Winter Lilies: A Yuri Garden Anthology

Four. It’s an unlucky number, according to superstition. They even have a word for it in Greek: Tetraphobia

I may not believe in one but I know that the reason I can’t be with Erin, is simply because we are four years apart.

 

As a child, I remember moving from place to place a lot, due to my father’s work. I only managed to settle down on Northbank because he got promoted to branch manager.

The house was relatively the most comfortable out of them all, I even get my own room. The neighbours were kind as well, as I remember the night when I moved in.

 

The lady from the house next door even brought her daughter as well. That was my first encounter with Erin.

I was a shy girl during my childhood since moving around caused me to not have any friends. As I hid behind my mother, Erin called out to me. I still remember her first words to me,

“Come on, don’t be shy. What’s your name? I’m Erin, your new neighbour. I hope we can get along.”

Erin even gave me a bunny plushie; something that she said she prepared on a whim upon hearing that the neighbour has a daughter younger than her.

“The name is… Amelie. Thank… you.”

I thanked her for the doll and we ended up playing together. Erin was my first friend, even though we are of different ages.

 

I eventually learned the next day that the new neighbour was a secondary school student. Secondary 1, to be exact, meanwhile I was still at Primary 3. The two of us may be attending the same school, but the primary and secondary schools shared different buildings. That, on top of the difference in school hours, meant that we could only meet each other in the neighbourhood. At least we visited each other often, as I regularly went to Erin’s house. I ended up spending more time with her than any of my classmates.

 

To support my family, Mom was a working mother as well. As a result, she found it difficult to walk me to and from school every day. Erin’s mother saw that and offered to have her daughter help to take care of me. We were going in the same direction anyway, so Erin did not seem to mind.  Granted, the primary school students finished their classes first, but I did not mind waiting for her. After all, I enjoyed every second of walking together with Erin.

 

At first, it was a form of admiration for the older girl. Being a secondary school student seems so cool. Erin was so pretty, and tall, which was no wonder that she was popular in school and the neighbourhood. Most importantly,  she was kind to me.

“I want to be like her when I grow up”.

Erin was certainly my inspiration as I looked up to her. Not realising that it was in fact puppy love, yet.

 

The feelings eventually grew when I became a secondary school student. By then I had realized that I wanted to be with Erin instead of merely admiring her. My heart beat faster whenever I was with her. I could not get her off my mind. All of the feelings indicated that I was apparently in love with my neighbour, who was already a high school student by then.

 

Unfortunately, by that time, we had been meeting less with each other. She was not obliged to fetch me to school to start with, given how I was not a child anymore. We could not walk back home together anymore as she went home even later, often in the evening. I practically had no reason to wait in front of the high school gate, as it would be awkward to explain the reason to her. All of that, on top of an increase in activity on both our part, made us only meet occasionally, like at some neighbourhood events or if by chance both of us were free on the weekend.

 

I tried my best to value the time I spent with Erin, knowing that it would not last forever. I did not care even if the feelings were one-sided, as long as I could still be with her.

 

Erin had never changed. She was still a kind-hearted girl, and I did not mind every time she would still treat me like a young girl. It was a breeze from the increased responsibilities and societal pressure that I got by simply growing up.

 

The simple happiness seemed to end when I got to Secondary 3. I knew that it would only last for a while, especially when there was no university in Northbank. At that point. I could not even meet her by chance in the neighbourhood anymore. I remember crying my heart out in the airport as her plane flew to the capital. Still crying in my room while on the rabbit plushie that she gave me, all while lamenting the fact that we might not meet each other anymore.

Erin is slipping away. It was like the end of my world as I realised how much she meant to me in her absence. And to add more of it, the feeling of love grew further.

 

I spent my high school mostly longing for Erin. Thinking about what she did in Olde York. Occasionally stared at her house with hopes that she would make a surprise return. I remembered that once Thanksgiving, Erin returned to pay a visit to her parents. We managed to meet a bit when she was about to head back.

"You are all grown up now, Amelie. A high school student now?"

There she was, treating me like a child again. If I am a grown-up now, surely she could view me like an adult? Please notice my feelings already.

 

Afterwards, I would be looking forward to Thanksgiving since it was the day that she might have returned. But she did not return ever since that day.

 

Maybe, just maybe, if Erin was still single the moment I graduated high school, I would take the smallest chance I get to get closer to her.

