World Boss: Break the Narrative

When we got back we found Glitzy talking to Popovich. A good eleven goblins were lined up. Somehow they had gotten a stage and a spotlight. While that was weird the thing that bugged me was Popovich had a rose. She was offering it to a goblin dress us in… okay it wasn’t a chicken suit. It had the same energy, but it was mostly black feathers with a blue chest and some crazy plumes on the top of the head. He was dancing around her.

“And love finds a way!” Glitzy announced as the chimera soldier, and her amorous feathered friend walked off the stage. The crowd had a bit of a mixed response to this. Apparently the crowd had a one true pairing, OTP, and this wasn’t it.

Glitzy was still playing to the crowd, having the time of his attention seeking life, “There is our latest pairing. Ron Astrapios and Erin Popovich. Have fun, you love birds.” this did seem to mellow most folks out.

Rachel had her head in her good hand, “The things I am learning about my soldiers… I don’t want to know these things!”

“Your people started this,” I pointed out.

“You enabled it!” Rachel snapped back.

Oh good, the spot light slid over to us. Glitzy hopped down. “Doug! There has been a question rumbling in the back of our audience's mind. Will you be participating in tonight's events?”

Angelica had stepped back out of the light before Glitzy had cornered me. She wasn’t quite laughing yet, but she did have a dumb grin on her face. She had ditched me. She clearly had a better sense for this sort of thing than I did. I would have to ask about that at some point.

This isn’t that big of a deal, I told myself before saying “No,” to Glitzy.

The crowd booed! Someone threw a snowball at me.

It hit pretty hard. Not enough to cause damage but still, “Hey! Stop that!” I called to the crowd

“What are you going to do? Not rail me!” a goblin yelled.

“If people are going to start using violence because they aren’t getting what they want then I am going to shut this down,” I told the crowd. No one really called me on that. Somehow hundreds of goblins and a dozen combat soldiers all understood, I could have my way with this.

I needed to keep that in mind. Yeah this was low stakes, but with other issues careless words or just throwing my weight around could do some damage.

“Everyone, ch-ch-chill! I-I haven’t guh-got my chance yet!” one of the mostly naked soldiers shouted. They were beginning to turn blue.

This heartfelt plea resonated with the crowd. Also my ability to cockblock was apparently well known. You systematically help a friend, multiple times over the course of several days and people see a pattern. I crafted three cloaks from snow lion pelts and tossed them to the Soldiers.

Mild disruption over and things continued. The next Soldier literally picked what was obviously three goblins in a trenchcoat. For the most part this dating game -that’s what we are calling it- went off without a hitch.

No one got hitched.

The closest thing we had to a SNAFU was once the last of the Chimera soldiers had made their choice. The choice being “I’ll take any twenty who think teamwork can make the dream work.” That wasn’t an issue. One Slamatorium later everyone was happy. No, the near miss was when the spotlight descended on Rachel. The Lieutenant went full deer in the headlights.

“Well Lieutenant,” Glitzy started into his preamble, “Tell us about yourself.”

“I am lieutenant Rachel Blum. I’m a Leo,” she managed.

I have never seen someone quail so hard from the weight of public attention.

“I am a Gemini myself.” Glitzy asked. The bombastic goblin clearly could tell Rachel was nervous and was trying to draw her focus. Make things feel more conversational. “An what are you looking for tonight?”

“I think we should help her,” I said.

“Eh…” Angelica said not enthused.

“What if you were stuck there?” I asked.

Angelica considered, “I would like to think I am too smart to fall into this specific situation. That said, if this happens save me,” she thought for another beat, “if you can’t save me kill me.”

I stepped toward the circle of light.

“Doug!” I pick Doug!” Rachel said wild eyed. She hopped over Glitzy and just latched onto me.

Now anyone who has been to a party knows the issue here. No one cares if you take a beer from the fridge, but if you take the last beer a lot of people will manifest opinions real fast. That crowd was mad… at me. Accusations about me being Capt’n Cockblock were made. More Snowballs were thrown. There were also a significant number of rule lawyer types making the point that I claimed to not be participating so I couldn’t get one of the ‘goofy humans’.

Nanny Shiv stepped in, “Bingle, get up here!”

