Unwilling Eldritch Horror of Fortune

I figured out, much to my disappointment, that the complex that we were in was labyrinthine to the extreme. Xalla led me down seemingly random, unmarked corridor after unmarked corridor, her pace brisk and with purpose. We passed by several different rooms whose purpose still eluded me. I tried making a mental map of the place but quickly gave up after the 5th or 6th winding path. Worse yet, every place looked pretty much the same, with its horrible off-white walls and polished stone floors. Who the hell designed this place?

Unfortunately, this being a maze meant that any hope of trying to infiltrate or escape this place unassisted would probably end up in abysmal failure. That also meant that I was doomed if my disguise as an Arbiter was to ever fail, there was no plan B, no alternative way to escape if things didn’t go my way. Still, I always did love a good challenge, and nothing says “challenge” like facing a horrible, slow death if I happened to mess up.

Just wonderful.

“This place is pretty large,” I remarked, hoping to learn any new info about this site.

“Haha, yeah.” Xalla replied politely, “It wasn’t really designed with physical locomotion in mind.”

Right, so I learned that walking was not common, but what the hell does that imply? Knowing how ludicrous my current situation was, these creatures probably just materialize or teleport from place to place.

“Unfortunately I can’t do anything about that in this Human form,” I said, probing for any more insight into what exactly I got myself into. The more I got her to talk, the more scraps of information I could get, and the higher of a chance I had to get through this alive.

Xalla frowned, “Is it really necessary to keep up the disguise, even here?”

“Unfortunately it is, I’m still at work,” I answered naturally, “And plus, it takes a while to readjust back into the Human form, so I try to limit how often I change. There are a lot of limitations that I have to constantly remember, and if I accidentally used too much strength I could destroy the whole disguise.”

Xalla nodded in understanding, “That must be tough, I can’t imagine having to live as a Human, even for a little while. But for you to do that constantly…”

“Takes some willpower and getting used to, that’s for sure.”

Her head tentacles wiggled a bit, which I could tell was a sign of…

I frowned, this wasn’t an expression that Humans could make, but whatever was translating her gestures told me that it was a mixture of amazement, pride, and happiness.

Noe, are you translating her gestures? I asked.

“Affirmative.” It said, “Unit Noe also actively interprets all nonverbal forms of communication of sentient species into its Earth Human equivalent if possible, or convey its intended emotional meaning if an equivalent expression is unavailable.”

Guess that explains how I thought Xalla was blushing or frowning when she didn’t have, well, a face.

Uh, thanks Noe. Please continue doing that.

“Acknowledged.” it chimed, and I almost thought that its robotic voice sounded a bit… happier? “And you are most welcome, Host Watt.”

“We’ve arrived, Lord Arbiter, please enter,” Xalla said, her feelers gesturing towards a slightly more decorated door.

She looked contemplative for a second, before adding, “And given your Human Guise, I shall wait here to assist you further when you are done with the meeting with the Site Administrator… um, if that is ok with you.”

“That would be much appreciated,” I said with my best smile, “Thank you Xalla.”

Just as I was stepping away from Xalla, the familiar sound of Noe rang in my head, “Notification: Congratulations Host Watt Thefuck, you have unlocked your Soul Title, would you like to review this information now?”

What? Soul Title? I guess there was a Title section on my status screen earlier. Still, trying to figure out what all that meant can wait. I was just about the enter the Site Admin’s office. Can’t exactly take 5 minutes standing by the door talking with the voice in my head.

Save the explanation until later, Noe. I thought, mute any other notifications for now. I can’t afford any distractions until I’m done here.

“Acknowledged.”

I composed myself and opened the door to the unassuming door.

The first thing I saw when I entered was a handsome individual in an immaculately tailored suit. And when I say handsome, I mean it. I have never seen someone look so… perfect. His blonde hair was neatly combed back, not a hair out of place, and his features were angular and perfectly symmetrical. His skin had not a single blemish, and he radiated an aura of authority. He even smelled good. Wow.

When he sat up to approach me, he moved with a grace that I had never seen before; in fact, the person before was too perfect, too good-looking, and approached the uncanny.

“Welcome, Lord Arbiter.” He said with a neat, professional smile, his voice just as perfect as his appearance, “I am Q, the Administrator of Training Centre 1102. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Ok, this was the moment of truth. If I could convince the really beautiful dude in front me of that I was an actual Lord Arbiter or whatever, then I was probably in the clear for the time being.

I could do this. No pressure.

I scanned the office quickly, trying to see if there was any information that I could use. Obviously, this individual isn’t human, and he isn’t as perfect as he appears. The room was small given its importance, perhaps the size of a moderately sized bedroom, and it was furnished with utility in mind. Aside from the wooden desk in the back of the room, there were only a few file cabinets and a small sofa set to the side that made up the entire interior of the space. Piled on his desk were several documents and stacks of paper.

Not a lot of useful information so far, other than the fact that he was perhaps busy with admin work.

However, I noticed something in the corner of my eye as I gestured for him to take a seat and sat myself down on the chair opposite his desk. The lowermost cabinet had some pieces of paper sticking out of it, and although the stacks of documents on his desk seemed organized, it was clear that it was hastily put together upon closer inspection. Someone was probably busy reorganizing his office in time for the Lord Arbiter.

