NOVEL WEB Chapter 13: Chapter 13
𝓒𝓪𝓼𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓻𝓪
Snow, only snow before her eyes.
Cassandra Baratheon had spent the last four nights on shift observing the North from the top of the Wall. The quiet, dark and mysterious North. She had been on the other side of the Wall countless of times. Cassie had grown up walking on that snow, that sometimes would have been so high to not make the passage easy. She knew what it meant, trying to find some rest on the ground as the cold would reached deep inside the flash until it touched the bones. And she knew how it felt to fight on that land, where the night was so dark it was difficult to see and the snow would keep falling and falling over them and the blood almost seemed to steam when it touched the ground. She knew, but she never got used to it. The North and its people. And its legends.
Cassie had asked to have the schedule of the shifts changed, and Wylly had been deeply grateful for that, she was always in need of sleep. Cassandra wasn't. Sleep had not been a good companion to Cassie for many years, now.
"Cassie."
One night the voice of Jon Snow made her turn in the night. The faint light of the fire was the only thing that made it possible for her to see. Next to him she saw the white fur of Ghost as the pup looked up at her with his deep red eyes. She observed the direwolf before smiling at Jon, but then she noticed a shadow moving behind him, and she took a deep breath when she saw her uncle, Tyrion Lannister. He was covered in fur like always, trying to not slip on the snow with his short legs.
"You could have told me you'd been here" Jon said as he made a step towards her. When they had the same shift Jon and Cassie would take the watch together and they talked and laughed. As if they were still inside the warm walls of Winterfell, that had always seemed to shelter all of them from any harm.
That was no Winterfell though, and Cassie would always remember it as she got down from the top of the Wall alone.
"I asked for a shift" she said turning to Jon "It was a sudden decision."
"I've heard you've been up here a lot lately, niece." her uncle said making her blue eyes move down. Why was he even there she would never stop wander. And she could notice he had grew fond of Jon. Or curious. She could not tell the difference.
Cassie shrugged "It's what it has to be done."
"You need rest, Cassie" Jon said again "It's been the third night."
She couldn't stop herself from smiling at the boy. The gentle Jon Snow.
"I'm not the one training recruits." She said making him chuckle.
"You've noticed?"
"I've noticed Pyp not holding the sword as if it was a dagger anymore" she answered with crossed arms "I though you were helping Grenn."
She had been training with the boys the days before and she had noticed them getting better at fighting. They observed more and yelled less. Their movements were still rough, but cleaner. Jon was getting more results than Ser Allyser. She could just wonder what the man was thinking about that. Not that she could expect any less from a man who had fought for the Targaryens.
"Pyp asked me" he said shrugging his shoulders and Cassie nodded. He was making friends, now.
"Wylliana said he is getting good" Cassie said "She thinks he can make a fine ranger in some time."
And they were in need of rangers. The Keepers were less and less; some had disappeared, other had died and with the Winter getting closer their generation was the last until next Spring.
The longer was the Summer, the longer the Winter would have been. Cassie wondered if they would have survived it.
"Wise boys" Tyrion said before changing the subject "Are you worried about Benjen Stark as well? As our Jon Snow here."
Cassandra turned to observe the North beneath her again. It was quiet and dark. No light could have be seen, no sound of horses, nothing at all.
Too many of us has disappeared lately, we cannot afford for you to be the next. Benjen's words echoed in her mind and she had to ignore the shiver that ran up her spine.
They had to be out there. They had to be. Why was it taking them so long though?
"Cassie" Jon called, and her uncle chuckled.
"Do not worry, boy" he dismissed "It is common for my niece to ignore my questions. As for you though?" he must have looked up towards Jon, but Cassie didn't turn as she kept looking down.
"My uncle is out there" Jon said as he too stared in the night "The first night they sent me up here, I thought, Uncle Benjen will ride back tonight, and I'll see him first and blow the horn" Cassie moved her eyes towards Jon "He never came, though. Not that night and not any night."
