The Impeccable Adventure of the Reluctant Dungeon

It was often said that cities weren’t built in a day. In the case of Rosewind, though, it had in a tenth that time. If anything, the process of bringing everyone affected by the curse back to their homes took longer than the creation of three new districts, each as larger as the initial town itself. Some had remarked that the areas were somewhat bland in appearance, but that was quickly forgotten as people had to deal with a lot more urgent and trivial matters; namely, cleaning their homes, and the city overall, from all the trash that had accumulated in the last few days.

Led by Earl Rosewind himself, an earnest and thorough combing took place to ensure that not a single zombie letter had survived. Strict safety procedures were applied, including the creation of safety helmets through any available means.

“And remember!” Ribbons shouted from the old town square. “Be diligent in your safety and your search! As Earl Rosewind said, one single letter is enough to make life worse than during the goblin invasion!”

The crowd grumbled. The captain of the guard was, as always, overeager with his duties, gathering every abled person at the square two times a day. Already every scrap of paper that seemed remotely suspicious had been burned, but that didn’t seem nearly enough. Those who had been subjected to the curse had some sympathy. Being slapped in the face by a cursed letter was neither glamorous nor heroic. It also proved how unprepared everyone was.

A short distance away, Spok was going through a full audit of the town’s resources, while also dealing with a dozen architects and trade organization representatives. The latter, as it happened, were closely associated with members of the inner council. Now that a major crisis was over, there were opportunities to be made. It also helped that an impressive amount of gold and valuables had been “saved” from the ruins of a formerly cursed estate.

“Any chance of reconstructing this section?” an architect employed by Marquis Dott asked. “Since it’s bordering the river, having a docking area would be of huge benefit.”

“A docking area…” Spok looked at the man.

“A shipyard would also be nice.”

“A docking area and a shipyard,” the spirit guide repeated, adjusting her glasses. “You are, of course, aware that the river is far too narrow for ships. From what I’ve been told in areas, even a boat could get stuck.”

“Yes.” The architect nodded. “But the baron can change it. Building a city was all in a day’s work.”

All in a day’s work. Spok had lost count of how many times people had used that to defend ludicrous requests. One had to admit that from their perspective, they were in their full right to do so. The baron was well known for being both rich and eccentric. Currently, he personally owned seven-eighths of Rosewind, and that was without revealing all the tunnels and chambers underground. Sometimes there was such a thing as being too successful.

“The baron is dealing with very important matters at present,” Spok said without blinking an eye. “And even if he were to ‘change the river’ as you put it, who will expand the sections all the way to the sea?”

Stumped by the logic of the question, the architects fell silent. Far from backing down, they were merely searching for the correct argument to get the conversation back on track.

“Governess d’Esprit!” A young woman dressed in expensive adventurer clothes ran through the square. “Governess d’Esprit!”

Internally, Spock sighed. There was only one person in the entire town that addressed her in such fashion.

Making her way through the crowd, the young woman paused to catch her breath.

“Yes, Lady Amelia?” Spok asked. “What is it?”

“The earl wants to see you, Governess.” Amelia quickly straightened up. “It’s regarding the baron.”

“That again?” The spirit guide narrowed her eyes. “We’ve been through this already.”

“Please, Ma’am! The ceremony can't start without him! The earl has already delayed it three times so far. It’s not proper to delay it any longer!”

“Not proper?” Spok asked with the voice that could freeze fire. “Well, it seems I’ll have to have a talk with the earl again.” She then turned to the group of merchants and architects. “Gentlemen, if you would excuse me.”

The small gathering nodded, muttering words of agreement, then moved away, forming a path for Spok to go along. Straightening her sleeves and the collar of her blouse, the spirit guide, then briskly went in the direction of the castle. Amelia quickly followed closely behind.

“Your eagerness to have this ceremony,” she said casually, “it doesn’t have to do with your desire to officially earn the title of Noble Adventurer, does it?”

“Of course not, Governess!” Amelia replied defensively. “I’m hurt that you have such a low opinion of me—”

“Don’t worry,” Spok interrupted. “You’ll be recognized soon enough. The way things are headed, you’ll soon be acting as a role model to many junior adventurers.”

Amelia’s eyes lit up.

“Really? Have you heard anything about that?”

“Oh, someone might have mentioned that your recent adventure has sparked interest in the area. A few guilds might wish to open branches here, not to mention that several local nobles will sponsor the growth of existing guilds. From what I’ve heard, the Lionmane guild might very well be elevated to noble guild as well.” The woman gave Amelia a sideway glance. “Of course, I’m just a lowly servant governing Baron d’Argent’s estates. What would I know?”

“Of course, Governess. I understand.”

