WHAT REMAINS OF ME

Hinata's POV

I could feel the cold air seeping through my body. I cringed. I slowly opened my eyes, and for a second, I forgot where I was. I roamed my eyes, and a familiar feeling of emptiness suddenly filled my heart. I was on our house's veranda. 

I rubbed my arms and let the deafening silence of the night envelope me. I had no idea how long I slept or how much time had passed since I decided to wait here. I specifically chose this area because it gave me a clear view of the driveway where I could watch his car pull in the driveway. I had been doing that for a month now, and it became a nightly routine. 

However, I missed that tonight. I blamed it on the wine that I was sipping earlier. I should have been mindful of drinking, but I guess it's one of those rare nights that I let myself be carried away. 

My eyes fell into the garage, and my heart skipped a beat. He's here!

I felt the adrenaline take over my body, and I rushed towards his room. Yes, we had separate rooms in this house because it's one of his rules. He made this arrangement clear from the moment our feet landed on this precious house like he could not afford to be near me. That thought put a dampener on my high spirit and slowed my step. 

I stopped when I reached his door. I was getting nervous, a feeling that consumed me every time I was near him. Gosh! I must be out of my mind to be doing this. I bit my fingernail and started pacing in front of his room. I could feel the anxiety building inside me, and the moisture formed on my forehead. 

I hated my body for having this kind of reaction whenever I was put in uncomfortable situations. I couldn't even control it to the point that I had to be on medication just for me to feel normal again. I hate it. Every single day. But right at this very moment, I despise it. 

I breathe in and out, trying to calm myself. Thoughts were now swarming through my head. I couldn't stop them. I desperately wanted them to stop invading my brain but I didn't know how to put an end to this. 

I stared at my shaking hands, and tears started to fall. I wanted to also stop them from falling, but they, too, were stubborn as hell. It's as if I'm losing control over my body, my mind, and my emotions. I could no longer recognize myself. I was just so excited to see my husband earlier, but in just the snap of a finger, here I am. 

Maybe this was the reason why Zeke couldn't accept me. I am a mess. Not the beautiful one. But the burden type of mess. 

I sobbed. Hard. Sprawled on the floor like a baby waiting to be comforted. 

"What are you doing here!?" A voice echoed from behind. A voice that I was too familiar with. Zeke's voice. 

I turned towards him, frantically wiping all the tears from my face. But when I saw the disappointment and the anger in his eyes, I sobbed harder. I realized that I am really broken. Broken beyond repair.