Cassie's fingers clenched on the fabric of her black dress. She knew and she shared Jon's thoughts. It was too long.
"Give him time" her Uncle said just before a Wolf began to howl in the night. And soon others joined. Cassie noticed Ghost cocking his head as he listened and she felt another shiver up her spine.
"If he does't come back" Jon said as a vow "Ghost and I will go find him."
Cassie's eyes moved to Jon. A new shiver made its way along the Keeper's back, as fingers that were moving under her skin as if they were fingers.
She could not stop thinking about what Jon said that night. She didn't managed to shake those words off even after two days. Her uncle was long gone now, making his way back South. But Cassie hadn't felt better as she though she would have feel.
Too long. That party have been away for too long. Many had disappeared in a short time, four men had deserted and been beheaded. Men like Gared, who had been a brother of the Watch for forty years. And the seven direwolves pups had crossed the Wall.
These are just stupid thoughts, Cassandra thought angry with herself. Her mother would have mocked her until the day of her death if she knew what Cassie was saying.
Yet they weren't back.
Come on Ben, Cassie thought wondering where the man have gone. Ben had been her teacher, her companion on missions. He had been the only one who had ever trained with a gentle smile. Benjen Stark had been more of a father to Cassie than Robert Baratheon ever was. And now she was there standing on a wall of ice, unable to do anything but watch.
She hated that.
He said he saw… the Others. Cassie shook her head when Hydi's words echoed again in her head. Those were just stories. Only stories.
It wasn't possible. It couldn't be.
"Worried about something, Cassandra?" the girl turned to see Vyva behind her.
Vyva was a tall woman of thirty. She had no noble family, even though she moved as gracefully as a princess of the stories. Her long blond hair always tied in a braid that fell over her shoulder and her grey eyes always wandering on the girls.
Vyva the Keeper in charge of the girls behavior and power's control. That position was gained by the most controlled of the Keepers of Light, a great honor. Stories said that Vyva's role had been created to keep the girls to be taken by the Fury.
The Fury was what the Keepers grew up to fear, while children were told about the Others of Dragons. And that was what it was. A story.
A force so great the would make the Keeper forget who they were, making them act as a feral animal and able to subjugate with just one look of their black eyes.
No one had ever took over the Fury though. But the position existed and when the girls had troubles keeping their emotions under control, Vyva was the one who taught them how to do it. Many said that Cassie would have been the next for that role.
"No at all, my lady" Cassie answered shortly looking back at the snowy world before her, where the first sun rays were making their appearance on the dark sky, painting with a faint shade of pink.
"You are a mystery, Cassandra Baratheon."
The girl frowned at those words "I fail to see why."
She wasn't that complicated.
"You like to keep everything and everyone from yourself" Vyva said walking closer to her with light steps "And your power never slip from your control. Your hands had never even shaken, not even as a little girl. Even for me it had been different."
That was true, Cassie had never had problems in controlling her powers, that's why she could take off her gloves at seven. She hadn't heard of problem of that sort when she was a babe not even in King's Landing. And at the Wall she had never subjugated someone by mistake, not once.
"For some girls you just don't feel anything" Vyva added and Cassie looked the woman from the corner of her eyes. Those girls were stupid. Everyone had feelings, she just didn't find the need to share them. Or the reason too. She had learnt how to master them, like they all should do.
"And yet" Vyva talked again "Since Jon Snow has arrived, I see something in you, something I thought was lost."
Then she was a fool too to think that. Nothing had changed in her. Jon Snow was a pleasant presence, she had to admit that. But she had shared her deepest thoughts with no one. And she never would. Her life had taught her that.
"I wonder if the reason for you to not shake it is because you are not afraid of anything. Is it even possible?" Cassie turned fully to her.
What kind of question was that? Was she mocking her?
She should know.
"Fear is part of what we are. Of what we do" Cassie answered "It does not justify us being weak."
Vyva observed her with inquisitive eyes, but Cassie did not look away.
"Strong is what you are" Vyva said showing a gentle smile "But even the strongest can be weak. And you'd do best to remember that. Everyone has a breaking point."
