Zeroth Moment: My Cheat Skill Is Stupid, So I'll Just Ignore It

Topher didn't find Haruko at the castle entrance.

It made sense, he reflected grimly; she'd probably been upset with him when she'd left the class, and he'd basically just disappeared and left her for who knows how long. He felt a vague certainty that he should apologize, coupled and precisely matched with a vague certainty that he hadn't done anything to apologize for, and resigned himself to just feeling unhappy in general as he made his way back to the inn.

He was performing his practiced disquieting scurry when a loud thwack sound startled him; after a moment, it repeated, then repeated again. His first instinct was to avoid it; he didn't want to end up like Ichirou. But after a few moments, he realized he didn't have that luxury; the sound was coming from Makoto's loft.

He made his way over, sticking to the shadows; all he needed right now was to show up to find Makoto in trouble, be totally unable to help, and get robbed and maybe killed to boot. Luckily, however, everything seemed fine; Makoto was in the open yard behind the loft, punching a board tied to a stake in the ground violently over and over.

As he watched, disbelieving, she struck the board with enough force to rattle it a tenth time, then dropped to the ground and hammered out ten push-ups with a vehemence that made him feel uncomfortable. The instant she finished the last one, she sprang up and launched a spinning kick at the board; unfortunately, the kick was low and missed the board entirely, and the young woman fell sprawling on the grass. She cursed, punching the ground in frustration.

"So," began Topher, stepping out of the shadows, "I'm pretty sure I saw this coming when you bought that ridiculous outfit, but I'm going to hope that I'm wrong and possibly also having a stroke or something. Please tell me you're not doing what I think you're doing."

"Dwah! Bailey-sensei?!" The girl leapt up off the ground and looked simultaneously angry and bashful, which confused Topher even more. "I... I don't know what you m-mean! And anyway, y-you shouldn't sneak up on girls like that!"

Topher gave her a look. "Makoto, I couldn't sneak up on you if you were asleep. The only reason you didn't notice me is because you were so zoned out on trying to break both your legs at the same time. Now, tell me, what's this really all about?"

Makoto took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. "W-well, not that I have to explain myself to you, or anything! But..." -- she looked away, then looked back defiantly -- "...it's two things. The first is testing out something, based on what Hotaka-kun and Noboru-kun said earlier."

"Uh huh. And what might that be?" Topher sat down on the grass, a sinking feeling in his stomach.

"Well..." she blew out another breath. "Do you remember, when Hotaka-kun said that Noboru-kun having Rank D Strength made sense, that first night? And then you said, Bailey-sensei, you said that Strength would be the only attribute we could even hope to measure? You do remember that, right?"

"Vaguely." Topher stuck his finger in his ear, wiggled it, and pulled it out. "Most days I can't remember what I had for breakfast, much less anything I said with that level of specificity."

"Well, you're dumb then, Bailey-sensei," Makoto huffed.

"Probably." Topher didn't blink. "But that still doesn't explain what you're doing."

"I'm training, obviously!" She flipped her ponytailed hair scornfully. "Think about it! If Noboru-kun is stronger than Hotaka, right, and I train every day and get way, way stronger, then eventually I'll be stronger than Noboru-kun, won't I? And then we can check my status, and we can see if my Strength goes up to Rank D. It's simple."

Topher frowned. "Leaving aside the part where it's not known if you could get stronger than Noboru in our world just by doing push-ups and Tae Bo --"

Makoto stamped her foot. "It's Karate, Bailey-sensei! Ooh, you're such a butt!"

"--which is not at all guaranteed," Topher continued, smiling a little, "that doesn't mean that's how it works here. For all we know, our stats were fixed in stone when we got summoned."

"Now I know you're just messing with me," Makoto returned, rolling her eyes. "Trying it out is the only way to know, obviously. But the other reason is..." she took a breath, then continued on all in a rush. "I'm trying to unlock the Monk Class. So I can join the Adventurer's Guild."

"What?!" Topher wasn't having fun anymore. He scrambled to his feet, outraged. "That's crazy, kid! You could get killed!"

Makoto crossed her arms, defiant. "We could all get killed, Bailey-sensei. We could get killed standing around in town -- heck, you almost got killed shopping for clothes, remember? Or are you seriously gonna tell me that you think we can just keep our heads down forever?"

