Accountant Isekai

I jolted awake, stumbling up.

"Orcs, army...umm," I said.

Turning my head around, I saw that I was inside a large tent. It was the sort of thing a noble would stay in during military campaigns. I felt a cot under me. Then, I saw Voivode Dalv Sepet sitting on a chair next to me.

I wasn't acting as a saint anymore, so I quickly got off the cot and knelt.

"Rise," Voivode Dalv said.

I stood up. Voivode Dalv did the same. He towered over me, at least three heads taller. Nervousness flowed through me.

"You were asleep for a few hours," he noted.

"How did the battle go?" I asked.

"There was no battle," Voivode Dalv answered. "The moment the orcs saw the dragon you brought here, they ran for it. Even Krewh didn't know the orcs would show up here."

I stayed in position.

"Come now, there's no need to be so formal. We're both saints here. Just relax. I came here to talk to you, and I hope there won't be any tension between us," Voivode Dalv said.

Relief flowed through my body. I sat on the cot again, relaxation flowing through my body. Still, a part of me felt apprehension. He was a Voivode. As for me, I didn't even have a noble title other than lord.

"Where are the other monarchs?" I asked.

"Negotiating, planning, that sort of thing. I'm just sending them supplies, so I don't need to be here. Besides, like I said, I'm here to talk to you," Dalv answered. "First, I have a question: who were you before you arrived here. Krewh told me your name, but you are long after my time in our old world."

My eyes widened in shock.

"You're from my world?" I questioned.

"But of course. All the reincarnated saints are from our world. Our new gods have agreements with Jesus and certain Hindu gods. In fact, Jesus is the one who suggested I reincarnate here," Dalv said.

Then, he sat down. The Voivode put one of his arms over the back of his chair.

"So, who were you before you reincarnated?"

"I was a random accountant, sort of like a steward. I was a normal person. I wasn't anyone important," I explained.

Dalv's expression turned to one of contemplation.

"All the reincarnated saints have been at least somewhat important so far," he said. "Though, they were selected because they had godslayer. I suppose it was only a matter of time before a commoner joined our ranks."

"If you don't mind, could you tell me who you were?" I asked.

A wide smile crossed Dalv's face.

"I was a Voivode, like in my current life. The Turks feared me. My people loved me. Though I am a vampire now, I was an enemy of the strigoi in my last life."

That was when I realized what Dalv Sepet spelled backward was.

"Were you reincarnated into a family, or did you pick your own name?" I questioned.

"Back then, people in Weltai chose their own names. So many people died young that people weren't named until they turned six," he said.

"Did you ever consider going with Alucard?" I asked.

Dalv shrugged.

"I somewhat did. I used the name Alcuard when I went into hiding," he answered.

Yup, that fucking confirmed it.

"Thankfully, I'm not the sort of person to fall for propaganda," I said. "I know what you were really like, Drac."

Dalv's eyes widened in shock.

"Drac?" he questioned.

Fear pulsed through me. I waved my hands defensively.

"Short for Dracula! I apologize if you don't like it!" I said.

Dalv gave me a reassuring smile.

"You don't need to worry, Gustav. I find it...interesting," he stated. "Now, let's move on to the next item on our agenda."

The Voivode stood up. He moved the chair, revealing a magic circle behind it.

"I'm perhaps the only noble that cannot use magic. My vampirism makes up for that. But you can. I need you to summon Krewh and Dʰéǵʰom," Dalv said.

I stood up. Shock overcame my body. Everything shook.

"You can summon gods?" I asked.

"Unless they're a weak nature spirit, you can with their consent. Otherwise, you can summon them freely. Krewh and Dʰéǵʰom are several worlds away. They need a connection to arrive here in time for our meeting," Dalv answered.

"Go ahead and summon us," Dʰéǵʰom said.

I walked over to the summoning circle. Then, I placed my hand on it. Power flowed out of my body, filling the magic construct. A blood-red portal appeared above it. Dʰéǵʰom stepped out first. His presence made me relax even more. A short man with glasses followed him. He was dressed like an 1800s-era doctor.

"It's nice to meet you, Saint Gustav. I am Krewh, the blood god," he stated.

"Alright, now that we're all here," Dʰéǵʰom sighed. "Just what the fuck is going on, Krewh?"

The blood god smiled.

"A grand plan of mine has come to fruition. I've planned things out for a while with the help of a human schemer. I will admit that I had to resort to one of my contingency plans, but it still worked," he said. "To sum things up, I'm the one who guided the Greenrivers and Vandalland scouts to the Lost Treasure of Captain Omen. I knew that you would rush to stop the treasure from circulating into the economy, Gustav. Thankfully, contingency plan 203 involved you recruiting a large dragon. I also talked with Dalv and kept him updated on the plan's progress."

My jaw dropped.

"So, all this was according to your plan?" I asked.

"Yes," Krewh answered.

"What would you have done if I couldn't convince the monarchs?"

