The Girl Wants to Be M*rdered

It was so enjoyable to finally feel the family unity after a long time.

Even in my past life, growing up mostly without a family was almost the norm.

Even if you grew up under your parents, most of the time, you wouldn’t receive proper affection during your childhood.

And here I am, born as a princess, even though I’m the third child.

“What’s the plan for today~?”

“Um… I’m going to practice swordsmanship!”

“Again?”

“Yep!”

With that, I dashed off to the training hall, leaving Remy behind. I heard her calling to play more, but I ignored it. Too much affection, really…!

Will she ever get married?

I pondered as I ran.

How many times have I gone through reincarnation?

Once it hit three digits, I gave up counting, so I don’t really know anymore.

Since that was quite a while ago, it must have reached four digits by now, right? Not that counting would make a difference.

When I first hit a single digit, every day felt new and exciting.

Yeah, it was fun back then.

Sometimes being called a genius by others was enjoyable, and I did things I couldn’t do before without a care.

But then, when was it…?

I realized that my life was just trampling over the one-time lives of others, living off what they should have enjoyed.

Things that others should have naturally experienced.

With the cheat-like knowledge I gained from repeated lives, I stole those things away, and I—just because I was born in a family with bad circumstances and didn’t like my body—was whining about trivial matters.

While others were living each day with hard work…

I was just harboring complaints about that.

Taking away the spots meant for people living genuine lives, their food, their affection—

The moment I realized that, I hung myself and committed suicide.

I remember doing it dozens of times after that sudden realization.

I tried scratching my neck, drowning in the sea, setting myself on fire, and even had my head chopped off by a guillotine after going insane—

Well, it’s not something I need to worry about now; it’s all in the past.

Anyway, reincarnation was truly an unpredictable nuisance.

When I barely hit the early triple digits, I tried to find some regularity to escape this crazy world, but it was useless.

What I discovered was that it’s completely random.

I couldn’t even see an exit.

Now, I’ve just let it go. And it feels relaxing.

Being reborn in a medieval world with fantasy elements this time was actually a luxury.

I’ve fallen into worlds like a science fiction novel where my cute scientific knowledge was useless, and a modern zombie apocalypse world. I’ve even been born in places resembling Greek and Roman mythology.

Ah, thinking about zombies reminds me of the faces and screams of my party members behind the window during that time.

Seeing them cry as I locked the door, luring a horde of zombies to be devoured alive… I wonder if they survived by now?

A little girl lured zombies by becoming bait, and the scene of her getting eaten right in front of me was quite entertaining.

Especially since the people I was with were good-natured and simple.

I even had an older sister.

If I had to pick the most impressive thing from my life so far, that incident would probably be it.

Ah, I’m getting excited.

—Clang!

“Ugh—!”

“Wah! Are you okay!?”

Did I put too much strength into it by accident? The knight’s sword got sent flying far away while we were sparring.

You might say how strong could a child be, but—if you time it well when the opponent starts to focus their strength, even a child can beat an adult.

When the sword is raised and comes crashing down, third at the highest point with added force, it can’t help but fall.

Well, my opponent was being somewhat lenient too.

My own swordsmanship, honed through countless years I barely remember, was embedded in me.

I have no proper teacher to speak of, but if there is a soul, it must be well preserved there.

“…No, really, your growth is unbelievable. At your age, to be this good…”

“Hehe—it’s all because Master Fayne taught me well.”

“Being overly humble can be toxic. Just enjoy this moment.”

“Got it!”

With a bittersweet smile, the instructor ruffled my hair. I call him Master Fayne. A retired knight now serving as a swordsmanship instructor.

His rough hands may be rugged, but there’s a kind of affection in them that makes me feel good.

I don’t like having my hair messed up too much, but as I grow older, it becomes more frequent, so I guess I have to endure it.

It’s been about three years, give or take, since I started learning swordsmanship publicly.

For a little girl not even sporting real muscle to beat a seasoned knight, it must be quite a surprise to them.

Thanks to that, I’ve been acting like a genius beyond my station.

But this will surely help in the future.

“I should brag to Anna Unnie~ I’ll get some head pats!”

“….It seems you really like Princess Anna.”

“Yep! I really do! She’s super pretty and kind, and um… I just like her!”

