NOVEL WEB Chapter 10
My age aside, the topics of menstruation and pregnancy were enough to awaken my long-dormant rage. I exploded at the doctor’s outrageous remarks and hurled a pillow at him.
The pillow missed the doctor and fell right in front of me. The nurse picked it up and placed it in the corner of the bed.
“…Nurse.”
The nurses restrained my body, trying to prevent me from causing another scene. I had no strength to resist.
“To continue, please understand that your uterus is not fully developed and is still at a teenage level, so I advise against sexual intercourse. I apologize if this sounds uncomfortable, but it was necessary to mention.”
“I get it, so let go of me.”
The doctor ignored my words.
“Due to the large secretion of female hormones, you might experience emotional instability and difficulties in emotional regulation. Changes in personality may occur.”
Damn hormones. Are humans ultimately slaves to hormones? Will my noble mind completely decay and succumb under the influence of hormones? How inferior must a woman be that emotions can swing wildly just because of hormone release?
Yes, I could definitely feel the influence of hormones. Right now, I was struggling to control my emotions.
The doctor continued listing precautions and information about my condition. I wanted to cover my ears, but my arms were already restrained by the nurses.
The doctor looked at the mirror that he had left in the corner on the first day.
“Since that day, have you seen your face directly?”
“No.”
This patient room didn’t even have a mirror in the bathroom (evidence of it being hastily removed was apparent), so I hadn’t seen my face since then. I hadn’t even thought to check the mirror the doctor had left behind.
“I know it’s hard to accept at this stage, but if you keep postponing, it could greatly affect your mental state. I recommend getting used to looking in the mirror regularly.”
“Get used to this body?”
“Either way, you have no choice but to live like this now.”
It was horrifying.
“Anyway, that’s all I have to say. I’ve covered all the physical and pathological issues, so another staff member from the National Intelligence Service will explain everything else.”
Great.
The doctor and nurses left my room, making sure to lock the door behind them.
Filled with displeasure, I drew the pillow that was in the corner of the bed and hugged it. I felt empty.
The doctor had recommended that I look in the mirror. But I had no courage for that. If I looked in the mirror again, I would really have to accept this reality.
Hesitant, I pulled the mirror over. If I flipped it over, my face as a woman would be there.
Should I look?
In the end, I didn’t look. No, I couldn’t.
As time passed to around dinner time, the person who walked into the room was not a nurse but a woman in business attire. I instinctively contorted my face, as it reminded me of Jin Seo-hye.
“Hello, Seol-guk. Am I correct? I am Ham Yejin, an agent from the National Intelligence Service.”
“…Hello.”
“I heard you haven’t had dinner yet, so I brought you a simple sandwich. Would you like to eat it?”
“Sure.”
That was quite a delightful offer for someone who was fed up with the almost tasteless hospital food. The unpleasant feeling I initially sensed began to dissipate.
“You can eat while we talk.”
“Okay.”
As I fumbled with the sandwich, removing the tomatoes (which I disliked), Ham Yejin took out several documents to show me.
“Firstly, regarding your identity issue, we need your consent to proceed, so nothing has really changed. You still exist on paper as a man, and your current body has no legal identity.”
Hmmm.
“Normally… there aren’t many patients with sudden gender transformation syndrome, but all the patients we’ve had so far have received entirely new identities through the intelligence service’s program. Of course, while there aren’t any complete secrets, some information does leak; however, the National Intelligence Service has managed to prevent it from becoming a major issue. Initially, we planned to recommend this process to you too.”
“But?”
“Your case has encountered some problems, so that program may become difficult.”
“What kind of problem?”
“…Could you take a look at this?”
Ham Yejin pulled out a laptop from her bag and showed me an article.
‘Novelist ‘Seol-guk’ hospitalized due to the rare disease of sudden gender transformation syndrome during an interview.’
There was a picture of a strange girl lying down with white hair.
“…Huh?”
The article wasn’t the only one. There was also coverage about the mutual exposure that happened during my interview. However, there was no mention of sudden gender transformation syndrome.
A name immediately popped into my head: Jin Seo-hye. Did she write this article out of revenge against me? My blood boiled. I quickly checked the reporter’s name, expecting it to be Jin Seo-hye, but the names were completely different: Ahn Dong-soo and Kim Hak-koo.
“What the…?”
“I heard you were taken away during the interview. We are aware of the incident. However, Jin Seo-hye mentioned that she submitted her resignation that day, and as soon as we understood the situation, we contacted her to obtain a confidentiality oath.”
“What about this?”
“It seems another reporter who was present caught wind of the story. Jin Seo-hye likely thought of this as well. Even if she can’t write an article, causing such a stir guarantees that another reporter will write about it. One of those reporters seems to have chased you to the hospital and secretly entered your room to take photos. That’s how you became… quite the celebrity.”
I couldn’t believe it. Everyone in the world now knew about my situation?
Looking at the article, it had an overwhelming number of views and comments. My head went blank.
“If Seol-guk had changed to a more ordinary appearance, we could have provided protection, but your current appearance stands out in many ways, and given that you were originally a novelist, this article is likely to draw a lot of attention, which might make things quite… difficult.”
“…”
The half-eaten sandwich I had been holding fell. The remnants of the sandwich that hit the floor resembled my own fragmented state.
“Of course, there are ways to undergo plastic surgery or dye your hair, and moving abroad for a while is also possible. Protecting you is not too difficult. However, there are still reporters pretending to be patients sneaking in, so it’s best to make a decision quickly.”
“A decision?”
“Ultimately, you have two choices: either live under a completely different identity or reveal yourself as Seol-guk and live in the spotlight. Neither will be easy, but there are only two options.”
I… fell silent.
I didn’t know what choice to make.
I looked down and glanced at the article again. Neither side of the article contained anything but insults towards me. Some people were making lewd comments, while others mocked me with ridicule. Occasionally, there were a few neutral comments, but they were in the minority.
Why,
Why am I being subjected to this trial?
Caught in a whirlwind of conflicting emotions of rage and despair, I couldn’t figure out what to do.
Should I, like Ham Yejin from the National Intelligence Service suggested, disappear and completely erase my identity?
Then what would happen to everything I’ve built so far? My novels? And the orphanage?
Even if the situation at the orphanage had improved slightly, there were limits. If I withdrew my support, it was obvious that things would deteriorate again.
Is it right to flee alone in this situation?
“Just to let you know, regardless of which option you choose, you will receive some support. However, I’m afraid we won’t be able to cover the full hospital bills; only part of it will be paid.”
“Hospitals bills…?”
An issue I had almost forgotten came rushing back. Yes, since I was hospitalized, I naturally had to pay for the medical expenses. And this was a single room in a large hospital. I had already been here for over a week. Cold sweat trickled down my back. I had donated most of the money I saved, only keeping what I needed for myself.
“Could you tell me how much it might be?”
“Since it’s an uninsured condition… if we exclude government aid, it seems to be around this amount.”
And the sum Ham Yejin showed me was enormous. Paying for it with all the money I had saved would still fall short.
I felt dizzy.
It wasn’t just becoming a woman; a much larger reality awaited me.
“What will you do?”
Ham Yejin urged me for an answer.
“I…”
“Yes.”
“I…”
I pondered.
What should I do?