Theseus

“I remember being exhausted that day. The last day of what I remember before Theseus. I was just dead tired because I had supposedly been worked to the bone by a contractor to produce-” I threw my arms up to my side in frustration. Throughout the discussion, I made it a point to emphasize that all of my memories of my old life were vague and fuzzy like that, and I wasn’t even sure if there actually were details to be found in them. “I don’t know, something. I want to say that that day was just a part of the simulation too, but I remember boarding the ferry to Titan, and that’s where the crew of Theseus found me, in the wreckage of a transport ship.” I’d been speaking to Dr. Yates for what must have been at least half an hour without him saying much of anything once it became obvious that his requests for clarity on events in my life wouldn’t get him anything useful. If anything, the entire one-sided conversation had just made me feel more anxious. I relived the events of my false life all over again and began wishing that I’d been able to forget those too. It was unsettling knowing that there wasn’t even a shred of truth to it all.

“And what happened then, Meryll?” Dr. Yates asked, waiting for me to continue my story.

“What’s it matter? Everything after that actually happened.” I reminded him, sitting up from the couch that I’d laid down on for comfort at some point during the interview “After that, I joined Theseus. I became Theseus. And everything came so easily to me after that. It was like it was where I was meant to be, rocketing through vacuum with a giant hunk of metal and machinery grafted to my brain. It was my first real experience, and I didn’t even understand at the time just how meaningful it was to me. I have no problem at all with anything that came after I woke up in Theseus. Sure I’ve had some horrible and uncomfortable things happen to me while I’ve been part of the crew, but nothing about it makes me feel the kind of dread that the missing piece of my memory feels like it’s going to cause me. So can we please focus on that? I’m only going to be here for about a week, and I hope I’ll at least have a plan for all of this by then.”

Dr. Yates continued to nod along as I told him just what I was thinking about my situation and what I hoped his part in it would be, continuing to scribble furiously in his notes as I spoke. “Now, Meryll, the kind of therapy I offer isn’t just something you can simply apply and be done with, like a surgery. The human mind is more complicated than most of our current science can understand, and healing a psyche is a process that ordinarily takes time, patience, and dedication.” Dr. Yates crossed his leg and cleared his throat, and this was beginning to feel more like a lecture all of a sudden. “Ordinarily, I would want to meet a patient like you regularly, to check up on your progress and offer advice as you develop healthy coping mechanisms.”

“Well, I don’t have time for that.” I declared grimly. Theseus wasn’t going to wait around for me to undergo some kind of years-long process to solve something that, with any luck, wasn’t actually going to be a long-term concern anyway. “Captain said we’ll be here about a week, so that’s about as long as I can promise I’ll be around. You got any crash courses on this stuff?”

Dr. Yates let out an impatient sigh and set his terminal down next to him on the seat, leaning forward to focus on me, his face almost pleading with me to work with him. “I do have a proposal. I do want to help you. I wouldn’t ordinarily meet with a patient so frequently, but given your inflexible schedule, I would like to meet with you daily during your stay. At the end of the week, we can discuss possibilities for continued treatment. This may be more emotionally taxing than my typical sessions since you won’t have as long to… let things settle. Is that something that you think you can handle?”

I nodded quickly. It made sense to me, even though I fully intended to turn him down if he thought that I might choose to stick around to be his patient at the end of the week. “Sounds good to me,” but I had to ask. “Why not continue now, though?”

“Because I need time to think.” He didn’t sound happy about it either, like I was inconveniencing him with the complexity of my problems. “This isn’t going to be simple. I’m going to need to do some research into some very niche subjects and come up with what the best approach to this whole ordeal by myself.

“I guess I shouldn’t have expected this to be easy.” I groaned, wondering if this was even worth my time. But what else was I going to do between being paraded around to the scientists that had been curious enough to get involved. “So… is that it then? You just ask me for my fake memories and send me on my way?” I asked as I stood up. “I hope you have something more helpful ready next time.”

“I just may. I have ideas.” Dr. Yates leaned back in his chair again, relaxing himself as I got ready to leave the office “The first meeting with a patient is always like this, unfortunately. I have to learn about you before I can know how to treat you.”

I started to walk to the door “Well, I did just tell you my whole fictional life story, so I bet you can at least understand fictional me. I’m pretty different from fictional me, though. I do have to admit that my physician is right when he calls me reckless, wheras I was always more reserved in my memory.”

Dr. Yates scribbled something out on his tablet and made a new note “Reckless… You know, being a risk-taker can be a dangerous psychological trait.” He warned.

But I already knew that “That’s kinda the point, though, isn’t it?” I smiled at him as I opened the door “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

—

After a brief, silent walk back to the ship, I was so glad to see her shell again. I could still feel the core from Yates’ office, but being physically inside of Theseus made me feel safe. I stepped carefully through the still-jagged opening in the cargo bay and let out a satisfied sigh as I dramatically opened my arms and hugged the wall “I missed you.” I told the ship, eliciting a smirk and an eyeroll from Mouse as he finally put his gun at ease and walked past me into the mess hall, hearing a few voices greet him in unison. So it was dinner time. And that meant facing the rest of the crew about the findings that Aisling no doubt reported to them.

I sighed. I supposed I would just have to face it head on.

