Troubled Youth

"Something's definitely fishy with Arakawa-sensei lately," Ruri stated unceremoniously. "Have you guys noticed?" 

The key point about Ruri?  A slender woman very heavily into hentai, the demonic arts, and playing Halo.  She also rocked the goth girl look splendidly as if born to it. Today she wore a short black dress full of frills and matching boots. Her hair, black as coal, was tied up into pigtails and she wore a hoodie that, of course, sported cat-ears. 

Well, she certainly had a favorite style. And she did wear it well. In contrast to her attire, however, she sucked on a very girly strawberry milkshake that had whipped cream and ungodly amounts of sprinkles. I didn't hold it against her: Strawberry milkshakes were delicious. 

I, Hide and Ruri sat in the food court of a sizeable mall. We'd just come back from a very tiring hunt for some new game that'd just released Ruri absolutely had to have. 

It'd taken several hours and the girl had treated us to chili cheese fries as a thank-you. 

"She'd been a bit nicer, hasn't she?" Hide nodded his head. 

The woman snorted. "Yeah, but not all the time. Only when she's taking class with Shuu." 

That caused the boy's ears to perk up. "How do you know?"

"I tested it, obviously." Ruri rolled her eyes, then looked at me. "She's fine with other classes, but if she is around Shuu she starts acting more quiet. What's going on?" She asked me. "I know you two have a slightly peculiar understanding with each other, but this feels different."

Her words were not untrue. The opposite, in fact. Ryoko had been behaving a touch strangely for the past couple of weeks already. I didn't bother to hide much and told them. 

"I saw her and some friends at work a while ago," I explained shortly. "They'd come to have a good time, and I was the one called."

Ruri knit her brows. "I hate that you guys work there. Any other girlfriend would've dumped you by now for this kind of thing." She informed her boyfriend.

Hide, however, was too stunned to hear her. He blinked. "At work? When?"

"The day I covered for you."

"Ah." He nodded in understanding. "I see. So that's why she's been nicer lately?"

I shrugged. "Rather than nice, she's probably feeling more awkward. She wanted to report me to the school."

"Nothing's happened, so I assume she didn't." As perceptive as the guy was, he then made a guess. "You did something to her, didn't you?" And wouldn't you know it, he was right.

"Hm. Arakawa-sensei can be pretty strict. If she didn't report it, whatever you did must be big." Ruri, as well, was no fool.

I would tell them the truth, that I had nearly made a whore of myself for her. That despite how I might've seemed, I'd been desperate enough back then to have given in if she'd been firmer. I'd expected it, even. Her wanting to use me.

But she'd stopped herself. I could see it in her eyes, the guilt and self-loathing at what she was about to do. And that's why I stopped, too. I'm sure that I could've persuaded her to keep going, if for no other reason than to ensure she was too entangled in this affair to rat on me.  Either she took advantage of her newfound knowledge of me, or I made her an accessory to prostitution and statutory rape. Mutually assured destruction? That was the entire point. I'd be able to use that to make her keep quiet. 

Until I saw how deeply she was troubled over it, however, I lost my nerve. How many people could say they were truly regretful for the things they did? I hadn't known many. The people who'd done me wrong in the past had rarely shown even a bit of remorse for their transgressions. 

They didn't give a single fuck how their actions affected me. 

Ryoko? I could tell she wasn't like that. Even so, the fact she'd asked me to work for her rubbed me the wrong way. She'd tried to tempt me with money because she guessed how badly I wanted it. Hell, I'd all but outright told her that's all I care about so it's no wonder.

And sure, maybe she was just trying to be nice. But i was a rather warped person. I couldn't stop myself from believing she'd eventually want something from me. And that I'd let her have it. 

I already did things I'm ashamed of for money. I felt that if things ever did go the direction I feared it would, I'd lose the last shred of dignity and self-worth I had left. There's no way I could tell Hide and Ruri about all the details.

"I did my job, that's all."

At that, they both looked at me strangely. Hide knew what "doing your job" meant for those in our current profession, but he didn't know at all how far I actually went. Even so, what he assumed I'd have done was bad enough.

Ruri? She had an idea too, but if I wouldn't tell even Hide about the full extent of what I do so there's no chance I'd tell her anything. 

"Did she," Hide hesitated a moment, "Did she know it was you from the start?"

"She knew."

"And you still tried to seduce her?" His mouth fell open. 

Ruri cut him a glance. "Wait, is that was you guys do? I thought it was just sweet-talking and pouring drinks." She stared at him heavily.

"Ah..." The man cleared his throat. "I keep it to that because of you, sure." He defended himself. "But hosting isn't just about that. Its about making them feel cared for. That's what keeps them coming back."

The woman found fault with this. "Isn't that, like, really dangerous?"

"It can be. That's why we don't use our real names there. Well, I don't think it's all very common something bad happens because of it," He laughed it off. Then sobered as he regarded me once more. "But so that's why sensei has been so odd lately, huh." He rubbed his chin. "You didn't get carried away, did you?"

I only shrugged. 

Ruri was the first to break the silence that had descended by my carelessness. "From how she's acting, you definitely did." She grimaced. "That's kinda scummy, you doing that. You shouldn't have tried anything with her if you knew she recognized you."

"Doesn't matter," I replied. "She hasn't said anything about it to anyone, so mission accomplished."

"Yeah, I guess, but what if she has feelings for you now?"

I snorted, doubting that very much. I didn't make any move on her heart, I just serviced her body a little. She might be fighting feelings of awkwardness and lust, but caring about me? No. This isn't some novel or movie where a woman would fall for you just because of a single positive interaction.