"Is my shift ended?" Cassie said crossing her arms over her chest.
The woman nodded taking a breath in surrender "It is."
"Good day, my lady" Cassie said walking away. She had worked all her life to not break, to not be weak. The whole duty of the Keepers of Light was to not be ruled by emotions. They could not afford something such a breaking point. They were not allowed to do so.
It was time to break their fast and Cassie yawned while the wooden lift was bringing her down, making those cracking noises that she well knew. She thought about what the day ahead of her; she had to train with the new recruits of the Watch. They had to learn how to fight with a Keeper by their side. It was time for them to understand.
The loud noise of the lift made her head hurt though. She really needed something to eat to gain some energy back.
When she opened the wooden door of the main hall, all men and women were there sitting and chatting loudly. She spotted Jon sitting with his friends. After he started to act more like Jon Snow than his childish self, people had started to like him. Pyp was always by him and agreeing at everything Jon said and Grenn seemed to act calmly since they had become friends. But they weren't the only ones, more or less all the recruits loved Jon Snow now. And of that she was impressed.
At the table with them, laughing at a Pyp's joke there were even Rose and Wylly. Cassie looked at them before walking to the cook table.
"Cassandra" Donar, the cook, greeted her.
"Good day" she said rubbing her blue eyes with a hand.
"Tired, are we?" He joked. Cassie took her ration from his hands.
"Tired, me?" She said with a half-smile "You insult me" the man laughed.
"You are in a better mood lately" Cassie shrugged her shoulder and then turn back to walk to the table where Jon and her friends were sitting. They were all laughing and as she approached them, the laughters got more quiet until they stopped. The eyes were all on her and for a moment she felt like she didn't know what to say. Jon turned his head lastly and when he saw her a smile appeared on his face.
"Cassie, hi" he said "Have you been on shift again?"
Cassie nodded her head, still eyeing the boys who were looking at her.
"Is it alright with your friend if I sit?" she gestured to them with her head. Jon frowned as Rose and Wylly smiled at her sweetly.
"Are you kidding, princess?" Pyp said standing up with a smile "We didn't think that you've appreciated our company last time" the boys nodded at Pyp's words "But we are more than happy to have you here among us.
"Many big words" Cassie said "I'm not sure I've understood them all" the boys let out a laugh as Pyp's smile widened.
"If big words it's what you need, my princess, I'll be glad to teach them to you." He said with a bow, but she shook her head.
"I'm afraid I do not need them, my brother Joffrey however could use a good teacher." She said with half a smile. The boys laughed again as Jon slide making room for Cassie to sit on the wooden bench.
"Come on, Cassie, sit" Cassie looked at Jon before sitting next to him.
"Having Ghost gave you confidence of how to speak to a girl, Jon Snow" her hand reached out to ruffle his dark hair, like she always did and everyone observed them in surprise. Jon looked at their expressions and frowned, while Cassie just ignored them focusing her attention on the bread in front of her.
"You call her Cassie too" Rose said with a smile and Jon nodded without hesitation.
"No one call her like that here but us" Wylly said taking a bait of her meal.
"I've always called her Cassie" Jon answered simply, the frown never leaving his face.
Jon Snow hadn't just always called her 'Cassie', he had been the first one. Him and Robb. On her first visit to Winterfell, Robb said that Cassandra was too formal a name for her and Jon came up the name. No one called her Cassie but the Starks and her two friends at the Wall.
They ate laughing and Cassie found more and more the guys' presence very pleasant, now she understood why her friends spent time with them. They were funny and easy to talk to.
"You are not taking another shift tonight, are you?" Asked Rose gently as they are. Cassie shook her head.
"Lady Eloise said that for at least a week I cannot go on the Wall at night." Cassie explained; too many of night shifts. To the Matriarch she was tiring herself too much.
Jon pushed in front of her his cup of warm milk and she turned to him surprised.
"You are tired" he said with a sweet smile "You always need some milk when you are sleepy."
