The Misadventures of a Terrestrial Anomaly

“I don’t understand why we are doing this,” Charlie loosed another arrow that pathetically smacked against a target without sticking.

“We are waiting to hear back from Ocean on what exactly you are,” Puddles rolled her eyes, “Because my identification spell doesn’t work well, Davon isn’t a mage in any sorts to have one, and you either don’t know or won’t tell. You could still be dangerous to the Leonie around here.”

“Do you want me to list off my options again?” She grumbled, “I don’t see why we’re doing this. We could just relax somewhere!”

“She wanted to see if anything else would pop up,” Davon walked over and grabbed the heap of dented, bent, or broken arrows on the floor.

“Plus, this area was forged by Ocean and protected by Lake for many years,” The icy girl stared at her, “I can connect with them much quicker if I force a strand of water out where they’ve been before.”

Another arrow bounced from the wall near the target and Charlie groaned in frustration. The dungeon that the pride protected was little more than an underground cave with a creek that carved down the center. It couldn’t have been much bigger than the village above them. In fact, it surprised Charlie when they only had to walk down four flights of stairs. The only downside was the darkness only illuminated by their carried lanterns or the torches on the wall.

“Could you go a little easier on my arrows? They aren’t unlimited,” Davon grumbled and tried to straighten one.

“Can we try a different weapon? My arms are tired from this.”

You have gained one level of exhaustion.

Stamina, mana, and health regeneration is reduced for ERRROR hours.

“Shit,” She tossed him the bow, “Time for another break.”

“Another one?” Puddles scoffed, “You just got through with the last.”

“Well apparently, I’ve—” She mocked the robotic voice in her mind, “—gained one level of exhaustion.”

“We’ve only been down here for three hours!” He laughed uproariously, “How does anyone do anything where you’re from? Everyone must be lazy.”

“Or, intelligent,” She narrowed her eyes, “Most people I know use a gun to hunt. It’s common for wars. Hell, they’ve got drones now you can play like a video game.”

Charlie slapped her hand against her forehead as she realized something.

“This is just like that one game… God, I remember Roman playing it for months. Sky-something or other.”

“A few questions,” Davon raised a hand, “Gun?”

“That,” She pointed at the bow, “But shoots things automatically and a lot faster. Uses bullets – uh, tiny metal arrowheads.”

“I would be interested to try,” He shrugged, “Do you know how to make one?”

“No,” She laughed, “Next question.”

“This… video game?” He raised an eyebrow, “I understand games… What is a video?”

“Oh, yikes. So, like a television –” She hesitated when she saw his head tilt to the side in confusion, “Let me take it ten steps back… You have paintings, right?”

“Yes.”

“Well, we have some things that capture paintings, realistic paintings, in an instant. You can share that with anyone. Those are called pictures.”

“That sounds useful,” Puddles commented, “I want a picture.”

“Well, a video is a bunch of pictures moving together to make a memory of whatever is filmed. It also plays sound,” Charlie paused, “A video game is a video made up by someone that you can control and move to follow a story.”

“They can just make up story’s pictures like that?”

“I’m not entirely sure how, but yes. Some people spend hours playing very realistic ones. Or other play some that are relaxing,” She shrugged.

“Fascinating,” The water goddess placed a hand on her shoulder.

You are under the effect of Healing Hands.

Healing Hands: The spell caster sacrifices mana and stamina to boost your regeneration.

You are no longer exhausted.

“And you say magic doesn’t exist where you’re from,” Puddles chuckled.

“I mean, you just healed me with a touch. All that video game stuff is done by people with computers.”

“Computers?” Davon asked.

“I don’t even know how to explain it besides a fancy box that connects people by sending messages,” Charlie estimated a size with her hands, “I know people know how to make them, but it’s basically magic to me.”

Puddles scrunched her nose and shook her head, “So, bow is a no. You’re so bad at archery, pitiful with a sword, and are overall physically weak. Are you a spell caster?”

“How would I even do that?”

She simply held up a hand and cast, “Identify.”

