The Villainess Is An SS+ Rank Adventurer

When I woke up this morning, I had plans.

They were all the same thing. Go rescue a dragon. A plan so simple only an adventurer could fail to follow it as they were distracted by a cat lounging on a window. It wasn’t like brushing my hair. That was a task so intricate training began before I was born. 

Instead, I had to contend with this.

A giant floating eyeball.

Now, its entire hue was so red and blotchy it either suffered insomnia beneath the ceilings of common inns or it was simply overly enamoured with me. 

Sadly, my instincts for these things told me it was the latter. But while I was all too familiar with the gawks of my admirers, the only thing that usually destroyed was my appetite. 

Seeing the speckles of light pulled towards the crimson iris like the loose socks which didn’t exist towards my maids, I had no doubt this enthusiast intended to do more than harass me from a distance. 

A constant puddle seeped from its jaws. 

It was ghastly. And if I had to choose between disintegration from its eye or a single drop from its drool, I would opt for the least painful option for my attire.

Neither.

That’s why–

“Absolutely not!!”

Starlight Grace left my side, ushering away the shadows cast by the flickering candles.

Clap.

A moment later, the illumination diminished as Coppelia’s scythe joined me to a flash of darkness. Yet even when my fabled sword saw its light dimmed, that eerie glow from the eye remained. 

In fact … it only grew brighter.

BRWEEEEEEEEM.

The next moment, all I felt was regret.

Not because a fiery ray of eyeball death successfully turned me into ashes. 

After all, that’d be a relief. 

“–Hiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!”

No … instead, I was forced to bear the terrible burden of knowing that each second I remained conscious was another I had to endure this land of philandering heroes, maddened cheesemongers and floating eyeballs trying to murder me with streams of concentrated death.

And the worst thing?

Why, that was the knowledge the worst was still yet to come.

BRWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM.

Despair was all I saw as I soared through the air as Coppelia’s newest flag.

My hair trailed magnificently behind me as the nimble clockwork doll skipped from pillar to pillar. Not to hide behind. But simply to see them shatter. 

“Ahahahahahahahah!”

Because amidst the pillars of stone bursting into a thousand fragments as a ray of destruction followed in our wake, the most disconcerting sound was the excited laughter of my loyal handmaiden as she fulfilled the foremost agenda on her bucket list.

Escaping consecutive explosions.

“Wooooooooooo! This is what I’ve missed most!”

I had nothing for her but a delicate groan, barely discernible amidst the mysterious screaming as she tugged me along with a single hand. But it wasn’t without reason that she offered me all the grace of dragging home an errant child. 

After all, her other hand was occupied.

Temporarily, at least.

“[Coppelia Throw]!”

As she bounded in the air, the cadence of shattering pillars came to a pause. 

It was all she needed.

Hurling her cumbersome weapon as easily as a dry strudel, it flew with unerring precision towards the floating horror. Yet far from raising its tendrils to be cleaved, the overseer’s crimson eye flashed violet towards the oncoming scythe. 

It slowed, weighed down by an invisible hand. 

Enough for the horror to tilt ever so slightly, presenting its shadowed bindings to be severed. 

It never made it. The scythe vanished into wisps of dark smoke, before reappearing once more in Coppelia’s hand just as she landed with feline grace.

“Oooh~ that was sneaky … I liked that!”

Coppelia offered a generous nod. 

She was the only one. I was aghast at the horror’s audacity.

Why, not only was the thing trying to incinerate us, but it was also trying to seek freedom! This was not complicated! It was one or the other, not both at the same time!

“H-How dare you!” I said, fixing my hair before raising my sword. “You are supposed to make your threat and then fail to kill us! Do you think being an eyeball excuses you from common decorum?! I hope those seeking your wisdom didn’t look to you for conversation advice! How am I supposed to reject your ultimatum if I’m dead?!” 

Dust filled the cavern, so thick that neither the candlelight nor the petering rays of dusk could break through. Even so, it did little to hide the overseer’s lidless eye or its unfading smile. 

“Hehehe.”

It did even less to hide the gentle laughter.

Or rather, the impression of gentle laughter. 

I did not need to read its mind to know there was as much genuineness to be found in its words as in an alleyway market in Reitzlake.

“In my experience of negotiation, a statement of intent is beneficial, as well as a demonstration of one’s position.”

“You are chained in a bathroom. That is your position.”

The overseer raised its chin slightly.

