Theseus

I was frozen in place when I heard the name. Skygraves. I’d been that close to the one person that I was meant to avoid on this station. I was glad that both Mouse and I had had what seemed like almost a premonition of his presence, but what had that been? If it was some kind of oddity of psionics, I could write it off as my own resonance, but Mouse didn’t have psionic resonance at all.

“Skygraves?” Mouse asked while I was pondering the implications of the encounter “He seemed like a shady figure.” He mumbled.

The man scoffed “We wouldn’t be here without him. He funded keeping this whole station operational. He bought it from Foundation when they were going to abandon the place and made it a haven for the brightest minds in the system.”

Mouse didn’t miss a beat before he grumbled “I don’t trust anyone with the kind of money to do that.”

The man behind the counter leaned forward and looked both of us over with a curious eye “Ahh… that explains it, you’re both augmented.” He nodded. He didn’t sound like he was trying to be condescending about it, but it was like that was supposed to be some kind of obvious connection to something. “Skygraves also has cybernetic implants. I can’t say I know what it feels like, but augmented humans always say they feel something strange around him. Apparently he’s got some faulty hardware himself, but he’s real attached to it, so he never gets it fixed.”

I nodded “And that hardware broadcasts an errant signal.” I mumbled. Something didn’t sound right about that. Why would someone as unfathomably rich as Skygraves settle for less than perfect cybernetics? And why would Mouse feel it? I’d tried pinging his arms out of curiosity before, but they weren’t network capable. So why would Mouse have felt anything at all? Something stunk about the whole explanation, but without getting close enough again to ping his hardware, I didn’t have a way to learn more. It was best to play along for the time being. “I guess that makes sense.” I mumbled.

“Don’t worry too much about it. I’ve heard that it’s easy to get used to once you’ve spent some time around him.” The man started to get up from his seat while he changed the subject back to the reason for our visit. “Well, I can go see if my father’s ready for guests if you’d like.”

I nodded and took a quick look around, taking a seat at the front of the office, admiring the craftsmanship of the reception desk, the comfortable chairs, and the potted plants that made the room feel warm and welcoming. Yates had a good sense of taste and definitely knew how to make a space feel cozy.

Mouse sat next to me, a grim expression on his face. I didn’t think it was anything different from his usual discomfort until he spoke up “My arms don’t have networking.”

“I know.” I nodded, putting a little more thought into the encounter. “That means whatever Skygraves’ implants actually do, it doesn’t involve a standard network signal. I think we should both be careful not to stay near him too long.”

“We’ll have to warn Ray and Shaw too.” Mouse agreed with me. If anyone was going to deal with him at any point in our stay, it should be Joel and Aisling if we could help it. There was no way of telling what this strange signal was capable of, but it couldn’t be good. I’d have to remember to make a report for the rest of the crew about it when we got back to the ship for the night.

It only took a few minutes before the young Yates returned with an older bespectacled gentleman, bald except for a well-trimmed gray beard, walked out into the waiting room and smiled at me with the kind of gentle smile you might expect from a loving father. There was just something unddeniably wholesome about him. “Well, hello there. I heard that we had visitors from another world, but I didn’t imagine that anyone would have come this far to see me.” He chuckled, clearly looking both of us over and trying to make some kind of first judgement. “Dr. Yates, behavioral psychologist. Was there something you needed from me?”

I stood up and took a deep breath “Hi, doctor. I was told by Dr. Fuller that you might be able to help me out.”

Yate’s son silently excused himself and walked through a different door to give us some space while his father spoke.

“Betty?” He asked after he heard Fuller’s name. I would have to remember that nickname for her. “Well, I can’t say I expected a referral from her, what could I possibly help with that another therapist from your home world wouldn’t be able to help you with?”

I didn’t want to diminish the man’s worth, but I had to admit, seeing him specifically didn’t really matter to me, I just needed a therapist. “I mean… I guess it’s just a matter of convenience. You’re here and I’m here. See, I don’t really… have a home world.” I bit my lip as I said it. It felt a little bitter to hear out loud from myself, but it was true. “I’m suffering from amnesia.”

The man’s eyebrows rose, and he placed one hand to his beard, fidgeting with it and nodding along as I spoke “So you would be the patient then.” He glanced to Mouse “And him? Judging by the weapon, a bodyguard? Young fellow, though.”

“No, you were right, she’s the patient.” Mouse said bitterly, trying to remain as invisible as possible to the gentleman. “Ignore me.”

The doctor shrugged his shoulders and returned his gaze to me. “Amnesia is ordinarily treated by neurologists, are you sure you’re in the right place?”

I shook my head “The amnesia’s not the problem. I just learned today that apparently… something… terrible happened to me at some point in my life. If I had my way, I’d never get my memory back at all. But I’ve been told that it has a tendency of coming back whether you want it to or not. I need your help to mentally prepare myself.”

The man reached up to adjust his glasses, nodding and making curious grunts to himself as he pondered what I said “What a very unusual story you have. I don’t have any other clients tonight, and I was planning on going home for the day, but I suppose I could at least listen for a bit.”

I nodded and moved to follow him as he moved toward the door. Mouse stood up to begin following, but Dr. Yates stopped and looked back to him “Hold on. It’s usually best that we speak on something this personal one on one. Can you wait out here? There are no exits from the other side if you’re concerned for safety.”

I nodded to Mouse and he sat back down, showing a glare of renewed distrust toward the doctor before I walked into the back room with him.

He’d been telling the truth, it was a simple square office with several chairs and what looked like a couch of sorts that he invited me to sit on, and I obliged. He sat in a chair of his own and let out a relaxed sigh as he settled in “Now then, miss…?”

