Accountant Isekai

My feet were on fire as I got closer to the other side of Gran Kuraz. I felt my lungs burn like an inferno. Tiredness assailed me like a hail of arrows. My hands were sore from gripping the bowl for so long. The last time I did anything close to this physically strenuous was when I rode a dragon for three days straight.

All this time, I was followed and surrounded by a crowd of Dark Elves. Their warriors kept them away from me, but I still had to keep up appearances. That means that I needed to force myself to not look like I was tired or in pain. I somehow managed to do this, even if it was a massive struggle.

But I was almost there. Just a few more steps, one more turn around the corner, and I'd make it. I must have walked dozens of kilometers, but I was so damn close.

Then, I turned around one building. Ahead of me was the Queen of the Dark Elves, buried up to her neck in rocks, as per the religious ceremony. She was on top of a platform. I'd have to walk up fifty steps to reach the top of it.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

One by one, I trudged up the stairs. Internally, I was swearing a storm as my body burned.

I finally made it to the top! The Queen of the Dark Elves was just a few steps away from me! I walked forward bit by bit, my breath becoming more ragged. My pain was so great that I wouldn't be able to keep up appearances for much longer. But I wouldn't have to! Come on, just one more step...

Then, I made it. I poured the waters of fertility on the queen's body. It moved down the rocks and onto the platform below. The crowd below us cheered so loud I thought my eardrums would burst.

"The ceremony ist completed!" the monarch declared. "Saint Gustav hast poured the..."

"Gustav! Gustav, are you okay?" Joanna's voice came to my ears.

I looked around. My retainers, along with Loonia and a few Dark Elves I did not recognize, surrounded me. The room I was in was well-lit. Glowing crystals were embedded in walls that were covered in emeralds and other gems. Gazing down, I saw that I was sitting on a wooden chair.

"I'm fine," I said before thinking. "I should be careful. I don't know what happened, and I don't want to look bad in front of the Dark Elf Queen."

One of the elves spoke up.

"Thou were't at the ceremony when thee stopped moving or speaking. That wast half an hour ago," she stated.

"Thine magical readings were't fine. Nothing shouldst be wrong with thou," another added.

That explained it. When the queen said what the waters of fertility were, my mind must have blotted it out again. I had an idea of what it was, but...no, this just confirms it. Dammit.

To avoid the risk of blanking out again now that I knew what the waters were, I decided to never think about them again.

"It's fine. I just had a divine vision," I said.

The Dark Elves' expressions filled with excitement. Joanna gave me a look that told me that she knew I was bullshitting, but she'd play along.

"Wast it from Melnu?" Loonia asked.

"No. It was from Dʰéǵʰom," I answered.

"Leave me out of this!" he said.

"No," I thought before speaking. "That vision took a while to finish. There was a lot we had to talk about."

The Dark Elves' eyes widened. Massive smiles covered their faces.

"What didst he say?" an elf questioned.

"That is his business and mine. I'd love to tell you, but gods have their private lives too," I said.

The Dark Elves' excitement turned to disappointment.

"'tis a command of a god. We must obey their will," Loonia sighed.

"Now that that's settled, is it time for me to speak to the queen?" I asked.

"Yes. Her Majesty ist quite worried about thee. And after thine meeting with her, wilt thou hath time to meet mine husband? I wast busy preparing for the festival to introduce you," she answered.

"I will try to make time for that," I promised.

After that, I was led into a long room. Its floor was onyx. Gems lined the walls. Glowing crystals floated just under the ceiling. Numerous guards with swords and shields lined the hall. On the other end of the chamber were two thrones, one larger than the other.

A Dark Elf woman sat on the larger throne. I recognized her emerald eyes and long, white hair. This was the girl who was buried up to her neck in rocks earlier. Now, she was wearing fancy robes made of white silk. They were inlaid with numerous rubies. A short sword hung from a tight belt around her hips.

There was a Dark Elf man on the throne next to her. His hair was shorter, and he wasn't as tall as the woman. His robes were just as fancy as hers, and they had more jewels on them. However, the man was unarmed.

Both the male and female Dark Elves had expressions of concern on their faces.

"Presenting to Her Majesty Tynzia XII, Saint Sir Gustav, Lord von Blitzburg!" a crier called out.

I walked over to them and knelt.

"'Tis good to see thee after the incident at the ceremony, Saint Gustav," the Dark Elf Queen stated.

"It is an honor to meet you, Your Majesty," I said.

She looked over my face.

"Saint Gustav...art thou alright?" Tynzia asked. "Thou became nonresponsive."

"I'm fine, Your Majesty. It was just a divine vision, one that my god wishes to keep private," I answered.

"Good. Thou mayst rise," the Dark Elf Queen waved a hand.

I stood up. Tynzia gestured to the man next to her.

"This ist mine husband, King Jurnus," she said.

"'tis an honor, Saint Gustav," her husband gave me a smile.

"The honor is mine," I replied before thinking. "Alright. I should give a compliment now, but what complement would the Dark Elves like?"

A smile crossed my face before I spoke again.

"I can see that your clothes are godly. They are exactly what the gods would want them to be," I said.

Wide smiles crossed the queen and king's faces.

"As expected of a saint. Thou knowest the will of the gods very well," Tynzia stated.

"Holy crap! My random guess on their clothes was right!" I thought.

"Now, as for thine business," the Queen looked right into my eyes. "First, for the rest of thine stay, thou shall stay in a guest room in mine palace. Thine retainers shall stay in another room."

"I am honored," I replied.

