Accountant Isekai

I was in the room my retainers had been assigned to stay in. They were with me. Their quarters were a large place with beds made of solid stone with warm blankets. The pillows were made of soft metal, but it was still metal.

Aside from those, the decor was fairly luxurious. Gems dotted the walls, there were numerous images of gods engraved in the room, and there were little stone flaps next to the holes where glowing crystals were placed on the walls. These bits of rock could be moved to close off the holes. This would block the light. Because I guess the Dark Elves either didn't have a way to turn the glowing crystals off, or they were too lazy to figure out how.

"Their pillows are made of metal," Joanna groaned.

"This is soft metal," Johannes said. "It should be fine for a pillow. At least, I think it'll be better than rocks. And I would know. I sometimes used rocks as pillows when I lived in the wilderness."

Astrid poked one of the metal pillows. She then ran her hand over it.

"I'm not sure about that. But I used leaves as pillows when I was in the wilderness, so I might not be an expert."

"Don't worry. I used leaves most of the time. I just used rocks when I couldn't find leaves," Johannes assured her.

A question came to my mind.

"Dʰéǵʰom, can you turn metal into silk?" I thought.

"If I'm in the room with the metal, I can. But then, I'd need to go to the land of the King Elves. I'm not going anywhere near there," he replied.

"Fair enough."

Astrid pondered a moment. Then, a smile crossed her face.

"Do you think I could use these metal pillows for my swordsmanship training?" she questioned.

A knock came at the door. Dr. Minos opened it, and a Dark Elf woman in high-quality armor stepped inside. She had a few others with her, some of whom I recognized as guards from my meeting with the queen. There was a look of shock on her face as she saw the minotaur.

"I heard that Saint Gustav had a minotaur amongst his retinue, but to actually see it..." her jaw slackened.

She then shook her head before turning to me.

"My apologies," the Dark Elf bowed. "My name ist Kuren. I hath been assigned by Her Majesty to train thine retainers in Dark Elf sword technique, upon thine request."

Astrid's eyes lit up. I gestured to her.

"This is who you're teaching swordsmanship to," I said.

"Thank you for your lessons," Astrid gave a quick bow.

She shot me a smile before turning to Johannes.

"I'm sure you'd be happy to train with me," Astrid stated.

"Of course, I would," he replied with a warm smile.

Kuren spoke up.

"Saint Gustav, Her Majesty also wishes to ask thee what sort of magic practice you wish for someone to help your retainers with," she said.

"The basics and magic item creation," I replied. "Johannes especially needs to learn the latter. He isn't ready to actually make magic items, but he should know the theory."

I gestured to him. Kuren nodded.

"Very well. I hath some knowledge in magic item creation. So, I shall aid in this manner too," she stated.

"Thank you," Johannes said, giving her a nod.

Then, he gave me a nod too.

"When can we get started?" Astrid asked, barely containing her excitement.

"Right now, if thou wishts," Kuren stated. "We can start with basic techniques in the training room."

"Go on, then," I encouraged Johannes and Astrid.

After that, the two left the room, following Kuren and the other Dark Elves. Soon after they left, Kless entered the room.

"I saw thine retainers with Lady Kuren and some guards. What wast that about?" she asked.

"Oh, I got the queen to send someone to teach them Dark Elf sword fighting and some magic," I answered. "She sent Kuren."

Kless nodded.

"Kuren ist an excellent choice. She hast taught sword technique for six hundred years," she said.

"That's impressive," I stated.

Considering how long Dark Elves lived before magic came into the world, I guessed that Kuren was middle-aged when she stopped aging.

"There art no better teachers among the Dark Elves," Kless smiled.

She then sat on one of the stone beds.

"Thine retainers hath an incredible room. These beds art so hard that they could snap maces."

"Is that some sort of expression?" I asked.

"Yes. Maces art not used often down here. So, their durability ist exaggerated by Dark Elves," Kless answered.

She ran her hand across the bed.

"Still, there art few beds harder than these. Her Majesty used magic to make them hard."

I groaned.

"Kless, there are humans that like hard beds. I'm one of them. But if a bed is literally as hard as rock because it is rock, that's a bit much for us," I said.

The Dark Elf blinked. Then, she nodded.

"Right. Humans art from a world where there art fewer rocks than down here," Kless stated. "I suppose the humans who complimented the beds were't being kind for diplomatic reasons?"

"Either that, or they liked extremely hard beds," I replied. "I mean, I think Johannes really liked the rock beds. So, maybe other people do too?"

"It could be that most of the merchants that go down here are the sort that like rock beds. Though, I find that unlikely," Joanna said.

I nodded.

"So, what did the Queen want you here for, Kless?" I asked.

"To ask me a few questions about how things art going in mine outpost," Kless answered.

"And to ask you questions about me too," I stated.

The Dark Elf opened her mouth, but I spoke fast.

"I don't mind that," I said. "I don't even mind you not telling me. This is the way things like this are supposed to go."

Kless sighed.

"Her Majesty asked me nothing bout thee. She thought there wast little need to question someone about the intentions of a Saint," she said.

"How? Is she really that religious?" I questioned.

"Thou underestimates how religious the Dark Elves here art," Kless said.