“Me?” a goblin with a top hat asked.

“Yes! You!” Nanny Shiv snapped. “You always complain about being single. We are fixing that tonight!” and the dating game continued.

Discretion is the better part of valor. Also, I was tired of this and wanted out. I left. Angelica followed. Rachel was really latched on.

Once we got back into the Chimera Corp camp proper. I began shaking my arm, “let go.”

“I panicked,” Rachel explained, not letting go.

“It’s cool,” I said. Shaking my arm harder. She really had one hell of a grip

“You gonna detach any time soon techie?” Angelica asked. She took a sip of mushroom wine and frowned. “I kinda hate that I don’t hate this.”

Rachel let go. Unfortunately she did this while I was still sorta flailing. The Lieutenant was launched twenty feet into the air. I had just enough time to flinch as she fell to the ground. She then landed on her feet. Rachel looked as surprised as I was.It was almost like she had catlike reflexes. She blinked and then stood at ease, “Welp that was a successful… cultural exchange.” She coughed, “I think we should probably… uh… get together late tomorrow morning.” she paused a beat and quickly added, “To collect the exchangees”

“Sounds good,” I turned to leave.

“Wait, you're just leaving?” Rachel asked.

“Yeah,” I said, confused.

“Oh… okay,” she said, sounding disappointed.

I stopped, “Do you want us to stay?”

“No,” Rachel answered immediately.

“Okay I am missing whatever cue you are trying to throw,” I said. “Just say it.”

“I am not trying to throw subtle cues,” Rachel muttered.

“Okay, see you tomorrow when you are done being weird,” I mumbled, not quite quietly enough.

“I am not weird!” Rachel almost shouted.

I decided to engage, “You are heroic scale and part mob, that is weird.

“If I am weird then you are very weird,” Rachel said, pointing at me.

“Extremely weird,” I admitted

Rachel sputtered a moment, “I insulted you. You are supposed to argue.

I was too tired for that nonsense, “if you say so.”

“Don’t just agree,” Rachel snapped.

I shrugged, “okay!”

“Ugh! You’re the worst god ever!” Rachel thunked her head against the side of the truck.

“I got a lot on my plate. A lot of problems to deal with,” I said, a little annoyed.

“Like I don’t have problems?” Rachel demanded. She gestured to her mangled hand. “This is completely wrecked. That messes with literally everything. Have you ever lost your alone time hand?”

“That was a bit of an overshare,” I said.

Rachel frowned at me, “There is nothing shameful about sex man that lives inside my head rent free.”

I frowned, “Didn’t you just panic over a blind date?”

“On a stage, in front of a crowd of hundreds,” Rachael countered.

That was a valid point, “I just figured -well assumed- that you came from one of those sex-is-for-babies societies.”

Rachel stared at me for a moment, “Yeah, that is where babies come from. I was talking about jilling off.”

I need to stop talking to people. Rachel specifically, “ Do I have a sign over my head that says ‘tell me uncomfortable truths’?” I asked.

Rachel blinked and frowned, “I think you must have a really high Face Attribute, and just project an aura of wanting people to be open and honest.”

“...well shit,” I muttered to myself. I did need to quit talking to people.

The Sergeant who apparently was happily married eventually just kicked us out. The claim being Angelica made some of the soldiers who didn’t… participate… uncomfortable.

I took it for what it was a reason to escape.

“So why are we heading back to the nothingness?” Angelica asked.

“I’m peopled out,” I explained, “I just wanna sit somewhere quiet and look at the stars.”

“Okay,” She said, following me.

“I am not depressed, you don’t have to come,” I said.

“Okay,” Angelica said again. She stayed in lock step with me.

“I mean it is going to be cold,” I said, crafting a bench out of ice.

“Do you want me to leave?” Angelica asked.

“No,” I said, crafting a couple of heavy blankets out of snow lion pelts.

We sat there for about five minutes when Angelica asked, “Can we talk about the ridiculous display the goblins just put on?”

I laughed, “yeah.” We proceeded to talk shit about the goblins and the Chimera Corp for a solid 40 minutes.

“I get why the presence of flowers bugs you.” Angelica said, “But I am telling you, the bird suit is more concerning. There are two possibilities. Either Ron knew Popovich was into bird stuff, or he didn’t. Think about that a second. He had no way to know. So that means he just had that suit. Doug, that is his go to move.”

