The Shadows Within

When I looked up at Finn, I couldn’t help but notice how he seemed to tower over me, eliciting a wary from me. Despite the intimidating air surrounding him, I couldn’t deny the undeniable beauty that exuded from him.

A dark angel… You aren’t pure, but if you don’t kill me, you’ll become the person who saved me from a miserable existence. Can I become your savior?

The demon didn’t physically touch me; instead, he gripped the sheets beside me, successfully pinning me under him. His expression was something I didn’t want to read into.

“What? Did I anger you?” I scoffed, refusing to meet with his gaze. “As you can see, I have that effect on people.”

“Quiet…” he trailed off, clasping onto my chin before guiding my sight to turn to him.

There, I saw his shimmering blue eyes mesmerizing me as a pulse of energy rushed through me, causing me to gasp. Everything I didn’t and had told him replayed in my mind as shadows surrounded us like the day I lost control.

Crap, when did they… Is that what triggered you?

I tried to say his name but couldn’t, as this sly demon had enchanted me.

“Oh, honey, you did more than roll down the stairs,” he whispered, alerting me that he was witnessing all my memories.

So many things in my story confused him, and I didn’t want to get into them.

A soft, broken giggle left me. “I did, didn’t I?”

I lost count of how often my head was dunked into the toilet. Every time they called me a rapist, throwing things at me, sometimes it was literal feces found on the floor or taken from the bathroom.

Kids are hellish creatures. Worse yet, all the adults ignored me as I walked home in a mess.

No one cared enough to stop me, even if I stank like I hadn’t showered for days.

I loved it when it rained. There’s nothing better than walking home on an empty street.

It was the only time my life was peaceful other than at work when I didn’t have to think about coming home, just the following order and the one after.

“You went through so much in your short life.” Finn sighed, closing his eyes and releasing a soft growl from his lips.

It broke the charm he had me on, but it changed nothing. His eyes opened wide when my hand found his cheek.

Why aren’t you killing me? You saw everything I am. So, you know I won’t let you have your way. So why keep me around?

There was only one answer, and that made me bite my lip.

Unless… You’re the first to ever…

“How can someone like you be a monster?” I mumbled, tracing my finger down his cheek.

The shadows were gone, yet his red aura remained visible. I knew he was angered by something, but it wasn’t directed at me. Not even when I denied him, he was…

“What?” Finn breathed.

Instinctively, I hugged him, feeling like I wanted one. He held me back in response, allowing me to fall onto him. His back was against the bed while I struggled to hold back the tears.

Why… No… don’t… come into my heart!

“So, are you going to kill me? I am too much, aren’t I? It’s probably better for you to find another saint than to deal with me.” My voice shook.

Who wants to piece together a broken girl who refuses to be with them?

At least this demon could kill me off after giving me a final hug.

You’ve given me more than a human ever has in this short time. That’s good enough.

“No, I’d rather have you than anyone else. It wasn’t a mistake when I picked you.” He announced quicker than my mind could handle.

What? Am I…

It caused me to lift off him to gaze at his blue-shimmer eyes. His arms were still around me.

“Even if I don’t become your wife?” I mumbled, feeling off.

Why waste your time on me? No one else wanted me. Why do you? Is it because I’m your weapon? Yes… that must be it. It’ll never be because of me.

“Even then, I won’t kill you. We’ve got more than a lifetime to figure this out.” He sighed, gazing towards the side.

I tilted my head.

More than a lifetime?

“Hm? What—” I couldn’t finish when he forced me down onto his chest.

It wasn’t rough, but it was enough to silence me.

“Don’t worry about it.” He mumbled, holding me in place.

I felt like a trapped plush.

Why… You’re his doom or freedom, of course. He’ll keep you close—stupid Sylvia.

“So… you really won’t kill me? Not even to get another saint?” I asked, feeling his warmth radiate into me.

There had to be a way to get another; there were two of us in this world, allowing him another choice.

“Nope. I don’t want your narcissistic sister. I would’ve ripped into her by now.” He answered without a second thought.

Ah… That’s probably true. She would’ve probably gotten under your skin. Or maybe she would’ve played along for you. You are her type, without the horns, I mean.

“But what if I make you super angry?” I mumbled.

A soft chuckle left his lips. “I don’t think there’s a bone in you that can make me rage enough to do that, Sylvia.”

I shook my head, remembering the first night there. Then again, we knew nothing about each other, yet he still put up with me. His intentions and mine were unknown, though the way my name rolled off his tongue was surprising.

I liked it with his voice. His tone had no disgust or hate, which I was so used to.

“Hm… right, little king.” I giggled, closing my eyes.

Finn, why are your eyes always full of pain? Who hurt you? Won’t you tell me one day?

“Oi—” he huffed, only to stop when I snuggled into his chest.

You don’t deserve that look in your eyes.

None of the people who I had met in this castle did. I never thought I would enjoy the warmth of another. Not that anyone back in my world wanted to hold me this way; even in college, everyone avoided me.