"I don't think that's possible after everything I've seen," I replied.

A dark chuckle came out of her mouth.

"Thou hast barely seen a single percentage of how religious they art. I am grateful that thou wilt not be here for long. Otherwise, thou shall experience far more than thou couldst imagine," Kless stated.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU..." Dʰéǵʰom started.

I looked at my hand. It was pale white.

"Oh, that's good," I said, a smile on my face. "Either that or my brain broke."

A thought came to Joanna.

"What does Dʰéǵʰom have to say about this?" she asked.

"...UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU..." the god continued.

"He's screaming," I said.

Joanna sighed.

"I'd probably be screaming too if I was a god. The Dark Elves' devotion is a bit much," she stated.

"...UUUUCK," Dʰéǵʰom finished. "Okay, new rule: if you ever see the full extent of how religious the Dark Elves are, I am finding a god of memory so he can make us both forget about it."

Confusion flowed through me.

"I'll probably want to forget too, but what if I want to remember?" I thought.

"I can see your memories! I'm not risking it!" Dʰéǵʰom said.

"Good point. Try to get some of those gods of memory on speed dial."

"If the worst happens, I can always bash myself in the head with a hammer until I forget," the god stated. "Since I'm immortal, that might actually work for me."

"Or you could get your memories back when your brain heals."

"Fuck, that's right! God brains heal completely! I'll have to rely on my memory-erasing plan."

Kless saw my expression. She placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Look, Gustav, the point is that Her Majesty won't doubt that this is a trade agreement negotiation. And I've known you long enough that I won't doubt it either. You'll both do what you're supposed to do in the deal to the best of your abilities," the Dark Elf stated.

She retracted your hand.

"Understood," I replied.

Dʰéǵʰom sighed.

"To be fair to the Dark Elves, gods choose their saints very carefully. They don't just make random people into saints," he said. "But also to be fair in the opposite way, this world's God of the Sea made a pirate into a saint."

"Wasn't he also a natural biologist?" I recalled who Dʰéǵʰom was talking about.

"Yes, he was. But he was still a pirate."

Then, a knock came at the door.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"'tis I, Loonia. Thou told me that thou wouldst have time now?" she said.

"I do. Come on in."

Loonia entered. A Dark Elf man was next to her. He wore a set of robes that trailed behind him. His hair was cut short, and the elf's face was very angular. Around his neck hung a golden chain with a knot-like medallion hanging off it. Both this elf and Loonia bowed deeply when they saw me.

"I presume this is your husband, Loonia?" I questioned.

"Yes. Thank thee, Saint Gustav, for making time to meet him," she answered.

"It isn't any issue, really," I said.

The Dark Elf man smiled.

"Mine name ist Mervis of the Klearan Order. I am honored to meet thee, Saint Gustav," he stated.

"It's good to meet you too," I nodded.

A moment of awkward silence passed.

"Umm...do you want my autograph or something?" I asked.

"What ist an autograph?" Mervis wondered.

"Never mind," I said. "Is there anything you want to talk about?"

He nodded.

"I wouldst like to ask thee if the gods art planning on making Dark Elf saints soon," Mervis replied.

"No," Dʰéǵʰom stated.

"They're not," I said.

Mervis and Loonia sighed.

"'tis a shame. It seems we art still being tested by the gods," the former looked glum.

"Do not worry thineself, mine love," Loonia gave him a reassuring smile. "We art the gods' most devout servants. They wilt no doubt make Dark Elves into saints soon."

"That's about as likely as them starting praying to humans," I thought.

Still, things were going well. I'd get the trade deal hammered out sometime in the next few days. Then I'd be able to leave the land of the Dark Elves. I'll hopefully never come back. But I'll keep up correspondence with Kless, writing letters to her and such.

And when I return to the surface world, my parents will probably have already gotten things set up with Cinnamon. This trade deal will give us everything we need to solve our problem with the High Elves. Then, I can focus on making things better for the commoners of Greenrivers.

So, unless something stupid, something annoying, or something horrible happens, I'll be fine.

That's when I remembered my luck.

"Oh, fuck," I thought.

"What is it?" Dʰéǵʰom asked.

"One of three things is going to happen when I get back to the surface world. I'm going to find out something stupid happened, I'm going to find out something annoying happened, or I'm going to find out that something horrible happened. There's no way things can keep going well for me."

A moment of silence passed.

"You're forgetting the worst possible option," Dʰéǵʰom said.

"What's that?" I thought.

"The option is that you found out something annoying happened, something stupid happened, and something horrible happened," he replied.

I felt a knot form in my stomach. Nausea welled up.

"You're right. That is worse. Much worse."

Then, a thought came to me.

"You're the God of Exposition. You know if something bad's happening, right?" I asked.

Dʰéǵʰom sighed.

"I do. I've been keeping tabs on Greenrivers, Motteburh, and other parts of this world," he answered. "And I haven't told you what's happening out there for a reason."

"Why is that?"

"Because if I did, you'd never be able to focus on your current job. And there's nothing you can do to get out of it right now," Dʰéǵʰom said.

I gulped.

"How bad is it?"

"For now, let's just say that Dionysus isn't the only Greek God I'm pissed off at."

Fuck.