The Northern Grand Duke’s Hamster

‘You bastard.’

A heartless jerk. A ruthless bastard. A sly, shameless…! I thrashed around in the sawdust, roaring in frustration.

—Squeak! (Give me back my wheel, you bastard!)

I hadn’t even run half of what I needed!

How could he pretend to be indifferent, acting like he didn’t give a damn about a hamster, only to pull something like this behind my back? If I had known, I would have at least faked using it moderately!

Then again, I was the fool for believing that a hopeless hamster otaku like him could ignore me for even a minute. It turned out that above a running hamster, there was a Northern Grand Duke watching over it.

To make matters worse, Kyle had taken the wheel with him and left for an inspection around the territory the next day. It was enough to drive me insane. There were no miracles to be had in this damn hamster cage, and I couldn’t even complete any quests.

‘That damn miracle…’

I let out deep sighs as I attempted to climb the slide backward, only to slip down halfway every single time.

Forget living a good life in my original world—I just wanted to live like a normal human being until the day I died. A literal human, in every sense of the word!

Regardless of my will, time passed.

All I did was eat and laze around. Sliding down the playset, eating walnuts, napping, munching on peanuts, flipping around in my hideout, snacking on sunflower seeds, swinging on the tiny hammock, cracking open pistachios…

Wasn’t this supposed to be a cold region? Were nuts a local specialty or something? This place was a paradise for nut lovers. Even cracking them open was a chore, so I started stuffing a bunch in my cheeks and eating them little by little whenever I felt like it…

‘…Wait. What the hell am I thinking?’

Was my mindset actually starting to change into that of a hamster?

I was beginning to feel terrified at how naturally I was adapting. I was a human being. A person with intelligence!

“Cashew.”

Kyle returned long after the sun had set.

I wasn’t sure exactly how late it was. There was no visible clock here, and winter in Blake’s territory meant that nighttime covered more than half of the day.

He checked on me after returning to his study, but I ignored him completely. I wasn’t in the mood.

‘What’s there to admire?’

I curled myself into the connecting tunnel between the first and second floors, refusing to even glance at him. He loitered around my cage for quite a while before finally heading back to his bedroom.

He seemed visibly disappointed, but…

Well, if he brought back my wheel, I might at least give him a nod.

***

The next morning, still stuck in that transparent tunnel, I awoke to the Northern Grand Duke’s characteristically impatient greeting. He had come to the study before the sun had even risen.

“I’ll be back.”

He leaned in close, his voice gentle as he spoke.

“Starting today, I’ll need to adjust your diet a bit. It looks like that tunnel is getting too tight for you.”

‘Wait, what the hell is he talking about?’

Startled, I crawled out of my hideout.

But before I could do anything, Kyle was already flipping my food dish over. The bowl, once overflowing with all sorts of nuts, was now… now… completely empty except for three measly almonds.

“We wouldn’t want your joints to suffer. I’ve left you a little, so you should be fine until nightfall. I’ll likely be late again today because of the festival preparations.”

—…

“…Too little, perhaps?”

Before I could protest, one of his knights, who had been standing by his side, spoke up.

“No, Your Highness. According to the beast scholar, this individual hasn’t reached its growth phase yet. This amount should be sufficient.”

What the hell? Diet control? Are you blind or something?

As if it weren’t bad enough that I had to eat nuts every morning and night, now he was limiting even that?

The last time I had to endure a pre-planned diet was back in school lunch days. I glared up at Kyle with utter disbelief before kicking my food dish with all my might.

This life was disgusting and unfair. I couldn’t even eat what I wanted.

I wanted fried chicken and beer. Salmon with capers. Spicy chicken feet. Tteokbokki with glass noodles. Bread bowls stuffed with creamy pasta… Greasy, spicy, and unhealthy—things only Koreans could truly appreciate!

“A bit of exercise would be good as well.”

“Yes, Your Highness. Excessive exertion isn’t ideal, but it’s certainly better than gaining weight.”

“Hmm.”

Kyle nodded gravely, his expression serious. Then, he placed a hamster wheel back into my cage.

‘Yes! That’s it!’

My blue eyes sparkled as I looked up at him. For once, he actually seemed like an angel.

Take your sweet time preparing for that damn festival, Your Highness. All I need is exactly eight hundred laps, and I’ll be done with this miserable hamster life.

I had to stay calm. If I jumped on the wheel the moment he set it down, he might take it away again. I forced myself to act indifferent, pretending not to care about the wheel that had finally returned to me. I even turned my head away dramatically.

Kyle, however, looked at me as if he were dying from how adorable he found me.

That gaze… He had just kissed me a hundred times over with his eyes alone. At least he had the decency to restrain himself when other people were around. He was learning.

“You must really like magical beasts, Your Highness.”

As they left, I caught snippets of their conversation.

“It’s a magical beast known as the Northern Field Rat. Its magic stone develops a bit late, and its physical prowess is weak, but… it’s capable of social behavior and, above all, it’s highly intelligent.”

“Doesn’t matter. When they’re young, they’re all the same. Looks exactly like a hamster. No matter how you look at it, it’s just a golden…”

One of the knights glanced back at me and subtly pointed his finger.

“A rat.”