To begin with I'm not even sure I can call it positive, either. In any case, I hadn't approached her the same way I did clients. Had I done so, things would be even messier than they already are and I don't need that kind of shit in my life right now. 

My only concern is Haru.

"She's just being weird because she saw one of her students at a host club. She's a bit of a prude in certain ways, but she'll be back to normal soon enough." I told them. 

Hide accepted that easily. "Well, she hasn't been on my back as much because of this so I hope she takes her time with it."

"You guys are really taking this whole thing in stride, aren't you?" Ruri sighed. "Don't you realize this is how so many epic romances start?" A wild grin.

I was damn near floored. "You're enjoying this," I accused her.

She shamelessly agreed. "Hell yeah I am. It's hot."

I looked at her with feelings of....honestly, I'm not even sure. "And you say she's the weird one."

Ruri laughed. "Whatever, you know I'm right. The lovely, straightlaced Ryoko-sensei and the school's resident bad-boy going out? It makes for--"

"Every shitty student x teacher story ever?" I finished.

"Yes, but it's so overused because everyone loves it so much." Ruri went on. "You'd make one sexy couple."

I could only shake my head at her. "Hide, please."

"I got you." The youth clapped my back, then bonked his girlfriend on the head. 

"Ow." The girl nursed her tender wound and stared daggers at her lover. "The hell was that for?"

"Being too horny." 

"As a man, aren't you ashamed at chastising your girlfriend for being horny?"

"As a friend, aren't you ashamed of dragging Shuu into your weird fantasies?" Hide asked back.

"No, not at all." No hesitation at all. Damn. "So what if the idea of him pushing down the sweet, innocent, slightly demonic Ryoko-sensei and making her submit gets my rocks off?"

"No, we're fine with that," I started.

Hide smiled. "Just don't say it out loud."

"You two are annoying. Why can men share these kinds of things, but women can't?"

"Its unladylike."

"Screw that misogynistic bullshit." 

"Keep it among other women, at the very least." Hide spoke very reasonably. "Even guys only ever talk about these things with other guys. You don't see us going to talk to women about how often we'd like to bend them over a table and rearrange their--"

"Alright, point taken!" The woman finally had the decency to blush. "Ah, whatever. Fine, I'll try to keep my fetishes to myself, alright? Jeez."

Both Hide and I thanked her for her understanding. And it's not like I didn't understand myself. Plenty of people were into the same thing. But me and Ryoko? Yeah, no. Not to say she wasn't pretty, mind you. Rather, she was gorgeous in every sense of the word. If her personality was a bit softer instead of so mean and petty at times she'd be much more popular. 

Even so, my relationship with women...well, maintaining a friendship was hard enough, especially in recent years. But even before then, when feelings had gotten involved things never ended on a good note.

I wasn't so foolish as to believe all women were bitches, or even most. I simply believed I attracted the terrible ones. Maybe I simply wasn't cut out for romance. And certainly, I was too far gone to have a normal relationship with one now.

Hitomi's years of sexual abuse had ruined my sex drive. If I'm perfectly honest? I think there are times I can't even get hard without being drugged first. 

Sex meant pain and humiliation for me, if it meant anything at all. There was little to no enjoyment. I might use it to some extent at work, but I had never once felt the desire to fuck a single one of my clients. 

Would I be the same with other women? I didn't know how to love them, how to cherish them. Hide and Ruri made it look easy, but these little touches they shared that I'm sure were signs of affection did nothing but make my skin crawl when I imagined a woman doing the same with me.

And the love in their eyes as they looked at each other? It seemed foreign to me. It wasn't always this way. I knew that, logically. But it didn't feel that way. It'd been so long since I'd received real care and concern from a girl that I'd forgotten what it looked like, or even felt like.

This did not hurt me. I didn't mind any of that. Though it may seem sad from an outside perspective, to me it was just...life. Not good or bad, simply something I had to live with. I didn't mourn the fact. I can't exactly miss something I'd never known, now could I? Or barely knew, if anything.

So no, I didn't care that I didn't have what Hide and Ruri had. I wasn't jealous of them. I just didn't want to be with a woman when I knew I wouldn't be able to care about them in the way they deserved. Assuming I did find a good woman, I didn't have any confidence I could love them properly. 

Not when I could barely even stand the touch of a female and only ever tolerated it for work. Again, maybe I just wasn't cut out for romance.

Hide finished the last of his chili fries and stood up with a stretch. "Well, let's get out of here."

Ruri and I were just about to help him clean up with a group of people walked over. There were more than a few men and a couple women, around seven total. I recognized them from school but just barely.

"Hey, Katsuragi." The lead man, a tall, beefy wall of muscle, greeted me with a hostile air. "Come with us."

I was about to respond with my most polite, 'Fuck off' when Hide stepped forward. "The hell is this, Sasaki?"

"None of your business, Fujiwara. Now move." The guy didn't even bother looking at Hide.

"The fuck it's not," He replied with a clear edge to his voice.  "Come on, explain this. Shuu's never even talked to you, what's the problem?"

The young man's nostrils flared. "This worthless fuck knows damn well what this is about."

I folded my arms and shrugged. "This worthless fuck doesn't know damn well what this is about. So, mind elaborating?"

"Eguchi." He spat the word like a curse. "You did something to her, didn't you? Don't even bother lying, scumbag."

Jesus Christ, I cursed. What the hell kind of trouble is that bitch getting me into now?