The Misadventures of a Terrestrial Anomaly

Davon scratched at the blood red lines on his facial fur. He sighed as Charlie lifted a beer bottle to her lips.

“Contouring is popular where I’m from,” She shrugged, “You could’ve told your girlfriend no.”

“She’s not my—” He furrowed his brow, “I couldn’t say no after she looked so excited. She’s normally the only one in the village that dyes their fur.”

“Girl’s good at it too,” She twirled a purple-blue lock of hair between her fingers, “This color is hard to do.”

“I can’t even scrub it out,” He pouted.

“It’s not that bold. I think the understated color suits you,” She shrugged.

Charlie dangled her feet over the edge of the duck fountain. She took another sip of her drink before she threw the empty bottle into the sand pit.

“Why did you want to talk out here?”

“It’s been a few days since you woke up. You’ve looked down. I thought the number of followers you accumulated had something to do with it,” He nervously scratched his arm, “But… my mother said the other priestesses have heard you crying. She’s worried about you.”

“There’s not much to worry about, Davon. I’m just getting used to all this,” She motioned to the village, “I think people forget that I’m not from here. Well, further than they think at least.”

He nodded, “You miss home?”

“Not exactly,” She grabbed another glass bottle and popped it open, “I miss a few people. I’m sure they’re the only ones that noticed I’m gone.”

“With your personality?” He playfully elbowed her and grabbed one of the beers, “You should probably keep some of the bottles to get refilled.”

“You’re right,” She rubbed her temples, “But, yeah… I’m not nearly as much fun back home. It’s nice to have a fresh start.”

“I hope to get one of those,” Davon ran his fingers through his mane as if it was a beard, “Leave the pride and explore a bit. Settle somewhere else when I’m ready.”

“You don’t want to stay here?”

“No. I am overdue for my pilgrimage. Maybe I’ll do that this year.”

She furrowed her brow, “Pilgrimage?”

“Once animorphs reach maturity, we’re encouraged to leave our packs and explore. Some come back with mates, some come back with treasures or knowledge, and some… never come back,” He handed her the beer to open for him, “It’s the last part that scares me.”

“Why? You’re a lion! Apex predator, primal hunter, big man on campus!” She elbowed him as she handed it back, “What has you so scared?”

“Question—”

“Campus is a place where there are buildings solely for learning,” She hummed, “Like an academy?”

“Ah, I know of academies.”

“Now, why haven’t you gone off on your own?”

“None of the lionkin have returned. The last one that did was my mother,” He said grimly, “My father went after my siblings to see if they just didn’t come home, but he never returned either.”

“Oh,” The joking tone left her immediately, “I’m so sorry.”

“That was two years ago,” Davon shrugged and held the beer bottle between his teeth, “Mom has wanted me to stay until he returns.”

“Do you think someone is… hunting you?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time it’s happened,” He shrugged, “But Leonie that don’t pilgrimage typically don’t get mates. Strixa… completed hers years ago but she hasn’t taken one.”

“It seems like she’s waiting for you to make a move,” Charlie shrugged, “How long do they need to be?”

Davon tossed his empty bottle into the fountain behind them, “Don’t know. Months? A year? I guess it depends on what you bring back. My oldest brother left six years ago. My big sister, four. My other brother, three.”

“Maybe they found another group?”

“That’s the thing, Charlie. We have no idea. Most that go elsewhere will at least send a letter or come say goodbye. They never did,” He pinched the bridge of his snout, “Sorry to put a damper on this ‘pre-gaming’, as you call it.”

“It’s better to get it out now so I don’t become an ugly, crying drunk,” She shook his shoulder.

“I just wish I knew what happened. For my mother’s sake, at least.”

“Why don’t we go find them?”

“What do you mean?”

“Come on! You, me, and Squirt –we could go find out.”

He snorted and shook his head, “He will hardly let me speak to you.”

They both turned to see the tiny turtle glaring down from on top of the fountain duck’s head. She laughed and waved the thought off.

“I’m being serious. If I can repay you guys by finding out what happened, I will.”

Quest “Long Lost Leonie” started!

Objective: Find information on the whereabouts of the following Leonie lions: Tartus, Deli, Ragnar, and Quint.

Bonus object: Return Leonies to Healing Oasis.

Charlie swiped the display away.

“Tartus, Deli, Ragnar, and Quint,” She nodded and raised her bottle, “You’re in my objectives now!”

His eyes widened, “How did you learn their names?”

“Absolutely no idea,” Charlie opened his next bottle, “Drink up, buddy. You’re behind.”

Davon jokingly snarled, “Where are you even going to find them?”

“I assume, given the vending machine of information I have in here,” She tapped her head with a finger, “I’ll figure out something. Plus, Puddles is taking me on a trip, apparently, so I’ll just ask her if you can tag along.”

“Me?” He blinked before he shook his head, “And what do you mean apparently?”

“Yeah, why not? Why not have your pilgrimage or whatever be escorting me and Puddles? You can always bring her back.”