"I didn't need to consider that option. Dʰéǵʰom does not choose his saints lightly. I had full confidence that you'd succeed."

"Then you weren't controlling my every movement?" disappointment flowed through me.

"Of course, I wasn't. You did everything yourself," Krewh said. "I had the human schemer I consulted help me predict what you would do. Then, I just disguised myself as an old man and guided some scouts to the treasure. I'd have intervened directly under some of my contingency plans. Thankfully, the last contingency plan let me rely on you humans. I know Dʰéǵʰom would be furious if I did more than what I've already done."

Even for a god, this whole thing was impressive. Just having 203 contingency plans alone was.

"Why did you go this far when all you did was talk to some people? I mean, this must have taken years of planning," I said.

"As long and complicated as my plan was, sparing you the details, the human scheme expert assured me that it was the best way to mend the relationship between Greenrivers and Vandalland," Krewh stated.

That left me with one question.

"Who was the schemer you consulted?" I asked.

"Duke Armand," he answered.

Dʰéǵʰom facepalmed.

"You had that overthinking lunatic help you scheme? Don't get me wrong, he's good at what he does, but his plans are a bit insane."

"Did he make any mistakes?" Krewh questioned.

"Yes," Dʰéǵʰom said. "If you told us about your scheme, you wouldn't have had to resort to a contingency plan."

It was Krewh's turn to facepalm. He sighed.

"At least things turned out well," Krewh said.

He then shook his head.

"Onto more important business. As a god of healing, mending of all sorts falls under my purview. I intend to mend the relationship between humans and gods."

Dʰéǵʰom scoffed.

"Like that'll happen. Most gods hate humans," he stated.

"Most gods are indifferent to humans. The average god is a relatively weak spirit, like dwarves, wood elves, or the ancestors of the orcs," Krewh said.

"They aren't real gods. They're too weak," Dʰéǵʰom replied.

"A common attitude, but an incorrect one."

I looked between both gods.

"So, Dʰéǵʰom's a racist?" I asked.

"I am not a racist!" Dʰéǵʰom objected. "Gods are determined by power. We're not a species or anything like that. Just look at the Aesir. They're not even naturally immortal. They use magic apples to stay eternally young. But they're still gods because of how powerful they are."

I looked right in his eyes.

"So, you're a classist?" I questioned.

He groaned.

"I'm not that either. I'm not the one who came up with the definition of god. I just use it," Dʰéǵʰom said.

"I know that," I replied. "I was just messing with you."

Memories of Joanna breastfeeding me flashed into my mind. I let out a groan. Dʰéǵʰom was laughing.

"You two have a different relationship than Krew and I," Dalv said.

"So what if we do?" Dʰéǵʰom shrugged. "We like it better this way."

"Yeah. Dʰéǵʰom's my best friend," I smiled.

Krewh summoned a cup of tea. He took a drink from it.

"Dalv and I are friends as well," he stated. "It just...takes a different form. Now, let's get onto the other aspect of our business. The Equinox is coming soon."

"That's when the sun appears directly above the equator, right?" I asked.

Krewh nodded.

"Correct. It happens twice a year on Earth. But in this world, it happens only once a century. During this time, saints will feel a connection, an urge to meet others of their kind. Basically, the area's saints are going to converge on the same location," he said.

"That could be very good or very bad," I stated.

Dalv grimaced.

"We almost killed each other in the last Equinox," he said.

"Then it's a bad thing," I replied.

"I want to mend the relationship between the saints as much as I can," Krewh explained. "In some cases, it's impossible. But we're at a crucial moment in terms of human-god relationships. We cannot afford any major conflict between saints now."

"Time to do my job as the God of Exposition," Dʰéǵʰom said.

He summoned a list.

"There are six gods whose Saints are close enough to attend the meeting: me, Krewh, Mīra, Nakki, Erþō, and Bʰṓr."

I recalled the gods on that list.

"Mīra's the god of the sea. Nakki's the goddess of aristocrats. Erþō's the mother goddess of nature. And Bʰṓr..."

"Is the gods of outlaws, the asshole who demanded that his worship be banned. Only criminals worship him, just the way he wants. He should be impaled," Dalv said.

Krewh held up his hands.

"Just calm down, Dalv. That attitude won't help us," he stated.

"I will stay my hand from killing that evil god's saints."

"We don't know how many saints Bʰṓr has," Dʰéǵʰom said. "Just that one of them has the godslayer ability. His identity is unknown."

Dalv grimaced.

"I had hoped you'd find out by now," he stated.

"Bʰṓr's the god of outlaws. Even my exposition powers can't get past his stealth," Dʰéǵʰom replied.

I walked behind Dʰéǵʰom and leaned over his shoulder. My eyes looked over the list. Under Dʰéǵʰom's part of the line-up, I saw just one name: Lord Gustav von Blitzburg, Louis Martin in his last life.

"And here I thought that priest was exaggerating when he said you don't have many saints," I said.

