The Misadventures of a Terrestrial Anomaly

Charlie did not turn around as she heard the men throw punches. She knelt down next to the injured one in front of her. His frantic face moved between her and the men that recently attacked him. He clung to her arm with his trembling hand as she helped him to his feet. She threw his arm over her shoulder to help him up.

“Why did you help me?” He winced as she took a step with him.

“They pissed me off,” She grabbed his bag of coin from the ground and put it in his hand, “And don’t show this off so much. That’s why they tried to rob you. Carry a smaller one with much less in it and pay out of that.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” He grabbed a spot on his chest, “I think my rib’s broken.”

“That wouldn’t surprise me. They beat the shit out of you,” She grunted and leaned him against the outer wall of the bar, “Wait here.”

She walked back over and grabbed the shiny dagger from the ground. She cleaned under her fingernails as she sadistically watched the brawl in front of her. When she heard a sickening snap, she kicked one of the men to the ground and pointed the dagger at him.

“Have you learned your lesson?”

“Yes! Yes, we have!” He whimpered, “You bloody witch! My arm is broken.”

“Good. Now, if I hear of you trying to spike another woman’s drink,” She smiled sweetly as she tapped the tip of her blade from his crotch to his nose, “I will slit you open from head-to-head. Got it?”

He gulped. Her singsongy voice cut the threat into more terrifying, bite sized pieces.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” She chuckled, “Go get your wounds checked out tomorrow morning. We’ll take the doctor for tonight.”

“What about my arm?”

“Tough shit, baby,” She flipped her hair over her shoulder and walked away, “Looks like you messed with the wrong woman. Set it yourself.”

Charlie closed her eyes and felt the energy wash out of her. She picked up the original victim by the arm again. He was only a half a foot taller than her, so it wasn’t terribly inconvenient for him to lean on her for support.

“Come on, let’s go.”

The blinding white light in her eyes dulled to the normal hazel.

Dominate Persons released. Mana regeneration in effect.

“Who are you?”

“Charlotte,” She nodded, “My friends call me Charlie.”

“Lady Charlotte—”

“That wasn’t about you,” She shook her head, “I need a doctor and you’re paying for it – and I’m keeping the dagger too.”

“Do you need anything else, my lady?”

“For you to stop saying that,” She grunted as they opened the bar door, “Alm, where’s the doctor here?”

“In the jailhouse. Usually there for—” The bartender’s eyes grew wide, “What the hells happened to you?”

“Meet your buddies out back. They’ll let you know,” She snorted, “And get rid of your ‘special’ moonshine!”

Charlie slammed the door behind her. She looked up at the bruised face and winced.

“Can you see?” She whispered, “Your left eye is pretty swollen.”

“Not especially,” He coughed, “Not that it matters. I’m Wade. Thank you for saving me.”

They shuffled into the jailhouse, much to the surprise of the three guardsmen. Charlie barked orders right away from them to grab a doctor. She slid the bottomless mug off her arm and pressed the rune for water. She wrapped Wade’s hands around it.

“Pour this on you. It’ll wash the blood off your face,” She let go of his hands, “It’s cold, so it might help with the swelling.”

He did as she instructed. The chocolate curls bounced from his soft features.

“Poor thing,” She tsked and wiped some dirt from his brow, “How old are you anyway?”

“Twenty-three.”

“Christ, really? I thought you’d be much younger than that,” She laughed.

A grouchy old woman stepped into the jailhouse. She saw the pair and immediately unpacked a duffle bag of ointments and tinctures. Wade held his hands up and pointed to Charlie.

“Please, doctor, check on the lady first.”

“This idiot likely has a broken rib. I need to make sure that my stitches are held together,” She touched the oozing spot on her stomach, “Maybe anything to kill infections as well.”

“My bones will still be broken until I return to my estate.”

Charlie sighed, “Fine.”

The old woman patted a table. She jumped up on top. She unbuttoned the top of her jumpsuit and pulled it down past her waist. The crop top underneath hid most of her torso, but the grotesque wound bubbled and blistered her skin. The stench was the worst part. She couldn’t believe the doctor got that close to it.

“What happened to you?” The old woman adjusted her glasses, “I won’t be able to do much. Nobody will without magic.”

“Is it that bad?” Charlie groaned.

“Seems like a poison may have been used,” The doctor sighed, “That might be why it hasn’t healed up well.”

“A poison?” She blinked.

Charlie didn’t know what poison could have been used. Her mind thought back to the green plant-based ointment that her second captor gave her and wondered if he did that to keep her sick. After enough time, she decided to ask her next question.

“Are the stitches in place, at least?”

“As much as string could hold cheese together,” The doctor frowned

Charlie gagged at the comparison.

“You won’t bleed out, but you need a divine healer, not a doctor.”

“Alright,” She buttoned her jumpsuit back up, “Now, look after pretty boy over here.”

She waited as the doctor doted on the young man. She felt her eyes grow heavy as they pair talked. When she started to nod off, a hand gripped her shoulder. Her eyes popped open, and she shook herself awake.

