NOVEL WEB Chapter 21
Muk Ha-neul took me to a nearby shopping mall. Certainly, there weren’t many people at this time. It was just early enough that no elementary school students could be seen leaving school.
There were occasional passersby, but naturally, they didn’t pay us much attention.
“See? No one is really interested in us.”
“Well, that’s obvious.”
I was worried about if my hat came off. It was certain that my white hair would stand out, and if anyone saw it and took a picture, it would be problematic.
After walking for a while in the hot weather, my clothes were a bit damp from sweat.
“It’s hot.”
“Yeah.”
We arrived at the mall, tired. The cool air from the air conditioner provided some relief.
“Are you very tired?”
“I’m fine.”
Though I said that, I eventually sat down on a chair inside the mall to catch my breath. Just as I was stabilizing my breathing, Muk Ha-neul took me up to the third floor of the shopping mall. And as expected, we arrived at a children’s clothing store.
I couldn’t help but sigh. There weren’t many options acceptable for my body aside from children’s clothing, so it was something I had to deal with. Of course, my mood couldn’t help but drop along with it.
“Don’t worry too much. It’s quite common for short adult women to buy clothes from children’s stores. Just think of it like that.”
“But I’m pretty small.”
“That’s true.”
The first place Muk Ha-neul took me to was a lingerie store. Fortunately, it wasn’t one meant for very young children. The designs of the underwear were quite ordinary. Muk Ha-neul immediately called over an employee.
“Excuse me, can we measure the sizes here?”
“Yes, of course.”
“This child here, could you measure her size? She’s only been using junior bras, but it seems her chest has gotten a bit bigger…”
“Oh my, please come here. I’ll measure you right away.”
The mention of “child” was quite grating, but I didn’t want to cause a scene here, so I followed obediently.
“Could you please take off your hat, dear?”
At the employee’s request, I instinctively held onto my hat as I took a step back. The employee looked a bit flustered, but thankfully, Muk Ha-neul stepped in to help.
“Um, I’m sorry, but could you measure her with the hat on? She’s quite shy.”
“Oh, yes. Then please lift your outerwear over your underwear, and I’ll measure you.”
“Ah, okay.”
Shyness? Yeah, right.
The employee led me further inside the store where I couldn’t see outside. Then, after asking me to lift my top and stretch out my arms, she measured my size with a tape measure. It was over quickly, yet she seemed to regard me with a strange gaze.
“It’s done. You’re an AA cup and just beginning to develop. It’s important to wear the right size underwear during this time. It’s fine to continue wearing junior bras, but it’s better to wear properly fitting ones. How about this one?”
The employee immediately started recommending lingerie to Muk Ha-neul. Muk Ha-neul looked at me as if asking if I wanted to choose, but I shook my head. She picked out a few pieces of underwear and bought them right there.
“Is it okay if she doesn’t try them on?”
“Uh, yes. She’s very shy.”
Great.
Anyway, after several twists and turns, we finally finished buying the underwear.
“I’ll teach you how to wear them when we get home.”
“…It’s fine.”
Even though we only bought underwear, I already felt drained. Anyway, it was a blind spot that I almost had to take off my hat when measuring. Thinking about it, I would naturally have to take off my hat when trying on clothes, right? Going into the fitting room and taking it off to put it back on sounded troublesome, and I knew it would be noticeable.
“Since we bought underwear, let’s just go back. I don’t think there’s any need to buy clothes too.”
“Let’s at least take a quick look around, okay? It’s a shame to have come out for nothing.”
“Well, that’s true, but…”
For some reason, I didn’t feel good at all. No, it wasn’t even a question of feeling bad. The very fact that a guy was buying women’s underwear in a place like this made it impossible to feel good.
As we wandered around the shopping mall, I felt the gazes of people around us occasionally on me. While it was just passing glances, wearing such a large hat naturally drew attention.
If I had been without the hat, I might have had everyone staring at me.
Muk Ha-neul wandered through the children’s clothing store, and whenever she found a suitable store, she immediately went in. Then she picked out several pieces of clothing, holding them up to me, making noises, setting some aside, and asking my opinion on others.
“How about this one? Doesn’t it seem nice?”
Fortunately, Muk Ha-neul seemed to have some sense. The clothes she chose were usually plain and suitable, ones that a girl would like but weren’t too over the top. They didn’t necessarily look like children’s wear, so even I thought they looked pretty good.
If she had brought even slightly feminine clothes or skirts, I would have gone home right away.