“No way,” I argued. “Barring actual crimes, that is the worst move ever.”

“I mean it worked for him,” Angelica pointed out.

“That doesn’t make it a good move,” I retorted.

“Okay, what is your move then?” Angelica challenged.

“What?” I asked. I hadn’t expected this turn.

“Show me your move, if you are so capable to judge,” she challenged.

“Fine,” I said rolling my neck. “But first we need to count shoulders.”

Angelica looked at me confused.

I place my left hand on my right shoulder, “One.” I put my left hand on my left shoulder, “Two.” I gently rested my left hand on Angelica’s right shoulder, “Three.” I waited a beat and when she didn’t protest I draped my arm over her and rested my hand on her left shoulder, “four.”

Angelica burst out laughing, “That’s a terrible move! It only worked because I let it.”

“That is part of the mystery of the move.” I said.

Angelica held my hand in place when I tried to move it, “It’s a bad move.”

“Fair enough, what’s yours?” I asked.

Angelica slid her foot so that the heel of her boot touched mine. After a moment she rotated her foot so that our toes were touching. I looked down at that. I looked back up at her.

When our eyes met she smiled, “Hey.”

We both cracked up laughing.

“Wait, what is Celeste’s move?” I asked.

Angelica’s smile faded a bit, “She thinks we’re both being chicken shit.”

I raised an eyebrow, “Meaning?”

Angelica shrugged, “She said the safe word is chicken. You good with that?”

Not quite following, I said, “Sure.”

Celeste’s eyes blazed with white light, she gave me a playful grin and snuggled closer. We had gotten a bit chummy. She then winked at me, and put her hand on my upper thigh.

That certainly got a reaction out of me. Come to think of it, I was touch starved. Now was not really the time to think though.

“Brave or chicken?” Celeste asked.

“Brave?” I asked.

Celeste’s hand moved up my thigh a little. While this move did require some setup, and clarification of consent, it beat the hell out of footsy.

“Now kiss,” Someone behind us cooed.

I did not jump. It was more of a surprised flop. The back of the bench was just ice. So it snapped. Again in a totally non-reactionary way I flung the large chunk of ice at the voice.

Adora waved a hand in a dismissive way. A gesture you would use to wave away criticism. This caused the slam of ice to shatter and then basically vaporize in to frozen mist. The goddess had again changed her look. Her hair was luxurious red curls. Her makeup matched the coloring. Her normally extravagant dress was now a tasteful white fur coat with matching hat and muff.

Adora grinned, “Don’t mind me.”

“You’re interrupting us,” Celeste said. She turned on the bench. Still sitting next to me but now facing the worst deity ever.

Adora rolled her eyes, “Please, Sweet Moose here, was going to say brave twice more, before chickening out. Let’s not pretend like either of you two was actually going to do something.

I was gonna say brave twice more. Rather than argue further with Adora I stood and turned to face her before saying, “Okay you win. Nice seeing you. Bye-bye now.”

Sadly this did not banish Adora.

Instead the vexation of my current situation beammed. Adora was happy. That can’t be good. “You know I really misjudged you.”

I blinked, and then pointed at myself to confirm what she said.

“Yes you Doug,” Adora walked closer and then sat upon a chair that appeared from nowhere. “I was worried you were a prude. After the cabin, the dungeon, the gunsmiths, and all the other martial artists, hell you weren’t even interested in the twins I threw at you.”

I shuddered, “I thought they were hunting me.”

“Not quite,” Adora teased, “But then you do this. I can’t think of the last time a follower of mine literally stopped a battle through a mass copulation event. I'm certain it happened, but it was a while ago.” A beautiful approximation of a frown graced her face, “I worry I am getting old.”

“Wait, you're here because of the … goblin dating game?” I asked.

“Oh yes. Most of the Chimera soldiers are followers of mine. Love and War, you know,” Adora waited a beat, “Fine don’t tell me I am not getting old. I wasn’t fishing for compliments. It’s not like I came here bearing gifts.”

Oh no. what fresh hell is this?

“What if I do not want your gift?” I asked.