Guards stood to attention as Spok and Amelia made their way into the castle. By now nearly everyone in the castle had gotten used to her presence, treating her simultaneously as a noble and someone approachable they could share their concerns with. Even the kitchen staff would “happen to” pass through the halls each time she was there, always carrying a large tray of freshly baked treats.

Greeting every person with a curt nod, Spok strode directly up the main staircase, heading straight for the earl’s study. As she was about to enter, the door opened, allowing the previous visitor to leave.

“Baroness.” Spok bowed as she curtseyed.

“No need to be so formal, Spok.” The noble woman waved a hand. “It’s just here and deal little Amelia,” she turned to the duke’s daughter. “I never got a chance to thank you for keeping those two numbskulls safe.”

“Thank you, but it was Ulf that…” Amelia uttered.

Strictly speaking, she was the only one still conscious when the crowd’s curse had been removed. In the eyes of everyone, that made her far better than the rest. Ulf didn’t seem to mind. The unfortunate adventurer had gotten the most serious amounts of wounds from all to the point that potions had to restore him. Since then, the mass of muscle had spent a large part of his time at bars with Cmyk and his friends, or fighting slimes.

Avid also hadn’t objected. When Amelia had expressed how guilty it made her feel, he simply stated that she deserved it and even invited her on a ride with Octavian over the surrounding area. He’d always been a strange character, but the latest noble quest had made him even stranger than usual.

“Yes, yes, Ulf already was an experienced adventurer, but he’s still got a lot to learn. The fact that he composed such a weak plan only proves he’s not yet fit to lead a party.” The woman sighed. “Anyway, let me not detain you further. You’re here to see the earl, I assume?”

“He keeps insisting on having a grand celebration to mark the successful conclusion of another noble quest,” Spok said. “Meanwhile, my baron insists he doesn’t want to have anything to do with it.”

“Well, you have your work cut out for you. The best of luck to you. Amelia, will you be present at the meeting as well?”

“N-no. I’m just here to escort Governess d’Esprit to the earl.”

“Splendid. In that case, you wouldn’t have anything against helping me inspect the rest of my mansion for letters. The staff assure me they’ve found anyone, but verification is the highest form of trust.”

“Of course, Baroness,” Amelia could only respond as she was subtly but incessantly pulled away.

Grateful for the opportunity, Spok counted to ten, then elegantly knocked on the door and opened it.

The earl was standing at the window, looking at the town outside, as she came in. His study desk was neat as always, although the official ring seal remained on the table, suggesting that documents had been signed.

Spok closed the door and wrapped her pendant in a sphere of silence.

“Wonderful, isn’t it?” the nobleman said without turning around. “A city rising from the ashes of paper and slime.”

“You really must start using a different excuse when you want to see me, Cecil.” Spok made her way up to the man. “It’s becoming too obvious.”

“Would that be so bad?” He glanced over his shoulder. “I strongly doubt it, though. A few more slimes were found hiding in wells. Between that, the letters, and the constant arguments regarding the utilization of the new districts, people don’t have time for gossip and speculation. Besides, this time, I really need to talk to you about the ceremony. Rather—” he turned around “—I need to discuss the baron. How’s the old boy doing?”

“Still locked up in his room, insisting he doesn’t want anything to do with adventures ever again.”

“I can’t say that I blame him. Defeating an abomination is no easy task, but… Any idea when he’ll be in a more sociable state?”

“I’ll try asking him again. Personally, I think it might be preferable that the celebration goes ahead without him. You know what he’s like. Even if we finally convince him, he’ll just stand there and grumble.”

“You might be right. There’s a certain added mystique to having him receive the rewards of his accomplishments while absent. On that note, it’s unfortunate, but the royal palace refused to grant him the title of viscount despite my insistence. Some bureaucratic nonsense about a title quota per year. Apparently, as an earl, I’m only allowed one slot.”

“I’m sure he’ll get over it.”

“I’m sure. He’s a splendid man, despite all his eccentricities.”

“Indeed. Talking about eccentricities, the town architects want him to build a shipyard near the river.”

“Oh?” The earl feigned interest.

“I’m half of the mind of having him do it, just so they stop with their nonsense and actually focus on important stuff.”

“What about an airshipyard?” he suggested casually. It was scary how casually sharp he could be at times. To this moment, Spok couldn’t tell whether he planned all his conversations in advance or had the fastest wit she had seen among humans.

“An airshipyard?” The spirit guide adjusted her glasses.

“You have a gnome inventor in your employ. I actually got a few notices from him myself before the whole zombie letter debacle.”

“Of course you did.”

It was difficult not to. The gnome had practically flooded the entire town with advertisements regarding his workshop. Relying on Switches wasn’t the safest of ideas, but given that he had come out for the dungeon twice, one could potentially call him reliable.