Topher sputtered. "That's not the point, Makoto. You wanna do a little yoga, tone up a little, maybe see if you can raise your one-rep max on the bench press? Okay, sure, that's one thing." He pointed at her accusatorily. "But becoming an Adventurer, that's looking for trouble. Deliberately putting yourself in danger, all the time!"

"So what?!" Makoto shouted back. "It's a job! Noboru-kun got a job, so why can't I?!" She spun around, angrily lashing out a kick at the board; it snapped in two, and the pieces flew away into the grass. She turned around again, triumphantly. "See? I can do it!"

Topher was stunned; he was so angry he could barely speak. "Noboru's job is safe. He's just trying to do something useful with his Unique Skill." His hands clenched and unclenched; he would have dropped the book and his notes if they weren't clamped under his arm.

"Yeah? And what kinda job you think I can get with my Skill?" Makoto wiggled her fingers mockingly. "Ooh, look at me, I can Control Smoke! So fancy and useful!" She turned around, showing her back to Topher. "I hate to break it to you, Bailey-sensei, but there's only two jobs I can do with a Unique Skill like mine. And the other involves dancing around while gross old guys like you," she spat viciously, "drool over the fact that I'm using the smoke to cover the fact that I'm naked." She started to stomp away.

"Maybe that's better."

Makoto froze; she whirled around, apparently just as shocked that the words had come out of Topher's mouth as he was. He hadn't meant to say that; it had just slipped out. But now it was said, and it couldn't be unsaid, so he just bulled ahead. "As horrible as it sounds, Makoto, that might be safer. A lot safer. I don't know what Adventurers really do in this world, but if it's anything like the movies at home, it means they go out and fight monsters. And not just when they have to, but all the time. And when something goes wrong, and it will -- because something always goes wrong, eventually -- you'll get hurt. And if you're lucky, it'll be a crippling, career-ending injury that leaves you in pain for the rest of your life; because if you're not lucky, you'll be dead." Topher looked down at the ground. "And you probably think that'll be easy for you, because you won't have to deal with anything after that. And maybe you're right. But take it from a guy who watched too many YouTube videos of free-climbers missing that one grab and falling out of the bottom of the frame, with no fanfare or dramatic music or anything; it's only easy for you." He closed his eyes. "It's not beautiful or tragic. It's not even special. It's just a mess, kid. A mess other people have to clean up." There were a few seconds of painful, awkward silence.

"Bailey-sensei..." Makoto looked down. "You're... you're not wrong, okay? You're not." She gritted her teeth and clenched her fist. "But that doesn't change anything."

Topher groaned. "Kid, have you heard a thing I've said?"

"Bailey-sensei, this is all I've got." She faced him, shaking, but unafraid. "I'm not smart like you or Hotaka-kun. I don't have a Class like Noboru-kun, or a useful skill like Haruko-chan. I've got Martial Arts at Rank F, and Dexterity at Rank D. That's it. And I'm gonna make the best of it, whether you like it or not." She folded her arms. "If it was good enough for you to leave me to guard our stuff when you were afraid we were gonna get robbed, it should be good enough for you now, too."

Topher sighed. Slowly, he put down the book and his notes. "All right, kid." He stepped forward, letting his fists hang down to his sides. "You wanna prove to me you have what it takes? Then go for it."

"Ehh?" Makoto flinched back. "W-what are you saying, Bailey-sensei!"

"Attack me. Beat me up." He gestured for her to move closer. "You think you can go out and fight monsters, so you should be able to fight a gross old guy like me, right? I've got Rank F everything; I don't have any combat skills. This should be cake for you." He already hated himself for this, but he had started the day hating himself; it wasn't like a little more would hurt. "Unless you're scared."

"Y-you!" Makoto brought her fists up into a combat stance; Topher had to admit he was a little intimidated. She clearly knew how to fight; he didn't. "I-I'm not joking around, you know! I'll mess you up!"

"Go for it." Topher repeated. He didn't raise his hands; didn't make a move to defend himself.

"Fine!" the girl shouted, finally, and dashed forward. Topher didn't hesitate; he used his Attract Object power and summoned one half of the broken board into his hand, then smashed it into the side of Makoto's head. He pulled the blow, but she still fell like a sack of flour.

"Shit," Topher yelped; he'd only meant to stun her. He dropped the board, feeling sick. "I hit you as lightly as I could, kid."

After a moment, though, she began to writhe around in the grass; eventually, she let out a howling whine. "Owww! Oww, you dick!"

