The Reincarnated Villain Can Break the Fourth Wall!

"X-Xiaobai!"

After roughly thirty breaths spent stumbling through a dungeon darker than a virgin's dreams, Huo Lingxue, her delicate hand trembling like a phoenix feather in heat, raised it as if to ask for mercy.

Su Xiaobai tilted his head, looked at her like she'd just farted in a meditation hall.

"It's Master, you forgotten tail-chasing sow. What kind of spirit beast forgets who holds the leash?"

His voice echoed with holy arrogance, the kind only found in rogue cultivators who've survived too many lustful beasts.

But Huo Lingxue didn't argue. Her eyes were wide.

Not because of his words.

But because a shadow had descended over them, blood-red, death-flavored, and shaped like a pissed-off demoness.

CRACK.

The ground beneath them gave a warning groan. As if even the dungeon itself feared what stood behind Su Xiaobai.

"..."

He blinked.

'Wait a fuckin' spirit-damned second…'

He knew that pressure.

That killing intent that smelled like roasted soul marrow and regret.

Xiao Hei.

She had left the ring world.

Again.

And he'd forgotten she could do that when she was angry enough to astral kick his nuts.

"B-Behind you—ah!" Huo Lingxue tried to warn, but it was like handing an umbrella to someone mid-lightning strike.

CRUMBLE.

The floor collapsed like a brothel's moral compass.

"DIIIE~!"

Xiao Hei shrieked with a smile, her eyes shone like demon moons dipped in revenge-lube.

Su Xiaobai fell. Screaming? No.

Smiling.

Because just before gravity claimed his soul, he reached up and grabbed Xiao Hei by the legs like a man clutching the last meat bun in a famine.

She glared down, deadly and divine.

He winked. "C'mon, Xiao Hei. Family that brawls together, falls together."

"You vile scum!" she hissed.

"Appreciated."

She growled and shook him off, dark mist coalescing behind her back, two demonic wings, claw-shaped and majestic.

"…Tch. Now she's got wings?" Su Xiaobai muttered. "Does betrayal come with accessories now?"

Huo Lingxue and Su Xiaobai plummeted together like two rejected sect disciples thrown off a cliff of destiny.

And then, gravity broke.

No warning.

No physics.

Just whoosh, the air turned syrup-thick, time warped, and suddenly…

They fell again.

Harder.

Below, a vortex of flames awaited them, divine, howling, and shaped like a phoenix's ass during mating season.

"Shit," Su Xiaobai muttered, and promptly sat cross-legged mid-air, like a monk trying to delay death through passive aggression.

"Are we getting barbecued… or baptized?"

"WE'RE GONNA DIE!!" Huo Lingxue shrieked, her arms wrapped around his waist tighter than a forbidden disciple clinging to their last cheat pill.

She was laughing and crying simultaneously. Her spirit energy spasmed like a virgin girl at a dual cultivation seminar.

Xiao Hei flew just above them, arms crossed like an immortal judge of degeneracy.

She sniffed.

"Good. Let the flames purify your filthy mortal shells. Maybe that disgusting seed of yours will finally burn off."

Su Xiaobai's eyes twitched.

"You'll miss this seed when your nights are cold and your dantian empty!"

"Die in a fire."

"Preferably while inside you."

"Vile–!"

WHOOSH!

Mid-argument, he lunged, grabbing Xiao Hei mid-air like a falling pervert catching his crush mid-kink reveal. Their faces collided, her eyes widened in panic, body shifting awkwardly under his hold.

"L-LET GO—!"

"No," he said with a strange calm. "You've got answers. I've got questions. We've got gravity."

His lips brushed hers, once, then violated them with tongue-born spiritual intrusion.

Xiao Hei's soul left her, her face turned ten shades of heavenly red, from Peach Blossom Fluster to Demonic Cherry Fury.

But before anyone could recover—

BANG!

Heaven got annoyed.

The ground welcomed them like a pissed-off earth spirit, smashing all three into the burning stone floor like mortal pancakes on divine griddle.

Pain.

Groans.

Regret.