“Are you alright, Lady Charlotte?”

“You’ve got to stop calling me that,” She brushed his hand off of her, “Charlie is fine, and yes. Just tired. The last few days have been long.”

“No offense dear, but you look pitiful. Your skin is jaundice and the bags under your eyes are worse than a new mother’s,” The doctor said as she pressed something against the man’s face, “Do you need somewhere to sleep?”

“I’m good.”

Wade’s ears perked up when he heard the offer of something he could do to repay her, “If you’d like, I can purchase you a room.”

“No. I’ll find somewhere after I’m done here.”

“Doctor,” He turned to the woman and placed the bag of coins in her hand, “Is there someone selling their land around here? Or willing to put us up for a night?”

“What the hell are you doing?” Charlie narrowed her eyes.

“I’ll let you sleep in my house for three of these gold coins.”

“Deal. Take five,” He dropped five in her hand, “I’ll bring my horse around in a moment. We’ll sleep there.”

“We? I don’t think so.”

“I’ve got a shower. That might help clean you both up some.”

She squeaked and any reservation to decline evaporate. Charlie almost started crying at the thought of a shower. It had been days since she was anywhere near water to bathe and now the mere thought of steamy water made her feel vulnerable.

“Okay. Fine,” She sighed and held up a finger, “One night.”

“That’s all I’ll need as well. We’ll both head back to my estate in the morning.”

“You sure are using this ‘we’ word a lot,” She crossed her arms, “I don’t think I agreed to that.”

“Please, allow me to thank you properly for saving my life. I’ll be able to do that back in Vlaminer.”

“For fuck’s sake,” She placed her hands over her face, “Fine! I need to go there anyway.”

“Now, doctor, escort us to your lovely home.”

Wade stood taller after the doctor told him the “broken rib” he felt was nothing more than deep bruising. He also stood closer to Charlie than she would’ve liked. The two women waited for him to return with his horse. He galloped up on a steely white stallion decorated with golden decorative bits on the saddle. He held a hand down for her, but she swatted his hand away.

The two followed the doctor down a fork from the dirt road. She led them to a small cabin in a clearing a few minutes away. Charlie followed the older woman into the house as he tied up his horse. She wondered what sort of Victorian era, steam punk-esque situation she got herself into with this man.

“There’s only one bed, but the couch is comfortable too,” She showed Charlie around, “Shower’s through the bedroom. One door is my closest, the other’s the bathroom. You’ve got to boil the water yourself, though. It doesn’t heat up.”

“I see the kitchen over there,” She closed her eyes, “You didn’t have to give up your house, you know.”

“Three gold will pay for my property taxes for the next three years and allow me to get more supplies. Gives me less to worry about,” She shrugged, “Five will give me plenty of leeway.”

Wade opened the door to the house and unbuckled his cloak. He threw it over a coat rack and adjusted his shirt.

“Thank you, fine doctor. I assume you showed the lady where the amenities are?”

“I did. You two should be good for the night. I’ll bring something by for breakfast.”

“You don’t have to –”

“Wonderful! I expected nothing less. A small feast for the lady?”

“I’ll see what I can pull together.”

Charlie sighed and looked at him. The swelling in his face had gone down enough that he could see out of his left eye again, but the black bruise still stood out against his olive skin. The doctor pulled out towels from a linen closet and sat them on the couch.

“Goodnight, good doctor,” Wade bowed his head.

“Goodnight, my lord,” The old woman closed the door behind her.

Charlie threw her bag onto the couch and plopped down. He casually sat on a nearby chair and waited for her to speak. When it became increasingly clear that she wouldn’t, he exaggeratedly sighed.

“What?”

Wade frowned. She waited for him to say something, but he just ran his fingers through his hair.

“Okay…” She rolled her eyes, “I’m going to start boiling water for a shower.”

“Very well.”

Charlie walked into the kitchen and found a small wood stove. She filled a pot of water and waited for it to boil. She paced through the house into the shower. A tub of water above the shower head fed to it through a tube. One bucket at the base of the shower could be filled and put overhead. So, she started filling the tub with room temperature water. After a few minutes, she brought over the boiling water to mix in. Once the basin above the shower was filled with steaming water, she walked out to her bag and saw a disgruntled Wade staring at her.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Okay?” She shook her head at his moody teen behavior.

Charlie pulled her sleeping clothes from the bag and walked back towards the shower. She placed her clothes on the bed and pressed one of the buttons on her jumpsuit. Grey lights swirled and condensed until a stony gemstone fell to the floor. She realized after enough days that collapsing the outfits would fix and clean them.

She stretched and walked into the shower. Charlie pulled the cork and let the steaming water wash over her.

The moan of relief left her faster than she expected it to. The past week of slime and dirt sloshed off of her. She quickly grabbed the soap to scrub her face. She dug away the dead skin and grime on her. When she felt hands on her hips she screamed and threw an elbow into whatever held her.