Cassie looked at him and for a moment she saw the little six-year Jon Snow smiling shyly to her. She remembered how curious she was about this quiet kid, he seemed a mystery to her, so she started to ask him unnumerable question, even stupid ones like his favorite color and food. He didn't answer right away and she left him even a bit annoyed, but the next morning he approached her and said "Grey, my favorite color is grey" since that day there wasn't a moment, they spent a part.
"I'm a big girl Jon Snow, I can take care of myself" she said standing up when she heard the bell "But I'll take the milk anyway" Cassie heard him laughing when she walked away with Wylliana and Rose.
They went outside, Wylly had to train with different weapons, so she wouldn't have been with them at the Watch's field, but Rose was with her and Cassie was glad, Thorne would have been there too she couldn't resist alone.
"It's good to see you so happy" Rose said "You hadn't smiled this much in years" Cassie shrugged her shoulders taking the daggers from the armory.
"I'm always happy" the girl replied "When my mother is not around.
Rose shook her head at her words with and Cassie could feel her gaze on herself. She didn't want to turn, she hated it when Rose looked at her like that. It hadn't been the first time, but every time Cassie hoped it would be the last.
"Don't" Cassie said before making her way out of the armory.
"I've done nothing" Rose said laughing "You are doing all by yourself."
Cassie was doing nothing. Nothing was different to her. And Rose should have known.
"I may get used to him being here, but I'm not happy about it." Then Cassie took a breath as her eyes moved to observe the Wall "Jon wants to go find Ben."
The cold wind hit them, probably being the reason why a new shiver made its way on Cassie's back.
"Oh…" Rose said in a whisper "I see."
"Him and Ghost, he said" Cassie snapped "He foolishly thinks he can be a hero."
Rose chuckled melancholic "He is young and just arrived" se said before putting a hand on Cassie's shoulder "Though you know that he'll surely become a ranger. You cannot keep him from going beyond the Wall."
Cassie turned to Rose as she stopped walking. Looking at her with wide eyes. That was not her intent; he made that foolish decision for his life, he had to face the damn consequences. She knew, from the moment Jon told her that he wanted to take the Black, she knew that he would have become a Ranger. She had watched him train with Ser. Rodrick; a child with a wooden sword, yet a promising one. She knew he would have gone beyond the Wall, one day. Another shiver ran up her spine. The North had never been that dark to her.
"Are you thinking of Aesteria?" the mention of that name made Cassie's heart ache.
"I'm not thinking about anything, Rose!" Cassandra snapped at her friend who was looking at her with a worried and longing expression. Cassie knew what she was implying, but that was not it. She was not thinking about her. That had nothing to do with Aesteria.
"Forgive me" Cassie said looking down "I've overreacted."
Rose took her hand "There is nothing to forgive."
The girls arrived at the field. The men were already outside with their black armors and edgeless swords. That day it wasn't snowing but the cold wind blew against them. Cassie hair moved in the wind. She never tight them, she liked it free better, to feel it on her shoulders. Rose had a side loose ponytail, to keep her lightly curly hair in order. Looking around Cassie noticed Derya Rowen not far from there. Her hair in a messy bun and in her hand the spear. The girl walked towards Cassie bumping her shoulder when she passed by. Cassie stopped taking a breath.
"Behave" Rose laughed quietly "Lady Eloise wouldn't want another fight between you two." Cassie took another heavy breath before forcing a smile at her friend and then getting in line with the other Keepers.
Thorne walked towards them, his watering eyes looking all of them, studying the better way to make their lives miserable.
"I didn't decide who to make you watch, it was your Matriarch" he said bitterly, but Cassie was relieved about it, less problems that day.
"Softy" he called out at Rose "With that group" Rose walked away without even looking at the man and Cassie saw her talk with the group of recruits she had been assigned to. She had never had problems on being friendly. Everyone loved Rose.
Thorne call out other three girls before calling for Cassie.
"Princess" he said "Your Matriarch must love you, she put you with your prince, Lord Snow." When she heard giggling from next to her. It took Cassie just one sharp glare with her blue eyes to make them stop.