Even the dungeon moaned.

"Ugh… my spine…" Huo Lingxue gasped.

"…I think I kissed a divine volcano," Su Xiaobai said, wiping blood and saliva from his lip.

Xiao Hei was silent.

Not because she was unconscious.

But because she was calculating the most painful way to murder a man with his own yang root.

"Oh… blood on your lips." Su Xiaobai crouched down and rubbed his finger slowly across Xiao Hei's mouth, smearing crimson like a pervert painting his last meal. "So you were affected. Cute."

Xiao Hei's eyes twitched, murder, embarrassment, and spinal trauma all shimmering inside like a demonic stew.

"Get. Off. Me."

She growled like a cursed empress held down by fate and face.

Turns out, during the landing, Su Xiaobai had crash-mounted her like she was a divine mattress from the Celestial IKEA.

With a casual grunt, he stood up, completely unbothered, then extended a hand to help her rise.

Xiao Hei stared at it.

Then stared at him.

Then took it anyway.

Because even hate needs support sometimes.

As she stood, she kept her eyes on his smug face.

That soul-punchable smile.

Why was he smiling right now?

Did he think she couldn't kill him?

He should fear her.

After all, she was a living calamity sealed by ancient sects, a walking apocalypse, a former general of the War, and currently absolutely done with him.

But Su Xiaobai?

He looked at her the same way someone looks at a spicy cat.

Adorable when mad.

For context:

She had only just reached his shoulders recently.

Before that?

She barely stood high enough to bite his waist, and not in the fun way.

If Xiao Hei ever realized that in Su Xiaobai's eyes she was still classified as "grumpy child with nap problems," she'd burn Heaven and Earth just to slap the smug off his soul.

Unfortunately, no murder was allowed today.

Because fate, that unholy drama queen, had another interruption ready.

SSSSHHHHHHHH!

The floor beneath them steamed.

The molten lava surrounding them boiled like a cauldron trying to cook plot advancement.

They looked up, seeing the hole they'd fallen through, a jagged ceiling now far above them, and all around was an ancient underground chamber, vast and domed like a fire god's womb, the floor made entirely of magma-lit stone.

"Chi~"

A soft cry.

Something brushed Huo Lingxue's leg.

"WHAT—!"

She jolted, nearly slapping it on reflex, only to see, the little Qilin cub, rubbing against her like a dog that wanted milk, petting, or maybe just the smell of thighs.

"You little betrayal turd," Su Xiaobai hissed. "Come here, you leg-humping rat-horse!"

He stomped forward, arm raised, vengeance in his soul, until the world darkened.**

"Humph!"

A massive shadow fell over all of them, stretching like judgment from the sky.

Su Xiaobai froze.

His hand halfway to slapping a divine cub.

"…It's behind me, isn't it?"

He didn't turn.

Didn't blink.

Just stood there like a disciple who farted during sect prayer.

Huo Lingxue, bless her poor soul, smiled weakly. "Nn."

Su Xiaobai turned.

And felt his future evaporate.

Standing ten meters tall and stretching four across, was an adult Qilin.

Not a cub.

A beast matriarch.

Every inch of her radiated majesty and threat.

Her dark emerald scales shimmered like jade dipped in sunlight, woven with golden runes that pulsed with old-world power. Her horns curled backward like a crown forged by lightning, and her dragon-like dark claws dug into the molten stone with casual menace.

She was glorious.

She was holy.

She was about to roast Su Xiaobai's ass with divine flame.

Her eyes were the size of shields, fierce and maternal, filled with one clear question:

"Did you just try to beat my son?"

She exhaled through her nose, and the breath was FIRE.

A divine aura, as Human Immortal realm, exploded outward, dense, rich, heavy like guilt after eating your master's forbidden pills.

Everyone stopped moving.

Even the fire spirits in the lava hissed in submission.

Su Xiaobai blinked.

"Okay, okay… I know how this looks."

"…" The Divine Qilin leaned forward, eyes narrowing, does he?

"But I swear, I was only going to… gently discipline… your cub."

[Gently?]