Squirt barked excitedly as a large slurp of water moved in the fountain. A splash erupted outwards as Puddles say on the edge of the fountain next to them.

“I definitely told your familiar—”

“His name is Squirt. You know this,” Charlie chuckled as the turtle sprayed water at the deity.

“I told Squirt the plan while you were slacking off for an entire month,” She stretched to look over the cliff edge, “Not my fault he didn’t tell you.”

The turtle sadly purred and slowly blinked his eyes at her.

“I’m sure this little thing tried to say something but I’m a hard sleeper,” Charlie popped the lid of a bottle off and handed it to the girl, “You’re old enough to drink, right?”

“I am nearly two thousand years old,” She snatched it away, “And I can probably handle this tainted water better than you, anyway.”

“Yeah, yeah. Join the fun anyway. Besides, what do you think about bringing Davon?”

“What do I think?” She cupped her face and it rippled as she tapped her fingers against it, “It could be advantageous. I already had Navara hire a group, though.”

“Oh, come on Puddles! What’s one more fluffy cat?” She threw her hands around his arm.

“I don’t like being called this cat creature,” Davon grunted as he tossed his empty bottle, “But, if you find it in your heart to include me—”

“Fine, fine, yes! Your job will be to keep her quiet,” Puddles snickered, “It’ll make your gift easier to try out, too.”

“I get one?”

“Of course. You actually cleared out the wererabbits. Charlie barely didn’t die from a godbeast.”

“Ouch. It almost sounds like you don’t like me,” She elbowed Puddles.

Much to her surprise, her elbow sunk into the water girl. The lesser goddess bubbled with rage.

“Don’t touch me!”

“Just trying to be friendly,” She held her hands up defensively, “Got it. Can’t pet Leonie, can’t touch Puddles. It’s amazing you guys aren’t—”

“Pet?” The girl hesitated, “What do you mean pet?”

“Oh, I already talked to Navara. Where I’m from, people pet cats and dogs. Given there’s –”

Charlie felt a belt of water form around her and quickly threw her on her back in the fountain. It wasn’t necessarily deep, but the swift surprise caused her to knock Squirt from the top with a large yell. Puddles sat on top of her and stared down at her with an expression Charlie couldn’t recognize in her vacant blue eyes. Her familiar began to glow with bright light as the goddess put her hands on his summoner’s shoulders.

“You know what a dog is?!”

“Christ, Puddles. Yes. I know what a dog is!”

She tilted her head, “Christ?”

“Squirt, it’s fine!” Charlie yelled as the turtle gave a single warning croak, “Why? Are dogs not common here?”

“I’ve never heard of it,” Davon belched and completely ignored their interaction.

“There has only ever been one dog here, as far as I know,” Puddles furrowed her brow, “Prove you know what a dog is.”

“It’s a four-legged creature that barks and wags its tail.”

“That describes many things.”

“How am I supposed to explain it? I can’t exactly draw it while you’ve got me pinned down, can I?”

The goddess met eyes with an infuriated turtle, “Can you change his form?”

Squirt angrily growled.

“Taking that as a no,” She shook her head, “Try casting an illusion spell.”

“Illusion?” Charlie blinked.

“Use your familiar,” Puddles slid off her and morphed into a sitting position in the water.

“Okay… Squirt, can you make a dog?”

“Raw?” He chirped.

“Hmmm… out of bubbles, maybe?” She tapped her chin, “Can you make water forms like Puddles?”

The turtle furrowed his brow and shook in his shell at the question. In some odd intuition, Charlie knew about what he wanted.

“Oh! What type? Hmm… Can you make Roxy?”

Squirt blew a raspberry and chirped happily. He slid down to the ground and shimmied as he tried to tap into her memories.

Your divine familiar requests access to your memories to identify “Roxy.” Will you allow access?

“Absolutely!”

Squirt happily clapped his fins and hunkered down. He closed his eyes and the runes on his tiny shell began to glow electric blue. He opened his mouth and a viscous bubble slowly crept out. Almost like a balloon animal, the bubble stretched and wrapped around itself until a small dog jumped at Charlie. She quickly grabbed the beagle and squeezed the bubble against her. The approximation was transparent, minus a blue energy that cracked along the surface.

“Holy shit. Squirt, this is so good!” Charlie picked up the Roxy bub le cone and turned her around, “How did you do that?”

Both the turtle and the dog barked at the same time. When she sat the dog down, it mimicked Squirt’s movements and jumped around playfully. Her tail wagged constantly as if she had just come home from a long day at work.

“You… you know what a dog is.”

Puddles covered her face with her hands. Charlie couldn’t tell if the boiling sound that came from the deity was a light or sob but stood anyway.

“Yes. I’ve had a couple of dogs. One of my favorite pets. Roxy died… recently,” She scratched between the dog’s ears.

Squirt chirped and the bubble popped. He surrounded himself in the water and grew to the size of a dog. Before Charlie moved her hand, he nudged himself under it.

“Were you jealous?” She chuckled, “You’re a good boy, Squirt.”