She had never been mocked. She would not have stupid girls begin.
And without a word she walked towards Jon's group. With him there were Grenn, Pyp, Daeron, Halder and Wanker, whose name Cassie learnt was Rast.
"Princess!" Pyp greeted her with a dramatic bow.
"So you are training with us today" Jon said with a smile.
"It seems so" Cassie said and she heard Grenn groan, making them all turn to him.
"I hoped not" he said before raising his hands "No offence, m'lady. But my ass still hurts from the last time."
Grenn had arrived before Cassie had left for King's Landing. Thorne had made her fight with some of them and in that occasion she had disarmed him, making him fall to the ground. He was still very clumsy back there. It hadn't been difficult for Cassie.
"None taken" she said waving her hand "And don't worry, I'll try not to be that harsh this time."
The guys seemed relieved by her words and Jon frowned.
"Words say that you are unbeatable" Jon said and Cassie shrugged her shoulder at his words.
"Because she is!" Holder said "You hadn't seen her fight seriously, Jon. I've never seen something like it."
Jon's frowned deepened "I won it in Winterfell" as soon as those words left his mouth all the guys started to laugh. As Cassie's eyes were fixed on her daggers. Those were tales and stories.
"No, you didn't" Pyp said weeping his eyes that was watering because of laughter. Jon glared at him confused.
Men are worse than wet nurses, she thought taking a breat.
"Alright, enough with the chatting" Cassie said putting her hands on her hips "Let me see what you can do."
She had to admit that that group wasn't bad. Some of them acted already as a team. Jon had skills, more than the others, he was capable to understand with a glance who he had before him and how to beat him. Ser Rodick did a good job on him even with just wooden swords, she had to admit. Grenn and Daeron were similar, tall and strong. It was easy to see that those two wouldn't have problems with the cold weather, but Grenn got angry too easily and Daeron was slow, too slow for a wildling. But some more training and a good and patient Keeper with them would have do good. Pyp was slim and short, she wouldn't have bet nothing on him before seen him training. He was fast and careful to all his companions; he would have been a good catch beyond the Wall. Cassie almost stabbed herself when she saw that even Wanker was good at fighting, but still a fool. He may go beyond the Wall, but if he was paired with her probably, they would try to left each other behind.
They trained for a couple of hours and Cassie even started to give them tips on movements and weapons. And she even started to have fun.
"When you are out there" Cassie explained to the young men before her "It is important to cover each other's back" she was next to Daeron "Try to fight the battle as you want, where you want. And out there you'll want to be with your group, especially with the Keeper paired with you" Cassie was looking each of their faces.
"Why do they pair us?" Halder asked.
Cassie turned to him "There are women with our powers among the Wildlings. Some were born like this, others were Keepers here at the Wall once. No one knows how a Keeper fights better than a Keeper."
"And how do you fight?" Wanker asked, he still hadn't seen them, he had come at the Wall with Jon. Too soon for them to see.
"You'll see" she promised before turning again to the others "We'll cover your back with them. And if one of you get subjugated, run. But if it happens to one of us, run faster. Believe me on that" her eyes fell on Jon, wondering if he would ever lose his conscience because of someone like her. It was something that had never crossed her mind, thinking about him and his brothers safe behind the walls of Winterfell.
He wasn't supposed to be there…
"Alright" she said focusing on the topic again "Now… Grenn with me, the others will attack us. Remember Grenn, we have to work in pair to…"
"Seven gods!" Daeron exclaimed looking behind Cassie's shoulders "Look at this" when she turned, she saw a very fat young man approaching them alongside with Thorne. He was surely older than Cassie by two years maybe, he had pale scared eyes and his plump fingers were holding uncertainly a sword.
Cassie's eyes fell on his other arm as Pyp whispered to Jon "A lordling. From around Highgarden, I think" Cassie was impressed, because he was actually right. The plump guy held on his other hand a shield and engraved on it there was a striding huntsman and the same banner was on the scarlet thread assuring his fur coat around his big shoulders.
