The Reincarnated Villain Can Break the Fourth Wall!

[Gently?]

Surprisinlgy enough, the Qilin snorted, and this voice echoed across thier minds even though the mouth didn't move.

The voice boomed through their minds, not their ears, a divine telepathic whisper that somehow slapped harder than a thousand Jade Palm techniques.

The Qilin's mouth didn't move, but her thoughts erupted across the soulscape like a disappointed mother catching her son dual-cultivating with a housemaid in the sect library.

"I-It can talk?" Huo Lingxue stammered.

The Qilin turned her massive head slightly, like an empress inspecting bugs at a tea party.

[Speak again, mortal girl, and I will char your organs into incense.]

"…oh."

Huo Lingxue quietly chose silence over cremation.

Su Xiaobai, however…

"…Gently. Yes." He smiled nervously, sweat dripping like spiritual regret. "As in, 'gently parent with discipline, honor, and minimal third-degree burns.' You know, the classical way."

The Qilin's nostrils flared, fire pulsing with every breath like twin volcanoes fueled by disappointment.

[You were about to strike my child.]

"I mean, 'strike' is such a violent word," he began, gesturing with the confidence of a man who'd sweet-talked more sword spirits than women. "Let's call it a… firm paternal boop."

[Boop?]

But before Su Xiaobai could further explain himself or get turned into divine barbecue—

"Piiiiii~!"

The little Qilin cub bounded forward, hopped up on Su Xiaobai's shoulder, and nuzzled him affectionately, releasing sparkles of sacred light like a divine toddler playing fetch with karma.

"…?"

The giant Qilin blinked.

Then squinted.

Then lowered her head, massive horns nearly brushing the ground.

[My child, what are you doing?]

"Pi~!" the cub chirped happily, rubbing its cheek against Su Xiaobai's hair like he was the world's most confused stepfather.

[He raised a hand against you.]

"Pi." The cub wagged its little tail.

[He called you a rat-horse.]

"Piiii~!"

[He was about to yeet you across the room.]

"Pipi~!"

[…And you call him… father?]

"…Wait, WHAT?" Su Xiaobai froze.

The little cub nodded proudly on his shoulder.

"Pi~!"

It might as well have said:

This is my dad now. Kneel, world.

"…"

Su Xiaobai's face darkened two shades, the color draining faster than a cultivator facing dual cultivation tax collectors.

The giant Qilin Matriarch's majestic gaze shifted.

Once ferocious and flame-filled, now…

Embarrassed.

Her golden eyes, massive like divine mirrors, stared right into Su Xiaobai's soul, awkward and twitching, as if she had just been spiritually proposed to… by proxy.

There was a sacred silence.

Then a divine thought rippled across the chamber like lightning made of judgment.

[You. Dare. Breed. Into my bloodline?]

Su Xiaobai flinched, the words weren't said, they were etched, into his cerebellum by sheer fury.

He didn't even respond.

Didn't pray.

Didn't try diplomacy.

Because one look into the Qilin MILF's twitching eye told him everything.

She had made a decision.

This man must die before he climbs the sacred mountain of my inner temple.

"…"

There was no time.

Not for goodbye.

Not for sarcasm.

Not even for Xiao Hei's traditional mid-situation insult.

Just survival.

Su Xiaobai grabbed the cub, one arm, tucked Huo Lingxue under the other like a prized melon, and then spun around and ran like his yang root was on fire.

"Nope. Not today. I haven't even maxed my rebirth technique yet!"

His legs became afterimages.

He stepped on air like a madman dodging fate, leaping off molten rocks, slipping past lava cracks, occasionally yelling things like.

"WHO PUT A BLOODLINE TRIAL IN THIS CHAPTER?!"

Behind him, the Qilin mother roared, her voice shaking the very chamber.

[COWARD! RETURN MY HONOR! AND MY CHILD!]

Thud!

Thud!

THUD!

Her footsteps rumbled through the underground like a divine execution countdown.

The Qilin Matriarch, that absurdly majestic beast-mix of phoenix poise and dragon mass murder, thundered forward, her limbs too royal for this kind of cardio.

Her walk?

An awkward divine waddle of wrath and royalty.

Her target?

A mortal man with too many lives and exactly zero shame in survival.

Su Xiaobai ran faster, face twisted in panicked brilliance.

