Unwilling Eldritch Horror of Fortune

The shop was an absolute marvel to look at when the Regressor’s group and I made it there. The place looked like it came right out of the Vatican Museum in terms of scale and splendor, with beautifully decorated marble walls, high ceilings, and more importantly, rows upon rows of expensive looking items were proudly shown. The amount of items on display, and this was just the stuff I could see from the entrance, was insane.

There was vials of unknown liquids filling up an entire wall to the left, while huge display cases housed armor, trinkets, accessories and every object in between. Each item had a small description detailing its function and price on a expertly carved plaque, and an army of small pixie assistants were waiting at attention, ready to help anyone who needed it. The shop was certainly grand, but just like everywhere else in the Rest Area, it was utterly empty of other humans.

“Welcome, Aspirants,” a small, feminine voice said. It belonged to a professionally dressed pixie, no larger than the size of my palm, “Do you need any help with finding an item today?”

“Sup Nell,” Noel greeted back, “We’re good today, just going to the weapon’s hall. We’ll also book an hour in the practice range.”

“Understood, Lady Noel,” the pixie nodded back, “That will be 10 gold.”

Looking at people paying for things here was really strange as an outside observer. It seemed like a whole lot of nothing, since everything was done via the Trash Matrix, but evidently the transaction went through without problem, and she allowed us to pass through.

Noel led the way through a narrow corridor and into a grand room that had a pretty large sparring arena in the middle of it. On the raised platform there were a couple of practice dummies you could use to test out new equipment. It was spacious enough to test out even the bulkiest of options.

All around the large central room were smaller entrances that housed practically every type of weaponry imaginable.

“Alright, you stay right there Walter, let’s see if we can find something awesome for you to use!” Noel turned her attention to the other 3, “Alright gang, let’s find something for my little bro to try out!”

Noel all but sprinted out of the room, her eyes glistening, while Vadeem laughed and walked into a different room. Even the Regressor and his sister were drawn into the atmosphere, and they were chatting happily as they went to find something for me to try on.

It didn’t take even 10 minutes before a mountain of stuff was piled up before me, ranging from everything from traditional weapons to weird alien rifles. Things got really out of hand when Noel managed to somehow drive a small tank into the training room, narrowly avoiding the various shelves of items on her way. Yoona quickly made her take that thing back.

Still, by the time everyone was happy with their various selections, my new friends looked triumphant. Even the Regressor had a small smile on his face.

“Wouldn’t we be bothering the pixies from taking so much stuff off the shelves?” I asked, pointing at the growing mountain.

“Eh, they’re magic.” Noel replied.

I gave her a questioning look.

“What she means,” Yoona explained, “Is that the items we bring out will return to their display stands automatically when we leave, so it’s honestly not bothering anyone here.”

“Oh, yeah, magic.” I agreed.

Noel continued, “Alright, so I got a pretty good idea about what my bro here should use.”

She proceeded to take out a set of nunchucks from the weapon-mountain. She waved it around, mimicking some old Bruce Lee films, along with the appropriate sound effects, but quickly stopped when she smacked herself in the back of the head.

“No way.” The Regressor quickly said, taking the weapon out of her hand, “Those are not practical, even if Walter can use them well. He'd be better off just using a stick.”

I grimaced. That was pretty much the starting weapon that the damn Trash Matrix gave me.

“Oh come on, Boss!" Noel cried, trying to nab the weapon back from Jae-Hyun without success, "They’re so cool though!”

He threw it away, much to the disappointment of Noel, “Cool or not, we need to find a weapon that can actually harm our enemies, not glorified movie props.”

“Boo!” Noel gave an exaggerated pout, “You’re no fun.”

“If we’re looking for sheer damage,” Vadeem added with a grin, “I think I have the right solution!”

He quickly went to a side room and came back with the most ridiculously huge maul that I have ever seen. It was pretty much a boulder attached to a stick, given the absurdity of its size. Yet what was even more amazing was the fact that Vadeem was holding it one handed, even though his footsteps caused tremors every time he walked forwards.

“Yeah… that’s not going to work, that thing’ll squish me like a bug.” I looked at him incredulously, “And just how much strength do you even have?”

“278.” He said with pride, flexing his might further by swinging the massive maul around with ease, “My class passive doubles my existing strength, and I got a few titles that give me some more.”

Doubled strength... I looked at my own pitiful class “passive”... I'll get back at the damn Trash Matrix if it's the last thing I do.