“I’ll have a talk with him.”

“The town would be most appreciative. We could be the first region in the kingdom with active airship transport. If we play our cards right, we might even expand it abroad.”

“Mhm.” Spok nodded.

“Oh, and one final thing,” the man added casually, almost as an afterthought. “The reason that the palace didn’t agree to grant my friend Theo a higher title was because they had already given me one.” The usual business smile on the man’s face softened. “You’re looking at the new Duke Rosewind

While Spok and the former earl went on to continue a completely different conversation. Theo, or rather his avatar, was reluctantly having one of his own. Although it didn’t show the fight, the admiration had considerably exhausted him, effectively putting him to sleep for two whole days. When he had woken up, his avatar was back in his main body. Since then, the dungeon had isolated himself from the rest of the world, leaving Spok to take care of all mopping up and reconstruction efforts.

There was a knock on the door. Theo, of course, knew perfectly well who was there to see him—the same person who carried his avatar to Switches’ mechanical construct after the fight, not to mention consistently checked on his health. Any other person would be grateful, yet the thought of having a hero within his main body made the dungeon very uncomfortable.

“I’m coming in,” Liandra said, then opened the door without a moment’s pause. “How are you feeling today?”

“Hello, Lia,” the avatar said in a voice of pure desperation. “I’m fine.”

“Fine, my foot!” The woman made her way to the end of the bed and sat down. “You’ve become a permanent part of the bed. Have you even left this room?”

“I like it here,” the avatar grumbled.”

“Like it here.” Liandra sighed. “For someone who defeated an abomination, I’d have thought that you’d show a lot more enthusiasm. You’ve no idea how many heroes I’ve had to fight off from visiting.”

The mere thought made the dungeon dizzy.

“Don’t worry, no one will be coming to bore you. Still, you have an open invitation should you decide to join.”

“Me join the hero guild? That would be the day.” The baron let out a bitter laugh.

“Typical Theo. Saves the world, then does everything possible to keep it a secret. My grandfather would have liked you.”

Both the dungeon and his avatar froze.

“He never liked the hero grading system. Good for determining skills but useless for everything else, he used to say. Still, he expected everyone to follow in his footsteps.”

The heroine looked at the window. With both the shutters and curtains closed, there wasn’t even a crack of light coming from there. In fact, the only source of light came from the faint glow of Liandra’s armor.

“I’ve been leaving Rosewind,” she said in a somber tone. “There’s been an archdemon request and thanks to you I’m back on the grade A roster. There’s a chance that the demon might be linked to the dungeon that killed my grandfather.”

“You’re still hunting it?”

“I’ll always be hunting it.” The woman’s tone sharpened. “Until the day I find and destroy it. Anyway, I had hoped I’d see you getting uncomfortable in your honor, but I just can’t wait anymore.” She stood up. “I’ve left the sword back in its place on the wall. Thanks for letting me borrow it.”

“You should keep it,” the avatar offered despite himself.

Liandra paused a step away from the door.

“Just to borrow it a bit longer. It’s good for demons, after all. Besides, that way, I know you’ll be coming back.”

“Thank you,” Liandra said, her back still turned to him. “I appreciate that.” She left the room. A few moments later, she left the dungeon itself, leaving Theo simultaneously relieved and panicked.

Why did he add that part? Feigning concern was a good way for him to keep his nature hidden, yet inviting her to visit back was not. Each time she set foot in his main body, there was a risk that one of her skills or magical items would trigger, making it obvious that he was not at all what he appeared to be. From there, it was one small step of figuring out that he was responsible for the death of her grandfather.

“Waking up never is easy,” Theo grumbled to himself.

Even with all the silence spells he’d cast, he could still feel the changes taking place throughout Rosewind. The majority of the slimes had been dealt with, the griffins had become a lot less of a nuisance, even the people had become a lot quieter. It was precisely this apparent calm that had the dungeon worried. In his experience, calm always came before a storm and with what the inner council had planned for Rosewind, the storm risked being of epic proportions. However, there was one other issue that dwarfed all those concerns.

After a few more minutes of doing nothing, the dungeon created a portal next to the bed. He then had his avatar get up and go through the portal to Paris’ temple. As the only structure untouched by slimes and curses, the people’s devotion to the goddess had vastly increased. At the same time, people had more urgent things to do than pray in the early afternoon, giving Theo the opportunity to check on something.

Still in his pajamas, the avatar went up to the temple altar. An opening formed in the solid chunk of marble, revealing a single cube with a red dot inside. Supposedly, this was the safest case to keep an imprisoned abomination. Spok, while still disapproving of Theo bringing back the abomination in the first place, acknowledged that it was better to keep it somewhere safe than let it loose in the world. Divine power was said to weaken abominations to a certain degree, but even so, the question remained: how long would the new prison hold?