A Tarly at the Wall. She frowned, and not just a Tarly, but the eldest son. Something like Simon his name was. She had saw him once, paying a visit to lord Randyll Tarly of Horn Hill. Cassie was eight at the time and she remembered just this plump shy boy, who barely spoke and never train even if he already was of age. Years hadn't changed him he still was the same, not a warrior. What was he even doing there?
"It seems like they run short of thieves and murderers in the South, now they send us pigs to man the Wall" a new victim for Ser Alliser Thorn "And all dressed up, uh Lord of Ham?" Thorne than send him to Noye to find his new black armor. Cassie followed his steps while he went away, wondering what a future lord could have done to be sent in such a place.
The guy took a couple of hours before coming back, but he did.
"Let us hope you are not as inept as you look" Thorne said in his vicious amused tone, that all of them knew even too well. Cassie could see Jon glaring at the man every time he spoke.
Ghost and I will going find him.
What do you want to do Jon Snow? Cassie thought observing her friend not far from her. He was getting angry and nervous, but what was surely on his mind Cassie didn't like.
"Halder" Thorne called with loud voice "See what Ser Piggy can do"."
Cassie shook her head at how predictable Thorne was. Halder was sixteen and he gave very strong blows, he knocked down many men just with his shoves.
The fight, if it was possible to call it that way, ended very soon. Cassie looked at the new guy at the ground pleading and yelling that he yielded. A lost cause. He should have never even thought about the Wall, if those were his skills. A son of a lord pleading mercy on a farmer. She couldn't even bare to watch that scene.
Wanker and other boys from other groups were looking what was happening laughing. Cassie spotted Rose with a hand covering her mouth, while other girls were looking away on purpose, as other were laughing. Cassie even spotted Derya shaking her head at the guy on the ground.
"Hit him" Thorne said to Halder "Hit him with the flat of your blade until he stands up" at that point it was better kill him off, that guy would have never stood up. Halder started to hit him more and more and the guy just yelp and covered his head.
"Cassie" she heard Jon whisper from next to her "We can't stay here doing nothing" Cassie didn't even turn to him and stayed quiet "Cassie…?" Then she saw a shadow moved pass her and before she could stop that stupid ass, Jon step forward "Halder, enough" he said with confidence.
Do you want to play the hero, Jon Snow?
Cassie looked at her friend with wide eyes and she was even more shocked that Halder stopped for real.
"The bastard speaks and the peasants tremble" Ser Alliser said coldly "I remind you that I am the master-at-arms, Lord Snow."
"Look at him, Halder" Jon kept saying. Cassie wanted to smack that stupid head of his, when he ignored Thorne.
"There is no honor in beating a fallen foe. He yielded."
"He yielded" Halder echoed. Cassie shook her head at the scene in front of her.
Jon Snow, what are you on about?
Thorne smiled "It seems the Bastard is in love. Aren't you jealous, princess?"
Cassie glared at the man, what he mocking her? Thorne observed her with a malicious chuckle before he turned towards the boys.
"We are going to make an exercise out of it, Rast and Daeron, with Halder. Three of you will suffice to make Lady Piggy squeal. All you need to do is defeat the bastard."
Typical of Thorne. He had already sent two men against Jon, but three and all so well built, he really wanted to see Jon lose this time.
"Princess" Thorne called out "Why aren't you helping your Lord Snow?" Jon had his sword in hand and he turned to Cassie too at Thorne's words, but she shook her head in annoyance.
"Fuck this" she cursed starting to walk towards Thorne "I'm not here to play the hero for recruits" then she shoved her training daggers against the master-at-arms' chest "Do you want to have fun? Use this idiot" she moved her head towards Jon who was looking at her with wide eyes, but Cassie ignored him. The she moved to walk away from the field without turning "Call me when you want to train for real".
She spent the last two hours in her sleeping cell, looking outside before she had been able to close her eyes. She hadn't been able to sleep for long though. The nightmares would never go away.