“You know,” he continued, looking at the weapon in his hand in more detail, “I might just keep this baby for myself. Could come in handy down the line.”

Noel rolled her eyes, “For what? Demolishing a house? You plan to start a construction company in the Trials now?”

The big man shrugged, “You never know.”

The Regressor thought for a second before speaking up, “No, Vadeem’s right. Buy one, but find an even bigger maul or hammer if you can. The biggest you can find.”

Vadeem’s smile was amazing, “If you say so! Let’s put these muscles to the test!”

“Hey! We’re here for Walter, remember? You can find a big dumb club some other time, my little bro’s still got no weapon!”

I mean, I did still have my old spear, but I don't think Noel would take that as an answer.

“Um, how about something long ranged in that case?” Yoona added, "Maybe one of those alien guns would be nice to have."

Noel quickly shook her head, “No no, we need diversity! A classic RPG party of 5 only needs 1 ranged unit, and I already told you our goal was to make Walter unique! He can’t go from Spearman 2 to Bowman 2!”

Yoona looked at the other woman in confusion, clearly not understanding her unique outlook on things, and was on the cusp of protesting her absurd logic.

"But he doesn't need to use a bow like me."

“No, Noel’s right in this case.” the Regressor said.

She smiled in triumph, “I’m always right!”

“If Walter can truly use any weapon, then we have to take advantage of that.” He continued, “Vadeem’s got all the power we’ll ever need covered, and between Noel and I, we have a solid frontline.”

“So we should have another ranged member then.” Yoona said.

“Not quite.” he said gently, “We need someone flexible that can protect you-”

“I don’t need someone protecting me!”

“Let me finish, Yoona,” he continued, “We need someone who can protect you when you’re reloading, and give you the space you need to shoot, while still having the option of helping out the rest of us if needed.”

“I guess…” Yoona reluctantly agreed, “So something like a medium ranged weapon? Wouldn’t that just be a spear again? Or maybe a polearm or something?”

“No, there’s something that’s just right for this situation.”

The regressor walked towards one corner of the store, and after looking around for a bit, pulled out a simple looking sword. It was about a metre or two in length, and didn’t look like it would be used in anything but close up.

“Isn’t that just a sword?” Vadeem asked, clearly as confused as I was, “Should Walter throw it or something?”

“Um, leader, are your eyes ok?” Noel added.

“Look.” he replied, before pointing out a small trigger on the handle.

“Oh my god,” Noel exclaimed, “Is that the legendary gunblade? Tell me it’s a gunblade!”

The Regressor chuckled, rare for someone so gloomy, “No, it’s better.”

He moved to the centre of the testing area and pressed the little trigger. The normal looking blade split into smaller pieces, with all the blade parts linked together by a thin wire, and with a wave of the Regressor’s hand, the transformed sword lashed out towards one of the training dummies. The blade fragments collided with the target and made huge gashes into the wooden dummy’s torso before completely shredding it to pieces. He took his finger off the trigger, and the wire quickly retracted, the blade fragments reforming into its original sword form.

“It’s a whip-blade.” he said with a smirk, “Almost completely useless in most situations because of how difficult it is to use, but with Walter’s class… I think this is perfect. The weapon’s at an ideal length that he can use it at range, and if he’s as skilled as I think he is, then there’s no fear of any one of us getting caught in the weapon’s path. It’s destructive, and if the situation isn’t suited for long range attacks, he can use it as a standard short sword.”

I thought about it for a moment, but I think I actually agree with the Regressor’s assessment of the weapon. Of course, it was not because of any class skill I had, since the passive I did have was worse than useless, but because of Noe. My system’s able to manipulate luck to an absolutely insane level, so I figured that any weapon that had a lot of variance that was inherently a part of its design would be ideal for me, and nothing was more random than a whip.

“Actually, that might not be a bad option.” I said tentatively, before taking the weapon from the Regressor. It felt pretty light in my hands, and I swung it around a bit to get a feel for the weapon.

“Hm, you have pretty good taste.” Noel added, “Distinctive, deadly, and perfectly suited to my little bro’s unique kinks! Although maybe he’s better suited to be on the receiving end of one of those whips.”

“I said I didn’t have any of those fetishes!” I shouted, but quickly quieted down when I saw the death glare that the Regressor was giving me.

I noticed that Yoona looked at us both in confusion. Right, let’s keep this PG.

“Anyway,” Vadeem said, choosing the perfect time to change topics, “We won’t know how well this weapon will perform without some tests, right? And what’s the best way to test things out?”

Noel smiled, “With a spar of course!”