Accountant Isekai

I hung up my crystal ball and turned my head to Kless.

"Don't worry about the whole "magic reception" thing. Dʰéǵʰom already told me that was a lie," I said. "Now, where were we?"

Kless' face was still plastered with shock.

"Thou just saidst that thou were't reincarnated, just as I was," she stated.

"Yes. I was," I replied.

"I didn't even know the elf gods reincarnated people," Dʰéǵʰom noted.

"Aren't you the god of exposition?" I thought.

"Yes, but my main job is being the god of humans. What the elf gods do isn't any of my business unless it affects humanity," he said.

A wide smile crossed Kless' face. She hugged her body with tears of joy flowing out of her eyes.

"Oh, thank the gods! I was so alone for so long! There was no one I couldst truly talk to! Stuck in this unfamiliar world with no one who couldst relate to me!" she said.

"Oh...this is gonna be awkward," I replied.

Kless' expression turned serious.

"What ist?" she asked.

"I'd better be ready to handle her despair," I thought before speaking. "There are actually a bunch of people who've been reincarnated. A lot of them are Saints."

Kless' jaw dropped.

"Thou sayst that there art others like us?"

"Yes," I said.

"All this time? While I wast here? For 175 years?" Kless questioned.

"Yes," I stated. "The oldest saint who was reincarnated was actually reincarnated before people could cast magic spells."

The dark elf turned to the wall and was about to bash her head against it. Then, she stopped.

"Art all these people saints?" Kless asked.

"Yes," I answered.

"That explains why I didst not meet them," she groaned. "There art no saints amongst the dark elves."

I nodded.

"I'm not even surprised. Your religious practices...aren't pleasing to the gods," I said, trying to remain diplomatic.

"Thou meanst that they art creepy as fuck?" Kless questioned.

Shock blasted through me.

"I do," I admitted. "I'm surprised a dark elf would say that."

Kless leaned against the wall and sighed.

"Thine expectations art accurate. However, I art from another world, just as thee. I'm certain there art things among the humans thou dislikes," she said.

"Serfdom," I replied without a second's hesitation. "Also, the sexism. Even among the nobility, women don't have equal inheritance rights with men."

"Tis a problem here too, just in a different direction than with humans," Kless stated.

I sighed.

"When I first got here and learned spellcasters don't age, I thought I'd be able to start fixing those problems in 20-50 years. Now that I know about all the other problems this world has and the problems my family has, I think it'll be about 150 years before I can start dealing with serfdom," I complained.

Kless nodded.

"I hath no hope of dealing with the religious fanaticism of the dark elves. Even the gods couldst not temper it, so what hope dost a mortal hath?" she asked.

"Tell her she has fuck all," Dʰéǵʰom said.

"None," I told her.

Kless shook her head.

"Let's forget about that topic for now. What wast thine world like? Were't thou a human then, just as thou art now?" she questioned.

I nodded.

"Yes, I was. In my old world, there weren't any elves, dwarves, or orcs. Everyone was a human. The other races of this world are considered mythical creatures or just fictional," I said.

"T'was similar in mine former world. Though, in a different way," Kless stated. "Everyone there wast an elf. Whether that be high, wood, or dark. Though, the elf factions hath a different history in mine old world than in this one. Humans were thought of as mere myth there. Before thou asks, I wast a dark elf there too."

A thought came to my mind.

"How are humans depicted in your world's fiction?" I asked.

"It dependth on who writes them. Amongst most dark elves, humans art viewed as a pathetic, short-sighted, resource-consuming race that lives too short and breeds too fast. The wood elves art more sympathetic towards humans. Their fiction tendth to depict humans as masters of industry and civilization, choosing technology over nature. Tis not a choice most wood elves in mine old world would make, but tis one they hath a certain respect and understanding for. As for the high elves, they generally depict humans as a short-sighted race that lives too short and breeds too fast, but a race that ultimately has its heart in the right place," Kless said.

I nodded.

"In my world, people mostly depict dark elves as evil sadists, high elves as narcissists who have their hearts in the right place, and wood elves as introverts who just want to protect their homes," I stated. "But there are exceptions to all this."

Kless grimaced.

"I dislike that in thine original world, mine kind wast depicted as evil, but we depicted thine kind as pathetic. Tis fair," she sighed.

Time to be a bit more diplomatic.

"Like I said, there are exceptions. Some people depict the dark elves in a very good light," I said.

"And there art dark elves who write humans in a sympathetic manner," Kless stated.

She entered contemplation for a moment.

"What didst thou do for a living before thou came to this world?" she asked.

"I was an accountant," I answered. "What were you?"

Kless pondered a moment.

"I art not sure how to put this to thee. Didst thou hath visual games in thine world?" she questioned.

"You mean, games that are on a screen?" I said.

Kless nodded.

"Yes, those."

"We called them video games in my old world," I stated. "Were you a professional gamer?"

She shrugged.

"In a sense. In mine old world, there wast competitions betwixt teams playing visual games. We called them vsports. I wast the manager of one of those teams," Kless said.

Holy fuck. I know a dark elf who was a literal esports team manager in her last life.

"I never really thought about a dark elf having a vsports team. Well, esports team in my world, but same thing," I said.