 

My prayer seemed to be answered the moment I entered university. Granted, Erin had already graduated by then, but she found a job in the capital, not far from the university. I purposely applied to that university as my first choice just to be closer to her and proposed to stay together with her since her housemates had just left after graduation. Both of our parents agreed since having a familiar housemate would be better. And most importantly, Erin herself was pretty welcoming of my arrival.

 

Staying together with Erin was a dream come true. Even when we still had completely different schedules, seeing her face in the morning and night every day brought me bliss.

Since I was already a grown-up, Erin had stopped treating me like a kid. The four years I spent without her made me independent. She even called me reliable, since my returning early meant that I could help her with housework. Ranging from making quick dinners, doing the dishes and even helping with the laundry. It was the closest to married life that I could ever think of, as it was the happiest moment of my life. I did it all out of my love for her, after all.

 

It was one Sunday during my second year when the two of us were in the dining room. I was making toast for breakfast when Erin stared at me with an expression I had never seen before, her cheek was rose-red.

“Thank you for taking care of me, Amelie.”
I smiled at the compliment. It was quite sudden, but it felt nice. Not that I was doing it to be praised, after all.

“I am glad that you’re here.”
No, I am the one that’s glad to come here. I should thank you for allowing me.

I was putting down the plates of toast on top of the table when she said,

"And I want to keep being together with you. Would you be my… lover?"

The pause that I did was longer than Erin's. First I need to make sure that I heard it properly. The situation, on top of the older girl's expression... She was indeed confessing to me.

 

"I.. Love you as well, Erin… All this time." I said with another blush on my face. The two of us said nothing afterwards, only eating our toasts silently with soft smiles on our lips.

 

Our 'married couple' relationship stayed for another year. As I was in my final year, however, Erin got her promotion in work. The company knew that she was from Northbank and would love for the girl to be the manager of the newly opened branch. She was unsure about it, especially when she had to leave me in the capital. However, I remember how my life changed ever since my dad got similarly promoted, which would be the best course of career for Erin.

"You should take it. It's a rare offer. I will be fine on my own so don't worry about me." I said, with a bright smile.

"You're right.  You are so mature, Amelie. That's what I love about you."

Erin made up her mind after my words as she informed her superior about it immediately.

 

I was all alone again for the final year. But it felt completely different than before: this time we were already deep in the relationship. I did not feel lonely or worried, as the long distance would just fuel our relationship by the time we met.

This time, I did not cry when I delivered her to the airport.

 

The year passed in a flash as I was motivated to complete my study; Erin had already waited for me after all. We even talked beyond my graduation about my career and life.

Our life, to be more exact, since Erin promised to marry me by the time I graduate.

 

I flew back to Northbank as soon as I graduated. I was going to meet with Erin to plan for our weddings; both of us had prepared our own ideas and concepts to be discussed. I totally could not wait to meet her.

 

 

I guess I was lost in my euphoric thoughts throughout the flight, that I did not notice the turbulence. The other passengers were panicking, some even went to pray as the plane was shaking considerably. I was brought back to reality when the oxygen mask dropped down from the compartment, and everyone around me quickly wore them as instructed. Not long after that, the captain asked us to be in a brace position, as the plane was going to do an emergency landing on the mountains.

 

The plane hit the trees first when the insides shook around. I was unable to process what actually happened, as the plane bounced multiple times from the impact. The last sight that I saw was the right wing of the plane clipping from the body of the plane. Afterwards, the vision went blurry.

 

I found myself outside in the cold winter, barely able to see anything as it was just me and the bag that I put underneath my legs. I could barely move my muscles, everything hurt.

I used the rest of my strength to reach for my bag. The bunny plushie was inside, and I pulled it into my embrace.

 

At this point, I knew that the bad weather and visibility would get in the way of the rescue team. But there was nothing I could do about it. Looking up at the night stars, tears roll down my eyes as I keep hugging the plushie. I could hear other people’s voices and groans, as one by one, they started to quiet down.

 

Just when I think we can have each other, she’s slipping away from me again.

If only I’d moved in one year earlier, I’d at least share the same primary school as her.

 

 

The accident that hit the flight from Olde York to Northbank made it to national news almost immediately. The evacuation was underway, as they listed the name of the passengers.

Erin was holding the wedding brochure, preparing herself to fetch Amelie at the airport as she saw the news.

 

List of victims of the crash:

4. Amelie, Bright.