“This isn’t a bathroom,” came the response, coupled with a whiff of indignation. “This is a web. But I am no spider seeking a meal, so I reiterate my offer of untold riches to the clockwork doll with an added amendment. Break my shackles and your destruction will be avoided. Rest assured, I desire nothing else than to immediately take to darker pastures where I can rid my mind of every shallow thought I’ve been forced to endure.”

I scoffed while waving away the dust. 

The shallowest thought was the belief Coppelia would countenance the idea of doing more than turning her nose up. Particularly as untold riches were already guaranteed to her as my loyal handmaiden.

“Incidentally, the amount I have available far exceeds a handmaiden’s salary.”

My mouth widened in horror.

“E-Excuse me! Are you trying to undermine the generous salary Coppelia is guaranteed?!” 

“There’s nothing to undermine. While a handmaiden’s salary is comfortable, it’s hardly the amount you believe it to be. My gratitude, on the other hand, comes with wealth the likes of which would cause your eyes to weep.”

“An outrageous claim,” I declared at once. “I’ve no idea which petty princess you compare me to, but my personal entourage receives bonuses directly related to the number of explosions I’m carried away from. You have directly contributed to this.” 

“I could directly contribute for a day and night. My wealth still exceeds yours.”

“Words as true from your mouth as they are from a drunken peddler. There is no scenario in which an eyeball with no need of gold would possess more than me. How would you even attain it without adventurers flinging their belongings at you?”

“I have been the Bewitching Oracle long before I was forced into the role, if in another name and in another guise. And those seeking advice are those seeking to pay for it. Break my shackles and my wealth is yours to find.”

“And how, exactly, would we find your scraps and copper crowns?” 

“By following a glint in the dark which only 417,486 gold crowns can make.”

My eyes blinked, despite my ears that I was uncertain about.

“Excuse me? How many was that?”

“417,486 gold crowns–as of my last count. Raw value, not including trinkets or items.”

I paused for a moment.

Then, I turned to my handmaiden, who was rightfully basking with a bemused smile under the attention of so many promises of wealth despite the lack of any written guarantees.

“Per … Perhaps a compromise solution where we can have the gold and only partially release the horror under supervision could be done?”

“Eeehh?! Now you’re convinced?!”

“It would only be for a day or two! Even a brief stroll through Ouzelia is surely enough to permanently dispel the curiosity of ever wishing to explore the outside world again!” 

The overseer laughed.

“I have already offered my compromise. All that is left is the alternative.”

All of a sudden, the creature’s eye flashed to an acid green.

But no warning stream of incineration met us this time. A thump like the sound of a heartbeat filled the air instead. 

I sensed Coppelia’s legs shift as she sought to leap away. 

She didn’t.

In fact … she didn’t move at all.

Her cheeks puffed out. The only motion as her arms and legs visibly quivered. Yet try as she might, it was like she was weighed down by my quadruple layer winter duvet.

Even the dust itself had come to a pause before the horror’s gaze.

“It is over. The web is complete. But you needn’t meet your dooms just yet. Clockwork doll, I will ease your release, whereupon you shall do as I bid. If you fail, I will immediately destroy you both and wait until my imprisonment ends or another with a suitable weapon arrives. Agree now and your safety will be … will be …”

The voice, spoken with such expert disregard, trailed into silence. 

Instead, its lone eye grew larger … watching as I pinched Coppelia’s cheeks. 

“Ahahaha~ that tickles.”

Only Coppelia’s lips moved as she giggled.

Utterly still, she was at the mercy of my delicate handling as I offered her my healing touch. Repeatedly. In her soft, pliable cheeks. Poke, poke, poke.

For a moment, tranquillity entered my mind as the echoing of the intruder ceased.

It lasted far too short.

“You should not be moving.” The voice was stunned. A curious thing for something which could peer into minds. “You are in my holding gaze.”

“... Oh?” I idly turned from Coppelia and looked up. “And why should that matter?”

“You’re no heroine of Ouzelia. You don’t have the protection of providence offered by their calling.”

“Ohohoho … providence?” 

At once, I raised a hand to my lips, twirling with needless wrist movement just for the sake of it.

“Ah, that which protects the farm boys from my guards as they slip continuously from the grasp of the law. No, I’ve not a drop of divine protection. But why would I need it, against a gaze so weak that it would not register were you not spectacularly obtuse?” 

“My gaze can paralyse the charge of a dire bear defending its cubs. You should not be moving.”

“But I am no dire bear. I am a dire princess. And it should not require more than one eye to see that forcing your release is the second worst mistake you can make besides refusing my soap samples.”