As soon as I started talking about Anna, Fayne’s expression darkened rapidly. Ah, is it because I said I’d brag to Anna?

I guess since he’s quite a big knight, he probably has good instincts.
He must have noticed Anna feeling a bit insecure about it.

Insecurity. Not being satisfied with one’s own results.

Someday, the word “self” might shift, and he’ll worry about comparing his output to others’, I guess.

Is that called inferiority complex?

Don’t worry, Fayne.

You’re doing well already.

“Hehe~ I’m getting praises~ Praise~”

“……..Thank you for your hard work today, Princess Aris.”

“Got it~ Teacher, see you later~”

Thinking about what was to come, a deep smile naturally spread across my face.

I wonder what expression he’ll make when I say I beat Fayne? Will he freeze? Or maybe hate me? Jealous, perhaps? If I submit to him, he’ll pat my head only when he has to.

Ah, I already feel so good.
I want to inspire Remy too, but, hmm… how can I put it? I guess there’s no room for insecurities when there’s such bright energy…

I think every time I show a good side, she’ll only like me more.

Whenever I accomplish something great, it’s her job to brag about it.
In fact, I sometimes helped Remy with her study homework, but rather than feeling jealousy, she took me to our busy parents to brag.

She kicked the door open and burst in.

‘Mooooom! Daaad! Aris… Aris…!!’

‘Remy? Wh-What’s wrong?’

‘She’s super genius—!!!’

‘ ‘…….’ ‘

Our kind parents silently sent us back. Even Dad ended up praising me while getting scolded by Mom.
Uh… Ever since that incident, I’ve been pouring affection on Remy without thinking much.

That was incredibly embarrassing.

What a mental attack. My face turned bright red.

Is Remy a ghost type?

Such types are very effective at getting hurt in front as a substitute.

How should I get hurt in front of Remy?

“Hmph, hmph~♬”

As I entertained myself with such thoughts, I headed toward Anna’s quarters where she was resting.

La la la.

Hehe.

“So~ I did a clang and swung my sword—”

“…..Yeah..”

On an afternoon where I had nothing to do, she arrived in my room as usual, preparing for what we would learn tomorrow.

Aris.

Our family’s precious little sister.

Every time I pet that girl’s hair, which is smooth and beautiful like silk, warmth travels from her head to my hand.

Aris liked when I tousled her hair. For some reason, I don’t know why.

She would probably prefer a lively sister like Remy over me, who lacks charm.

But strangely, Aris followed me just as much as she did Remy.

Because of that, Remy would sulk for a while. How funny.
“So I beat Master Fayne…!”

“….You won..?”

“Yup! He said I did really well~!”

Hearing that, I unconsciously paused my movements. My chest felt tight.
Aris is a genius. That is an established fact.

At a young age, she learned to read and wield a sword, and the occasional words she would let out contain wisdom far beyond her peers.

My parents were also surprised.

So, she’s already beaten Fayne, huh?

Impressive.

Really impressive.

“Yeah. So you beat him…”

“Hehe~ Touch me more~!”

“—Ah, okay…”

I resumed my halted hand. This little girl kept diving deeper into my embrace.
Something felt like it was curling up inside my chest. A hot sigh was swirling inside me, unable to escape.

My body was heating up, and correspondingly, my touch grew stronger.
Thud.
“Ah, that hurts!”

“……”

So frustrating.

“U-Unnie!!”

“……”

I want to puke.

Why is this girl—

“—Unnie!!!”

“….Huh..?”

A loud sound rang in my ears. Surprised, I looked at my chest to see Aris clutching my hand and shouting.

With a teary face.
Ah.

She was looking at my hand.

Gripping my hair tightly.
Ah..?

What was I thinking just now?

“Ah, Aris! Are you okay? Does it hurt?”

“Uuuhhh… it hurts…”

I hastily pulled back my hand. Aris was crying and saying it hurt.

The fact that she, who’s never shown pain even when she got hurt or caught a bad cold, was shedding tears stunned me.
What happened next was a blur.
Before I knew it, Aris, who managed to stop crying, was being led out by Remy, who had come to my room.

After they left, I let out a sigh and leaned against the wall, collapsing down.
The cold floor beneath me felt too freezing.

I stared at my trembling hands.
“Am I… right now…?”

Ah, it feels so good.

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