Charlie felt a sickly chill wash over her. The watery girls face fell as a myriad of information flooded her mind. She shook her head and got closer to her. The same feeling washed over her and made her skin crawl.

“I have never seen so many errors!”

“I already told you that’s what I saw,” She sighed, “How’d you do that?”

“Hold your hand up and announce your intent,” She grabbed her arm and lifted it up, “Say whatever feels natural.”

Charlie closed her eyes and waited for anything to tell her if she was doing something wrong.

“Identify.”

You have unlocked a new spell: Identification. Identification spell incomplete at current level.

Current level identification offers the following information:

Name: Puddles

Race: Descendant of Ocean, Lesser water goddess

Class: Elemental

Subclass: Sorceress

Level: ERROR

Racial Abilities: Water manipulation, ERROR

“Neat!” She blinked, “You have some errors too.”

“Only gods have errors in their identification. And only ever one or two,” Puddles narrowed her eyes, “I have never met someone that is mostly errors.”

Davon watched the goddess try to explain the concept to Charlie. The woman just nodded along awkwardly. The more Puddles spoke, the more he understood the woman was not paying any attention.

“So… what you’re saying is… I’m a god?”

“Absolutely not,” She laughed, “You are not. I can feel a level discrepancy between us. If I used enough physical damage, you could die. I just don’t know how much.”

“But you punched me, and I didn’t die,” She grinned mischievously.

“Because I had questions,” Puddle scoffed, “That, and I’m an elemental. I deal more mana-based damage, which apparently, you were immune to.”

“That’s wild,” Davon laughed, “Should we try to get her to cast spells, then? My mother might be a better tutor in magic.”

“The problem is we won’t know what type of magic she has. Identify is a basic, common spell that every spell caster has,” Puddles pointed to him, “Identify him.”

Charlie held a hand towards him, “Identify.”

Identification spell incomplete at current level.

Current level identification of Davonathan:

Name: Davonathan or Davon

Race: Leonie

Class: Hunter

Subclass: Archer

Level: 47

Racial Ability: Primal Hunter

Charlie read the information on the screen and relayed the information as it came in.

“You can tell what level I am?” He blinked, “I thought only attunement wizards could do that.”

“Gods can as well.”

“Feels more and more like I’m supposed to be a god,” She’s singsongy tone annoyed the deity, “What other spell could I try?”

“Let’s stick to the basics for now,” Puddles cradled her chin in her hand as she thought, “I’m going to contact Ocean for more guidance.”

“How fast would that—”

“Done.”

Charlie blinked, “How did that work?”

“I can use the water vapors in the air to echo a message until it reaches her. It will take a while for them to get the message, but she’ll get it through the water,” She pointed to the slow-moving stream next to them, “All water elementals can communicate this way. It's how Ocean knows what’s happening on land.”

“And Ocean is… like your mom?”

The water girl sneered, “I would never demean her like that. She created all other water gods. Other water gods created elementals.”

“If you’re a water elemental, but a god, how did that…?”

“I don’t want to talk about it!” She stomped her foot and a squelchy splat echoed in the cave.

“No problem,” Charlie scratched her head, “What else can we do while we wait?”

“Look around? It’s been a few weeks since anyone went in here. There’re probably some critters running about that need to be relocated,” Davon shrugged, “Might as well walk around.”

“Good,” Puddles huffed and crossed her arms, “Leave me alone while I wait for Ocean to respond.”

He grabbed the bow from the ground and hoisted it over his shoulder. Most of the arrows fit in his quiver again, but some he just snapped and discarded completely. Puddles stood in place as they strolled on. Charlie followed him like a shadow as they walked along the steady stream. She picked up a stone every once in a while, and skipped it across the water. The greyish brown dirt was only visible from Davon’s torch light. He stopped to light more wall torches as they passed them so they could find their way back. Both moved quietly without much chatter until the lion awkwardly cleared his throat.

“So… what’s a Roman?”

She tried not to flinch, “What?”

“You mentioned it playing video games. What’s a Roman?”