She was used to them, it had been years. Always the same. She dreamt of running in high and cold snow. Someone would follow her. Closer and closer they get. A burning pain on her side made her slow down, but she had to keep going. She had to arrive where she was meant to. Cassandra would feel her legs hurt and the drops of melted snow, freeze against her cheek. She would always kept running and running. She had to make it. She had to be on time. At least that time.
But she never made it.
She would always find the same figure, laying on the ground. Pale and cold and skin hard. Blood would stain the white snow, making her almost forget what the real color of the ground was supposed to look like. She would scream, yet she could hear no sound. Cassie could just stare at the figure at her feet. Wavy auburn hair and closed eyes, lips sailed in a thin line, nothing like the sweet smile that was there once. And Cassie would scream and she would cry. And that was how she always woke up; cover in sweat and cheeks wet by tears.
She hated to sleep. She truly hated it.
It was dinner time when she walked out of her cell. Both men and women were heading towards the main hall, while others were already there.
Once she opened the wooden door Cassandra spotted Rose, Luna and Derya set at the table with Jon's friends. They were laughing loudly, like always. Pyp was probably the man that had caused more smiles at the Wall. Cassie had no memory of someone else. Then Cassandra looked around, for any sign of Jon. But he was not there. She had heard that he had won the fight that Thorne had made him do that afternoon. He was probably feeding Ghost.
As she walked towards the cook to take her meal, she noticed Wylliana sitting alone on a side of the hall, so she decided to join her.
"Wylly" Cassie said sitting in front of the girl, who looked up with a tired smile "Alone today?"
"Cassie. Yes" she said eyeing the loud table "Pyp is great, but I needed some time to hear my own thoughts, not just his jokes"
Cassie looked at the table as well; everyone was laughing, with tears in their eyes even Derya.
"How was your day?" Cassie shrugged her shoulder at Wylliana's question.
"Thorne is a bitch, does it surprise you?" Cassie said and Wylliana chuckled.
"Yes, I've heard what he made the boys do this afternoon" Wylly said "Not a nice welcoming he gave to the boy. But I think he has a new friend" Cassie followed Wylly's gaze on the entrance of the room, where Jon was standing as he made his way to his friends. Cassie should have known that.
The girl nodded "I've saw them walk out some time before you came in. No one had talked to the new guy. Your friend is very kind."
Kind. The kind and gentle, Jon Snow. The kind and gentle young man of the Night's Watch.
"Tell me about it" Cassie muttered looking at Jon, who was whispering something to his friends.
What did he have in mind?
"Today Avyanna almost lost control" Wylliana said after having taken a sip of her mead and Cassie turned her gaze to watch her friend "I've managed to take Mirana off her hands, but for a moment I was sure she had been subjugated."
It had happened before. Some Keepers would use their powers on men or other women by accident. The force of their power was great and sometimes it was like it had will on its own. It was easy to let it slip. I could not happened though. Being subjugated meant being executed. And they could not afford to lose any Keeper, not now. Not when the Winter was so close. Cassie was about to say something, but suddenly she saw a movement from the corner of her eyes and turning she saw Jon Snow, standing over her with a serious expression.
"Jon Snow" Cassie said, but his face didn't soften.
"Can I talk to you?" He asked though "Alone."
Cassie observed him silently for a moment before nodding her head.
"If it pleases you" she stood up, sharing a look with Wylliana, who had a little frown on her face.
Cassie followed Jon outside. It was a clear night. No snow was falling from the sky and the breeze was not harsh against her skin. She looked at the Wall, always looming over them, as it was the one who was watching.
She leant her back on the wooden railing with crossed arms "Tell me."
"You left" he said "Today on the field you left me alone against three of them."
"I've heard you won" Cassie said simply.
His eyes widened "Just because Pyp and Grenn helped me, Cassie" Jon argued.
"Still, you won" Cassie replied calmly "What do you want from me?"
Jon felt silent for a moment "Is it honestly all you care about?" he asked.
"What do you mean?" Cassie replied confused.
