Zombies Need Love Too!

I opened my mouth without the slightest protest and started chewing away.

The texture was soft, the flavor rich—definitely a handmade sausage.

“Oh, my lord! Why waste something so precious?”

“Look at that. She’s eating human food.”

“Wait, really? That’s... that’s a zombie, right?”

“Well, I can’t say for certain.”

I ignored whatever commentary was happening behind me. My entire focus was on chewing.

The juices practically danced across my tongue. Divine.

“Eat slowly. No one’s going to steal it from you.”

Telling someone on the verge of starvation to slow down?

That’s practically torture!

I scarfed down the sausage from his hand and, when I’d nearly polished it off, hesitated. 

One finger-length left. If I accidentally bit him, I had a strong suspicion I’d be skewered on the spot.

After taking a furtive peek at machete guy, I opened my mouth wide and tilted my head back.

“…Pfft. Hahaha!”

He burst out laughing, then popped the rest of the sausage in my mouth.

Then he turned to the man still holding a gun on me and said, quite casually, “We’re taking her with us.”

“Excuse me?”

Excuse me?

“Gruh?”

“Get up. The sun’s going down soon.”

Um, I never said I was going anywhere?

“Zombies get more active at night.”

Look… Technically, I’m one of them zombies, alright?

When I stared at him blankly, unsure how to respond, he smiled and held out his hand.

“Take it. If you don’t, I’ll just kill you here.”

Lovely. This one’s worse than the undead.

“And you want more sausage, don’t you?”

I pouted. Then promptly grabbed his hand and stood up.

It was not because of the sausage. Most definitely not.

I followed along with both hands tied, like some low-budget prisoner of war.

“Sorry it’s uncomfortable, but just bear with it,” he’d said while tying the rope. “I’d rather not have you go berserk. It would be a shame to kill you.”

Oh how generous of him.

Not that I had much say in the matter. He was the one holding my metaphorical leash.

The other man ahead, scanning the path, piped up.

“But, my lord, do you think Bliss will just accept this?”

“Rob Pitt. Are you insane? Why would Bliss object to me?”

“No, that’s not what I meant…”

“Shut up. I’m exhausted.”

“…Sorry. I’ll keep quiet.”

The lovely gentleman who’d threatened to kill me glanced back and shrugged.

“He talks nonsense like that sometimes.”

Not sure what response he expected, so I just blinked. His expression flattened. Definitely the sort to wear his mood like a signboard.

Sensing the shift, I nodded like a bobblehead.

His face relaxed a little.

“You’re quick on the uptake. Maybe not completely hopeless.”

Geez. Is this guy actually crazy? I really did land myself with the wrong crowd.

Turned out this guy’s name was Yoan Keith—a regional lord overseeing the Alberta territory up north. Twenty-four years old, and only six months into the job after his parents died in an accident.

“Bad luck. Of all times, this had to happen while I was away from home. But life’s unpredictable like that.”

He’d apparently been wandering around for over a week now, cool as a cucumber despite the sudden global zombie outbreak.

Main character energy? Definitely.

I knew it the moment I saw him. That face was practically contractually obligated to be a protagonist’s.

Is this a zombie thing? Did undeath kill off my brain cells? Because my thoughts felt suspiciously clear for someone who’s technically dead.

“We’re almost there. See that?”

Snapping out of my musings, I looked where Yoan pointed.

An old, rickety cabin.

“That’s our temporary shelter.”

That falling-apart dump?
“Gru-gru-grkk, gurrrr?”

“Huh. I could’ve sworn I just heard something rude.”

Great. He had good instincts.

I shook my head quickly.

Not at all what I meant, sir.

“Anyway, I’m a little torn about bringing you inside.”

Now you’re having second thoughts? You shoulda done that long before hauling me this far!

“I thought so,” Rob said, clearly having awaited his moment to rejoin the conversation. “There’s that, um, iron cage out back. How about we use that for now?”

If that’s the plan, why didn’t you just leave me alone in the woods?!

Say no, Yoan Keith! Say no already!

“Let’s do that for now.”

…WHAT?

Panicking, I slowed down and tugged at the rope a little.

I was scrambling for a way to communicate my very reasonable concerns when Yoan beat me to it.

“Just for one night. If you get through it without causing problems, I’ll let you inside.”

How about just… y’know, letting me go?
“Grrrrr... grrk-grrrk?”

“Got it. I’ll come find you first thing in the morning.”

You’re literally just making up my lines now.

“My lord, let’s hurry. It’s really getting dark.”

Yoan nodded solemnly and said, “Night’s when zombies are most active. I’m sure you understand this can’t be helped.”

No I don’t! Hell no!
“Grrk! Gurrr!”

“Yeah, good girl.”

This guy! He’s making up dialogue for me again!

And so I was dragged behind the cabin and locked in an actual iron cage.

Yoan at least had the decency to untie the rope from my wrists… but the door clicked shut with a padlock.

“See you tomorrow.”

You’re seriously leaving me alone out here? The whole night?

D-don’t go! Please let me out!
“Gr-grrk! Gurrk!”

I clutched the bars and grunted pitifully. He didn’t even look back.

I was about to cry for real—when something made me freeze.

My sense of touch might’ve dulled, but my hearing had definitely improved.

Something… something was coming! And ominous premonitions never lied!

The sounds soon clarified.

“Greehh!”

“Grraaahk!”

It was fackin’ zombies! A whole swarm of them!

I backed away in horror. Not that there was anywhere to run.

They spotted me, shuffled closer, and started babbling in garbled zombie speak.

Then they grabbed the bars and started shaking them.

Thank heavens for the padlock—

Click. Thud.

“Grrk?”

“…?”

The trusty padlock hit the ground like it had never been secured properly in the first place.

No way!
“Graah!”

I grabbed the cage door and held it shut with all my strength.

“Grrrr…”

The zombies met my eyes, started foaming at the mouth, and shrieked while yanking on the bars.

I screamed in desperation, gripping the door like my life depended on it—which it did.

I can’t understand a word you’re saying! What do you want from me?! Waaaaah! Someone save me!
“Grrararara! Grrk-grahk! Gurrrk, Kraaah! Kurrraah!”

***

“It’s unusually noisy tonight. Is something wrong?”

“Oh, his lordship caught a zombie. Locked it up out back.”

“Goodness, he caught one? Alive? Why take the risk?”

Bliss had only been part of their group for a week, but she already had a handle on Yoan’s personality—and this seemed highly inefficient.

Yoan replied casually, “It’s not a regular zombie. I want to test a few things.”

“I suppose we don’t know much about their traits yet.”

“I’ve got a simple test in mind. Not sure if it’ll pass.”

“And if it does?”

“I’ll keep it around.”

“…I just hope we don’t end up as that thing’s midnight snack,” Rob muttered while peeling a potato.

“We? Leave me out of it,” Yoan retorted.

“Ah, but of course.”

The night crawled by.

Morning came.

As soon as Yoan woke, he grabbed a few weapons and headed straight for the cage.

The screaming had stopped at dawn. He half-wondered if it had escaped.

“Ha!”

Nope.

He chuckled at the sight of the zombie curled up inside, staring at him like a puppy left out in the rain.

Why, why, why are you only coming now?!
“Krrr, krrr, krrr, kraaahh!”

The zombie wailed like a wronged lover.

Yoan walked over and opened the cage.

“You did well. You pass.”