Then, mid-sprint, he shoved Huo Lingxue back into his ring, like returning a spirit weapon you couldn't afford the upkeep for.

"Go back to inventory!" he yelled.

"Me?!"

No time for regret.

Because behind him, the Qilin cub bounced on his shoulder, his only shield, hostage, and emotional support plushie. The one thing stopping him from being turned into yakitori(grilled chicken).

If not for the cub, the divine beast would've roasted him with heavenly fire flavored in parental vengeance.

Surprisingly, the Qilin Matriarch still ignored Xiao Hei entirely, who stood in the background, blinking, confused, like someone watching their ex get chased by their rebound's mom.

"…Did I miss something?" she muttered, already done.

"FOUND IT!!" Su Xiaobai cried, eyes sparkling.

There it was... a hole.

Small. Glorious. Narrow enough to prevent giagantic beasts from entrance.

A cultivator's dream exit.

WHOOSH!

Su Xiaobai dove, muscles clenched, heart pounding, like a third son getting evicted from the sect dormitories for unpaid spirit rent.

"HAHAA!! YOU'RE BIG! I'M SLIPPERY!" he screamed as he tucked the cub under his arm and yeeted himself feet-first into the tight crevice like a sword returning to its scabbard mid-explosion.

BOOM!

He slid in just as the Qilin Matriarch slammed to a halt, her majestic snout hitting the narrow hole like a celestial battering ram.

But alas.

Too. Damn. Thick.

Divine proportions: not made for tight passageways.

She roared.

A roar filled with betrayal, confusion, and "I swear on the Ancestors, I will disembowel your bloodline!"

FIRE hissed from her nostrils like Heavenly hotpot steam, but the ancient entrance glew with sealing runes, locking the passage like a virgin talisman belt forged by the ancestors to protect horny fools from themselves.

Inside, Su Xiaobai rolled, popped upright, and dusted off his sleeves like he hadn't just been spiritually violated by pursuit.

"Haah… safe."

"Pi~!" the cub chirped happily.

Su Xiaobai turned toward the sealed entrance, smirked, and, because of course he did, flipped it off.

"No more death today, thank you!"

But then… something felt wrong.

She wasn't breaking in.

She wasn't even trying.

"...Huh? Your mother gave up?" Su Xiaobai asked aloud, frowning.

The cub blinked innocently.

Su Xiaobai blinked back.

Wait.

Why did the cub look… smaller?

"Oi. You can shrink?"

The cub tilted its head.

Realization smacked Su Xiaobai in the balls.

"Then—she can too?!"

He spun around just in time to see—

Not the Qilin.

But a hallway of nightmares.

A vast chamber of wooden bridges, hanging, suspended across an ocean of lava, splitting into thousands of paths. Each bridge was old, rickety, and absolutely designed by an architect with a foot fetish and no safety permit.

But that wasn't what stopped him.

No.

What stopped him was the statue.

At the center.

Massive.

Pure white.

Carved from virgin jade.

A woman, divine and serene, body tilted just enough to be accidentally provocative. Her robes covered her stone hips like heat was sculpted for arousal.

And the ass.

Polished.

Perked.

A marble masterpiece that made Su Xiaobai consider taking a vow of celibacy just to betray it later.

He squinted.

He'd seen this statue before.

In a dream.

In a nightmare.

In a forbidden scripture's footnote titled "DO NOT TOUCH THE SACRED BUNS."

[Don't even think about it.]

The voice slapped his brain.

Su Xiaobai flinched, looking around.

"…What?"

[You know what.]

"I swear I don't—!"

[I know everything.]

"…Everything?"

[What you did to her.]

"WHO?!"

Su Xiaobai was honestly confused. He hadn't even flirted with a statue this month.

But damn, why do they carve these things so thicc?!

That statue's rear was practically levitating from perfection.

Just as he was about to compliment the craftsmanship, a wisp of flame floated toward him.

Holy.

Judgmental.

Punishment-flavored.

Su Xiaobai narrowed his eyes, raised his hand, and summoned, Infernal Flames.

His signature move, a heretical fire forged in sin and inferno.

But then, they rebelled.

Swish!

The flames turned around, hovered, and refused to attack.

"…?"

Su Xiaobai's face darkened, two shades.

"…My flames… just refused to hit that ass."

He stood there.

Questioning his life.

Questioning his karmic debt.

Questioning whether the statue just cast 'Thighs of No Harm Lv.999.'