Walking in next after Mouse, I was delighted to smell a delicious savory sauce rather than the telltale bland stench of the protein slop rations. Thank god we had real food again. “Hey guys.” I called in, and got the same mix of greetings from the rest of the crew, minus Joel, who only grunted and didn’t look up from his plate. I didn’t want to hear him talk anyway.

“Ah, there she is.” Shaw looked up from his plate with an amused look on his face. “You’ve had an eventful day from what I’ve heard. So you’re not human after all, huh?”

“Fuck, Shaw’s still here, I was hoping someone would have dissected him by now.” I droned sarcastically as I grabbed a plate and started to dish myself the meaty stirfry that Ray had blessed us with today.

“I’ve been tempted.” Aisling smirked, watching Shaw give an indignant frown.

“Oh come now, it’s been at least a week since I tried to kill one of you.” Shaw pouted, but with all the dramatic gesticulation he did with his hands, I could tell he wasn’t taking this very seriously at all. “And it was all just a big misunderstanding anyway. Water under the bridge, right?”

“Threatening our lives, I can forgive, it’s everything else about you I can’t stand.” I muttered as I sat down next to Mouse, who silently scooted his chair over to give me room.

“How’d the doctor thing go?” Ray asked, standing up to get a second helping of her own meal. She always got first dibs on that because of her accelerated metabolism.

“Went alright. The cyberneticist only really cared about my firmware, so he didn’t actually have to physically open anything up. Real nice guy too, I’ll probably have a chat with him later about my systems’ efficiency.” I explained as I bit into a meaty chunk off the plate and let myself get taken away by Ray’s amazing cooking once again. After a moment, I continued “The psychologist is harder to say. I think he doesn’t like that we have a deadline.”

“Can’t imagine he has an easy job. Gonna turn you into less of a bitch?” Joel grumbled. The room went silent for a beat, but the noises of eating continued a moment later in silence. I bit my lip. No, he wasn’t gonna get to me. Not here. Not where I felt safe.

“Tell them about Skygraves.” Mouse tried to change the subject. This time, only Doc dropped his fork.

“You ran into him?” Doc asked seriously, unconsciouskly licking his lips before he continued “What’d he say?”

“He didn’t notice us.” I reassured him, preparing myself to explain the weird part “Mouse and I… felt him coming.”

“… Felt?” Doc raised an eyebrow, but looked a little more relaxed that Skygraves hadn’t been directly engaged yet.

“He’s got some weird cybernetics.” Mouse expounded, setting his own plate aside for a moment “He was in the psychologist’s place when we got there, but we both just got this weird feeling that we didn’t wanna go in, so we backed off and waited.”

“Yeah, then we saw him leave and the feeling went with him.” I continued, Mouse returning to his meal when he saw that I had it in hand. “The receptionist said that he has some kind of malfunctioning cyberwear that just makes augmented people feel weird around him. I didn’t get a chance to scan him though, so I don’t know what it is.”

“We’ll have to deal with it when the time comes.” Aisling muttered ominously. She had something on her mind.

“Don’t go back to the psychologist.” Doc warned, gesticulating with his fork to make his point “Skygraves probably has his hooks in him.”

Aisling made a quiet grumble about something, but didn’t elaborate out loud.

“I gotta go back to him, Doc. I need to figure myself out. Besides, Skygraves probably has his hooks in everyone on Venus.” I watched Doc sigh and shrug his shoulders, conceding the point. “Also, I’m spending the night in the core module.” I declared suddenly, which made Doc grimace. “The bruise doesn’t hurt anymore, and I need some serious me time after today. Okay? I’m not asking permission, I’m telling you.”

Doc stayed silent. He knew I was right. I deserved a good night of mental rest.

The meal continued for some time in silence while the crew slowly finished and trickled back to their individual jobs or just enjoying the night, each enthusiastically thanking Ray before they left, and I was no different. I walked back up to my heart, belly full and happy. When I got there, I immediately stripped again.

I needed this so badly. I climbed up into my core module. I immersed myself in the wonderful fluid that made all my worries melt away into it. I closed myself inside and let it fill me, inside and out, and once the lights turned on, I could finally feel my mind begin to calm. I only needed a few moments before I wanted to see what I missed on the digital side of things, though.

Closing my eyes, I saw that, of course, Mouse hadn’t had much opportunity to fix things up while we were both out today. That was fine. I immediately dropped a message to Dr. Reese, asking if maybe I could see what corrections he wanted to make to my systems ahead of time. If I could see and approve them before I applied them myself, I’d be more inclined to let him do his thing with me. Plus, it let me open a line of communication since I hadn’t actually given him my messaging address either, I’d just stolen his while he wasn’t looking. I hoped people didn’t mind that I did that.

Next, I looked up to the bridge. Aisling was there already.

But what I saw next made my blood run cold. On her terminal, there sat a communication… with Skygraves. Peeking in on it, I swallowed hard when I saw a proposal from the man. There was a lot of extra flowery language around it, but alarmingly, it contained a proposal with a lot of very big numbers involved. It was an offer to purchase something. Me.

And as I watched Aisling stare at the message, she glared into the screen for some time in thought before she typed out ‘We might be able to make a deal.’