“Watkins.” I shook my head. I hadn’t used my last name in some time since the rest of the crew was so informal about what we called each other. “Just call me Meryll. The last name doesn’t mean much to me.”

“Because you can’t remember your family?” He asked, scribbling something onto his personal terminal with a stylus. I didn’t see many people who still prefered writing to typing anymore.

“Because I don’t have a family.” I corrected, not certain just how much I should say yet. “Well, I don’t have parents, anyway. I suppose I have sisters, in a way.”

“So you do remember them, then? They’ve just passed.” He asked, lowering the register of his voice to a sympathetic tone.

I stayed silent for a moment. Was this really someone I could trust with the full truth? Sure, the secret that she was a living core was out to the whole station by the next day, if what Dr. Fuller said about this place being a rumor mill was true, but should she really just start broadcasting that she wasn’t even really human in the first place? I remembered reading somewhere that you had to be honest with a therapist for the treatment to mean anything, but was it safe? It was better than going insane, I supposed “I’m not… strictly speaking… a human being. I’m a clone. A machine core.”

I watched the man’s brow furrow as the gears began to turn. I had his full attention now “And yet you’re here, talking to me. Are you certain of that claim?” he mumbled. Great, now he thought I was delusional. “I may not know much on the subject, but I know that clones are not capable of reason and independence. You have some serious cybernetic enhancements, but it’s hard to believe that you’re a functional machine core.”

I closed my eyes and pinged the room, looking for vulnerable electronics that might help prove my point. There was a small terminal in Yates’ hand, a larger terminal inside of his desk, and what seemed to be a voice recorder of some sort beneath it. Before anything else, I made sure that the device was turned off. He had not been recording anything as of yet, and I definitely didn’t want him to.

“Meryll?” he asked, seeing me with my eyes closed for a few moments, but then there was a quiet buzzing and a notification sound on his personal terminal.

“Take a look at it.” I mumbled as I held my hands out, demonstrating that I wasn’t using my own arm terminal for it.

He tapped away from his note-taking app, a bewildered expression on his face, and his eyes went wide when he read it. ‘Meryll here. This is psychic networking. It’s how machine cores work with other electronics. You need a security update, by the way, this thing was too easy to crack into. Honestly, nobody takes security seriously these days.’

‘See? Easy.’ I pinged him again ‘I can just keep talking like this if you prefer. I’m looking at the recorder under the desk, by the way, I better not feel it turn on for this.’

He swiveled his head and looked to his desk, ensuring that the device in question wasn’t in my field of view “Well… that is… a development.” The man sounded flustered as he set the terminal down on his lap. “Erm, I’m afraid technology isn’t my greatest strength, perhaps it would be best if we continued this vocally.”

I opened my eyes again and nodded to him. That was fine with me too. “As you can imagine, I’m in a pretty unique position. So discretion is pretty important to me right now. Can I trust you not to broadcast this? At least not until I’ve left with my crew?”

The man just kept staring at me, looking astonished for a long moment before he stammered out “Well, yes, of course.” He smiled and gave a bit of a nervous chuckle “If it means that I get to analyze the mind of someone in such a unique position, I’m happy to keep silent on the matter for the time being. This is a clinic after all, confidentiality is important.”

I smiled back a little bit “I’m glad.” I really didn’t want to threaten him with retribution from the rest of the crew, and it seemed like I wouldn’t have to, for the time being. “So… where do we start with this therapy stuff then.”

Dr. Yates mumbled quietly as he pondered the question himself “Well, why don’t you tell me what it is you fear so strongly about regaining your memory?”

I nodded and began to recount what I knew. “The process of awakening a clone’s consciousness apparently involves subjecting us to a simulation of some form of personalized, severe, psychological trauma. My sisters… the other clones like me, were all rendered insane by their simulations. It woke them up, but it messed with their heads too much for them to adjust to reality.”

“Ahh, and you, the one who has lost the memory of that trauma, have been able to avoid the undesirable effects of that process. I see.” We both nodded at each other in understanding. “And you fear that if you recall whatever terrible simulation was imposed upon you, you will share your sisters’ affliction. Is that all correct?”

“Yeah. So that’s why I came here. I was wondering if there was anything I could do to… I don’t know, mentally prepare myself for the coming storm, so to speak, once I regain my memory.”

Dr. Yates nodded along again “Well, there are so many unusual factors to this case. Your psychology may be too alien for me to be helpful to you. I have never studied the brain of how a clone thinks because clones don’t ordinarily think.” He rubbed his hand at his beard again “But you seem human enough. So perhaps I can apply the same principles that I would use for a typical patient. It would be a starting point.”

I shrugged, figuring that that made sense “I guess. I passed for human until now anyway.”

“Hmm, yes. Now I imagine you must have pulled together bits and pieces by now. So why don’t you tell me what you DO remember?”

“Why’s it matter? It was all simulated anyway.” I scoffed, the details of my false life were so blurry anyway, I couldn’t see how that would be helpful. “Nothing I remember before joining the crew on Theseus is real, it was just a simulated life.”

“Followed by simulated trauma.” He added sagely as he lifted his tablet again and got his stylus ready. “And if that trauma feels real to you and your sisters, then the life leading up to it, false or not, is important. If it’s not too painful, tell me…”

I supposed that made sense. If something false could cause such a dramatic psychological response, then perhaps the fact that the life behind me was false didn’t really matter to my development alongside the trauma. “Alright then. It’s not easy to think about the details of that life, but I have a vague idea. I was born on Titan to two computer scientists…”