"Think nothing of it. I wast told about the attempt on thine life. No saint shall die while in Gran Kuraz. And I cannot hath a foreign dignitary stay in a bleak tower. I shall ensure that mine palace ist safe for thee," Tynzia said.

"Thank you, Your Majesty. I trust that my retainers will have fine quarters?"

Tynzia nodded.

"Yes. They shall be given quarters as any diplomat would. Though, their quarters wilt not be as good as thine," she said.

Then, her gaze turned cold.

"And as to those assassins who claim to serve a god named Dionysus...I hath already ensured that their cult wilt be hunted down and extinguished. We hath already found five members of it and dealt with them," Tynzia stated.

"Thank you, Your Majesty," I said.

While I smiled, I was cringing inside.

"I am not asking for more details. I do not want to know how the Dark Elves deal with heretics," I thought.

"Neither do I," Dʰéǵʰom stated. "I've seen the absolute worst of what human religious fanatics can do. And the Dark Elves are basically yanderes for the gods. They are on another level."

"As a student of history, I can safely say that I'd probably throw up if I found out what the Dark Elves are capable of."

Of course, the languages of this world had no word for heretic. The gods were active and unified enough that heresy was an alien notion, just like having multiple pantheons was. That being said, I think the secret ninja cult of Dionysus might have introduced the concept of heresy into this world.

"I couldst show you what we art doing to the Dionysus followers. They art receiving just punishment for their worship of a false god," Tynzia said.

"Fuck!" I thought before speaking. "There is no need, Your Majesty. I will trust this to you."

"Very well," the queen nodded.

Tynzia then waved her hand. A servant brought her a drink, and she sipped from it.

"Now, tell me what thine business in the Kingdom of the Dark Elves is," she said.

"I am here on behalf of His Majesty, King Eduard the Defenestrator of Greenrivers. He has tasked me with making a trade agreement between Greenrivers and the Kingdom of the Dark Elves," I replied.

Tynzia pondered.

"Do we not already trade with thee?" she asked.

"You do, Your Majesty, but it is a small-scale thing, done by individual merchants. What I'm proposing is a large-scale exchange of resources between Greenrivers and the Kingdom of the Dark Elves," I answered.

An expression of intrigue crossed Tynzia's face.

"Nothing like that hast been done before, at least not between Dark Elves and humans," she said.

I nodded.

"And with the extravagance of the recent religious festival, I'm sure you're in need of more funds," I replied.

Tynzia's expression did not give away anything.

"What do you propose?" she asked.

Here was the key part. I needed to ask for more than what I wanted, but I'd need to do it in a way that wouldn't offend Queen Tynzia. And I also had to make sure the final deal wouldn't be anything King Eduard the Defenstrator wouldn't like.

"What I want is for tariffs to be lessened. I don't think King Eduard would be in favor of dropping them entirely, and I doubt Queen Tynzia would be either. I also want some guilds to adopt IFRS. Making all of them adopt it right away would be too much for a Medieval society, even the magical society I'm part of. It just isn't organized enough. But Queen Tynzia might actually try that if I propose it. The most important thing for my noble house is that we can get magic mushrooms to give the High Elves, but King Eduard wants us to get a deal on precious metals too. I also want to make sure trade is safe for merchants, but that is a larger issue that can't be solved by a single treaty," I thought before speaking.

"First, I propose a complete dropping of tariffs between Greenrivers and the Kingdom of the Dark Elves. Next, I propose that certain guilds be required to adopt a set of financial statements. I also propose that Greenrivers farmers be given land to farm certain mushrooms here and special permission to farm those mushrooms."

Queen Tyznia gazed at me for a few moments with an unreadable expression. I could see the gears in her head turning.

"Thou art proposing a lot," she said.

"I am, Your Majesty," I replied.

"And thou sayst something about financial statements?"

With a nod, I pulled out several sheets of paper.

"All the details are here," I stated.

A guard took them and brought them to the queen. She gave them a quick glance.

"This ist unprecedented, but we art doing something that hast never been done before," Queen Tyznia said. "So, perhaps some of this is warranted. Though, dropping all tariffs is unacceptable."

"I have a counter-proposal," I stated.

She nodded.

"Speak," the queen commanded.

"Instead of dropping all tariffs, we lower the general tariffs and drop tariffs for certain goods. In particular, I believe that tariffs on precious metals and lumber could be dropped," I said before thinking. "This should be acceptable to King Eduard the Defenestrator."

Queen Tyznia's eyes lit up when she heard the word "lumber." But the rest of her face remained composed.

"Thou makest an interesting proposal, Saint Gustav," she stated.

"Thank you, Your Majesty," I replied.

Queen Tyznia turned to a guard.

"Gather mine Royal Council. I shall convene with them in private," the monarch commanded.

"Of course, Your Majesty," the guard bowed before leaving.

Then, Queen Tyznia turned to me.

"Saint Gustav, I shall give mine proposal to thee after discussions with mine council. In the meantime, enjoy thine stay in mine palace.

"Thank you, Your Majesty," I said. "I will."

Then, I decided to bring something else up.

"While I'm here, could you assign someone to instruct some of my retainers in Dark Elf swordsmanship? And someone else to help teach them magic?" I asked.

"Of course. 'tis simple for mineself," the Queen of the Dark Elves answered.

Yes! I did everything I hoped I'd do, and my head was still attached to my shoulders! No, wait, the Dark Elves wouldn't kill a Saint.

Yes! I haven't been tarred and feathered! That means that I didn't offend the Queen of the Dark Elves! And now, she's discussing things with her council! My mission was making progress!

Now, all I could do was wait. And hopefully, I'd be able to get a good deal out of this venture. And if I couldn't get access to those mushrooms...

...my family was fucked.