Troubled Youth

My body felt like it was on fire. Shuuhei's touch was warm and electrifying, sending my body jolts of white-hot pleasure. His hands were slow and methodical, well-practiced and designed specifically to make a woman moan.

And despite myself, I did exactly that. I hated how these erotic sounds escaped my lips. How his every little movement drove me wild. It'd only been a few minutes since he started, but my mind was already threatening to collapse in waves of bliss. 

And then came the kiss. Different from other men, it was gentle and considerate. It was the kind of kiss that women hungered for, one that said they were loved and cared about. I nearly wept, because it was the first time I'd ever felt such a thing from a man  

The fact that it was from an underage boy I was a mentor for only made me feel all the more ashamed of how much his lips made me want to hold him. That's how dangerous his kiss was.

Even as my friends noticed us, they didn't interfere. Instead, they whistled and cheered us on. Their enamored, faintly jealous gazes fed my arousal. Shuuhei didn't seem to even notice them. Rather, he concentrated solely on my pleasure. As if I were the only one in the world. 

The careful attention felt even more addicting than the kiss. As time moved on and after my third orgasm, I was already feeling my will slipping.

No one will know...its okay...let him have you...

Insidious thought entered my head, sweet, soft, and oh-so-tempting.

But the guilt gnawed at my soul. And when I caught sight of his eyes, all thoughts of letting myself enjoy this vanished. Because there was something dead and broken in them, something that tore at the heart.

All of a sudden, my body turned cold.  My body ached for more, but I denied it with vehemence.

He doesn't want this, I realized. He hates it.

Tears of self-loathing stung at my eyes but I held them in and pushed him away. Or tried to, but that was right whe his fingers brought forth another gush of ecstasy and my whole body turned limp and stiff at the same time. I felt all the tension of past stress wear away while my hands at his chest gripped his clothes for support. 

He looked at me and smiled. It seemed utterly hollow. "You're a good person, sensei," He spoke low. "But it's enough. You don't have to prove anything more. You can let yourself enjoy this."

His words were another deadly temptation, and I very nearly gave in.

Harder, my body begged. Deeper.

"Katsu..ragi..." I called his name with such desperation and longing like one would a lover in the midst of passion...and that scared me. I wanted him to continue. 

But...I couldn't. Not when he looked at me with such acceptance. Like I was only one in a line of many women before me and that he was used to it. He shouldn't be used to this at all. He should be a normal student with normal concerns.

Not working in seedy places like this, caring only about money. 

"This is wrong." I bit out. "Sick."  And it was.  

His jaw tightened. "This is whatever it needs to be. That's all."

"I can't." I croaked. "I...I won't." Taking advantage of my own student, it was wrong. I wasn't the best of teachers, but i didn't want this. Couldn't want this.

He regarded me balefully and held up his hand. "You already have. Don't pretend to have morals now."

I stared at his soaked fingers. The words were condemning. Almost accusatory. And they tore at me like so many daggers. 

"....I won't tell anyone. I'll keep this to myself."

I couldn't meet his eyes. I promised him something I knew was wrong, but the evidence of my own weakness haunted me.

Shuuhei nodded stiffly. He rose from his seat and offered his clean hand. "Then let's get this over with."

At first, I was confused. Then realized what he thought I wanted in return. What he expected I wanted.

My friends, still singing along to songs and very drunk at this point, watched our interaction with keen interest. Though I doubted they could hear, I knew they had guessed what was happening. 

All I had to do was take his hand and I'd experience something even more amazing. Shuuhei had always been an attractive male, but he wasn't popular. Rumors kept girls away. And as for me, I'd only ever saw him as an immature kid with a few bad habits.

It's only now that I realized that it wasn't true at all. People didn''t end up in places like these without good reason. I knew, then, that I understood nothing about him.

This was no child. This was a man. Rather, a boy who had been forced into manhood by circumstances I didn't know.

Moreover, his appearance now was stunning. Dressed neatly in a suit that hugged his body well and accentuated muscles I'd never noticed he had, he cut a fine figure. Everything about him was created to seduce. It was amazing what a mere change of clothes and style could do to a person. 

...The newfound knowledge was chilling...But I knew he wasn't supposed to be like this. The charming devil, the wicked womanizer...such a role shouldn't be placed on someone so young.

I knew that despite how he acted now, I couldn't want him. 

My friends watched on enviously, which sickened me to the core. Yes, it did...and  yet I found myself taking his hand. I barely even noticed the cheers and lewd whistles.

It was only after we got to the hotel that I realized I couldn't go through with it after all. That I had to be better.

"You should quit," I told him, having cooled off from his touch. "You're worth more than this, Katsuragi." My words sounded fake after all I'd let him do to me. But I still meant them. Even if his lingering warmth meant all I wanted was for him to tear my clothes and make me cry.

His response?

"No," A flat monotone, "I'm not." 

He started walking away. He seemed so solitary, so disconnected from everything around him. I called out on instinct. 

"Are you still going to work there?"

He looked back and laughed. "Of course. What kind of question is that?"

"...Work for me instead, then. " The words left my mouth before I could fully consider them. "You need money, right? I have more than I know what to do with." My family was rich. I'd only become a teacher at my grandfather's insistence. "You...you can come to my house and clean, or...stay after class more, help me out" I finished, scrambling to find something he could do. Some excuse. "I can pay you well."

He showed no emotion whatsoever. "Why? So I can be your exclusive toy?"

"What?" I recoiled. " No! I wouldn't make you--"

"But you would. Eventually, you'd want me. Come on, sensei." He scoffed. "Your house? After class? All that time together..." A shake of the head. "You've seen me. Felt me." I saw him tighten his jaw. "For fuck's  sake, my fingers have barely dried of you. You honestly think you can keep things professional forever?"

His words stopped me dead in my tracks as I imagined it. Having that kind of power over him. The dangerous thrill the thought brought made my stomach churn and I knew I couldn't deny it.

I'd probably crack. God help me, but I think I would.

He took my silence as all the answer he required."That's what I thought."

I wanted to stop him. To assure him I wasn't what he thought I was. But his touch lingered, and I couldn't trust myself.

In the end, he was gone. And I was left thoroughly disgusted with myself.