This was information that I could use. My best bet so far is that this Q person probably wanted to seem in total comfort and control but was secretly overworked. No one with that many documents to sign and work though could be stress-free. Time to test the waters to see if I was on the right track.

I arched an eyebrow, looking at the stacks of documents on his desk, and asked, “There’s no one else here to help you out on the Admin side?”

He laughed, voice still sounding heavenly, but I could tell there was a tinge of nervousness hidden in there, “Unfortunately we’ve been slightly short-staffed at the moment, but we’re alright, and let me assure you that it has not had an effect on our operations here.”

Oh yeah, I was most certainly right. There was no universe in which the admin staff would be “alright” without any kind of support staff. Not even if these people were not actually people. This was some poor middle management office worker swamped with too much work and too little help.

I sighed and gave the man a genuine look of understanding, “First of all, before I talk about anything else, the confines of this room are not recorded in any way, right?”

Q laughed nervously, his perfect exterior starting to crumble by the second, “I mean, I know regulations state that all interior spaces should be monitored by Central approved systems…”

I glared at him.

“But as an Omni, there should be nothing in this facility that would escape my notice in the first place. And with the recent budget cuts, you know…”

I glared at him still.

Q gave a defeated sigh, slumping his shoulders, “No. This room and much of Facility 1102 are not recorded as per Central Standards. I accept full responsibility for this oversight.”

Ok, good, got some more information that I can use. Apparently, this facility is under some kind of entity called Central, and they do have enforceable standards and regulations. I can use that.

“That’s not what I’m saying, Q.” I said, giving him a look of sympathy, “Look, believe it or not, I worked as a Site Admin before this gig. I get it, the budget’s gone to shit, and the staff’s flown off to better ventures elsewhere. I loved the job at first, but there’s a reason I left.”

Q looked at me, still unsure if he could believe what I was saying, before nodding slowly.

I continued, “So trust me when I say I can relate to your need to cut some corners. I’m not here to admonish you, it’s the opposite. You should have some clues as to why I’m here in the first place, right?”

Q thought for a moment, before answering hesitantly, “Due to the rumors?”

Ok, I’m getting somewhere, let’s see if I can probe for more info.

“Right, unfortunately, they’re true.”

“But the damn temporal anomaly’s on the other side of this universe!” Q said, his perfect voice starting to approach a shout. “Yes we’re on the same plane, but Site 1199 is half a trillion light years away from us! You don’t need to send a damn Arbiter – no offense – to monitor every potential anomaly out there.”

“Hey, I get you.” I said, trying to calm him down, “but you know how Central is.”

Q took a deep breath, composing himself “I apologize, Lord Arbiter. You are correct, Central’s reasoning can be… nebulous. They’re in a tight situation right now, as you know.”

“Yeah, that’s one way to put it.” I shook my head. “And no matter how badly they’re doing right now, the corners they’re cutting is unacceptable. I call it hot garbage. They send me here to annoy hard-working folks when I could be somewhere more productive.”

Q shook his head in frustration.

“Look Q, I’m fed up as well. That’s why I’m not following proper procedure and meeting you here. I wanted to give you a heads-up about the situation, so you can make sure that any of the big breaks in protocols are patched up before I make my rounds.” I said, before looking at a more relieved Q, “I can overlook the small issues but you know that I still have to report back. Plus if there are any anomalies, I can just focus my job there.”

“Thank you, Lord Aribter, I didn’t think you would go that far.” Q said, “And if it’s not too rude to ask, but is it true that you made that Human Homunculus suit?”

“Of course,” I answered confidently, too late to change my story now, especially if this Q individual had already overheard my earlier conversation with Xalla.

“That’s… I’ve never seen its like before.” Q continued with a look of amazement.

I frowned. Was that a compliment or criticism?

“This Human suit was a passion project of mine.” I said, trying my best to hide my nerves, “But be honest, what is your opinion of it?”

Q still looking marveled, “Truthfully, it is almost a perfect replica of the Human Male. If it wasn’t for my inability to observe your status screen, I would have thought you were Human. Remarkable.”

He couldn’t see the stat screen? Wait, there was that one random skill I glanced over previously, that Shroud one. Was that the reason why Q couldn’t view it? Only one way to find out.

Noe, is that Shroud of Something or Another active right now? I asked.

“Assuming that Host Watt is referring to the Shroud of Serendipity, then affirmative,” Noe answered.

Cancel the Shroud of Serendipity for Q. Make sure he can’t see the System info though.

“Acknowledged.”

“Try seeing the screen again, Q.”

The man looked at me skeptically but nodded.

Q’s expression took a huge turn, a myriad of complex emotions crossing his face all at once, before he finally spoke, “That’s… that’s impossible. The Origin Matrix confirms that you are Human. But, how? Getting the Human biology is simple enough, any amateur Alchemist can do that, but to fool Origin means that body of yours has experienced real, lived-in experiences. You would have had to establish the Human essence. You have to create a Soul.”