"I'd rather let humans flourish on their own, but sometimes I have to intervene," Dʰéǵʰom replied.

Krewh and Dalv looked completely dumbstruck.

"You're literally reading over a god's shoulder," Dalv said.

"He already told you that he was my best friend. Did you not believe him?" Dʰéǵʰom questioned.

Krewh sighed.

"Just keep moving down the list."

Dʰéǵʰom continued.

"Three saints of Krewh will show up. Dalv Sepet, Vlad Tepes in his last life. Dr. Ron Anchor, born in this world. Baron Fridus of Vandalland, John Snow in his last life."

"Not the John Snow you're thinking of, Gustav," Krewh spoke up.

"I thought he was the father of epidemiology," I said.

The god blinked.

"Oh, that's who I was talking about. I apologize," Krewh stated.

Dʰéǵʰom continued.

"Mīra has one saint who will show up. All the others are in other parts of the world. That saint is Sir Elric Loxley of Fire Island, William Dampier in his last life."

"I've never heard of Fire Island before," I said.

"There's a reason for that. It's offshore. Sea trade is even more rare than land trade. Only people blessed by ocean gods can safely sail. And Mīra doesn't give out his blessings easily," Dʰéǵʰom replied. "I also didn't tell you about it before because it's basically fantasy England, and I was worried that you'd freak out."

I waved it off.

"I already suspected there was a fantasy England. Remember that one guy I adventured with?" I asked.

Dʰéǵʰom answered, "I remember him."

Dalv sighed.

"At least Elric isn't a pirate in this life too," he said.

"I'm just glad that he's still a natural scientist," Krewh stated.

Dʰéǵʰom and I looked at the list.

"Nakki's next," he said.

"All her saints are in Motteburh," I noted.

Anger pulsed through me.

"I already talked to her about that," Dʰéǵʰom replied. "Hopefully, she'll actually do something about it. She's the goddess of aristocrats, but she has some standards."

"Does she have any new saints?" Dalv wondered.

Dʰéǵʰom shook his head.

"It's the same three as before. Countess Dupont, born in this world. Duchess Boucher, born in this world. Dame Alarie, Élisabeth Philippe Marie Hélène of France in her last life."

"An incredibly obscure historical figure. I doubt you'd know who she was," Dalv said.

Dʰéǵʰom laughed.

"You don't know him very well, do you?" the god asked.

"What do you mean?" Dalv questioned.

"Élisabeth Philippe Marie Hélène of France, also known as Madame Élisabeth, was one of the victims of the Reign of Terror. That was one of the worst parts of French history," I said. "She was the granddaughter of the King of France, and she was declared a servant of god by Pope Pius XII after her death."

Dalv looked incredibly impressed.

"Is obscure historical figures an interest of yours?" he asked.

"No. I just studied a lot of history in my past life. I studied history as best as I could here, but this world doesn't have the internet," I answered.

"I'll have to ask you what the internet is later," Dalv said. "For now, we should move on with the list."

I held up my hand.

"One question, first," I told them.

"What is it?" Krewh wondered.

"Neither of you have any female saints, but Nakki does. Why?"

The atmosphere suddenly became uncomfortable.

"It's considered inappropriate for gods to have saints who are the opposite sex," Krewh said.

"We can see the area around our saints any time we want. There are some gods who'd use that to see bare ass," Dʰéǵʰom stated.

I remembered numerous stories of gods who'd do worse than that. Then, Dʰéǵʰom continued.

"Before you ask, Erþō is on our side. Most people would think that the goddess of nature would hate humans because of how much you guys pollute in other worlds. But she knows that a lot of humans are trying to undo damage to the environment. Erþō isn't the sort of goddess who judges people based on things other people do," Dʰéǵʰom said.

Krewh nodded.

"She wants to reward humans who protect the environment and punish humans who harm it. But she spends most of her time trying to convince other powerful nature gods of her position," he stated.

Dʰéǵʰom read the list.

"She has four saints. As the goddess of nature, she can make animals into saints. Two of her saints are bears. One is a squirrel. Her only human saint is Countess Ebba von Skogstad, Louisa Finch, Countess of Aylesford in her past life," he said. "And that's all of them."

I sighed.

"I'm deeply disturbed by the amount of English people who became saints."

"They aren't English in this life, so it should be fine," Dalv stated.

"That's easy for you to say," I said.

Krewh replied, "That's all I had to say. The last thing I want to do is have you and Dalv exchange crystal ball information. That way, we can all keep in contact and prepare for the Equinox."

"I don't have a crystal ball."

Shock covered the blood god's face.

"Why not?" he asked.

"My parents said I'm not old enough for one," I answered.

Dʰéǵʰom held up his hand. A crystal ball formed in it.

"Here you go," he said.

I took the crystal ball.

"Now, it's time for us to depart," Krewh turned to Dʰéǵʰom. "The negotiations will finish soon, and Dalv is not the only monarch who wants to talk to Gustav."