“Roman is—was a person,” She habitually looked to her left hand.

“Is this the not-husband?”

“Yes.”

Davon watched her reaction. Charlie’s head lowered and she crossed her arms as if she was cold. She refused to meet his gaze as he tried to pry into the topic. By the way she reacted, he couldn’t tell how their marriage contract ended, only that it likely did not go well for her.

He nodded, “I won’t ask about him if you don’t ask about Strixa.”

“You know what?” She laughed airlessly and the tension in voice lessened, “I’ll take that deal.”

The situation felt like the weirdest first date Charlie had ever been on: no romance, mostly awkwardness, and very little to talk about. She wondered if he thought the same. He yawned and shivered at the brisk breeze that blew pass them.

“Hey Davon,” She placed an arm on his shoulder, “Thank you.”

“Why?” He curiously watched her.

“Well, you found me and didn’t let me die? I think that deserves some gratitude.”

He grinned and showed most of his pointy teeth, in what she hoped was a nonthreatening way, “Well then… you’re welcome. It was the weirdest night I ever had.”

“I mean, I had never seen a Leonie before. I’m sure I win in that one!” She shoved him playfully, “I’m grateful for both you and your mother. I don’t know how to repay you, but I’ll figure out a way.”

He chuckled, “Any guest in the village stays at our place until there is room at the temple. I’m sure it won’t –”

“Still gonna do it!” She threw her hands up, “Accept the gratitude.”

They both laughed until they heard an odd scurrying further in the darkness. Davon drew his bow and knocked an arrow. He gave her a simple nodded and motioned for her to stand behind him.

“What’s that?”

He shushed her.

Charlie hid behind him as he stalked down further into the dungeon. His mane tufted out as he tried to make himself seem bigger. The low growl from his chest bounced off the cave walls. His head twitched back and forth to see if he could identify where the sound came from. Charlie was sure if she was on the other side of him, she’d likely be terrified of the lion. Then she remembered that she was until she heard his voice and could understand him.

She held up a hand up in the darkness and whispered, “Identify.”

Identification spell incomplete at current level. Four creatures currently identified. Three wererabbit creatures: two larger wererabbbits at level 23, one smaller wererabbit at level 4. Fourth creature unidentifiable at current distance.

Instant request: further information as applicable

“More information,” She mumbled.

Further information as follows for the following: Wererabbit

Class: Beast

Subclass: Unapplicable

Racial Abilities: Shadow Stealth and Ferocious Bite

“There are four things. Three called wererabbits?” Charlie placed a hand on his shoulder, “The fourth thing we aren’t close enough to.”

“Shit,” He growled, “Those things are a pain to find. You think you can narrow down where they are?”

“You want me to just try a bunch of words and hope they don’t hear and attack me?” She whispered, “Are you crazy? I don’t even have a weapon!”

“You don’t—” He turned his head and rubbed his hand down his snout, “Didn’t I tell you to keep that dagger on you at all times?”

“How am I supposed to hold that and a bow? It’s not exactly like I have pockets!”

He shook his head and said with the tone of a disappointed father tone, “You are wearing a backpack, Miss Charlotte.”

“Alright, yikes with the full name,” She held up her hands as if to surrender, “I’m still new to this and it’s been a long day. I don’t know if we can go back to –”

The walls around them rumbled as dirt fell from the cave ceiling above them. A crumbling crash in the distance caught their attention. She squeaked in terror and pushed herself against Davon’s back. He rolled his eyes and knelt down.

“Climb on. You’re only going to be a liability from there. Just hold the torch.”

“Are you sure?” She meekly whispered, “I don’t want to slow you down.”

“How much do you weigh?”

“Even though I normally wouldn’t answer that ridiculous question –”

The walls shook again, and a terrifying screech echoed down the unlit path ahead. He slung the quiver towards his waist to easily grab arrows as he needed.

“Quit making a fuss and just hop on!” He roared, “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Aw, you care about me,” She teased as she wrapped her arms around his neck, “I knew I’d wear off on you. It took a lot less time than I thought it would.”