“A rat?”

Kyle’s voice turned ice-cold as he smacked the knight’s hand.

“Are you cross-eyed?”

“…Y-Your Highness.”

“Enough. While I finish reviewing the festival plans, bring me a small needle and thread.”

“What do you need that for?”

“You don’t need to know. It’s for something important, so make sure it’s of the highest quality.”

“…Yes, sir.”

Kyle cleared his throat with a curt kuhum and strode out of the study.

“This winter has been especially cold…”

‘This bastard. No way.’

He wasn’t planning to knit me clothes, was he? Don’t do weirdly domestic shit, Grand Duke. If you don’t want to see a fragile little hamster topple over from embarrassment, just drop it.

The mere thought made my fur stand on end. I rubbed my limbs together in a futile attempt to shake off the creeping horror.

Don’t think about it. Just don’t.

I quickly hopped onto the wheel. Nothing was better at clearing my mind than running. Now that I had the technique down, I could finish my eight hundred laps in no time.

Taking a deep breath, I began to move my legs.

Clatter.

The massive Ferris wheel of doom began to turn.

Alright. Time to go with the flow and let my mind drift. Something peaceful, something pleasant. Pizza, bubbling hot bulgogi stew, soondae gukbap… I could practically taste them, and the thought fueled me to push harder.

[0217/1000]
…
[0322/1000]
…
[0445/1000]

The numbers climbed steadily.

I was confident—there wasn’t another hamster out there that could run a wheel as well as I could. The more I did it, the more satisfying it felt. Watching the count rise almost made it seem like I was racking up reward points.

With an odd sense of exhilaration, I watched the counter tick past 600, then 700. See? I told you it’d be quick.

Just as I was about to hop off for a snack, Kyle and the knight’s earlier conversation came back to me.

‘What? Diet control? My body’s getting stuck in the tunnel?’

Not a chance. I’d slim down so much that they’d regret ever suggesting it.

Fueled by a strange determination, I ignored my hunger and ran like a hamster possessed. I ran so hard that I started to worry I might actually shake a screw loose.

So when I first heard the creaking sound, I thought my wheel had finally given out.

Wait. That sound… was it really my wheel?

“The Grand Duke is hiding a woman in the castle?”

“Hah, he’s obsessed with her. Can’t go a day without her.”

…A woman?

“You idiots. Who hides a woman in a study? He’d keep her in the bedroom.”

“…That makes sense. Let’s search here first, then head to his chambers.”

“Yeah. If we’re lucky, we might even get our hands on some military secrets.”

I stopped running, peering down at the intruders crawling—literally crawling—through the door.

Three men, dressed in pitch-black masks, belly-crawled up to the desk.

There was no mistaking it. These guys weren’t invited guests.

“If it’s a woman, we either capture or eliminate her.”

“Yeah. Would be easy if she’s just a civilian.”

“That’s why he’s hiding her so well, isn’t it?”

The masked men—thieves, undoubtedly—chattered among themselves as they rifled through the drawers. The top drawer? Documents. The second drawer? More documents. The third? Even more papers.

And in the final drawer—

“What the hell is all this?”

One of the men lifted a heavy pouch. I sat by my food bowl, cracking open an almond as I watched.

“…Macadamia nuts?”

‘So that’s where they were.’

For reference, there was also a stash in the small drawer by the door.

Crack. Crunch.

As the thieves stood there in stunned silence, the only sound in the study was me munching on my almonds.

It was only then, as their dazed eyes landed on me, that two of them finally took notice of my presence.

“What’s this thing?”

“Looks like a rat?”

“It’s a weird one. Its fur is golden.”

“…A magical beast?”

“Well, I guess that makes sense for the Northern Grand Duke…”

No, I’m just a hamster.

I held the last almond in my tiny paws and nibbled on it with determination, putting on a solid mukbang performance. Hey, while you’re at it, why not hand over those macadamia nuts too? Three measly almonds barely count as a snack.

“…Think these are expensive?”

One of the thieves gulped audibly as he stared at me eating. After exchanging glances, they began fiddling with my cage.

‘Seriously, no planning at all.’

First, they were looking for a woman. Then, they were after classified documents. And now? Hamster kidnapping.

Not a shred of consistency. How did these clueless fools even decide to become thieves? The fact that they hadn’t been caught on their way in was a miracle in itself.

I let out a deep sigh, not even bothering to look at the hands descending from above.

Alright, come on out. It’s the perfect dramatic timing.

And then—

“What the—?!”

Crash! The sharp sound of shattering glass rang through the air.

The three thieves—no, dimwits—jerked their heads toward the window like startled meerkats.

“How dare you lay a hand on what’s mine?”

A voice, razor-sharp and cold as the highest winds of the North, fell upon the room like frost.

The dimwits were already trembling as if they had been killed three times over just from the sheer weight of that voice.

Oh… so this is what they call karma. In other words, serves you right.

[HOW DARE YOU TRY TO KIDNAP MY SWEET SUGAR HAMSTER! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ]

I never said that. But why do you sound so excited?

“I won’t let you leave alive.”

Wait, execution just for touching a hamster?!

Kyle unsheathed his sword from his waist.

…Yeah, he really wasn’t planning on letting them live.