“What the —!” She covered her breasts, “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Isn’t there only enough water for one shower?” He coughed and gripped his ribs.

“Get out!”

Charlie collapsed in the tub to cover herself as much as she could. He blushed and looked around at anything in the room but her. He was still wearing his own clothes, at least. She stared at him with a scowl as he ignored her.

“Didn’t you hear me?! Get out!”

“I—I don’t want to.”

“What are you after?” She pulled the curtain back over to cover her, “You can get your own water and take one next!”

“Is it that strange for two adults to be in a shower together?”

“Yes?” She airlessly laughed, “Seriously, what the fuck do you want?”

“Why do you use such foul language?” He asked, “Are you trying to scare me off?”

She turned her back to him, “You did just see me bend three grown men to my will, right?”

“My eyes were swollen shut. I didn’t see much,” He scanned down her before his face turned bright red, “You do have quite a few attunements.”

“Get the fuck out, pervert!”

“I—I wasn’t,” He covered his face with his hands, “I’m not trying to be a pervert. You look sick and I wanted to help.”

“I can’t relax with a man I don’t know in here,” She looked up, “And the water’s going to be gone soon. So, get out.”

“Let me help you,” Wade awkwardly laughed, “You did just save my life.”

“How the hell are you supposed to help me shower?”

“I can wash your hair, or massage your shoulders, or… I don’t know! I just want to help,” He mumbled, “That’s not too odd, is it? My servants do this all the time.”

Charlie was too tired to argue anymore. He clearly didn’t know how to fight, and she could get away if he tried to hurt her. He seemed awkward enough that he didn’t know what to do to actually repay her.

That, and the massage sounded nice.

“Don’t do anything weird,” She resigned and sat in the tub. She curled her legs under her arms as she faced away from him.

Wade’s shaky hands combed her hair. He lathered shampoo and massaged it into her scalp. Water soaked the front of his tunic, so he took it off as he cleaned her hair. The harder he scratched, the more she leaned into him. When the water rinsed the suds away, he grabbed the bar of soap from her and scrubbed her back.

“What happened to the strong confidence of crashing my shower? You’re quiet now.”

“I have… never seen a naked woman before,” His voice shook.

“Well… you’re welcome, I guess?”

“I owe you much more than that,” He nervously laughed, “I feel washing your hair is the least I can do.”

“You could have left the shower.”

“Is my presence that bothersome?”

“It’s not every day that a man just pops into my shower to offer to clean me. I don’t really know you,” She grunted but teased, “A good thing your cute or I would’ve punched you by now.”

“I don’t think anyone, but my mother, has ever called me cute,” He laughed, “You even called me a pretty earlier.”

Wade scrubbed until he reached the small of her back. He cleared his throat and handed her the soap over her shoulder. She washed her face again until the water ran dry. She sighed heavily and twisted the water from her hair.

“Do you want me to bring more water in?”

“Wade, are you trying to keep me naked?” She teased.

“Perhaps.”

Charlie glared at him from over her shoulder. He wasn’t as toned as Lake, but still was attractive. Even under the beaten face and bruised body, he had a youthful charm about him.

“Was this your weird attempt to try and sleep with me?”

“Of course not,” He blushed and looked away, “That would be uncouth of me.”

“Aw, how sweet! He does have some manners.”

His face burned as he tried to ignore her teasing. Steamy fog hid a lot of her, but she wasn’t as shy as he was. She confidently crossed her arms as he tried to turn around. She touched his muscular back and drummed her fingers along his spine.

“Don’t be shy now,” She teased, “You came in here with a plan. Let’s hear it.”

“Do you really not know who I am?” His warm green eyes met her gaze, “And just saved me out of the kindness of your heart?”

“I need money and a doctor. Is that what you needed to hear?”

Wade faced her. He studied her for a moment and lovingly looked into her eyes. The soft smile caught Charlie by surprise, but he could just be drunk.

“Can I take a shower by myself now? Are you just scared someone else is going to come in here and –”

He cupped her face in a smooth motion. In her moment of surprised hesitation, he kissed her. When she realized what was happening, she punched his bruised chest to get him to let go.

“What the fuck?!”

He wheezed, “Wait!”

She ran out of the shower and grabbed a towel. She wrapped one around herself and clutched the dagger in her hands. With the dagger pointed at him, he stumbled around her range. He searched his pockets.

“What the hell was that?”

“Wait! Just –” He coughed, “Give me a minute.”

Wade pulled out a ring from his pants pocket. The dark emerald sparkled against the swirling gold setting. The rock was the size of a penny. He whisked the water from his face and took a deep breath. He held the ring towards her and smiled as confidently as he could.

“I never imagined I would do it this way—”

“What the hell are you doing?” She took a step back.

“This is my mother’s ring,” He took a deep breath, “She gave it to me to—”

“You have three seconds to explain your—”

“Marry me.”

“What?”

“Lady Charlotte,” He held the ring towards her, “Will you marry me?”