlight of the night."
"Oh joy." I drawled, "I'm so proud of myself. So guessing they wanted you to preach about joining the Wards to me?"
"Partly the propaganda. Partly because they want you to stop by the PRT HQ for a couple of questions today. Weird fucking text at lunchtime." She shrugged. "The last part is... personal business."
"Those personal reasons being Taylor, I assume?"
"Hey, you got a brain in there after all, huh?"
I raised a brow.
"Well it's pretty obvious that you and Emma have some beef with my friend. Which is weird because from what I heard from her dad was that Emma wassupposedto be her friend." I began straightening my back, slowly beginning to rise above Sophia in height. "But no matter what kind of schoolyard squabble this might be about,I do not take people messing with my friends lightly."
Hess raised her hands in a cool-it manner.
"Hey, hey, I hear you, ok? Shit I could carelessabout a geek like Hebert. I'll lay off, aight? Now look. It's Emma you'll have to work with. Something about her isconvincedthat she's gotta do this. Boy, I seen that video of you at the hospital. I don't know why the fuck you got a hard on for helping people to the extent you do, but I can respect it considering the video was almostsevenfucking hours of straight footage. But it does confirm you're like Emma and me. You and I, we'resurvivors.Predators. That I don't doubt an inch. Whatever the reason, Emma seems to doubt herself sometimes. Something about Hebert makes her feel in the back of her pretty little head that it's a link to back when she was weak, when she waspreyand THAT'S the problem, ok? Work with me here, 'cuz I fucking don't wanna get Smashed by All Might. Least not smash inthatsense."
She flashed her perfect teeth again. Fucking hell. She's crazy.
Stick the dick in crazy. They suck the hardest.
Shut the actual fuck up, Deadpool-persona.
You know you want toooooooooo-
Ignoring theother Joe, I sighed.
This was all over a confidence trip then, all things considered.
God, there was something truly wrong with this world.
"So... why's Emma sitting back so far aside from letting us have a private conversation? Because she's been staring at my abs and ass at every opportunity and it's beginning to weird me out that she also looks scared of me."
Sophie snorted as she held back her laughter.
END
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