“Like what you’ve done with yourself,” the statue of the goddess spoke.

“Goddess.” The avatar briskly turned around. The opening in the altar quickly sealed off, concealing the abomination within it.

“At your current size, it’s only natural for you to transform my temple into a citadel.”

“I can do that?”

“Technically, I don’t see why not.” The statue shrugged. “You have the heroic trait. There’s nothing I know about a dungeon not being allowed to do so. Of course, if you prefer, I could send some of my followers to do it, instead.”

“No, it's fine. I’ll get to it right after I come up with an appropriate design.”

“Aww, so very thoughtful of you.”

A vast part of Rosewind’s population felt a sudden draft in their homes, as the dungeon swallowed tensely.

“Actually, there’s something I need your advice on,” the avatar began. He knew first hand that deities weren’t omniscient or omnivoyant, but it was better not to keep massive secrets from them. “You see, I captured an abomination.” He braced himself.

“You did?” The statue seemed surprised. “Oh, you mean Agonia?” She chuckled dismissively. “That’s just a minor nuisance.”

“She’s not an abomination?”

“Well, technically, she falls within the category, but her powers aren’t that dangerous. You’re the second person to have captured her so far, so she can’t be that much of a threat.”

“Aren’t they?” The dungeon vehemently disagreed. Living in a world of obsessed collectors in which every collector was simultaneously part of another’s collection seemed like a terrible thought. One could only imagine the horrors when wars broke out between entities striving for the same “piece”. “So, you’re not worried I’m keeping Agonia here?”

“Absolutely not. With a bit of luck, she might start collecting people to become followers of mine.” The statue chuckled again. “That was a joke, by the way.”

The humor was bad on the best of days. After what Theo had been through, he didn’t even want to think about it.

“Is that all the advice you wanted?”

“For the moment…”

“Okay. I must go now to deal with another matter, but I’ll be back to visit soon and see my cathedral. Have fun, and don’t make it too fancy.” The statue returned to its original state and froze up again. Theo waited for a few more moments just to make sure, then cursed beneath his breath.

It had to be nice being a deity—moving freely anywhere they wished without a care in the world. Meanwhile, mortals had to do the actual work. True, Paris had granted the dungeon an ability or two when he most needed them, but that had, in part, caused all the subsequent messes to begin with.

“There you are!” a high-pitched voice squeaked, followed instantly by the sounds of tiny footsteps. “I’ve been looking for you dun— I mean, Baron!”

Theo growled internally, regretting letting his avatar out in the open.

The all too familiar gnome rushed up to him, looking at the avatar with an expectant smile.

“What is it, Switches?” the avatar frowned. “I was in the middle of a nap.”

“Good, good. Nothing better than a nap in the open to get the creative juices running. I know from experience. Some of the best ideas I’ve had came to me while I was flying through the air.”

“What. Do. You. Want.” The baron clenched his fists upon uttering every word.

“I’m so happy you asked.” The gnome rubbed its hands. “Remember that a while back, we had an agreement? If I were to construct a mechanical colossus and help you reach rank three, you’d create a laboratory just for me.”

“Of course, I remember! We had that talk a few days ago!”

“Ah, how time flies.” The gnome nodded, missing the point entirely. “Well, I constructed a mechanical colossus and helped you reach rank three.”

“Yes, you did.” The avatar crossed his arms. “Using a fragment of my core without permission in the process.”

“I was only using what was left from making Spok’s pendant. And it turned out for the better. Without it I wouldn’t have known to find the gem or get the hero scroll for you.”

The dungeon felt like having a headache. Three days of sleep was way too little. He intended to go back to bed with his avatar, then isolate himself from the rest of Rosewind again, while leaving Spok to deal with all the daily nuisances. Before that, he had to take care of this.

Somewhere in the city, a new massive building came into existence, replacing all the ones that existed before. It was quite large, with a workshop section on top and a far larger and ominous section below for the gnome to try out his more destructive devices.

“There!” the avatar snapped. “Done! You have your building. Get Cmyk to clear my halls and move all your stuff into your new lab!”

“Really? Does that mean I’m officially your chief head engineer?”

“Yeah, whatever.” The avatar brushed the gnome away as he made his way to the magic portal. “Don’t conquer the world, destroy the city, and if you need to pester someone, pester Spok!”

With that, the avatar abruptly returned to his room in the main building. He’d no idea what problems might occur as a result of his actions, but adventures weren’t going to be one of them. Dungeon ranks and avatar levels be damned! He had come to this world to enjoy a nice long rest and by the deities, that was exactly what he intended to do!

Meanwhile, outside, the bustle continued as Rosewind took its first step to becoming a fully fledged city.