"And I hath never considered the idea of a human being an accountant," Kless stated.

"Honestly, thinking about races that we thought were just fantasy creatures living in a modern world feels pretty weird," I replied. "So, how hard was it to adjust to this world?"

Kless looked to the ground, narrowing her eyes. Her expression turned to one of deep contemplation.

"T'was not as hard as I wouldst have thought it. I wast born into this world, and adjusted throughout mine childhood. Still, I hath some difficulties. These art mainly due to the creepiness of mine people. The dark elves of mine old world had a religious culture, but it wast not like in this world," she said. "I think mine kind overcorrected to the loose attitude of the high elves."

I couldn't help but chuckle.

"That's putting it mildly," I stated.

"Thou art correct," Kless sighed.

The dark elf shook her head.

"How wast it for thee?" she asked.

"I was born here like you. So, it helped me acclimate to this world. The hardest thing for me was getting used to the fact that I'm a noble. My homeland in my old world didn't exactly think highly of nobles," I answered.

Curiosity crossed Kless' face.

"How low didst thou think of them?" she wondered.

"There was a revolution where lots of nobles were massacred," I explained. "Then, someone who was even worse than the nobles took over. Then, there were a bunch of other revolutions that happened, a few other guys took over, and we eventually formed a somewhat stable republic without nobles. It's more complicated than that, but that should give a basic idea."

Kless sighed.

"History and politics art always messy," she said.

"At least history's really cool," I replied.

With a smile, Kless stopped leaning on the wall.

"Well, then, mine friend, wouldst thou care to show me recipes from thine world?" the dark elf asked.

"I'd be happy to," I answered. "Just arrange for me to sleep here and not in the temple. I really don't want to have to sleep with those priests watching me again."

Kless nodded.

"I shall arrange that," she stated.

Several hours later, I heard a knock at the kitchen door. Kless called out.

"Thou mayest enter," the dark elf said.

Joanna walked inside. She surveyed the room before letting out a deep sigh.

"I shouldn't be surprised," Joanna stated.

"Surprised about what?" I asked.

"First," she answered. "You're cooking for yourselves rather than having servants do it."

"I'm just glad that I had a chance to cook," I said.

Kless nodded.

"And mine servants need proper instructions," she stated.

Her kitchen staff were sitting on chairs, looking at the food I was making with expressions of pure horror.

Joanna pointed at a pile of white frog legs.

"Next, you're eating something weird," she said.

"Blind cave frogs," I replied. "They're not poisonous and they taste almost as good as normal frogs."

Then, Joanna gestured to a dish of sea urchins.

"How did you even get those?" she asked.

"There ist an underground river that leads from here to the sea," Kless answered.

Joanna sighed.

"So, what brings you here, Joanna?" I questioned.

"I wanted to make sure everything was going alright," she said in a way that made it clear she was worried about both me and the diplomatic mission.

Kless stepped towards her with a smile.

"I assure thee that things art going well. Thine lord hast become a good friend of mine in a very short time. I hope that we canst maintain contact through letters even after he leaves the lands of the dark elves," she stated.

"I'd like that too," I replied.

Joanna smiled.

"Well, that's good. I'll just go back to the others, then," she said.

Kless got between her and the door.

"Perhaps thou wouldst like to try some food first?" the dark elf asked.

Joanna turned pale with fear. She curtsied.

"I thank you for the offer, but I'm not hungry. I'm still full from our last meal," my wet nurse answered.

"That was hours ago. Surely, thine stomach ist not full now?" Kless questioned.

Joanna looked on with hesitation. I could see the wheels in her head turn as she contemplated her options. Then, my wet nurse turned to me with a faint smile.

"Saint Gustav, what would you recommend?" she asked.

"I understand. I won't fail you, Joanna," I thought before speaking. "The frog legs."

Joanna gave me a slow nod.

"Alright, then. I will have some frog legs."

She walked over to the plate with some hesitation. Then, Joanna looked at the food with an expression of utter disgust. My wet nurse slowly reached out, grabbing and picking up a frog log.

Joanna took a deep breath and bit into the leg. A look of complete and utter shock crossed her face.

"This tastes like chicken!" she exclaimed.

My wet nurse took another bite.

"It's a bit milder and more fishy, but it's almost the same as chicken," Joanna said.

Kless pondered.

"Frog legs taste exactly like chicken to me," she stated.

"I expected something..." Joanna chose her words with care. "...different. Perhaps more...swampy?"

"In my experience, swampy food is just spicy food," I said.

Then, Dʰéǵʰom's voice came into my head.

"What experience?" he asked.

"A vacation I took to America one time," I thought. "I wanted to see the state Napoleon sold to the Americans, and I had some cajun food while I was there."

"Of course, you did," Dʰéǵʰom sighed.

Joanna looked at the escargot.

"Well, if the frog legs are fine...maybe this'll be okay too?" she wondered.

My wet nurse walked over to the snails. Joanna grabbed a snail shell with some hesitation but much less than before. She brought it to her mouth, slurping it up. A look of complete and utter disgust crossed her face.

"Are you alright, Joanna?" I asked.

"I'm...I'm fine," she forced a smile. "Now, does anyone here have a bucket I could use?"