Chapter 4: Library Crimes and Snack-Based Warfare
I sat on my futon for ten full minutes, unmoving, processing what had just happened.
My hands still smelled like scorched starch. My shirt had a suspicious brown stain. There was a dumpling wrapper in my pocket that hadn't been there before. The system had officially logged my first jutsu as a "Flawed Fusion: Combustible Rice Clone." Not a fireball. Not a shadow technique. Not even a puff of smoke.
I had launched a screaming snack at a target dummy.
And worse: it had worked.
My "teammates" probably thought I was cursed. Or a culinary prodigy. Or both. Probably both.
I flopped back on the futon with a sigh. "Okay. New plan. Learn what chakra is, how to use it, and whether anyone's ever died from soy-based internal bleeding."
The only problem? Nobody had explained chakra. At all. Everyone just kept saying things like "focus your chakra" or "channel it into the hand signs" as if that made any sense.
Spoiler: it didn't.
So I was going to have to do what no ninja child has dared before.
Break into the library.
Not the regular, friendly kind with kids' books and crafts. The secret one. The big, scroll-stuffed building that clearly screamed "AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY" in big red calligraphy I couldn't read but instinctively understood.
Because when you're eight, untrained, and deeply confused, the most logical solution is obviously felony trespassing.
The Konoha Archives loomed ahead of me like an ancient temple of bad decisions. It was late evening, and the streets were thinning out—just enough that no one noticed the suspiciously small figure wearing a child-sized hoodie creeping around the side of the building.
Warning: Stealth Mode Not Detected.
User visibility: 91%.
Aura of Misconduct: 78%.
Suggestion: Stop acting like a raccoon on trial.
"Helpful as ever," I whispered. "Activate invisibility. Or sneak. Or… something."
Activating Passive Skill: Soggy Napkin Evasion™
Effect: You become slightly less interesting. Clothing desaturates. Footsteps sound like wet disappointment.
My hoodie dimmed a shade. I slinked along the wall like a nervous breadcrumb and found a window that had been carelessly left ajar.
With all the grace of a particularly ambitious ferret, I climbed up, wiggled through the opening, and promptly fell headfirst into a stack of scrolls.
They exploded around me like parchment grenades. I froze, waiting for alarms. None came.
The room was dimly lit and silent. Scrolls lined the walls, categorized by subject and date… I think. It all looked like stylized chicken scratch. But I found a diagram—one that showed a person's body with swirly lines inside. That had to be it. Chakra system.
I squinted.
"Chakra flows through coils inside the body," I whispered, reading slowly. "Formed by the combination of… physical and spiritual energy… channeled through the chakra network and… okay. Cool. Yeah. That explains nothing."
I flipped to the next scroll.
"By controlling chakra, one can mold it into techniques called jutsu. To mold chakra, concentrate and focus on your inner energy…"
System Alert: Attempting manual chakra access…
Internal Compatibility: Suboptimal.
Spiritual Stability: Questionable.
Physical Reserves: Three crackers and a sad memory.
"Sounds about right."
Would you like to attempt Basic Chakra Circulation using the Scroll Method™?
"…that sounds fake, but yes."
Initiating Flow.
I sat cross-legged, did my best attempt at "meditating" (which mostly involved humming the Wii Shop Channel theme and thinking about pancakes), and tried to feel… something.
Warmth.
Buzzing.
Fire?
My stomach growled. Loudly.
Synapse Spark Triggered. Emotional State: Hungry and Frustrated.
Concepts Detected: "Sticky Rice" + "Pressure Cooker"
Deploying: Starch Compression Technique: Volatile Onigiri Sphere
"Oh no—"
POP.
A glowing ball of compressed rice the size of a softball formed in front of me. It shimmered. It hissed.
I dove backward just as it exploded with a wet, steamy thud, launching grains of rice in every direction.
The scrolls around me were instantly coated in starch. One of them burst into flames from the heat. Another got stuck to the ceiling. A roasted fish smell wafted up from somewhere.
I blinked.
Then I heard it.
Footsteps. Fast. Coming this way.
Warning: Incoming Authority Figure
Recommend: Escape, Confess, or Weaponize More Rice.
"Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no—"
I grabbed the least-burnt scroll, tucked it under my arm, and sprinted for the window. Slipped on rice halfway. Hit the wall. Recovered. Dove through the window like a flying meatball of regret.
I hit the ground outside with a grunt and rolled into a bush. The window slammed shut behind me as the door inside burst open.
"WHAT HAPPENED IN HERE?!"
"…Why does it smell like soy?!"
I did not stay to find out.
Later that night, back in my room, I sat cross-legged with the stolen scroll unrolled on the floor in front of me. Half the diagram was smudged by rogue sushi fallout. My hands still smelled like vinegar.
But I understood one thing now.
Chakra was real.
Jutsu were real.
And I was terrifying.
New Ability Logged:
Starch Compression Technique – Level 1
Status: Unstable.
Cooldown: 6 hours.
Side Effect: Everything you own now smells like rice.
I slumped back against the wall.
"I'm going to die," I muttered. "I'm going to die in a ninja village… because I turned into a walking rice grenade factory."
The system chimed in one last time before sleep took me.
Congratulations, User. You have survived the day.
Collateral Damage: Moderate.
Snack Damage: Extensive.
Morale: Confused, but edible.
I closed my eyes and whispered to the darkness:
"…I'm starting to think that dog did me dirty."