Topher sighed, feeling relieved. "If you can bitch about it, you'll live. Still think you're Miss Hot Shit Adventurer now?"

"You cheated!" Makoto accused him, sitting up and holding one hand to her throbbing head. "I wasn't ready!"

Topher crossed his arms. "Makoto, in a real fight, you always cheat. Because the cheaters win." He stepped closer, nudging her with his foot. "If I was really trying to hurt you, I would have kicked you three or four times before you even realized you were on the ground. And that's just me, a useless F-Rank 'gross old guy'." He sighed. "Imagine what a real thug could do. Or a centaur like the one that attacked Ichirou. Or a skeleton mage like Naungraloth." He kneeled down, his knees popping, and looked her in the eye. "You wanna fight, kid, you better be ready to do whatever it takes to win."

She whimpered a little. "Oww." But then, unexpectedly, she stirred; she scrambled to her knees, then to her feet, and looked up at Topher again, her hand over one eye. "I won't..." She swallowed. "I won't give up."

Topher opened his mouth to argue some more, but she shouted him down. "Okay, so maybe I'm not ready! That's okay! I'll train for a whole year, or ten years if that's what it takes!" He could see tears in her eyes; whether from pain or emotion, he wasn't sure. "But I won't give up."

"That's what I'm afraid of, kid," sighed Topher. He went back to where he'd put down his things, and picked up the book and his notes again. "That's what I'm afraid of."

He turned away, but Makoto had caught his sleeve; he wondered for a moment if she was about to judo-throw him, but she only looked up into his eyes, angry and upset. "Where'd you learn to fight like that, Bailey-sensei? I wanna know."

"My Dad." Topher really, really didn't want to open this can of worms, but could already tell it was going to happen anyway.

Makoto's eyes dropped down. "I wish my Dad had taught me to fight like that."

"No, you don't." Topher reached out and grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to look him in the eyes. "My old man didn't teach me anything, Makoto. He beat me, all the time. I grew up covered in bruises; I had four broken bones before I was fourteen. And he wasn't the only one; other kids kicked my ass too, for the tiniest of reasons or for no reason at all." He released her, disgusted. "The only good thing about this damn Summoning Spell bringing me here is that I'll never have to see him again."

"Must be nice." Makoto's voice was half-choked with tears, snot, and rage. "I miss my Mom and Dad. I miss my little brother." She wiped her nose with her wrist; Topher noticed she had some kind of leather bracer on it, which was now covered with boogers. "That spell took them all away from me, and I can't do anything about that." She grimaced, then looked up at him again. "But I'm not gonna take it lying down, Bailey-sensei."

Topher smiled, mirthlessly. And I thought Makoto was the drama-free one. He sat down, suddenly too tired to argue anymore, and laughed. "Well shit then, kid, I bet they'll be real proud of you when a big hairy monster kills you, eats you, and poops out your bones."

"That's gross, Bailey-sensei. You're so gross." The girl plopped down beside him, still holding her head with one hand.

Topher sighed. "I guess I am. You gonna make it, or do I need to go find you a healer or something?"

Gingerly, Makoto lowered her hand; her eye was a little bloodshot, and she had a massive bruise forming along the side of her head, but she looked like she'd survive. "No thanks, Bailey-sensei. If I'm really gonna do this, I'm sure I'll have to endure worse. As annoying as it is to get beat up by a gross old man like you," -- she grinned, wincing a little -- "I think I'll take it as a good lesson. Looks like I'll need a lot more training before I talk to the Adventurer's Guild."

"Well, it may have been a cheap shot, but maybe it knocked a little sense into you after all." He stared up at the achingly blue sky, dotted as it was with perfect little white clouds. "You want to hit me back? You know, for revenge?"

"As frail as you are, Bailey-sensei? I don't have enough money to buy you another healing potion from Oguro." She smirked. "But, if you were looking to owe me a favor, there is one thing you could do for me."

Topher blinked; he hadn't expected that. "Uh, sure, I guess. What did you want?" Reluctantly, he stopped looking at the sky and turned to look at Makoto.

To his astonishment, she was blushing and touching her forefingers together, bending and straightening them nervously. "You could, um... you could tell Hotaka-kun he should come over here and visit me. But not, like, as a date or anything."

Topher laughed. "Yeah, no. I'll take the punch in the nose instead."