The overseer made no reply.

It didn’t need to. Just from its silence, I knew that if it had a brow, it would be scrunched in hesitation.

Instead … its eye shifted to a pale blue hue. 

In that moment, I could feel its presence as it dared to peer past the surface of my mind. At the bluffs and falsehoods it sought to unearth. I made no effort to expertly shield my forehead. For what it beheld was an image masked by no deceit. A warning dredged from memories born of no lie. 

One of flames and ruin. Of tears and screaming. Of the end of all things.

Of the fate it was courting.

“… What am I seeing?” came a hushed voice, both distant yet near.

My smile softened.

And then it faded altogether as I offered an unimpeded sight of my arms crossing, shoulders relaxing and lips pursing as a blank vacancy consumed my expression. 

With a precisely angled tilt of my head, I simply stood there as the horror stared at me.

And my response … was to stare back.

The horror jerked back at once. 

“Who … Who are you?”

It was tugged back by its chains, the shadows rattling as its entire figure instinctively sought escape. 

And why not?

For no matter what colours of the rainbow its eye could emit, not a single shade was as black as mine.

… Ohohohohoho!

Here it was! My ultimate technique!

[Princess Gaze]!!

When children were learning to curtsy, I was learning to disapprove of them! 

Here was a fixed stare beyond words, filled with enough breathtaking disappointment so as to send all around me into a headless panic! An unblinking calm which heralded the authority of a princess about to fire everybody within pointing distance unless they deciphered from my blank expression who had erred and how they might fling them through the nearest window!

I allowed the floating horror to see it all.

The kitchens aflame as seasoned chefs forgot their hands. Brave knights on their knees as they pleaded for forgiveness. Servants in tears as they fled back to the homes they’d left behind for a better life.

Ohohoho … did this creature truly think that its own fixed stare could quell me? 

All that did was bring down stone.

Mine, on the other hand, could bring down a kingdom to its knees. 

I stepped forward as the overseer’s eye took on a new hue.

One which was the white of fear.

“You … You are a monster.”

I allowed my wordless gaze to end, offering my soothing laughter instead.

“Ohohohohohoho … not at all. I am an angel come to light the dark places in the world. And that includes anywhere you’d hope to flee. To hold me hostage is not something I will forget. Even should you escape and hole yourself up in the furthest recesses of the world, it would not matter. My scowl will find you–and a lidless eye which cannot blink is my prey. I shall be your eternal torment. The motion in every shadow. Day and night you will cower until I inject a nightmare so horrifying you will need to summon your own heroine to rescue you. I will leave an image so stark that you will shudder as you wake in the night, until the sweat drenches your retinas, every pore is emptied and you dry into a shrivelled husk. There will be no salvation or respite from my … wh-where are you going?” 

All of a sudden, the overseer was no longer floating backwards.

It was floating up. 

Back towards the ceiling, its shadow lifting like a boulder being plucked away.

Without a word, it proceeded to wedge itself into a tiny crevasse in the corner, somehow squishing its not-inconsiderable mass like a cat through a door flap a fraction of its appropriate size.

“Please leave.”

I was aghast.

“I … I will do no such thing! I am not done threatening you yet!”

“I’ve decided I’m fine with this bathroom. It is very cozy.”

“You will be fine with what I allow you!” I raised my sword, prepared to dislodge the eyeball if need be. “I do not care how much I must fill your waking days with nightmares! I will not leave until I have what I came for! I want a dragon, and you will tell me where it is!”

Blup.

Suddenly, a bizarre noise sounded just beside me.

Blup. Blup. Blup.

The basin of water stirred. 

And then … it began to empty. 

Its surface swirled as the water level lowered, draining through a gap in its centre as if rushing down through a well. What was revealed was a staircase, the water dribbling down its steps. 

Within moments, an echoing breeze came up, indicative of a great emptiness beneath. 

One wide enough to hold a dragon.

I nodded–just before offering a polite smile.

“Please enjoy your bathing time. As promised, I shall endeavour to export a batch of soap to you when production begins. Come, Coppelia. Let us be done with this dragon nonsense.”

I stepped towards the revealed stairs. No steps came from behind me.

Instead, I saw the sight of Coppelia’s still paralysed body as it lay face down on the floor. 

Slightly concerned, I leaned down and lifted her head.

“–pffttt ahahahahaha mmmfhh–”

And then placed her face back down.

… Very well, then! 

I could wait a few minutes.