Eventually, I tried on a few outfits. Most of them were okay. The employees were giving strange looks when I went into the fitting room with my hat on and came back out wearing the hat, but that wasn’t my concern.
“Why are you taking pictures?”
“I’m buying it, so isn’t it okay to take a picture?”
I didn’t really have anything to argue. After all, the clothes weren’t exactly cheap, so at this moment, Muk Ha-neul was in control. Of course, if I felt even slightly uncomfortable, it would flip back immediately.
Well, I could allow her to take a few pictures. It wasn’t like she would sell them somewhere, and besides, I was wearing a hat, so my head wouldn’t be visible anyway.
Just like in the novels, Muk Ha-neul didn’t drag me around for hours playing dress-up. She just bought a reasonable amount of clothes and that was it.
“Well then, let’s grab something to eat and go home.”
“I just want to go home.”
“Isn’t there only porridge at your place?”
“I have leftover fried rice from yesterday. It might be a bit stale, but it should be edible.”
“Putting aside the fact that you’d be eating that, what are you suggesting I eat?”
“You can go home.”
“How cruel.”
Though I said that, in the end, I decided to eat out as Muk Ha-neul suggested.
I didn’t want to feel the same discomfort I felt while eating jajangmyeon yesterday when I ate fried rice today.
“What shall we eat then? Mapo tofu? Tteokbokki?”
“I can’t eat anything too spicy.”
I really didn’t want to eat those kinds of things. Foods like mapo tofu or tteokbokki that girls go crazy for instinctively made me feel repulsed. I’d eat them if they bought them for me, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to buy them with my own money.
“Oh, right. Is there anything you want to eat?”
“A hamburger?”
“Guys always say they want hamburgers when they have nothing to eat.”
“Guys?”
“Oh.”
Seeing Muk Ha-neul’s face slightly scrunch up, she hurriedly waved her hands and said.
“No, no, it’s not like that. I just heard it when everyone in our department was discussing where to eat together. Don’t think weirdly about it.”
“I’m not thinking about it. You don’t need to make excuses.”
In fact, I had thought about it. I wondered if she was a bit too lighthearted, but Muk Ha-neul kept insisting that she wasn’t that kind of girl afterward. Her insistence continued even while we were eating. At one point, feeling slightly irritated from listening to her, I spoke.
“But, what does that have to do with me.”
Muk Ha-neul replied with a slightly stiff expression.
“It matters…to some extent.”
“Still?”
It wasn’t a direct statement. But it was a question loaded with many meanings. Yes, Muk Ha-neul had openly shown me her affection. And I, even if I didn’t want to admit it, had come to accept it to some degree.
However, if Muk Ha-neul liked me for my romantic appeal…then I was in no position to offer that anymore. After all, the real reason I had called Muk Ha-neul out today was this issue.
The question of whether this relationship could continue further,
a story about feelings that felt a bit shallow to call love.
Muk Ha-neul’s stiff expression showed no signs of softening. Was she pondering how to answer? But already at this point, where she was contemplating an answer, it felt like this relationship was nearing its end.
Yet, the words that came out of Muk Ha-neul’s mouth were entirely different and unexpected.
“…Senpai, I don’t have a mother.”
Suddenly?
“My mother ran away when I was little, leaving my father and me. It was due to financial struggles. My father searched for her, but he could never find her. Still, he didn’t give up on work. Eventually, my father succeeded in rebuilding his life. But then a funny thing happened.”
I could somewhat guess where the story was headed, and it mustn’t have been just my illusion.
“My mother came back.”
That was a look I had never seen before. Muk Ha-neul was sneering with genuine disdain toward someone.
“She is a disgusting person. To show up again just because my father succeeded. My father didn’t accept her. It went to court, but in the end, he successfully divorced her. Even after that, my mother only showed up when she needed money, extending her hand to me. Until not long ago, I was still helping her.”
Muk Ha-neul’s face was recalling something painful.
“But then I read your novel. During a critique session. It was a short story. It boldly expressed the hatred you held, stomping on the realm of the mother, which had been sacred to me.”
“I was shocked after reading that story. So it’s okay to express hatred toward my mother. It allowed me to let go of the goodness I had been trying to hold on to.”
“I felt like I didn’t have to be a good child anymore. That was the feeling I got.”
“So, when she came back next, I told her this: to get lost.”
“That’s what happened.”
“It may not be special. In fact, you’re not the only one who has written such stories.”
“But still, at that moment, I felt like I was freed from my chains.”
“That’s why I fell in love with you.”