"Why didn't you help him today?"
That was what he was on about? Cassie rolled almost chuckled. The Tarly boy?
"And why did you?"
"You were the one who told me to help my companions" Jon argued raising his voice.
Cassie scoffed.
"Help them, yes" she said "Not fighting their battles for them."
Ghost and I will go find him.
"It is not on you to save them" Cassie said with a glare "Stop playing the hero, Jon Snow."
Silence fell between them. Their eyes kept observing each other's, none of them had any intention of surrender. Cassie and Jon had never fought, not even once during their days at Winterfell. They had always looked at each other's back; naturally. Like they had always done that. But now they were those kids no more, not at the Wall.
"What happened to you?" He said looking at her like he had saw her for the first time
Cassie frowned incredulously "How am I different, Jon?" She didn't planned to, but her tone was almost threatening.
"How are you not!" Jon argued back "You are not friendly, you avoid everyone and you do not help people when they needed to!"
He couldn't understand. He could not judge.
"It's not my place to help him, do you understand that?!" She argued angrily. Cassie approached him, but Jon didn't step back standing his ground. His grey eyes observing her with a glare.
"When we first met you told me that you defended the people. That was why you were going to the Wall, to help who needed it."
He had no idea. He didn't even know what he was talking about.
"I defend people" she said "I cannot defend who is supposed to stay here and defend!"
"You do, if they need it!" Jon yelled.
"You think you've got it all sorted, Jon Snow? Let me tell you something" she said with venom in her voice "You don't know shit. About anything. And when you don't know shit, you better to keep your damn mouth shut."
He had the audacity of patronizing her. He was nothing but a child. Only a child that had still the smell of Summer on him, how dared him?
He didn't know. He could not judge. He could not
"Stop this!" He said angrily, but she didn't care.
"What? You do not like the truth?" She yelled back "He is going to die, Jon" he shook his head at her words "He is, because he can't fight and he never will because you won't let him learn."
He knew no shit about life.
"What will happen if he finds himself alone on the other side, without his Lord Snow covering his back?" she said "He won't stand up, he won't run and he certainly won't survive because you helped him now, Jon" silence fell between them, but then Cassie took a step forward "And you want to know something else? You are going to die as well."
He had always been like that. Jon Snow. Too gentle, too soft.
Silence fell between them, the cold wind blew once again as a new shiver ran up Cassie's back.
"I can barely recognize you" He muttered without diverting his eyes from her.
Cassie heart skipped a beat at those words and she hoped he hadn't noticed.
"Is that who you truly are?" he said in a whisper and she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.
That was a strange feeling, the one that took over her. Cassie felt like she needed air, but there was not enough. And she was doing all the best she could to keep her face stoic. She would have not let feelings to take the best of her. She never let them, she would have not started now. But Cassie didn't like how Jon was looking at her. She didn't like what he was saying. Or imply.
Jon Snow had been the only person with whome she didn't feel like to have to explain. He had always understood her. Just with a glance. In only few moments. No one else had ever done it. No one else had ever made her forget...
Jon looked at her for a moment before walking away silently, leaving her there, looking in the direction where he had disappeared. Jon Snow didn't understand her. Even him.
Cassie felt cold inside her chest, her breath got haevier as she looked up at the Wall. It was so tall, had it always been that tall? And dark?
The wind blew again. Cold. As cold as the shiver that she felt against her back. They looked in each other's eyes silently. Her eyes looked up at the Wall, so tall and dark and mysterious. Cassie felt small as another shiver ran up her spine. Suddenly, imperceptibly she felt like one of her pinkies twitched. Her eyes widened at the sensation and immediately she looked at her hand; observing it closely, searching for any sort moviment, tremble. But nothing.
Nothing.
It was nothing.
Like it always has been.
Like it always would have been.
Jon Snow had walked away from her, he had not been the first and he wouldn't have ben the last. Jon Snow didn't understand her, he had not been the first and wouldn't have been the last. Jon couldn't understand. He didn't know and he would have never known.
Ever.