“Are you really just going to leave her in the snow?” Adora asked scandalized. She gestured again, and a woman manifested in another chair. “This is Aiko Sato. She is the one who distracted Grond while you were in the temple. I know you aren’t the sort of man who would abandon someone who bled for you.”

Oh yeah. Adora is the worst.

I looked at the new arrival. Aiko was a small woman, maybe five-two and thin. She was dressed in a classy business casual way. Cream blouse with red flower embroidery, a black jacket and slacks and practical shoes… or they would have been if not for the fact we were in a frozen wasteland. The only thing that was odd about her clothes was the mask on her face. She had a black fabric mask over her nose and it obscured her lower face. It did draw focus to her pretty brown eyes. I also saw the edge of two scarred cuts poking out the top of the mask.

Grond had scarred her face.

“It is an honor to meet you, Doug, Left Hand of the Titan,” Aiko said politely. She sounded calm and friendly. She turned to Celeste, “And you as well, Celeste of Truth. And Miss De Leon too.”

Celeste frowned. She didn’t exactly ignore Aiko, but she spoke to Adora, “I wish you hadn’t told her my secrets.”

“I have to protect my followers,” Adora argued. She paused like an idea had just occurred to her, “Given Aiko’s history, it just makes sense for Doug to protect her. Grond is not exactly known for being forgiving.”

“He is…tempestuous at the best of times,” Aiko agreed. If she feared for her life it didn’t show. Then again other than her long black hair fluttering in the wind she basically ignored the chill too. She probably had a extremely high Face Attribute and was using that to appear calm, or she really just wasn’t bothered.

Better check, “Aren’t you cold?” I asked her.

“It is rather brisk,” Aiko hedged.

I crafted another blanket from a snow lion pelt. Snow lions were a renewable resource after all. Once it was complete I pulled it out of my inventory and offered it to her.

Aiko looked to Adora, and did not move to take it until the goddess gave her a nod of approval. Aiko didn’t exactly lunge for the blanket, but she took and wrapped herself up quickly.

I didn’t trust myself to speak. It was odd. I was so angry with Adora that I swung all the way around again to calm. Trouble is it crept passed that to kinda pissed. Again, I was certain I couldn’t take her in a fight. Sure the blocking the ice bench wasn’t too impressive, but she was pulling people out of the air and clearly had some sort of plan.

“We don’t have time for games, Adora,” Celeste said flatly.

“This is very serious. Aiko is being hunted by Grond, she is also one of my high priestesses. She can help build a city, something you are going to want to do unless you enjoy the snow lion attacks.” Adora smiled, “You can all work together.”

“Why can’t you protect your own followers?” Celeste demanded.

“My goddess is a being of affection, love and fertility,” Aiko explained. “Grond specifically has an unfortunate tendency to circumvent our attempts to placate him. I do not wish for my fellow priests and priestesses to come into harm’s way. If you do not wish for me to travel with you, I understand.”

Adora patted Aiko’s shoulder in a soothing way, but grinned at me in victory. This was because I spited her by telling Grond about the curse she put on his armor. This offended me. Sure this was basically the same thing Wilson had done by making Denise my intern. The thing is Wilson was more dangerous, and clearly causing harm on a broader scale. That said, Adora was a person, not a narrator. There is no justification for harming and manipulating others for your own amusement, but doing it to your own people was just stupid.

I banked on her not being as smart as Wilson.

“Okay, Aiko can come with us,” I said politely.

Celeste and Adora stared at me confused. Aiko’s eyes were much more cagey. I had grown used to people being vaguely afraid of me. I didn’t like it, but I understood where people were coming from.

“We will take care of her. Keep her safe from Grond,” I promised. Honestly this maybe a good way to start another conversation with Grond. I doubt it would be productive, but there was always the chance he may actually listen. I had to at least try and tell him that Adora was pitting us against each other for her own goals.

I mean it made me want to fight him less.

Adora actually frowned.

“Was there anything else?” I asked her.

Adora vanished. Did I beat her?

Probably not.

“May I ask a question?” Aiko asked a question.

“Sure,” I said, looking around into the storm.

“Aren’t Traveling with Adora’s Champion, Nameth Brand?” Aiko asked.

Oh shit we forgot Brand!