“I’ve changed my mind. I won’t kill you,” Puddles clapped her hands, “For now, anyway.”

“Because she knows what a dog is?” Davon asked.

“Because dogs only like good people. I’m sure of it,” She nodded, “I will allow you to touch me.”

“Aw, Puddles,” Charlie threw her arms around the girl, “I didn’t know you liked dogs too!”

“I…” She pouted, “Never mind. Davonathan, you will join us on this trip. We are going to an administration city to officially register Charlie within the system and learn what her powers are. After that, Lake will be able to take her to meet Ocean properly.”

“Wait, your mom wants to meet me?”

“The Ancients know what you are. Ocean can help you figure it out if the administrators can’t.”

“Question one,” Charlie held up three fingers, “Ancients? I assume that means old gods?”

“Kind of,” Davon cracked open another bottle and handed it to Charlie, “They are the original creators of a branch of magic. Ocean created water magic. Knowledge created wisdom magic. Nature created earth magic, etcetera.”

“Okay, two… Administrators?”

“I think you’ve already been told about attunements. Attunement centers are run by administrators. They liaison between Knowledge and the other gods to gift attunements to those who pass tests at their temples.”

“How hard are the tests?”

“You’d have to ask my mother or the other healers.”

“I’ve blessed a few of them, so it might be better to ask Navara,” Puddles shrugged, “You both could try for an attunement when we reach Vlaminer. It’s on the closest side of Filigor. We can always wait for Lake there.”

“Three… I’m guessing Lake is another water god?”

“Yes,” The pair did in unison.

“All of the water deities have aquatic names,” Davon shrugged, “Most other elemental things do to. Nature’s offsprings are the elements, after all.”

“Wild. So, if I just run into any more little water people,” She poked Puddles cheek, “That means you’re related.”

Her nostrils flared, “No!”

“I’m guessing this has to deal with the thing you don’t want to talk about.”

“Most of the other deities appear more… solid? Is that a good word choice? Or fleshy?”

“Like me?”

Puddles shrugged.

“So… final question.”

“I thought you only had three?” Davon asked.

“I’ll ask it anyway,” She shrugged, “What happens if I drink you, Puddles?”

Davon, Squirt, and the deity gasped.

“What? It doesn’t mean I’m going to do it!” Charlie said defensively, “You’re made of water! I’m just curious! What if it’s a desperate times, desperate measure situation?”

“Nobody has dared to even think about drinking me before,” Puddles crossed her arms, “I don’t want anyone to.”

“Could you make alcohol?” Davon looked at the collection of now empty bottles, “Because our ‘pre-gaming’ is over if you can’t.”

“I am used for cleansing and healing, thank you!”

“How strict is that definition?” Charlie grinned mischievously, “Because you could be cleansing us of sobriety?”

Puddles put the beer bottle to her lips and sucked the drink out. Charlie watched the yellow liquid slosh around in the girl until she reached her hand down into the fountain. The water foamed and darkened until beer sprayed out from the duck’s mouth instead of healing water.

“This water is almost gone anyway,” She huffed, “Here you go, you stupid mortals.”

You are under the effects of an altered healing spell. Instead of healing, this spell produces purified yeast-fermented, hops flavored malt. While under the effects of this modified spell, your tolerance to small doses of poisons, including alcohol, is decreased.

“Thank you, Puddles!” She threw her arms around her, “Now, if you can suck out all the moisture from this dress so I don’t chaff, I’d love you forever.”

“Forever?” Davon raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, an expression, I guess. My friends and I say that to each other when we want a favor. It isn’t always inconvenient, necessarily but—”

Puddles hiccupped and placed a hand on Charlie. The moisture wicked away from her until her skin was dry. The goddess slipped back into the beer fountain with a splash and giggled.

“Goddess, are you… drunk?” Davon asked.

“Maybe!” She giggled.

“Is Puddles about to get white girl wasted?” Charlie laughed, “I’m in.”

“Perhaps you should sober up to put on the—”

“Perhaps you should drink more,” A stream of foam hit his face, “It’s celebration night!”

“Wooo!” Charlie leaned backwards and splashed back into the fountain with a puddled water goddess, “Party time!”

The three drunkards were quickly surrounded by more Leonie as the sun fully set. Charlie played around in the fountain with Squirt and Puddles as Davon shook his head in disappointment. As Navara and the temple priestesses wakes up to the overly relaxed sight, they laughed.

“Issa time for party!” Puddles giggled, “Areyous ready?”

“I believe so, your eminence,” The lioness shook her head, “I see you all took the liberty to get started without us?”

“It was Charlie’s idea,” Davon slurred, “It’s her night anyway.”

“Oh yeah! Navi!” The woman got out of the fountain and stumbled towards her, “Get in here!”

The lioness titled her head in confusion before Charlie grabbed her hand and pulled her into the duck’s alcoholic mist. Navi laughed and motioned others to come in.

“You know what?” Puddles wrapped her aquatic arm around Charlie’s waist, “I’m gonna do the presents now.”

“I’ve never seen our goddess so informal before,” A priestess whispered.