He was the first to hold me, and I liked it. There was a hint of roses on his clothes, even though the stagnant air was overpowering.

“Hey, Finn… does the pain ever stop?” I mumbled, feeling him trace his fingers down my brown locks.

Solas cuddled himself in one of the demon king’s wings, officially declaring the demon lord our bed.

“They say with time, everything heals, but it only dulls it out.” He whispered.

My eyes were getting heavier with each caress he gave me.

“I see. Did yours?” I struggled to keep my eyes open while he comforted me in ways I didn’t know were possible.

Hey… Has anyone done this for you?

“Heh… you don’t want to know.” He sighed.

“But I do,” I mumbled, closing my eyes.

His heartbeat was so soothing to hear, too. Perhaps I was playing into his hand, but I couldn’t help but want to reach out for this warmth.

This was all I ever wanted. For anyone to…

“It’s better if you don’t know,” Finn whispered, still caressing my hair, leaving everywhere he touched tingling.

“Hm…” I hummed.

Only in this world would a demon be my bed; perhaps that isn’t so bad.

While listening to Finn’s heartbeat, I drifted into a dream. One where Nyla almost burned down the kitchen again to make Gael angry.

I guess I’ve seen them arguing too many times.

The following day, I was curled up in a ball with Solas. Finn was nowhere to be seen, leaving me pondering if the prior day was a dream. However, some of his feathers were left behind on the bed surrounding me.

Picking up one, I couldn’t help but gaze at it.

Ah… you… are you… finally, the one to save me?

Tears stung my eyes as I shook my head, clutching the feather close to my chest.

Why did it take you so long?!

Unable to hold them back, they trailed down my cheeks, breaking into a sob. Holding the feather to my chest, I didn’t understand why I was still there.

Don’t you know I’ll probably ruin your life more? It’s all I ever do, but you know that now. I’ve seen everything!

His kindness and sweetness were wasted on someone like me, yet I couldn’t stop reaching for that hand.

Is that the same one I saw reaching for me when I was in free fall? No… It can’t be. Don’t be fooled!

When I fell with Evelyn back in my original world, I thought someone was reaching out to me.

Is this… No, don’t…

I couldn’t shake off the feeling that I was nothing more than a tool for him.

Yes, this benefits you. You’re just trying to make me feel better for your needs. It isn’t because you care; it’s because you need me.

A tool that he would care for until he didn’t have to. The moment he had no use for me, he would throw me away just like everyone else. Yet the tears wouldn’t stop flowing out of me. I didn’t know why I sought affection after everything.

It wasn’t for me to have. I knew that, yet…

I wish for it.

My sobbing woke Solas up, who whimpered, pawing at me.

“Am sorry, did I wake you up?” I whipped my eyes.

Placing Finn’s feather in the book I took from Rizak’s library, I took Solas into my arms. The demon king had given me a wonderful gift in this pup. There was no more I could ask for.

Even if it’s a lie for me, everyone here loves you, and that isn’t a lie. I wish… I can find a home here. But I know… You’ll all come to hate me sooner than later.

The couple that took me in did so because it was cheap labor, not because they cared. Yet I didn’t mind because it was somewhere I could be away from home.

I can’t forget, this is all temporary. When it’s time for him to move on, Sylvia, you’ll be left behind. Remember, no one sticks around for long.

Starting my day, I met Nyla, who was waiting outside my room.

“Did you have a pleasant sleep?” She beamed, fixing her tiny dress.

The halls appeared cleaner than on other days, too.

Did they spend the entire night cleaning? Don’t they sleep?

“You could say I did.” I smiled, remembering the dream about the little goblin and the troublesome incubus.

My eyes aren’t puffy, right?

“Oh, yes, yes! That’s good then!” she continued with her positivity.

With Solas in my bag, I followed her on our merry way. Much like I expected, Gael once again made her hit him multiple times when he tried to make a move on me. Though I knew he wasn’t serious.

There wasn’t an ounce in him that said he was, yet Nyla didn’t appreciate him trying to steal the king’s fiancée.

If I can be one.

Even if we were attracted to one another, I didn’t want him that way. We barely knew each other. This admiration that was forming for the demon was far from love or anything that could be based on marriage.

After watching the argument, I ate a warm meal before leaving the dining room. There, I met Rizak, who quickly took me into the library for more wordy explanations. This time, I was more open to them.

Sadly, they were still hard for me to decipher completely. We quickly moved on to potions, which were easy enough for a child to do, but Finn came into the library looking for me before I could get too deep into that.

It was time for my dose. The moment my gaze met him, the same aura from before was present. I didn’t know what he was doing before arriving, but it had left its mark on him. Rizak left the room, giving us room for ourselves.

Walking towards where I was, Finn quickly noticed I was using his feather as a bookmark. His eyes widened before a soft smile rose on his lips. However, his eyes were still soulless, turning my mind into a storm that kept going in circles.

What type of king are you? Why did this happen to you out of everyone?